WhereareyouGod? said:
Hmm....
Well basically to give you the short version. I gave my life to jesus about 2 years ago. Last september my pastor left taking half the church congregation with him. Including two of my best mates who now hate me. My life didn't seem worth living. Started to cut myself, didn't eat etcetc.
Didn't pray for about 6 months, no joke. Still attended church and made out everything was fine. Went to soul survivor (Christian festival) in the summer of this year. Kinda sorted myself out but the screwed up again and haven't been at all good since.
I don't have a clue where i stand with God at the moment. Everytime I try and pray i find myself doubting that there is even anyone listening and the i can hear satan laughing at me. I don't know what to do
Hi WhereareyouGod,
I get the impression that your being very hard on yourself. Your holding yourself up to a very high standard and trying to achieve that standard in your own strength. You can't do it in your own strength, and you have be patient and wait. They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. When you fail in your own strength you equate that with failure by God, or failure in yourself, or failure in others. You are having issues with waiting and being patient for the change.
I imagine you have heards the words spoken, "..now there is no condemnation". There is no condemnation on God's part for you, since you have been covered by the sacrifice of Christ on the Cross. A difficulty with many people is that they are quite happy with God no longer condemning them, but they can't quite stop condemning themselves. God does forgive you. It's important to forgive yourself, too. It's also important to forgive others that trespass against you. Forgive the Pastor that left, forgive the friends that now hate you, and most importantly forgive yourself, after you have sought forgiveness from God. You have repented in the past and turned away from sin and the condemnation of sin. What is occuring now is you have once more returned to allowing sin to condemn you. Turn away from that condemnation.
Remember also that even when noone else loves you, God always love you. In your moments of despair, believe with all your heart that God loves you for who you are, whether that is good or bad. You want acceptance and belonging. God accepts you, forgives you and wants your love. Forgive yourself and others now. Love people for their faults as well as their virtues. Love yourself for you faults as well as your virtues. God wants to love you, so you can learn to love yourself and in doing so, the Spirit can do its work to change and transform you, but its slow and, and your patience is lacking. Don't strive with yourself, just wait, and trust that it will happen. Waiting is something, if I remember correctly, I found very hard to do when I was your age.
Your cry, Where are you God? is a cry that was heard on the cross too. Jesus cried out the same thing. Why have you forsaken me?, he cried. Or in some transalations, it says, Why have you turned away from me? In our greatest moments of suffering we all find it hard to see God and Jesus was no exception. He died not long after that cry, but was brought back to life, and in the same way, life will return to you, and God will once more be evident in your life. Why should you be finding it any less difficult than Jesus? Your being too hard on yourself.
God bless you and keep you,
Mustaphile
