Difficulties for Young Marriages

[bkg]

Well, I praise God that He is not affected by world trends, nor are His promises affected.

Agreed. Unfortunately, His people are...

I've never been trendy, either. I'm a very big dork. I know what you mean, though.

LOL!
That's great!

 

[Flipper]

Well, I praise God that He is not affected by world trends, nor are His promises affected.

I've never been trendy, either. I'm a very big dork. I know what you mean, though.

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce, I pray for healing where there is hurt and peace where there is turmoil.

Thanks for the updated figures and God bless.

Ditto - except that I don't think I'm a dork - my husband is though, in fact it's his pet name.

I'm also sorry about your divorce. ing that your marriage is restored one way or another.

I'm sorry, but I have to have optimism. I am blessed with a good marriage to a good husband - never seen something so blatantly from God as this before in my life - I don't deserve that man. Say I thought that what all marriages do is end in divorce - would I have bothered with getting married then? I was a liberated woman back then, I KNOW I wouldn't have.

 

[Carl Carlson]

Marriage is from God, Flipper, you're exactly right. I also did not get married in order to become divorced. I got married to meet the needs of another and vice versa. It's amazing that God has given us this ability to love someone so much. There are a lot of things that go into a successful marriage and God holds the key to all of them, nothing that you will need is outside of God.

I praise God for marriage! God bless all of you. Amen.

 

[bkg]

Marriage is from God, Flipper, you're exactly right. I also did not get married in order to become divorced. I got married to meet the needs of another and vice versa. It's amazing that God has given us this ability to love someone so much. There are a lot of things that go into a successful marriage and God holds the key to all of them, nothing that you will need is outside of God.

I praise God for marriage! God bless all of you. Amen.

Amen - well said!

I agree 100%.

 

[bkg]

I'm also sorry about your divorce. ing that your marriage is restored one way or another.

I'm sorry, but I have to have optimism. I am blessed with a good marriage to a good husband - never seen something so blatantly from God as this before in my life - I don't deserve that man. Say I thought that what all marriages do is end in divorce - would I have bothered with getting married then?

Your question is what I see as a trend in society. That's why I am concerned that we will see marriage (as we know it) slowly disappear from society... Note, I don't mean to say disappear from the CHURCH... I probably didn't clarify that earlier.

Thanks for the encouragement... Restoration will happen!

 

[Flipper]

Studies show more people go to church now than ever before. Maybe... Sorry, I have to offset my cynicism with optimism.

Disappear from society? No. Change and evolve? Yes. We just have to pray it changes and evolves in a good way.

 

[bkg]

Studies show more people go to church now than ever before. Maybe... Sorry, I have to offset my cynicism with optimism.

Disappear from society? No. Change and evolve? Yes. We just have to pray it changes and evolves in a good way.

How about this, since I am agreeing with your statement...

Traditional Marriage, as defined by God in the Holy Bible, will likely not be the model for a majority of "marriages" in the future of our society....

???????

 

[Jenna]

So, what do you think are some ways that we, as the church, can help young marriages to thrive?

 

[Flipper]

How about this, since I am agreeing with your statement...

Traditional Marriage, as defined by God in the Holy Bible, will likely not be the model for a majority of "marriages" in the future of our society....

???????

LOL!! I'm just being bad again.

 

[bkg]

So, what do you think are some ways that we, as the church, can help young marriages to thrive?

Wonderful question!

As discussed above, I think mentoring relationships would be wonderful.
Pre-marital counseling should include more than a few sessions and 1/2 day workshop, it should include things like:
- financial planning
- problem solving
- child rearing
- God's plan for marriage
- etc.

I'd like to see every engaged couple go through Jimmy Evans' MArriage on teh Rock study program - PHU-NOM-I-NAL!
Engaged couples should attend DivorceCare also - so they know what could happen if they do not put God first.
Churches should have a "newly-married" ministry as well - that focuses on some of the items mentioned above
Lastly, I'd like to see a weekend retreat/seminar that compresses a lot of God's plan for marriages into a single weekend, and that provides engaged couples the opportunity to ask a "panel" of elders (married, divorced, single, etc) questions...

Those are my thoughts.... of the top of my head, of course.

 

[bkg]

LOL!! I'm just being bad again.

LOL!

 

[Jenna]

What happened to the folks who aren't so newly married?

 

[bkg]

What happened to the folks who aren't so newly married?

I can't save everyone!!!



LOL!!!

I think that all of the same things apply, really... I think a marriage ministry is HUGELY important.. Something based on Jimmy Evans' books would be great. I'd love to start on in my church, but kind of hard for a divorced guy to do that.

 

[CCLMatthew]

Cormac Burke has a great book called Covenanted Happines that makes the case that selfishness is the biggest thing causing problems in marriages. Their is no sacrifice..no striving to live for something/someone else. Nothing to admire. This is found in the big houses/career for the sake of a career/contraception/waiting to starta family/ two to three child family.

Most divorces occur inside of 10 years...usually at about 7.5 years. What this boils down to is a point that a realization occurs that material goods aren't everything and their is no glue to make you want to stick it out. If you are each living your own lives instead of family life (kids if you are fertile and can with Christian Prudence support them) then you are set up for staring so hard at each other in "love" that you end up seeing only the defects because neither is sacrificing for the marriage. Not to say that you can't sacrifice without kids but I think God but them their for a reason.

Matt

 

[Jenna]

Their is no sacrifice..no striving to live for something/someone else. Nothing to admire. This is found in the big houses/career for the sake of a career/contraception/waiting to starta family/ two to three child family.

