Did I do the right thing by cutting off contact with this online guy?

[Far Side Of the Moon]

People can also be incredibly deceptive, even dangerous, online. To me it is startling that some are just acting like whoever he is, he is who is presenting himself as being. There is no evidence in the real world for that.

Yeah I agree with this.

 

[Martyr's Crown]

There are many different responses here, but I can still come with an example from my own life.

I met my husband first time online, we met through a Christian metalforum which got put down many years ago, but it was very nice forum, it had a great focus on God, something which I haven't seen in some other similiar forums. There were a strong unity among Christians, and mutual respect and love felt.

At first it was about getting to know him as I had been having another "sort of" online relationship with another guy which I developed too soon feelings for, after some months I found out he wasn't as commited to our relationship as I was, and I immediately decided breaking off our relationship. We were supposed meeting at a Christian metal festival(I met this guy on another metal forum which was a secular one, but he was among the Christian ones who also were members in there)in the summer during this year a few couple of months later after I broke it off(I still went to this Christian metal festival whilst he didn't, probably it was for the best), he got really hurt from this but I knew it had to be done. I did actually contact him one or two weeks later and found out he had found another girl, feeling hurt by this too, as I thought maybe there were a possibility we would be brought back together at a later time. But this never happened, and now he is just a part of my past memory, I even don't see this online relationship as "real" to me since it all happened so quickly, and he didn't seem as sincere as I was back then.

But now back to me and my husband's story; At first it was important to me getting know him through private messaging, even though I did find him interesting and cute seeing his profile picture as an avatar picture, I still thought getting to know him was important. He was a person feeling much lonely, feeling down because he wanted a girlfriend but had still not met anyone, and like you I tried my best cheering him up and building up his faith in God. We also sent some phone texts. After some time messaging, there were a time where he suddenly withdrew himself from the computer. I found this a pity but couldn't do anything about it. I just continued going on with my life.

Then not to long after a friend of mine had made a prayer request to God telling Him what was important for her when looking for a future husband, being totally honest with Him. And when she met her now husband she told me everything "clicked" with what she had told God, even small details others might have thought were uneccessary(now; like every marriage they had/have also their issues to be worked on), and I decided doing the same myself. I put everything out in the open before God, as well as telling Him to let me know when I had found "The One". I simply believed in this, not knowing how it would happen, but I trusted God would let me "know" at the right time.

Then it would go some time, my friend got married, and I just kept on going on with my life, got a few "crushes" in between but nothing happened out of it, I only got disappointed by these, and just when I decided to give up searching by myself, wanting to have an "anti-man" period where I just focused myself on God alone(even being open for the possibility that maybe I may not get married), I got a phone text from the guy I met on the Christian Forum, I got soooo Happy, and even got into an hopeful state of mind. We decided calling through phone to hear each others voices, this was such an exciting moment for me. First time we hit it off very well, I got suprised by him catching up on my humor which I considered as rather "special" to get, and on our second phone call I got this sentence to my mind: "He's The One!" At this time it was clear to me that we were brought together by God, this happened before we had told about any feelings we had for each others. My husband had to confess this a bit later to me since he needed to know how I truly felt, "It was eating him up" inside of him. At that time I had already gotten much feelings for him too, so we became a couple.

But then like with you; I felt as these feelings were taking away much of my focus on God, and I decided letting us have a sort of "break", not to totally break up, yet my husband thought this was the case. I also thought I needed to have my own problems in life fixed up as well before being in a relationship too, as my earlier friend who got married had told me of this before she found her husband. My husband(we weren't yet married back then, this happened in the beginning of our relationship)was devastated, and his response back to me hurt me since he wrote that maybe he was supposed marrying another girl. When I told this to my friend she let me know that how she thought back then wasn't always right as when she married her husband she still had problems in her life to be dealt with, that this is something which could also be worked on whilst being married. I began feeling sorrowful and missed my husband immensely, I contacted him again after a week after having made this "break" decision, something which made my husband feel really happy! He hadn't been doing very well since I made that decision, he said to me "I feel now as the happiest man on earth!"

