Does CAsh Matter?

[Tuffguy]

Cheese:
If you had nothing to offer she wouldn't have married you.

 

[Tuffguy]

That's more my take on this. I don't care so much how much a man makes as the fact that he works an honest job and does it to the best of his ability. I couldn't stand being with a billionaire who lives on investments and does nothing but play golf. He has to do something worthwhile 40 hours a week as long as he is able.

Actually, I'm more uncomfortable with a man who makes much more than I do. I don't want a possible partner to be making a 6 figure income. It would make my salary a mere pittance and I'd feel as if I were a mere sideline to the relationship and not holding my own weight.

I can sort of see where you are coming from, but what if he made exactly what you made, then you have 2 kids. Where would you be then?

My gf is working on her second degree and working part time. I probally earn 4 to 6 times what she does. She has loans that will need to be paid off, if/when we get married. When she graduates she will easily be able to pull in 40-60k. That combined with my salary will be very nice. 6-figs isn't all that much no days. People think its really 'making it' but it all depends on where you live and what your needs are. Keep in mind over around 80K you pay alot more taxes. So much more that the difference in making 75k and 90k isn't all that much.
By the time i have kids I want to be able to fully support my family on one income. If i was making what she makes working full time, this would be far from possible. Marriage has lot to do with roles and being comfortable with what those roles are.

 

[Keri]

Now for you guys, does it matter if the girl has money or a good paying job?

 

[Tuffguy]

I look at it as an added bonus. I also look at it this way. If we where to get married and have kids, would she be able to walk away from it, or cut back the hours alot.

 

[intricatic]

Now for you guys, does it matter if the girl has money or a good paying job?

Not at all.

 

[intricatic]

I'm not attracted to money much at all. God bless my wife who wasn't looking for money either.
But I can say this, it would be nice to be able to offer her more than my charming smile.
When the romanticized "all you need is love" wears off, at least for me as a male, it's hard emotionally knowing that you have nothing to offer the woman you married. I'm not saying the love disappears, just the romanticized idea of not having anything and being ok with that. After a couple of years of living in junky apartments and eating rice, the weight begins to bear down and you realize this woman gave herself to you and she's worse off for it.

I'll tell you what. The best relationship I ever had was when I was both homeless and jobless, with a girl who was as well. Money ceased being an issue completely. It was only when I began making more money and she did as well that our relationship utterly failed. For that matter, I believe our last fight was over money.

 

[Niels]

Now for you guys, does it matter if the girl has money or a good paying job?

Her attitude toward her money and career is more important to me. If she has a high income, but doesn't let it rule her life or sour her opinion of others, then it probably wouldn't bother me. However, if she thinks she is superior to others because of her luck, or how she plays the system etc., then no thanks.

Let us suppose that that this woman is a successful lawyer. If she got into the profession because she truly and deeply wanted to help people, I'd find that quite admirable. But if she became a lawyer because that's what smart people are supposed to do (after all, aren't all smart people supposed to be doctors and lawyers?), then that's another matter entirely. I would rather not be married to a woman like the latter... not saying they're bad people, rather we probably wouldn't see eye to eye.

 

[indra_fanatic]

A few thoughts I need/want to respond to:

(A) Intricatic, you said that a woman's financial state doesn't matter "at all". Can you be a little more specific with what you mean by that? What if the girl had the unseemly habit of spending 75% of each paycheck on new purses and shoes and had to bum gas and rent money from you every week?

(B) I keep noticing that a big part of this discussion revolves around whether the family will be able to make enough money to support eventual children. This may not be a popular thing to say, but what if God is commanding us to live within our means in regards to starting a family--in other words, are we willing to accept that He might tell some prospective parents "no" or "not yet"? I know that I wouldn't even consider having kids if I were not in a very comfortable and secure financial place to begin with, and that doesn't mean working two jobs just to get my kids food, health coverage, and clothes. That would only make me a miserable, horrible father and send me to an early grave.

(C) I am glad to see some of you pointing out that extreme wealth can have plenty of drawbacks. Let's now talk about extreme poverty. Would any of you consider at least dating a person who is profoundly poor (as in all but homeless) if you knew it was no fault of their own and/or they stood a reasonable likelihood of pulling themselves out of it within a few years? A lot of official welfare organizations promote marriage as a means to get the indigent (primarily women) out of poverty and off the doles, and indeed, statistically (at least back in 1995 or whenever I read it) marriage is the number one means of leaving welfare rolls. Is this right? Should the government encourage this?

 

[~HopeFloats~]

Intra-- what ever happened to be encouraging instead of so hard and negative?

The last couple days I have noticed you here in the Singles area just coming down hard on so many of the people who post here.. its sad..

 

[intricatic]

(A) Intricatic, you said that a woman's financial state doesn't matter "at all". Can you be a little more specific with what you mean by that? What if the girl had the unseemly habit of spending 75% of each paycheck on new purses and shoes and had to bum gas and rent money from you every week?

A woman's financial state does not matter to me, but their personality is something that would be a consideration firstly. That wouldn't be the type of girl that I would be seeing to begin with. I guess I have eccentric and high standards.

