Desperate for help.

[ashaus9]

I'm Austin and I need a lot of help. I might need to give some back-story beforehand. My family is Christian, I was born and raised in a Baptist church. I consider myself a pretty alright person. Drugs? Alcohol? Nope. I wouldn't swear for my life and I am generally a caring person. BUT, I consider myself a poor Christian at best. I do go to church weekly but I have never read my Bible in my spare time up until just recently because I feel so lost. I usually forget to pray unless I'm in a time of need. I have never really tried bringing up anything about being a Christian to any of my non-Christian friends, mostly because I'm shy and I'm worried they won't like me anymore. But most of all, my most serious issue yet..... I think I'm gay. I don't want to be in any way because I know it's wrong but I can't steer myself back on course. I feel super guilty just thinking about how I am. I haven't legitimately liked a girl really before and the ones I have liked have been excuses to myself that I am not gay. At times I can't retain control on myself and I end up looking up gay inappropriate content. I'm so ashamed. I keep praying to God to help me and ask him to help me stop doing these evil actions but I end up giving in. I need so much help.
I feel so lost. I would go to my parents or someone but I feel like they'd be so disappointed in me.
However, I would never EVER live that lifestyle. I would never find a male partner to live with and I can say that for sure. I'd rather die alone with no partner than live that lifestyle. But I can't change myself. PLEASE help me. Verses, helpful words, anything. I'm desperate.

 

[johndoo]

Austin,

First, God loves you and God had a hand in making you. He knows you. Keep coming back to this truth. I care for you just because you are a Christian and you are struggling, even though I don't know you. I imagine many people care for you. You are probably wise to limit who you talk to about this initially. I'd recommend a Christian counselor ( therapist). You didn't say your age. If you are still living at home and need your parents assistance/financial support to do this, you can just tell them that you are troubled about some issues. You could talk to a school counselor. Some clergy are better than others with counseling.

Many Christians, maybe all Christians, have unwelcome thoughts. The types of thoughts vary. These challenges are common. Issues of sexual identity are particularly challenging because it is central to our sense of self. You are wise to have already figured out that we can live with these questions and struggles and not act on them.

The issues of inappropriate content use are difficult. Talk to the therapist. Use blocking software. The images reinforce your thoughts so stopping the images may help your overall struggle.

God bless you today and in the future.

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

I'm Austin and I need a lot of help. I might need to give some back-story beforehand. My family is Christian, I was born and raised in a Baptist church. I consider myself a pretty alright person. Drugs? Alcohol? Nope. I wouldn't swear for my life and I am generally a caring person. BUT, I consider myself a poor Christian at best. I do go to church weekly but I have never read my Bible in my spare time up until just recently because I feel so lost. I usually forget to pray unless I'm in a time of need. I have never really tried bringing up anything about being a Christian to any of my non-Christian friends, mostly because I'm shy and I'm worried they won't like me anymore. But most of all, my most serious issue yet..... I think I'm gay. I don't want to be in any way because I know it's wrong but I can't steer myself back on course. I feel super guilty just thinking about how I am. I haven't legitimately liked a girl really before and the ones I have liked have been excuses to myself that I am not gay. At times I can't retain control on myself and I end up looking up gay inappropriate content. I'm so ashamed. I keep praying to God to help me and ask him to help me stop doing these evil actions but I end up giving in. I need so much help.
I feel so lost. I would go to my parents or someone but I feel like they'd be so disappointed in me.
However, I would never EVER live that lifestyle. I would never find a male partner to live with and I can say that for sure. I'd rather die alone with no partner than live that lifestyle. But I can't change myself. PLEASE help me. Verses, helpful words, anything. I'm desperate.

just because you have thoughts about being gay, and even act on those thoughts through inappropriate content, does not make you gay. what determines your identity is what you say about yourself that you believe in your heart; so the first step is to stop releasing power with your words in that direction - stop saying that you think you are gay. never again let this come out of your mouth, because just as God spoke all things in the world into existence, so you speak things into existence in your world.