We kept on keeping in touch online through private messaging, e-mailing, chatting on MSN Messenger with and without Cam, did some phone calls in between, wrote letters through post, sent sometimes presents to each other, and then we met first time during summer in 2006 for two weeks. We still felt as comfortable with each other as when keeping in touch online, MSN, phone calls and through postal letters. It felt like we had known each other for a much longer time than this! We were staying at my friend's place where we slept in separate rooms. We kept on visiting each other during the 3 years we were together before we finally could get married, my husband lived in The Netherlands whilst I lived in my original country Norway back then. In the summer of 2009 we married and I moved to The Netherlands after we had been away for our Honeymoon, this year's summer we will have been married now for 9 years.

Just letting you know that the possibility of meeting someone online is also there, with God anything is possible! Though it all should be done His Way, which is always The Best as well! Trusting in Him with Anything!

Meeting bad people can happen as much in the real world as it can happen online, you have a lot of bad marriages and broken families which happened with people having met each other first face to face. A person can easily make up a "fake identity" out in the real world too, same way as there are many who are open and honest online. One should have a discernment both in the real world as well as when being online, as long as you trust in God and let Him also help and guide you with this, you will be fine.

God keep on blessing you, and may you feel at peace with whatever decision you make!

(this got clearly longer than what I had in mind, but I hope it can be helpful in some ways for you)

 

[Martyr's Crown]

I wanted to add concerning your wish for helping the homeless, like someone else said on here you can still do this when married too.

For example; Me and my husband don't want to have children, I have made this clear before God. My reason for this is because I wish to have more time and focus put on God, I also want to do as much as I possibly can do for Him and His Kingdom, also being as much avaiable for other people in need! And anyone God leads into my path!

Whether you end up having a family or not, keep in mind that anything is possible in God! So if you want to help the homeless, God can open up doors for you so that this will be possible for happening, if you do get married.

Peace in Christ!

 

[pinkjess]

I took a look at his profile page to see if he made any recent posts and found one that really concerns me. It makes me wonder if he is some sort of sociopath. I think I made the right choice after all. But I am still sad but its not that bad. I feel ashamed and saddened that i shared so much of my heart with this person. I wish i wouldn't have. But just goes to show you never know who you're talking to online!

Here is his post if anyone can read it and see if my convictions are correct.

r/infp - Help.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

There are many different responses here, but I can still come with an example from my own life.

I met my husband first time online, we met through a Christian metalforum which got put down many years ago, but it was very nice forum, it had a great focus on God, something which I haven't seen in some other similiar forums. There were a strong unity among Christians, and mutual respect and love felt.

At first it was about getting to know him as I had been having another "sort of" online relationship with another guy which I developed too soon feelings for, after some months I found out he wasn't as commited to our relationship as I was, and I immediately decided breaking off our relationship. We were supposed meeting at a Christian metal festival(I met this guy on another metal forum which was a secular one, but he was among the Christian ones who also were members in there)in the summer during this year a few couple of months later after I broke it off(I still went to this Christian metal festival whilst he didn't, probably it was for the best), he got really hurt from this but I knew it had to be done. I did actually contact him one or two weeks later and found out he had found another girl, feeling hurt by this too, as I thought maybe there were a possibility we would be brought back together at a later time. But this never happened, and now he is just a part of my past memory, I even don't see this online relationship as "real" to me since it all happened so quickly, and he didn't seem as sincere as I was back then.

But now back to me and my husband's story; At first it was important to me getting know him through private messaging, even though I did find him interesting and cute seeing his profile picture as an avatar picture, I still thought getting to know him was important. He was a person feeling much lonely, feeling down because he wanted a girlfriend but had still not met anyone, and like you I tried my best cheering him up and building up his faith in God. We also sent some phone texts. After some time messaging, there were a time where he suddenly withdrew himself from the computer. I found this a pity but couldn't do anything about it. I just continued going on with my life.

