Disappointed bc again

[Fivesenses]

I urgently need some help and advice from people here. My bf seems to have become quite unhappy and frustrated by certain parts of me recently that I thought he had known a long time ago. We've been together for a year now.

I've been trying really hard, with God's grace, to be a good supportive woman for him. Words of affirmation is not my strength but I've made an effort to say something kind and positive about him almost on daily basis. He is even surprised that I'm so good with my words towards him now. I ensure that I thank him constantly for big and small things (big gratitude is important to him) and am quick to apologise if I've somehow made him feel disrespected or hurt. I try my best to not tear him down at all in front of others but always compliment him and encourage in front of others. I pray for him everyday and try to help out as much as possible - which are his favourite things about me.

Of course there are things about him that annoy me or does not meet my expectations (eg. I don't like how he is always so preoccupied with work, how he invalidates my feelings or how he refuses to show PDA etc) but I've learnt to not bring it up again and again if I've already politely brought up the issue once or twice. The rest I leave to prayer and I try to just focus on his strength, goodness and not be so critical anymore. The issue now is that he is getting increasingly annoyed at me

E.g how I'm more of a spender whereas he is a saver and strong in financial management, how I often leave things lying around while he is super neat and organised, how I'm more cautious about trying something new while he is more of a risk taker, how I like to be able to physically touch his hand or keep physical contact while walking in public but he dislikes any contact while in public.

The thing is that he already knew and I've told him too that I'm a spender and have a habit of misplacing things since I was younger. He wasn't bothered by these things and actually said something sweet back in the days. Now he seems to nitpick me about all my habits - I feel like I'm disappointing him constantly. What should I do??? Of course there are certain things I work on but I get so down when he becomes upset over a behaviour or quality that he already saw in me before we started dating.

 

[quatona]

Forgive me if I am completely off (in which case please just forget this post), but the overall impression here is that you are taking his needs and feelings more seriously than your own.
Since you asked for advice: I´d recommend you to change that.
All the best!

 

[Poppyseed78]

I just saw your thread now, but I see it's been a few days since you posted. I agree with the above response. It sounds to me like you are trying to be very considerate of him and understanding of his shortcomings, while he is not giving you the same courtesy. No one is perfect. It sounds to me like he is being excessively critical of you.

Are you happy overall? I say this gently - in the very early stages of a relationship, also called the "honeymoon" stage, people may not notice flaws, or pretend they are not bothered. Then later on it becomes an issue, and you wonder what changed. The truth is, probably nothing changed, but he was acting like he wasn't bothered. He probably always was, but now that you've been together a long time, he is comfortable voicing his criticism of you. This is not likely to go away if you get married.

He sounds like a rigid person. You say that he tries new things, but I actually think he is quite set in his ways and unwilling to bend. Yet he expects you to bend and change and become the perfect image he has for you in his mind. That's not very loving.

You are worthy and deserving of love as you are, flaws and all. Everyone can stand to improve themselves in some way, but you are not another person's project.