Dating within Bible Study??

[blackribbon]

If I ever own or run a grocery store, I'll ban patrons from pursuing any romantic interests with other patrons while within the store premises!

When people start avoiding each other at your place, I think it's bad for business!!

When people break up, they seldom hope to run into each other on a casual basis. If it is no big deal, then there really wasn't much of a connection. Maybe this isn't a big deal for men but it is for women. However, when I have dating relationship, most men have made it clear that they had certain places that they kind of claim as their own...and they have flat out asked me to not come anymore...either because seeing me hurt them or that me being there made it uncomfortable for their next girlfriend. This is the reason a lot of companies have policies against dating other employees. It isn't about the time when things are good (though it can be a distraction) but rather the issues that come if it doesn't work out and the two people have to interact on a regular basis and it is emotionally charged.

 

[Servant68]

My company is like a giant soap opera with all of the relationships and nepotism going on. My last girlfriend works here, but in completely different division a 1/4 mile away across campus. It's still uncomfortable and I avoid her building like the plague.

Won't be doing that again...

 

[blackribbon]

My company is like a giant soap opera with all of the relationships and nepotism going on. My last girlfriend works here, but in completely different division a 1/4 mile away across campus. It's still uncomfortable and I avoid her building like the plague.

Won't be doing that again...

My point was simply is this is what could happen to you or her and your Bible Study and church. People seem to only consider the happy view of "what if it works out?" but the reality of life is that most of break up more often than we find our soulmates so we ought to at least consider what happens when it ends.

(okay, sorry, I promised to shut up)

 

[timewerx]

When people break up, they seldom hope to run into each other on a casual basis. If it is no big deal, then there really wasn't much of a connection. Maybe this isn't a big deal for men but it is for women. However, when I have dating relationship, most men have made it clear that they had certain places that they kind of claim as their own...and they have flat out asked me to not come anymore...either because seeing me hurt them or that me being there made it uncomfortable for their next girlfriend. This is the reason a lot of companies have policies against dating other employees. It isn't about the time when things are good (though it can be a distraction) but rather the issues that come if it doesn't work out and the two people have to interact on a regular basis and it is emotionally charged.

I think it is a big deal to most people both men and women.

I have simply come to terms with the concept of being whole and complete and the impermanence and uncertaintly of our reality....

I also probably have the smallest ego....(I know it's ironic to say that!). I don't have self-esteem issues though nor think little of myself. I'd rather be rejected 100x than for me to reject anyone! Because I know many doesn't take it well.

 

[DYOLF]

Relationships in bible

Just throwing this out there for some additional perspectives...

I broke up with my last girlfriend in February or so. We weren't a good fit or at the same place spiritually. She didn't take it well...

Since then, I've been leery of starting another relationship. So many women in my age range; 35 to 50, are only wanting a physical/romantic relationship. That was what my last couple of relationships were structured around and I didn't like it and God didn't like it.

Since then, I've accepted my singleness wholeheartedly and have been focusing on work and going to the gym. Last week I started dieting seriously because I didn't like how I looked and not so I would attract a mate.

About a month ago I heard a sermon that really changed my heart and has renewed my focus on living a Godly life and focusing on Him instead of my own selfish desires.

So what does all of this rambling have to do with dating and Bible Study??

I started going to a weekly Bible study back in February. It was all married couples from their late 20's to their mid 60's. I was the odd man out being a single divorced guy in my 40's. But, I enjoyed the fellowship and went as regularly as possible.

A couple of months ago, two single ladies joined the study. One is a young attractive college student and the other is a beautiful single woman in her late 30's or early 40's. I mean, she is so beautiful that it takes my breath away when I look at her.

She is also quiet and a bit shy. I know a little bit about her from just our few little conversations we've had before or after Bible study. I know she's from Michigan, has eight brothers and sisters, and works in a beauty salon. When we talk, it is very polite and pleasant. She is so hard to read and I'm not sure if she is being shy or standoffish when we talk.

