Divorce

[veritas681]

I haven't found any support threads for those struggling with divorce, so I'm going to ask for one here. I may be in the wrong place, so if a mod needs to redirect me, I'll take that too.


I am recently divorced. I am having an extremely difficult time with recovering from it. When my ex-wife first told me she wanted a divorce, it sent me reeling for about a year and a half. It took me going off the deep end and returning to Messiah to help get me to where I am now. I realise that it is continued dependence on Him that will help me stay the course, but aside from that, I am finding that I am in brand new teritory and have no idea what to do to make life feel better.


I have the worst case of "snooze alarm syndrome" I know. I have known my patterns in the past, and that for me is a sign of depression. I have little to no motivation to get out of bed anymore, and I'm someone who lives and loves life to the hilt. That is waning, and I want to have it again.


I also want to carry on a new relationship and am making the effort in a low-commitment relationship with someone I've known well for the last year or so. I have a hard time though, because I've noticed that the words "I love you" hurt me. That boggles my mind. Why should those words hurt?


How do I overcome guilt. I wasn't the one who innitiated the divorce, but i can't help but feel like it's my fault for letting the marriage fail. I know I did all I could and that it didn't stop her from making her choice, but how do I keep from feeling like I should've done more?


What's further, the hurt from this is making it very difficult for me to not regress to my past with homosexuality. This divorce is sparking some trust issues relationally with women, and I want to know how to pick myself up from that . . .


Any and all help is welcome. i also covet your
prayers. Thanks so much!

 

[thejdubb02]

You know... I really dont know what to say because I have yet to be married. But I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years now, and we broke up for a week once, and I felt much the same things you did. But your pain is far more deep in your life.

Im not going to add any insight because I want to let more expierenced member help you with this. But I dont want you to know that I am praying for you.

- Justin

 

[goldenviolet]

veritas681... hi!
it would be helpful for you to have peer support.... support at church from people you can get deeper support and fellowship. do you have any single's group ministies at church? maybe another church on a weekday night? they help people with things like this. it's great to ask here, or men's forum, deeperfellowship, etc., the link is to the singles subforum where people are talking about divorce issues.

http://www.christianforums.com/f392-mature-singles.html

 

[Anti Existance]

I gues that the most important thing is to understand that you should never go into a relationship thinking it will all work out just because it concerns 'you'. Truth is that a woman can pack her bags and leave any day.

Men tend to wool in self pitty and self sorrow in some deserted room achieving absolutely nothing for themselves. My advice is to pick up the pieces of your live and glue them back together. Give yourself 'time' to recover, you would have gone too fast into a new relationship if your still not over the divorce.

Blaming yourself at this point is off no use,you can go over and over , rather be like her and move on with your life, she called it off and that is the reality that you have to live with. Life goes on regardless if you choose to live in self pitty or in happynes.

That said the choice to be in this situation is in your own hands, although an exterior situation (your divorce) has driven you into this corner, its for you to decide to make a step and 'jump' out of that downward spiral of darkness,sadness and misery.

If you learned life lessons from this misery ,and kept on loving despite the misery that this woman has brought on you, then something good might still come from this.

Maby all of this is also partitionally because you haven't been honest to yourself or your wife about your sexual preference. In this time you need to pray to God for support, and ask for guidance. When all abandon you, God still loves you, is there to help you, and we still love you too , just lean on us for the time being.

 

[RomanPrincess]

sorry your having a difficult time and God is with you and he wants the best for you and your life.Focus your eyes on God Almighty and obey his commandments and leave all the consequences to him.

If you are finding it hard to be motivated.........then it is time for YOU to MOTIVATE YOURSELF.PRAY and have some discilpline.Cast out bad thoughts,think positive............Pray each morning before you get out of bed and ask God to help you get going...think about what great exciting things God has for you each day and watching him work in your life.Spend time in pray and building a close relationship with out Father.That is the number one thing God wants...a close personal relationship with you.

..you should take a chance in life/love because if you do not take a chance then you will never know the good things that await that God has instore for you.Don't be led by fear...do not fear and do not worry.Pray about everything and ask God to protect you and guide you,to help you to have discernment and what is right for you and what God wants for you.

It sounds like it to me you need to forgive yourself and your ex wife and until you do that you cannot move on. If your still having problems with the divorce and all that then no i would say you are not ready to be in another relationship.You will only be carrying on old baggage into the new.it will not be succesful if you do carry old baggage into a new relationship......So, you will have to make a few changes and change your way of thinking.Think positive and let all that old stuff go...so you can move on.
Im sure you did all you could do in your marrieage....try not to dwell in the fauilers and get over it as soon as possible,everyone fauils sometimes and it's not good to focus on them,learn from it and move on....................forgive and let all those old things go.

 

[gwenevere]

I haven't found any support threads for those struggling with divorce, so I'm going to ask for one here. I may be in the wrong place, so if a mod needs to redirect me, I'll take that too.


I am recently divorced. I am having an extremely difficult time with recovering from it. When my ex-wife first told me she wanted a divorce, it sent me reeling for about a year and a half. It took me going off the deep end and returning to Messiah to help get me to where I am now. I realise that it is continued dependence on Him that will help me stay the course, but aside from that, I am finding that I am in brand new teritory and have no idea what to do to make life feel better.


I have the worst case of "snooze alarm syndrome" I know. I have known my patterns in the past, and that for me is a sign of depression. I have little to no motivation to get out of bed anymore, and I'm someone who lives and loves life to the hilt. That is waning, and I want to have it again.


I also want to carry on a new relationship and am making the effort in a low-commitment relationship with someone I've known well for the last year or so. I have a hard time though, because I've noticed that the words "I love you" hurt me. That boggles my mind. Why should those words hurt?


How do I overcome guilt. I wasn't the one who innitiated the divorce, but i can't help but feel like it's my fault for letting the marriage fail. I know I did all I could and that it didn't stop her from making her choice, but how do I keep from feeling like I should've done more?


What's further, the hurt from this is making it very difficult for me to not regress to my past with homosexuality. This divorce is sparking some trust issues relationally with women, and I want to know how to pick myself up from that . . .


Any and all help is welcome. i also covet your
prayers. Thanks so much!

I understand how you feel. Right not i'm going though a divorce my self. My husband is having an affair since september 2005. She lives far away and he can't leave the house till we sell it. I have live with him and it's very hard. He said I was beautiful but not with and blone. I can't do anything anymore to save this marriage. Just how you said, you tied everything you could and you are not to blame. Put your head up and stop blaming yourself for others peoples mistakes. I finally stop blaming myself that my marriage didn't work and that is helping me a lot. Also, look for God. He is waiting to heal your heart. Spent time with him in the mornings before you get out of bed. I was not a strong person but with God's help it's getting easier for me and it can be for you too. God loves you and will never leave you. NEVER! Lean on him for help. Also this web site had help me. Talking about it and getting prayer and support really does help. If you church offers counceling, get some help. That's another thing that is helping me. I'll keep you in my prayers and remember it's not your lost is hers. Heal first before you get into another relationship.


Love in Christ
Gweny