Wow. I didn't follow how all of that ties into being selfish. Maybe you should rethink some of the statements before you hit the 'reply' button, eh? Not everyone needs to have a large brood of children to have a loving and sacrificial relationship. I understand that you are gung-ho for NFP, but that doesn't mean that people who don't have children back to back are any less learned in the ways of being selfless and giving. After all, Jesus has no record of marriage or children, and there has never been a soul who could compare with his selfless act. The gifts come from God, not a persons ability to procreate. While I'll agree that children teach us many lessons in patience and giving, they are meant to be a blessing, not a rule by which to measure someone's success in their marriage.

 

[CCLMatthew]

Wow. I didn't follow how all of that ties into being selfish. Maybe you should rethink some of the statements before you hit the 'reply' button, eh? Not everyone needs to have a large brood of children to have a loving and sacrificial relationship. I understand that you are gung-ho for NFP, but that doesn't mean that people who don't have children back to back are any less learned in the ways of being selfless and giving. After all, Jesus has no record of marriage or children, and there has never been a soul who could compare with his selfless act. The gifts come from God, not a persons ability to procreate. While I'll agree that children teach us many lessons in patience and giving, they are meant to be a blessing, not a rule by which to measure someone's success in their marriage.

First part...yeah..sorry...i am watching the kids and trying to reply ( actually provide a synopsis of a 250 page anthropological work) and working on a paper review...you get the idea.

I never said that you have to have a large brood of children. My main concern is that the first commandment of God is to be fruitful and multiply and many couples deliberately delay having kids or severly limit the number of kids for selfish reasons (RV's, Vacations, Fancier homes, Success in career etc).

As to Jesus this is where it becomes really cool when we have kids. Jesus is the Bridegroom and the church (us Christians) is the Bride. So, when we marry our spouses we are to imitate Christ and give ourself without selfishness. We are to model Christ to our spouse, strive to be better than ourself and lead our spouse to heaven (away from sin and the devil).

So, how do we give ourself unselfishly? By being generous to God's first commandment. Now, we still have use of Christian prudence that says if we would starve, be unable to function, a severe health risk might be posed or some other serious consequence of another pregnancy then we can avoid.

What is really cool is that God built into a woman a way of tracking and knowing her fertility with a very high degree of accuracy. It does also take some sacrifice in not having sex whenever you want (an act of respect for how God designed your spouse)...but staying up late talking (to each other), praying (with each other), etc can be beneficial to a marriage. God killed Onan for not following through with the way he designed the marital act (Genesis 38:10).

How many kids isn't a measure of how successful a marriage is but how generous the couple is. Openess to life is one way to measure how generous in God's will (the first commandment) we truly are. That is what makes a marriage successful. Make sense?

Couples who use NFP experience a 0.6% to 5% divorce rate depending on the study you look at. If you look at society you get about a 50% divorce rate? The difference is generosity in God's will and trusting God.

Under the Mercy,

Matthew

P.S. I do hope I didn't offend you.

 

[jazzbird]

We are to model Christ to our spouse, strive to be better than ourself and lead our spouse to heaven (away from sin and the devil).

We cannot lead our spouses to heaven. It is only by the grace of God through the work of Christ that we are saved. And I don't understand what modeling Christ has to do with NFP. How are we being selfish by using a condom rather than not? Why is that different than not having sex at all during those ten days or so that I am possibly fertile?

So, how do we give ourself unselfishly? By being generous to God's first commandment. Now, we still have use of Christian prudence that says if we would starve, be unable to function, a severe health risk might be posed or some other serious consequence of another pregnancy then we can avoid.

This is one thing that I've never quite understood about NFP'ers who are against brith control for religious reasons. NFP is still a form of b/c. By abstaining from sex during a woman's fertile time the couple is attempting to avoid pregnancy. Why is this different than using condoms or another method during that time? You are saying to God that you do not want a child at this particular time. The Bible does not tell us to abstain from sex if we do not want to get pregnant. In fact, Paul says that the only reason to abstain for a time is for prayer.

 

[selune]

Ironically with NFP if you truly avoid sex during fertile period you are taking it out of God's hands more than those with a condom (due to the failure rate) i.e. abstainance is the only b/c with a 100% success rate. just a thought.

 

[Flipper]

I can't save everyone!!!



LOL!!!

I think that all of the same things apply, really... I think a marriage ministry is HUGELY important.. Something based on Jimmy Evans' books would be great. I'd love to start on in my church, but kind of hard for a divorced guy to do that.

A good friend of mine is currently going through a nasty divorce and he's currently counselling others through a couple of MSN chat rooms. He told me that through his witnessing and sharing his experience, at least two couples have reconciled. Just a thought.

 

[Flipper]

Cormac Burke has a great book called Covenanted Happines that makes the case that selfishness is the biggest thing causing problems in marriages. Their is no sacrifice..no striving to live for something/someone else. Nothing to admire. This is found in the big houses/career for the sake of a career/contraception/waiting to starta family/ two to three child family.

Most divorces occur inside of 10 years...usually at about 7.5 years. What this boils down to is a point that a realization occurs that material goods aren't everything and their is no glue to make you want to stick it out. If you are each living your own lives instead of family life (kids if you are fertile and can with Christian Prudence support them) then you are set up for staring so hard at each other in "love" that you end up seeing only the defects because neither is sacrificing for the marriage. Not to say that you can't sacrifice without kids but I think God but them their for a reason.

Matt

Huh?

Believe it or not, people do wait for reasons other than to aquire material goods. Personally, I wanted to get to know my husband inside and out. You get to know them pretty well when dating, but it's different when you are living together.

I am glad for that time, if I had to do it all over again, I would. I am a strong advocate for waiting a few years.