I sent her a Facebook friend request last week and she accepted it immediately, which is a good sign, and we chatted at last week's Bible study a little more. But she hasn't liked any of my posts or pictures, which is usually a sign that someone is just being polite and not really interested in you personally. But then again, she doesn't have any posts in the last couple of months so she's not really a prolific FB user... Geesh, I sound like I'm in high school...

So, normally, I would just ask her out and if she said no, then I'd know where I stand and move on.

But, I don't want things to get awkward and have one or both of us stop going to a Bible study that we both enjoy because our feelings weren't mutual for each other. So, this is why I haven't attempted to ask her out. I am enjoying being single and having a group of Christian friends to share with. I don't want to lose that or cause her to lose that because of my romantic feelings for her. Then again, I haven't even really talked to her enough to determine if I do have genuine romantic feelings for her...

On the other hand... She is sweet, Christian, beautiful, and age appropriate. That's super rare in my area and I don't want to miss out on a potentially wonderful and Godly relationship because I was being too conservative and overthinking things.

I really don't know what to do. I pray about it every night and am trying to just be patient and see if our small talk progresses naturally to me getting a clearer perspective of her feelings about me.

So please, some additional perspective and thoughts would be appreciated...

Relationships in churches and bible study
groups are a waste of time and lead nowhere but to heartbreaks. Bible studies and churches are not dating services. You will get women everywhere else apart from church, it never works. If you get turned down which is almost your destiny then you will have a bad reputation in that small group which can affect the way you worship. Everytime you come to the place women will start giggling and you won't feel good.The problem here is most women want to be having sex when they get into relationships which they will find difficult to have with a brother in Christ as they would look like hypocrites. Try finding someone fromna different church, Cut your losses and look somewhere else or you will still be searching 20 years down the line.

 

[DYOLF]

Just out of interest, were
You guys Married when you started living together? I'm not judging but just trying to understand how things work.

Hey,
us ladies do like the man to make the first moves. It's sweet and romantic. This girl sounds delightful. Look where you've met! It couldn't be more wonderful. As you both follow the Lord Jesus Christ, study His Word. I think it's great. Ask her out when you can speak quietly and privately somehow.
This could be the start of the best relationship possible, with Christ Jesus guiding you.

I was widowed,and getting lonely. I was through the worst of the grief. At 53 I did not see why I should stay alone all my life, I wanted to live fully again. To Love and be loved. So first I prayed. I asked God to find me the right man. I then signed up for match.com. what a scary thing to do! But I prayed for guidance. I only had three coffee dates, actually very nice gentlemen but not suitable. Then, bingo, my now partner and I met. I knew instantly he was the one for me. He was single and lived with his wonderful mother. We now live together and both know we love each other forever. So unbelievably happy. I pray daily for Lord Jesus to guide us. A great twist in the tale, turns out my partner's brother works for an undertakers, he was the very funeral director who conducted my husband's funeral! We found this out during our first coffee date. God had plans for us all along.

So, take a chance! Do it in the right spirit, be your best self. Good luck. Keep us posted, I love a good romance! Xx

Ps. I had hoped to meet a good man through church. But our congregation are all elderly.

 

[Grace2022]

Relationships in bible


Relationships in churches and bible study
groups are a waste of time and lead nowhere but to heartbreaks. Bible studies and churches are not dating services. You will get women everywhere else apart from church, it never works. If you get turned down which is almost your destiny then you will have a bad reputation in that small group which can affect the way you worship. Everytime you come to the place women will start giggling and you won't feel good.The problem here is most women want to be having sex when they get into relationships which they will find difficult to have with a brother in Christ as they would look like hypocrites. Try finding someone fromna different church, Cut your losses and look somewhere else or you will still be searching 20 years down the line.

Hmm,
all a bit negative! Why can it not work? Surely meeting someone at church or Christian connected activity is the best possible thing? A shared love for Jesus, sounds like a dream to me.
Best of luck.

