We met on Christiancafe.com, but both had profiles on a number of other sites like eHarmony and Christianmingle.com. Actually Christianmingle is one of the better ones because they really keep an eye on things. If they see any funny business in profiles, etc. they're right on it. Unfortunatley, once your intro trial expires you do have to pay for the service. I couldn't afford it so I stuck with Christiancafe and waited for the occasional free weekends.
I was on Plentyoffish.com too. I made some friends ther, but found even most who called themselves Christan really weren't at all. It was a fun place for the forums, but I did not find it a good place to meet a man.
Despite being on many of the same dating sites, we were never matched up by any of the automated programs they have. I came across his profile one day and thought he might be a nice guy to get to know who lived nearby. He thought the same of me. Neither of us thought we'd be a match. But email conversation became a huge long and very time consuming process as we really clicked. Then eventually that turned into massive long phone calls. Eventually we met when he took me for dinner for my birthday. Even after that we stayed "just friends" for another month before admitting we had feelings for one another. And we also took a lot of time to talk about a whole pile of very serious issues because neither of us wanted to start a romantic relationship if there were any reasons we would never get married. Six months later we got engaged, and three and half months later we were married. That was two and a half years ago. We are so thankful God brought us together!
Online dating is like a rollercoaster ride. There are good times and bad. Sometimes you can't find a single decent person to meet. And sometimes you're constantly contacted by really freaky people. Sometimes you just want to give up and walk away. But then there are times when you make really nice friends. And other times when you meet people who have potential. I agree that it's important to keep it casual and never expect anything more than friendship from anyone. Unfortunately, the vast majority of people on dating website (yes, even on the Christian ones) are just looking for sex. My husband's (former) best friend admitted to actually using Christian dating sites specifically to set up one night stands. And there were plenty of women who accomodated that. So it's kinda about wading through all the crap to get to the good stuff. Be very clear in your profile about what you're looking for. BUT when you're contacted, don't just volunteer information about yourself either. Some people use that to manipulate by finding out what you like and then pretending they do to. Don't be afraid to ask tough questions early on and set boundaries. One of the first thing my husband told me in email was that sex was absolutely not an option until he gets married. I so appreciated that! But many other women would have been offended by that and walked away. It served as a good filter.
As for preparing for marriage, that is really important too. More important than getting yourself out there online or wherever. Something really cool that God did in my life is He drew me to that preparation long before I even met my husband. I found a book called "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace. It really got me thinking about what my responsbilities would be and how to prepare myself for that. God was working in my heart, getting me ready for him and already had him all ready to meet me!
One last thing. Kat made a very important point here that I want to echo as well. Always trust your instinct when you see
any red flags. And never take your chances. I didn't even give out my phone number out to anyone. Even my husband didn't get it until we'd been emailing non-stop for months.
4. Be careful! I can't stress this enough. Believe me, I met my fair share of crazies. By all accounts, I shouldn't be alive right now. It's that scary sometimes. What I learned from that is that you can never be too careful. Be wary of the guys that insist upon picking you up at your house instead of meeting you at a public, well lit, highly visible spot. Be wary of the guys that make you feel pressured. Don't ever, ever, ever get in a car alone with a guy you have just met. And trust your gut. If your instincts tell you something is wrong, don't force yourself into spending more time with the guy out of fear you will offend them or hurt their feelings. Your intuition will not lead you astray. I wish I had listened to mine more often than I did.
