Long story short, I got caught up in developing feelings for a guy who messaged me everyday for almost five weeks. We were very similar and had similar struggles. He was Christian too but had horrible self-image and depression. He frequently complained to me about how invisible and helpless he feels in his family, his job, etc. and I was always trying to cheer him up by telling him God loves him but he always had excuses as to why he would not believe He does, and that he would not know if God loves him until he goes to heaven. It was kind of weird and... melodramatic to be honest. We were both really lonely and I guess we just gravitated toward each other in that respect.
But we had some really great talks too. We talked about our childhoods, our social anxiety, our hopes for the future, death and birth, God, and joked around here and there. He made me smile often and I always waited for him to text me. We exchanged phone numbers and he would send me pictures of the beach when he went on vacation. And we sent each other childhood photos when we were kids. It was very cool and made me feel very close to him. He never said anything lewd or vulgar to me, and he even encouraged me to go back to church a few times because he was trying to go back as well. It was cool.
Until I started having feelings. Like, strong feelings. Feelings that I couldn't shake. He lives in a different state so we couldn't meet each other like people do on dating sites or whatever (I met him on Reddit). Anyways, I started picturing my future with this guy, like what if we meet someday and get married? I was consumed by those thoughts and I knew it wasn't healthy for me. We would text each other for four hours straight some days and time just flew by. I felt it was taking my focus off from God, and I knew then I had to put a stop to it.
So I sent the guy a heartfelt message saying I don't think we should talk anymore. He was okay with it, he said he didn't know how to feel about it and that he really didn't feel sad about it. It is clear he has some issues he needs to work out with a professional and I feel badly for him. He suggested we pray for each other from here on out and I agreed.
I just feel...weird about it all. I feel like in my spirit, I did the right thing. But on the other hand, I feel like maybe I didn't have to call it off with him. What if God would be okay if we still talked albeit maybe not as often? But I know my feelings would come back and I don't want to get obsessed again or sin.
The choice to cut off contact with him wasn't easy, and I want to keep moving forward if it is what God wants. But I wonder...what DID God want? What was His will concerning this?
How can I know?
But we had some really great talks too. We talked about our childhoods, our social anxiety, our hopes for the future, death and birth, God, and joked around here and there. He made me smile often and I always waited for him to text me. We exchanged phone numbers and he would send me pictures of the beach when he went on vacation. And we sent each other childhood photos when we were kids. It was very cool and made me feel very close to him. He never said anything lewd or vulgar to me, and he even encouraged me to go back to church a few times because he was trying to go back as well. It was cool.
Until I started having feelings. Like, strong feelings. Feelings that I couldn't shake. He lives in a different state so we couldn't meet each other like people do on dating sites or whatever (I met him on Reddit). Anyways, I started picturing my future with this guy, like what if we meet someday and get married? I was consumed by those thoughts and I knew it wasn't healthy for me. We would text each other for four hours straight some days and time just flew by. I felt it was taking my focus off from God, and I knew then I had to put a stop to it.
So I sent the guy a heartfelt message saying I don't think we should talk anymore. He was okay with it, he said he didn't know how to feel about it and that he really didn't feel sad about it. It is clear he has some issues he needs to work out with a professional and I feel badly for him. He suggested we pray for each other from here on out and I agreed.
I just feel...weird about it all. I feel like in my spirit, I did the right thing. But on the other hand, I feel like maybe I didn't have to call it off with him. What if God would be okay if we still talked albeit maybe not as often? But I know my feelings would come back and I don't want to get obsessed again or sin.
The choice to cut off contact with him wasn't easy, and I want to keep moving forward if it is what God wants. But I wonder...what DID God want? What was His will concerning this?
How can I know?