 

[Grace2022]

Just out of interest, were
You guys Married when you started living together? I'm not judging but just trying to understand how things work.

Hi
I am a widow, my partner has never been married. We met, fell in love, wanted to be together. He was living in his mum's spare room, I in my own house with just my dog. After a few months dating he moved in with me as it made big sense. We are not going to rush into marriage for now.

Nobody has condemned us. My church family and everyone is happy for us. They know how I suffered after my husband's death. Strictly speaking we should be married before living together but it is not something I want yet. We are harming nobody. I see no problem as I put everything at Jesus feet. Marriage is a legal binding contract, something not to be entered into before deep consideration. We are in love, contented and no longer alone. That will do for now.
I hope that answers your question.

 

[blackribbon]

Hi
I am a widow, my partner has never been married. We met, fell in love, wanted to be together. He was living in his mum's spare room, I in my own house with just my dog. After a few months dating he moved in with me as it made big sense. We are not going to rush into marriage for now.

Nobody has condemned us. My church family and everyone is happy for us. They know how I suffered after my husband's death. Strictly speaking we should be married before living together but it is not something I want yet. We are harming nobody. I see no problem as I put everything at Jesus feet. Marriage is a legal binding contract, something not to be entered into before deep consideration. We are in love, contented and no longer alone. That will do for now.
I hope that answers your question.

How is living together different from being married...except lacking the commitment and the legal piece of paper? (I am also a widow so I do know how lonely that is.)

 

[Grace2022]

How is living together different from being married...except lacking the commitment and the legal piece of paper? (I am also a widow so I do know how lonely that is.)

I have my reasons. Marriage is a huge commitment. I've come from a long marriage and feel no need to rush into another.The legal aspects are total. I like being my own person, in control of my own life. I leave it that. My partner understands.
I will not marry just to please others.

 

[Servant68]

I never have pursued anything further with that woman. I found out she was younger than I thought(33) and just haven't picked up on any interest on her part at all. Our Bible study hasn't met for a while due to the leader being out of town for a month. Tonight is our first night meeting in a while.

Ironically, another girl in Bible study was throwing out some pretty strong signals and we attended a charity dinner as a group, but she and I got separated and shared a table by ourselves (her choice). We had a nice conversation but I had to leave early to attend a meeting for work. She's gorgeous, long-haired brunette, wears glasses, and has her degree. Has also traveled to China as a missionary and is just a sweet and fun person to be with. But, she's way too young at 27 and I really hope she's not interested.

It's funny, but I have my ex-girlfriend at work who I broke up with and it was pretty ugly. She has since grown her hair out really long (like I said I liked it), lost a ton of weight, and bought a brand new Dodge Challenger(a car I told her I wanted while we were dating). Even though we both worked nights, she was across campus in another building so I was able to avoid her.

Then I found out a couple of weeks ago that I'm getting a promotion and moving to days. Found out last week that she also just got a promotion and moved to days and is now impossible to avoid because of her new position. God does have a sense of humor...

 

[jabattler1976]

You could mention Facebook to her - ask her if she uses Facebook much
It has been a while since you posted - any updates?
I wish I had your problem - it's a good problem to have

 

[jabattler1976]

Sorry I didn't read the other posts before I replied

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Just throwing this out there for some additional perspectives...

I broke up with my last girlfriend in February or so. We weren't a good fit or at the same place spiritually. She didn't take it well...

Since then, I've been leery of starting another relationship. So many women in my age range; 35 to 50, are only wanting a physical/romantic relationship. That was what my last couple of relationships were structured around and I didn't like it and God didn't like it.

Since then, I've accepted my singleness wholeheartedly and have been focusing on work and going to the gym. Last week I started dieting seriously because I didn't like how I looked and not so I would attract a mate.

About a month ago I heard a sermon that really changed my heart and has renewed my focus on living a Godly life and focusing on Him instead of my own selfish desires.