in order to change the words you speak that you believe in your heart, you have to change what you believe in your heart - then the words you speak in faith will change as well - and it's what you say that you believe in your heart that releases power in your life. the only way to do this is through the word of God. faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God; but not just hearing with your physical ears and eyes (through reading) but what you hear from the Spirit of God inside you.

the vast majority of Christians actually believe that 'getting saved' is about 'missing hell'; but the Bible teaches that receiving spiritual rebirth is the initial step of a life-long effort to know God more and more fully - this is the whole point of salvation - to know God; to have a personal relationship with Him. right thoughts and actions are not the root of right relationship with God; they are the fruit of right relationship with God - a relationship based exclusively on His mercy and grace and independent of our own performance, good or bad.

salvation as the Bible speaks about it is a life-long mental battle to change the thinking process from one based on what we perceive through the 5 senses to one where we perceive through our 'six' sense if you will; the leading of the Spirit of God.

the traditional church has taught that you can come to Jesus just as you are; but once you have, you'd better 'stop that sinning'; get water baptized; be at church every time the doors open; believe only what your pastor tells you; give 10% of your gross income to the church; serve the church through works and missions, etc. - this is bondage. but the Bible teaches that you must strive to hear God's leading and follow it in each situation; and if you do, you will fulfill God's laws more effectively than you ever would by focusing on the laws themselves, because God will never lead you contrary to His laws. when you are led by God, you are connected to His power - when you are led by performance goals, you are as powerless as a lost man.

so strive to learn to recognize God's situational leading and follow this regardless of what you intellect tells you; study His word so you'll be able to recognize His voice, and focus on knowing God through His mercy and grace and independent of your own performance good or bad - and you'll win the battles with these things you struggle with, effortlessly. it won't be easy, but while you can never attain holiness on your own efforts and through your own intellect, you can know God more fully each day and be led by Him more effectively day by day; and this brings holiness as a side-effect.

this should help:

Spirit Led Life | Moore Life Ministries - Branson, MO

Spirit Led Life 2 | Moore Life Ministries - Branson, MO

 

[Inkachu]

Austin - you need to get adult help (I'm assuming you're a kid) and you need it immediately. inappropriate content is extremely destructive to you, psychologically and spiritually, and once someone becomes hooked on it, it can be a very long and difficult road to recovery. You do NOT want to go through that, believe me.

I urge you to find a pastor, guidance counselor, or trusted adult, and open up about what you're dealing with. I know it would be terrifying to do, but you MUST do it.

 

[Bobby64]

In regard to not reading the Bible much or not praying often, the solution is to MAKE time to do those things. Schedule a time every day when you will read your Bible or pray. Make it top priority. You can find time to do these things if you're adamant about seeking it out.

 

[xxxxxxtra]

Start by stopping the gay inappropriate content.. Get a true Christian counselor.. A pastor.. And then dont hold back..
Draw close to God..

 

[Sketcher]

How old are you? And what is your school like? Plenty of girls there?

 

[Max Shade]

Austin - you need to get adult help (I'm assuming you're a kid) and you need it immediately. inappropriate content is extremely destructive to you, psychologically and spiritually, and once someone becomes hooked on it, it can be a very long and difficult road to recovery. You do NOT want to go through that, believe me.

I urge you to find a pastor, guidance counselor, or trusted adult, and open up about what you're dealing with. I know it would be terrifying to do, but you MUST do it.

Quoting for truth.

As for what kind of inappropriate content you feel drawn to, I wouldn't sweat it. It often means entirely different things, than that is what you like. What I mean is, someone might get into ____ inappropriate content because they like to think out revenge fantasies while another person might watch the same stuff because of maternal abandonment issues. It is the kind of thing to talk to a qualified professional about, rather than worrying that it means you actually want that life.

Meanwhile, do your best to think through and maybe journal about how it makes you feel, what is going on in your head when you reach for that (like a bad day or feeling ashamed of something) and start forming some hypothesis about why it would interest you. Then you can take those notes and discuss them with a qualified professional & probably cover more ground quickly.