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Featured Did I do the right thing by cutting off contact with this online guy?

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by pinkjess, Jun 2, 2018.

  1. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

    711
    +531
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    Long story short, I got caught up in developing feelings for a guy who messaged me everyday for almost five weeks. We were very similar and had similar struggles. He was Christian too but had horrible self-image and depression. He frequently complained to me about how invisible and helpless he feels in his family, his job, etc. and I was always trying to cheer him up by telling him God loves him but he always had excuses as to why he would not believe He does, and that he would not know if God loves him until he goes to heaven. It was kind of weird and... melodramatic to be honest. We were both really lonely and I guess we just gravitated toward each other in that respect.

    But we had some really great talks too. We talked about our childhoods, our social anxiety, our hopes for the future, death and birth, God, and joked around here and there. He made me smile often and I always waited for him to text me. We exchanged phone numbers and he would send me pictures of the beach when he went on vacation. And we sent each other childhood photos when we were kids. It was very cool and made me feel very close to him. He never said anything lewd or vulgar to me, and he even encouraged me to go back to church a few times because he was trying to go back as well. It was cool.

    Until I started having feelings. Like, strong feelings. Feelings that I couldn't shake. He lives in a different state so we couldn't meet each other like people do on dating sites or whatever (I met him on Reddit). Anyways, I started picturing my future with this guy, like what if we meet someday and get married? I was consumed by those thoughts and I knew it wasn't healthy for me. We would text each other for four hours straight some days and time just flew by. I felt it was taking my focus off from God, and I knew then I had to put a stop to it.

    So I sent the guy a heartfelt message saying I don't think we should talk anymore. He was okay with it, he said he didn't know how to feel about it and that he really didn't feel sad about it. It is clear he has some issues he needs to work out with a professional and I feel badly for him. He suggested we pray for each other from here on out and I agreed.

    I just feel...weird about it all. I feel like in my spirit, I did the right thing. But on the other hand, I feel like maybe I didn't have to call it off with him. What if God would be okay if we still talked albeit maybe not as often? But I know my feelings would come back and I don't want to get obsessed again or sin.

    The choice to cut off contact with him wasn't easy, and I want to keep moving forward if it is what God wants. But I wonder...what DID God want? What was His will concerning this?

    How can I know?
     
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  2. Kevin Snow

    Kevin Snow Well-Known Member

    +795
    United States
    Presbyterian
    Single
    You made your decision and you're seeking God's will in it. Let some time pass before you question yourself. If you guys can't break it off then maybe there is something to it all. I personally don't believe in online relationships but if you pray to God he will make things clear to you. I think it's a wise decision you made and you shouldn't beat yourself up about what you missed. God is able to bring a guy to you in person, someone who you can verify in your community to be someone above reproach.
     
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  3. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

    711
    +531
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    Thanks.
     
  4. LoricaLady

    LoricaLady YHWH's Supporter

    +8,044
    Messianic
    Private
    Yes, I think you did the right thing. However, my concern is more for your future. Will you get into another online "relationship" with someone you really don't know, someone who could secretly be married, or otherwise involved, someone who might even be dangerous, or at least bad news in some way? It is easy to make up romantic fantasies about someone in the unreal world of the internet.

    Will you seek out real relationships in the real world? There may be some cool guy out there who would love to find someone like you. You sound caring and considerate, for example.
     
  5. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

    711
    +531
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    I most likely won't get into another online relationship. This put a bad taste in my mouth. Could i meet a guy in real life? I'd like to, but my social anxiety is so bad, I can hardly speak to people in real life. That was why it was so easy for me to get so involved with this guy--no risk of embarrassment or rejection.
     
  6. Serving Zion

    Serving Zion Seek First His Kingdom & Righteousness

    +879
    Christian
    Private
    Give him a week or so and then just a friendly TXT - how have you been? I have been reflecting upon our conversations and there was just one thing that I wish I could have said: ... and in this way you will have your assurance that his life has moved on ok, or you will also find out if The Lord really does need you there to support him. But I am reading in your spirit that you have done the right thing, and there is still the love of God in you that has some genuine concern for his well-being. I think that this is the best way to go forward, that will give you the closure you need .. and pray for him too!
     
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  7. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

    711
    +531
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    Thank you!
     
  8. R. Hartono

    R. Hartono Well-Known Member

    +604
    Indonesia
    Protestant
    Married
    ITS not wrong to make friend on line, God Will protect you. Don't discard
    Ur friendship. Just don't imagine Romance with them whom u never meet, u need to know people a long time be4 marriage.
     
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  9. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

    711
    +531
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    Thank you!
     
  10. Noah Ark

    Noah Ark New Member

    71
    +41
    Singapore
    Christian
    Married
    Hi, ur photo is dark n hardly seen
     
  11. ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

    ImAllLikeOkWaitWat For who can resist his will?

    +2,766
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    You'll find the right man one day.
     
  12. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

    711
    +531
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    good. it weeds out the creepers !
     
  13. LoricaLady

    LoricaLady YHWH's Supporter

    +8,044
    Messianic
    Private
    Well, that makes sense. However, I don't think you are stuck with social anxiety. I wonder if you could get in some groups with others who suffer similarity and be a helper as well as to be helped. I wonder if there are some good books or websites to help you.

    Maybe social role playing with others, a relative or good friend, could help. You could act out different social scenarios and get feed back, even try that with the mirror or a vid on a smartphone. Be patient and go one little step at a time. Start out practicing with people who don't matter much, like someone in line at the grocery store. Some there like to chat while waiting to get service. (Some don't, of course - but that's their issue. Lol.)

    It may be that you think others sense your social anxiety, but don't. You could ask others you trust about that.

    So, okay the real problem here, seems to me, is not the guy but the social anxiety. I will be praying for you on that and trust you will be praying about it too.
     
  14. LoricaLady

    LoricaLady YHWH's Supporter

    +8,044
    Messianic
    Private
    Also, just a thought. i wonder if some essential oils might help you. Things like Chamomile, Ylang Ylang, and Bergamot are shown to reduce anxiety - and they smell good too, and are not really very expensive. There is a lot of research on essential oils. it is not just hocus pocus. I find them very helpful. Something to consider, maybe. You Tube, and the net in general, are filled with info on how to use essential oils and what they help.
     
  15. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

    711
    +531
    Non-Denom
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    Thank you so so much
     
  16. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

    711
    +531
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    I do drink chamomile tea but dont have much experience with oils
     
  17. LoricaLady

    LoricaLady YHWH's Supporter

    +8,044
    Messianic
    Private
    Well, if you do decide to try them, just thought I'd mention that while lavender and rose are known for creating a tranquil mood, they also can cause you to be so tranquil that your memory is a little short. That's why I mentioned the others and not them.

    There is some shy guy out there, or some guy who is very extroverted who would be charmed by his opposite, for you, I bet.
     
  18. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

    711
    +531
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    Thank you! Yeah, I'm hoping for a quiet, shy guy like me
     
  19. akaDaScribe

    akaDaScribe Well-Known Member Supporter

    +892
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    I've been trying to think how to word this...
    Did you cut him off because you were afraid you were falling in love with him?
    If so, what about falling in love with him scared you?
     
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  20. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

    711
    +531
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    Yeah. Pretty much. It got too "real". it scared me because, all my life i had the idea God wanted me to be single for His purposes, and if i were to fall in love it could ruin those plans. Also it scared me because I found myself wanting to have a family with him, and i don't want kids.
     
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