So what does all of this rambling have to do with dating and Bible Study??

I started going to a weekly Bible study back in February. It was all married couples from their late 20's to their mid 60's. I was the odd man out being a single divorced guy in my 40's. But, I enjoyed the fellowship and went as regularly as possible.

A couple of months ago, two single ladies joined the study. One is a young attractive college student and the other is a beautiful single woman in her late 30's or early 40's. I mean, she is so beautiful that it takes my breath away when I look at her.

She is also quiet and a bit shy. I know a little bit about her from just our few little conversations we've had before or after Bible study. I know she's from Michigan, has eight brothers and sisters, and works in a beauty salon. When we talk, it is very polite and pleasant. She is so hard to read and I'm not sure if she is being shy or standoffish when we talk.

I sent her a Facebook friend request last week and she accepted it immediately, which is a good sign, and we chatted at last week's Bible study a little more. But she hasn't liked any of my posts or pictures, which is usually a sign that someone is just being polite and not really interested in you personally. But then again, she doesn't have any posts in the last couple of months so she's not really a prolific FB user... Geesh, I sound like I'm in high school...

So, normally, I would just ask her out and if she said no, then I'd know where I stand and move on.

But, I don't want things to get awkward and have one or both of us stop going to a Bible study that we both enjoy because our feelings weren't mutual for each other. So, this is why I haven't attempted to ask her out. I am enjoying being single and having a group of Christian friends to share with. I don't want to lose that or cause her to lose that because of my romantic feelings for her. Then again, I haven't even really talked to her enough to determine if I do have genuine romantic feelings for her...

On the other hand... She is sweet, Christian, beautiful, and age appropriate. That's super rare in my area and I don't want to miss out on a potentially wonderful and Godly relationship because I was being too conservative and overthinking things.

I really don't know what to do. I pray about it every night and am trying to just be patient and see if our small talk progresses naturally to me getting a clearer perspective of her feelings about me.

So please, some additional perspective and thoughts would be appreciated...

I would say just ask her to a meal after Bible study. I mean, I think it's kind of a sign considering the rarity of this kind of single person ever appearing in your area, much less your very own Bible study.

Just ask her to lunch (if Bible study ends around that time) or whatever time, ask her to get together. Keep it light, no big deal.

Of course, prior to this, you have to kind of keep an eye out if she's wanting to engage in conversation with you or wants to break away from you when your conversation, at the Bible study.

It's one of those, trying to figure out weather or not she's interested first, you know, pick up no social cues to make sure if she's just being friendly or wants to know more about you.

I recall a time where a guy was at a party that was talking to a woman, she was "being nice", but you could tell she wasn't interested. When everyone went home, when people were going to their cars, he continued to walk with her to her car...I was cringing at the poor lady. lol You could tell she didn't want to be followed.

So you kind of have to gauge their interest. Since she may be a repeat attendee, you can touch base with her each time before or after study to figure that out. If she is like, "It was nice talking to you." one of those "Look at their watch" types, "gotta go". Then you have your answer.

Anyways, it's funny how some may not be entirely with the idea of asking someone out in your Bible study. I recall a time where a married man encouraged me to attend one of his services because, "The best place to meet a good woman is in church...that's how I met MY wife!"

Oh, and I really wouldn't use Facebook likes as a gauge for interest.

I guess it gets down to....if you do date and it doesn't work out, are you prepared to leave the Bible study so she doesn't have to.

Um, I wouldn't leave the Bible study for her sake at all. That's throwing the baby out with the bath water.

Oh, did you mention if she has a boyfriend or not? Sometimes, women I've met that come to church or Bible studies, if it isn't a "singles' labeled Christian group, they typically have a boyfriend already outside of church...chances are their sig. other may not even be Christian or if they are, they haven't set foot in church since childhood.

Just speaking from experience.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

If I ever own or run a grocery store, I'll ban patrons from pursuing any romantic interests with other patrons while within the store premises!

