Difficulties for Young Marriages

[Flipper]

Ooooooh... another profound though...

Well... if my other thoughts were profound, this one surely is...

If it's not... remember I have a fragile ego...

Do you realize that we spent 12-24 years in school preparing to get a JOB so that we can make money and have a house, car, etc... We invest upwards of $500K in an education so that we may receive dividends on that invest ment. That's a huge outlay of time and money.






i wonder how our marriages would be if we spent as much time, energy and money preparing for marriage as we do for getting a job.



hmmmm....

However, what public schools DO teach very well is the process of learning: of taking information, processing said information, and coming up with a logical conclusion. Why can't we take that and use it in our daily lives, as well as in our jobs? Why aren't parents expanding on that in doing their job to instill good values and morals in their children?

 

[bkg]

However, what public schools DO teach very well is the process of learning: of taking information, processing said information, and coming up with a logical conclusion. Why can't we take that and use it in our daily lives, as well as in our jobs? Why aren't parents expanding on that in doing their job to instill good values and morals in their children?

1. deductive reasoning, logic, often has no place in marriage or relationships. It is antithetical to the teachings of Christ, IMHO.
2. learning to solve things, learning to fix things, learning to build things.... none of that takes into accout dealing with another person. It's been 13 years, I don't remember ever having learned a lot of inter-presonal skills in school... that was left up to the playground.
3. how many parents really raise their kids these days? Because of the expense of living, we are often forced into dual income situations... which means our kids are being raised by daycare.
4. how can parents teach what they do not know?


I could go on... making this up as I go.

 

[bkg]

That's an EXCELLENT point. Too many times, I see people posting here saying that their spouse is doing something very wrong, and they can't take it anymore, but they can't talk to their pastor about it. Why? Well, it's because the pastor won't believe them, or would look down on them, or it's because the man is always right, or the woman is always right, etc. You probably nailed it on the head where churches are failing in helping families stay together.

One slight issue I see with your example, is something that I think is also a HUGE contributor to divorce... The focus on what the spouse is doing wrong.

I HIGHLY recommend "how God will restore your marriage" for couples who are happily married - good stuff about taking a look at our own actions, our own issues, our own lives.

The point being, we look at the speck of dust in our spouses eye... ignoring the plank in our own. We have an entitlement mentality, a victim mentality, in America today. Nothing *I* did could have caused this problem... it was what he/she did!!!

Babbling again... This topic gets me all fired up!

 

[Jenna]

Actually, I didn't quote you in my first post. lol I just reiterated what you had said, but if it will help to clarify, this is what I was referring to.

"....if you look around this site it seems many young marrieds are the ones that struggle the most.

It juat got me thinking. That's all.

 

[Jenna]

It's ok to be passionate. We're having a good, respectful conversation about something that means a lot to us all. It's all peachy.

 

[Leanna]

Okay I see, I just didn't want people to think I am against getting married young. I did it, although had I been a wiser more patient woman I think I would have waited an additional 6 months to save money while not having to pay a lot of bills.

 

[Flipper]

1. deductive reasoning, logic, often has no place in marriage or relationships. It is antithetical to the teachings of Christ, IMHO.

But isn't believing in Christ logical?

2. learning to solve things, learning to fix things, learning to build things.... none of that takes into accout dealing with another person. It's been 13 years, I don't remember ever having learned a lot of inter-presonal skills in school... that was left up to the playground.

We are about the same age - must have been your school, because we had to do mock situations - where you learn to treat others with respect.

3. how many parents really raise their kids these days? Because of the expense of living, we are often forced into dual income situations... which means our kids are being raised by daycare.

My sister is a single mom and has to put my neice in daycare - and she still makes the time to raise her quite well. Depends on where you want to expend your energy. Maybe she isn't the norm, but it's not the fault of daycare either.

4. how can parents teach what they do not know?

IMHO - many parents do know, but are too lazy to teach it, and think the schools have to do all of it.

 

[EmSchmem]

I like you Flipper...

 

[bkg]

We are about the same age - must have been your school, because we had to do mock situations - where you learn to treat others with respect.

I went to MN's largest HS... IIRC, more emphasis on getting us through than teaching us. I'm not bitter, just cynical .