Then not to long after a friend of mine had made a prayer request to God telling Him what was important for her when looking for a future husband, being totally honest with Him. And when she met her now husband she told me everything "clicked" with what she had told God, even small details others might have thought were uneccessary(now; like every marriage they had/have also their issues to be worked on), and I decided doing the same myself. I put everything out in the open before God, as well as telling Him to let me know when I had found "The One". I simply believed in this, not knowing how it would happen, but I trusted God would let me "know" at the right time.

Then it would go some time, my friend got married, and I just kept on going on with my life, got a few "crushes" in between but nothing happened out of it, I only got disappointed by these, and just when I decided to give up searching by myself, wanting to have an "anti-man" period where I just focused myself on God alone(even being open for the possibility that maybe I may not get married), I got a phone text from the guy I met on the Christian Forum, I got soooo Happy, and even got into an hopeful state of mind. We decided calling through phone to hear each others voices, this was such an exciting moment for me. First time we hit it off very well, I got suprised by him catching up on my humor which I considered as rather "special" to get, and on our second phone call I got this sentence to my mind: "He's The One!" At this time it was clear to me that we were brought together by God, this happened before we had told about any feelings we had for each others. My husband had to confess this a bit later to me since he needed to know how I truly felt, "It was eating him up" inside of him. At that time I had already gotten much feelings for him too, so we became a couple.

But then like with you; I felt as these feelings were taking away much of my focus on God, and I decided letting us have a sort of "break", not to totally break up, yet my husband thought this was the case. I also thought I needed to have my own problems in life fixed up as well before being in a relationship too, as my earlier friend who got married had told me of this before she found her husband. My husband(we weren't yet married back then, this happened in the beginning of our relationship)was devastated, and his response back to me hurt me since he wrote that maybe he was supposed marrying another girl. When I told this to my friend she let me know that how she thought back then wasn't always right as when she married her husband she still had problems in her life to be dealt with, that this is something which could also be worked on whilst being married. I began feeling sorrowful and missed my husband immensely, I contacted him again after a week after having made this "break" decision, something which made my husband feel really happy! He hadn't been doing very well since I made that decision, he said to me "I feel now as the happiest man on earth!"

We kept on keeping in touch online through private messaging, e-mailing, chatting on MSN Messenger with and without Cam, did some phone calls in between, wrote letters through post, sent sometimes presents to each other, and then we met first time during summer in 2006 for two weeks. We still felt as comfortable with each other as when keeping in touch online, MSN, phone calls and through postal letters. It felt like we had known each other for a much longer time than this! We were staying at my friend's place where we slept in separate rooms. We kept on visiting each other during the 3 years we were together before we finally could get married, my husband lived in The Netherlands whilst I lived in my original country Norway back then. In the summer of 2009 we married and I moved to The Netherlands after we had been away for our Honeymoon, this year's summer we will have been married now for 9 years.

Just letting you know that the possibility of meeting someone online is also there, with God anything is possible! Though it all should be done His Way, which is always The Best as well! Trusting in Him with Anything!

Meeting bad people can happen as much in the real world as it can happen online, you have a lot of bad marriages and broken families which happened with people having met each other first face to face. A person can easily make up a "fake identity" out in the real world too, same way as there are many who are open and honest online. One should have a discernment both in the real world as well as when being online, as long as you trust in God and let Him also help and guide you with this, you will be fine.

God keep on blessing you, and may you feel at peace with whatever decision you make!

(this got clearly longer than what I had in mind, but I hope it can be helpful in some ways for you)

This was so beautiful to read

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I took a look at his profile page to see if he made any recent posts and found one that really concerns me. It makes me wonder if he is some sort of sociopath. I think I made the right choice after all. But I am still sad but its not that bad. I feel ashamed and saddened that i shared so much of my heart with this person. I wish i wouldn't have. But just goes to show you never know who you're talking to online!

Here is his post if anyone can read it and see if my convictions are correct.

r/infp - Help.

I read that and he seems to have some deep seated issues to work on. However it still stands you shouldn't let a condition keep you from happiness or marriage if it's what you want.