Dude, that's pretty messed up that you would do this. This is how people met the old-fashioned way. That's how some of our parents met even. In fact, I'd prefer it this way instead of this impersonal, online junk.

My parents met at the beach, would you suggest having beach patrols ban men from the beach for "romantic pursuits" at the beach? lol Funny.

So liking a woman and visiting her Facebook page makes me a "creeper"? I would think that doing extreme things like driving by her house or work, or internet searches on her background would be more worthy of "creeper" status.

Yeah, there will always be some women that will demonize men call them "creeper" for liking or approaching them.

Honestly, there is ALWAYS some kind of risk when dating. If you don't, then expect to be single for a long time. In fact, I think it's these fears that keeps people single indefinitely. I mean, it's like they are purposely coming up with excuses not to take advantage of a dating opportunity.

I think is why that people prefer ONLINE dating, because if it doesn't work out, you won't ever see them again. Although, online dating is my least preferred method.

Funny how our parents and grand parents met in methods the way people now tend to balk at these days.

 

[blackribbon]

Dude, that's pretty messed up that you would do this. This is how people met the old-fashioned way. That's how some of our parents met even. In fact, I'd prefer it this way instead of this impersonal, online junk.

My parents met at the beach, would you suggest having beach patrols ban men from the beach for "romantic pursuits" at the beach? lol Funny.

Funny how our parents and grand parents met in methods the way people now tend to balk at these days.

The "old-fashioned way" for people to meet was to grow up with them...and families have a relationship with each other before the kids were old enough to date....not that they would meet at the grocery store. It is ethically unacceptable for me to have contact with a patient (or family) outside of the hospital and I could lose my job and license over it. If an employee approaches a customer romantically, the business risks losing the client if the customer feels uncomfortable. It just isn't a good place to do it. Now, if they bump into each other outside the place of employment, then it is another story.

As for the beach....if they meet at the beach out of chance, well, okay. If someone goes to the beach looking for someone to approach, well, that is creepy and unacceptable. The beach is not considered a "pick-up" place. People don't go to the beach to meet people usually.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

The "old-fashioned way" for people to meet was to grow up with them...and families have a relationship with each other before the kids were old enough to date....not that they would meet at the grocery store. It is ethically unacceptable for me to have contact with a patient (or family) outside of the hospital and I could lose my job and license over it. If an employee approaches a customer romantically, the business risks losing the client if the customer feels uncomfortable. It just isn't a good place to do it. Now, if they bump into each other outside the place of employment, then it is another story.

As for the beach....if they meet at the beach out of chance, well, okay. If someone goes to the beach looking for someone to approach, well, that is creepy and unacceptable. The beach is not considered a "pick-up" place. People don't go to the beach to meet people usually.

I don't think we were talking about an employee approaching a customer, but a customer approaching a customer.

As for the beach....if they meet at the beach out of chance, well, okay. If someone goes to the beach looking for someone to approach, well, that is creepy and unacceptable. The beach is not considered a "pick-up" place. People don't go to the beach to meet people usually.

The whole "looking for someone to approach" is arbitrary because you really don't plan on it, and it's nothing that can be planned until the moment you see someone that catches your eye.

It seems you make excuse for ANY venue not to approach anyone, you expect people to just avert their eyes and stare straight ahead or something? There's just something weird about that.

Grocery store - nope
Beach - nope
Flea market- nope
Bookstore, nope, tryin' to read
Church, obviously the perfect place to meet a like-minded partner and future wife...nope, why, because it's awkward and you'll see each other again.

You basically could apply, "People don't go to/into <blank> to meet people", and it sounds like you'd find a reason NOT to do it.

As far as the church/Bible study, you'd THINK that would be ideal, but since it's 2017 and people are highly insecure these days, they'd be better off meeting some stranger out at a venue that may or may not be Christian..or at the very least, luke warm Christian.