Depends on where you want to expend your energy. Maybe she isn't the norm, but it's not the fault of daycare either.

You are correct. But I'll say this... when a stranger spends more waking hours with our kids than we do, who will have a greater affect? Philisophical question...

IMHO - many parents do know, but are too lazy to teach it, and think the schools have to do all of it.

I would argue that many don't know... because they weren't taught themselves.

I'm in a cynical mood today... but so incredibly optimistic about what I'm learning about marriage...

 

[Flipper]

One slight issue I see with your example, is something that I think is also a HUGE contributor to divorce... The focus on what the spouse is doing wrong.

I HIGHLY recommend "how God will restore your marriage" for couples who are happily married - good stuff about taking a look at our own actions, our own issues, our own lives.

The point being, we look at the speck of dust in our spouses eye... ignoring the plank in our own. We have an entitlement mentality, a victim mentality, in America today. Nothing *I* did could have caused this problem... it was what he/she did!!!

Babbling again... This topic gets me all fired up!

That's ok, I have the same problem - and what I say is so unorthodox sounding to begin with...

The "I" thing is a personal pet peeve of mine so I'm not disagreeing with that. Maybe I should change what I said to intimate that pastors need to be able to objectively listen to both sides and if there is an "I" problem, try to show that in a loving way - it might be a problem in the marriage, but not the only problem. I know there is a problem with many pastors or ministers jumping to conclusions quickly, and I've seen people with legitimate issues not be able to get the assistance they need.

 

[Flipper]

I went to MN's largest HS... IIRC, more emphasis on getting us through than teaching us. I'm not bitter, just cynical .

Disclaimer - I went to public school, but it was a very conservative public school.

Also, I did have to learn many interpersonal things the hard way - though working a part time job in high school - while it wasn't the most fun experience, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I needed that.

It's the parents giving their kids money for everything and telling them that they should just have fun until they are done with school - that makes me cringe. Yes, kids should be allowed to have fun, but they should also learn responsibility and there should be a middle ground found.

 

[bkg]

Just learned something...

There are two types of people in a marriage.

Those that let their hurt and pain shadow their love.
And...
Those that let their love shadow their hurt and pain.

Which one are you?

 

[bkg]

Disclaimer - I went to public school, but it was a very conservative public school.

Also, I did have to learn many interpersonal things the hard way - though working a part time job in high school - while it wasn't the most fun experience, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I needed that.

It's the parents giving their kids money for everything and telling them that they should just have fun until they are done with school - that makes me cringe. Yes, kids should be allowed to have fun, but they should also learn responsibility and there should be a middle ground found.

Balance... Balance is the key to everything in life....

 

[Flipper]

Just learned something...

There are two types of people in a marriage.

Those that let their hurt and pain shadow their love.
And...
Those that let their love shadow their hurt and pain.

Which one are you?

Boy, you are just full of quips today. Very good!!

 

[Flipper]

Balance... Balance is the key to everything in life....

I thought Jesus was...





just kidding - I'm being cynical today too - probably because it's an election day

 

[bkg]

I thought Jesus was...





just kidding - I'm being cynical today too - probably because it's an election day

I love the sarcasm!

And yes... you are correct...

 

[bkg]

Boy, you are just full of quips today. Very good!!

I think that question will be the basis for my next essay/book...

It's quite amazing how God teaches us, even when we have no idea that He's doing it!

 

[Flipper]

I think that question will be the basis for my next essay/book...

It's quite amazing how God teaches us, even when we have no idea that He's doing it!

That book that you won't have time to work on because you are currently too busy with life...

Seriously, Amen, God has a way of reaching us when we least expect it.

 

[bkg]

That book that you won't have time to work on because you are currently too busy with life...

Why do I get the eary feeling you're in the cube next to me!?!?!?

LOL!

It will be written. It's a passion.

One more quip:

Two kinds of people:
Those that run from the pain our loved ones cause.
Those that run to the love our loved ones offer.


bkg

 

[Flipper]

Why do I get the eary feeling you're in the cube next to me!?!?!?

(music from the Twilight Zone)

Two kinds of people:
Those that run from the pain our loved ones cause.
Those that run to the love our loved ones offer.


bkg

I am so not worthy!!