 

[brinny]

I took a look at his profile page to see if he made any recent posts and found one that really concerns me. It makes me wonder if he is some sort of sociopath. I think I made the right choice after all. But I am still sad but its not that bad. I feel ashamed and saddened that i shared so much of my heart with this person. I wish i wouldn't have. But just goes to show you never know who you're talking to online!

Here is his post if anyone can read it and see if my convictions are correct.

r/infp - Help.

You might want to be thankful that you have left that sphere, and to not just keep going in the opposite direction, but to runnnnnnnnnnnnn.

Did you give this person any identifying information about yourself, or any personal information at all?

Thank GOD that you have distanced yourself.

Literally.

 

[pinkjess]

You might want to be thankful that you have left that sphere, and to not just keep going in the opposite direction, but to runnnnnnnnnnnnn.

Did you give this person any identifying information about yourself, or any personal information at all?

Thank GOD that you have distanced yourself.

Literally.

We only shared the states we live in. No cities or home addresses. Thank God!

 

[brinny]

We only shared the states we live in. No cities or home addresses. Thank God!

Thank GOD!!!! Does he have your actual name? Birthday? Etc.

 

[pinkjess]

I read that and he seems to have some deep seated issues to work on. However it still stands you shouldn't let a condition keep you from happiness or marriage if it's what you want.

Yeah but he has bad issues. Who writes the way he does and refuses to seek help? He was nice and sometimes even charming to me in our private messaging. That's also a sign of sociopathy. This guy could one day let his unresolved anger issues cause him to shoot up a school one day.

 

[pinkjess]

Thank GOD!!!! Does he have your actual name? Birthday? Etc.

No just my first name and yeah I gave my birth date

 

[brinny]

Yeah but he has bad issues. Who writes the way he does and refuses to seek help? He was nice and sometimes even charming to me in our private messaging. That's also a sign of sociopathy. This guy could one day let his unresolved anger issues cause him to shoot up a school one day.

He could have already acted out.

Good on you that you listened to your "gut", which is akin to God-given discretion.

This is celebration time, girlfriend, that you didn't get even deeper with this guy who it's best to be a distant memory with.

Celebrate escaping this what could've been a "close call" and go shopping or get some ice cream and do a happy dance, Jess.

Woooo Hoooo! God is GOOD!!!!

 

[brinny]

No just my first name and yeah I gave my birth date

Pray that God expunges it from his memory or that he loses the information or that it mysteriously fades away.

(((hug)))

 

[pinkjess]

He could have already acted out.

Good on you that you listened to your "gut", which is akin to God-given discretion.

This is celebration time, girlfriend, that you didn't get even deeper with this guy who it's best to be a distant memory with.

Celebrate escaping this what could've been a "close call" and go shopping or get some ice cream and do a happy dance, Jess.

Woooo Hoooo! God is GOOD!!!!

Thank you soooo much!!

 

[pinkjess]

Pray that God expunges it from his memory or that he loses the information or that it mysteriously fades away.

(((hug)))

I will.

 

[brinny]

I will.

Amen girlfriend!!!! Praying WITH you!!!!! (((hug)))

 

[brinny]

I read that and he seems to have some deep seated issues to work on. However it still stands you shouldn't let a condition keep you from happiness or marriage if it's what you want.

The issues are downright scary. I wouldn't want Jess to anywhere NEAR this person.

Would you?

 

[brinny]

Jess, as with ANYTHING online, you gotta take it ALL with a "grain o' salt".

KEEP trusting your gut, Jess.

She's steered you well thus far.

 

[akaDaScribe]

People can also be incredibly deceptive, even dangerous, online. To me it is startling that some are just acting like whoever he is, he is who is presenting himself as being. There is no evidence in the real world for that.

It doesn't take much to figure out who someone is. For starters do video chat. Get the persons name and look them up. With the amount of information out there on everyone, people only don't know who they are dealing with when they choose not to.

 

[pinkjess]

Jess, as with ANYTHING online, you gotta take it ALL with a "grain o' salt".

KEEP trusting your gut, Jess.

She's steered you well thus far.

Thank you so much. I agree. I just feel sad but I know if I keep giving it to God I will forget all about it someday and move forward.