(C) I am glad to see some of you pointing out that extreme wealth can have plenty of drawbacks. Let's now talk about extreme poverty. Would any of you consider at least dating a person who is profoundly poor (as in all but homeless) if you knew it was no fault of their own and/or they stood a reasonable likelihood of pulling themselves out of it within a few years? A lot of official welfare organizations promote marriage as a means to get the indigent (primarily women) out of poverty and off the doles, and indeed, statistically (at least back in 1995 or whenever I read it) marriage is the number one means of leaving welfare rolls. Is this right? Should the government encourage this?

Been there, done that, would do it again in a heartbeat. I'm not concerned with the socio-economical impacts. In fact, I find that people who have at least experienced extreme poverty are generally more grounded and 'Real' than those who have never had any substantial problems in that venue.

 

[Blank123]

(B) I keep noticing that a big part of this discussion revolves around whether the family will be able to make enough money to support eventual children. This may not be a popular thing to say, but what if God is commanding us to live within our means in regards to starting a family--in other words, are we willing to accept that He might tell some prospective parents "no" or "not yet"? I know that I wouldn't even consider having kids if I were not in a very comfortable and secure financial place to begin with, and that doesn't mean working two jobs just to get my kids food, health coverage, and clothes. That would only make me a miserable, horrible father and send me to an early grave.

thats fine. I have no problem with someone taking that attitude. But the thing is - not every child is planned for. I think for me personally I would want to know that if a surprise bundle of joy happened to show up one day that my child could be well taken care of.

(C) I am glad to see some of you pointing out that extreme wealth can have plenty of drawbacks. Let's now talk about extreme poverty. Would any of you consider at least dating a person who is profoundly poor (as in all but homeless) if you knew it was no fault of their own and/or they stood a reasonable likelihood of pulling themselves out of it within a few years? A lot of official welfare organizations promote marriage as a means to get the indigent (primarily women) out of poverty and off the doles, and indeed, statistically (at least back in 1995 or whenever I read it) marriage is the number one means of leaving welfare rolls. Is this right? Should the government encourage this?

I wouldn't date that person but thats doesn't mean I would turn a cold shoulder to him. I could proably maintain a friendship, but nothing more than that, not at least until his finances were in order. If that makes me a nasty person then so be it.

 

[indra_fanatic]

not every child is planned for

That is obviously true, but is no excuse not to use proper, prudent precautions. Most failures in contraception are due to misuse, not inherent weaknesses of the product. Nothing can be prevented or planned against in the end--an auto accident, cancer, burglary, etc., but I still think God expects for us to keep within the speed limit, not smoke and keep our doors/windows locked.

I wouldn't date that person but thats doesn't mean I would turn a cold shoulder to him. I could proably maintain a friendship, but nothing more than that, not at least until his finances were in order. If that makes me a nasty person then so be it.

So you would tell him "look, this needs to wait until you are on your feet"?

 

[indra_fanatic]

Intra-- what ever happened to be encouraging instead of so hard and negative?

The last couple days I have noticed you here in the Singles area just coming down hard on so many of the people who post here.. its sad..

I honestly did not try to, at least not after ending the irritating dialogue that I was having with Chanis. I meant my last post merely to pose questions. If anyone took them personally, my sincere apologies...

 

[indra_fanatic]

A woman's financial state does not matter to me, but their personality is something that would be a consideration firstly. That wouldn't be the type of girl that I would be seeing to begin with. I guess I have eccentric and high standards.

Been there, done that, would do it again in a heartbeat. I'm not concerned with the socio-economical impacts. In fact, I find that people who have at least experienced extreme poverty are generally more grounded and 'Real' than those who have never had any substantial problems in that venue.

Actually, I like your reasoning quite a bit--you are a true idealist. I'm not even sure I could be that openminded. Now, are there any ladies who think they could step up to Intricatic's lofty example?

 

[~HopeFloats~]

I honestly did not try to, at least not after ending the irritating dialogue that I was having with Chanis. I meant my last post merely to pose questions. If anyone took them personally, my sincere apologies...

Well Glad you found my post..

God Bless ~

 

[~HopeFloats~]

Now, are there any ladies who think they could step up to Intricatic's lofty example?

Sure I agree with the fact that peopel who have struggled money wise do not take anything for granted. Same as a person who has dealt with meical problems does not take their life for granted--Same can be said about a person who has been heart broken or betrayed..

We are humbled and molded by our experiences.

 

[indra_fanatic]

Sure I agree with the fact that peopel who have struggled money wise do not take anything for granted. Same as a person who has dealt with meical problems does not take their life for granted--Same can be said about a person who has been heart broken or betrayed..

We are humbled and molded by our experiences.

Would you date a person, then, with medical problems?

 

[~HopeFloats~]

Would you date a person, then, with medical problems?

Interesting question..

I think it would depend on what it was, If the medical issue could put me and my children in harms way-- never!

But I have seen my firends date and go on to marry a man who could not walk and seen a girl Iwork with who married a man who was dying of cancer; I see nothing wrong with that-- not to mention that would take a special person to do that.

 

[intricatic]

Actually, I like your reasoning quite a bit--you are a true idealist. I'm not even sure I could be that openminded. Now, are there any ladies who think they could step up to Intricatic's lofty example?

Actually, I'm not an idealist. I'm a realist. Reality is in poverty much more than it is in wealth. That's not to say money in general is a bad thing, but experience tempers an individual like fire tempers iron. I find myself more drawn to people who understand suffering but are still able to love both themselves, and other people, despite it.

 

[JPPT1974]

I am a realist too
Because real life is REAL LIFE!!
And that things do happen
For a reason...God's reason!!