Besides, I've heard people day that they gave these Christian singles groups a shot, and all they could run into were socially awkward types at these church singles groups.

 

[blackribbon]

No...I didn't say grocery store - nope. I said grocery story employee to customer - nope (and if the customer is approaching the employee, it should be a fast interaction like "here's my number if you would like to call me" or "would you like to meet at Starbucks sometime?" ... but not a chit chat because the employee is on the clock. Shopper to shopper - no big deal as long as the "no thank you" is respected.

I have no issue with people talking and finding out they have something in common and pursuing it. But there is a difference between being friendly and over time having something grow and "date shopping".

There are actual places that people do go to meet other people. Social groups, social clubs, recreational centers, and many classes.

As for Church singles groups, the question is the purpose of that particular single group...is it to find a date or is it for singles to find other singles to do things with or just a common thread and the focus is on Bible study from a singles viewpoint. The one at my church has both Bible study time on particular days and specific social time where they meet at a restaurant so it is the purpose is obvious. A single in a single group should feel safe that they are accepted as a single and aren't broken because they are not paired up. It is also a place to spend time with opposite sex singles....and if over time, something grows beyond a friendship...great. I would take issue if a new person walked in and someone asked them out on a date that first visit.

Giving a singles group a shot should be done with a Christian spirit which includes befriending the socially awkward types. It still isn't a "Potential Dates R Us" because you know that everyone is single.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

No...I didn't say grocery store - nope. I said grocery story employee to customer - nope (and if the customer is approaching the employee, it should be a fast interaction like "here's my number if you would like to call me" or "would you like to meet at Starbucks sometime?" ... but not a chit chat because the employee is on the clock. Shopper to shopper - no big deal as long as the "no thank you" is respected.

I have no issue with people talking and finding out they have something in common and pursuing it. But there is a difference between being friendly and over time having something grow and "date shopping".

There are actual places that people do go to meet other people. Social groups, social clubs, recreational centers, and many classes.

As for Church singles groups, the question is the purpose of that particular single group...is it to find a date or is it for singles to find other singles to do things with or just a common thread and the focus is on Bible study from a singles viewpoint. The one at my church has both Bible study time on particular days and specific social time where they meet at a restaurant so it is the purpose is obvious. A single in a single group should feel safe that they are accepted as a single and aren't broken because they are not paired up. It is also a place to spend time with opposite sex singles....and if over time, something grows beyond a friendship...great. I would take issue if a new person walked in and someone asked them out on a date that first visit.

I get what you mean, but I hear how some men have given it time in the group, finally got the courage to ask someone out, only to be still faulted or shamed for treating the group at a meat market, even though he's been going for a few months.

Giving a singles group a shot should be done with a Christian spirit which includes befriending the socially awkward types. It still isn't a "Potential Dates R Us" because you know that everyone is single.

You'd think, right? But I've chatted with women on Christian dating sites that say, have been to a unnamed church in the area that had singles groups where they just weren't feeling it with what they claimed to be socially awkward types that didn't have the class/status that they had when encountering these people in the Bible study.

I recall one was an attorney, a regular of Sunday services that tried it out, left the single Bible study early, and never returned. Of course, if men that they weren't attracted to kept approaching them at the post-Bible study events, ie, restaurant afterwards, that also was a problem.

They were regular church attendees of the same church, just went to the Sunday services, saw the "singles" bulletin, and figured they'd give it a shot. When they didn't like what they saw (lack of attraction) or what they encountered (socially awkward types), they didn't come back, and just continued doing the Sunday thing...and thus, their favor of exclusive online dating, some...not even Christian-focused dating sites.

I had one that told me that her encounter with those members is what motivated her to go with the online dating option.

 

[blackribbon]

Anyone who attempts to a pursue a person at church after they have indicated that they are not interested is out-of-line...regardless of the reason. Attending a church social group does not mean that you want to date...it can just mean you want to socialize with Christians.