Dating within Bible Study??

[ThisIsMe123]

Anyone who attempts to a pursue a person at church after they have indicated that they are not interested is out-of-line...regardless of the reason. Attending a church social group does not mean that you want to date...it can just mean you want to socialize with Christians.

That could apply to anywhere really, if they show they aren't interested in engaging, then back off. As far as a singles group (not social), you can tell who is there for what reason. I knew this one woman on Plenty of Fish that also attended the same singles group.

She hasn't been an active member for a good while, so chances are she wasn't too into the selection of attendees at the Bible study.

Funny story,, some time ago, Meetup had a singles group in this small town, didn't last too long, (organizer couldn't afford it) and some of the same Christian women/men attended THAT group as well, so they mixed up their time between the singles group and the singles Bible study. In fact, one of the Meetup members was trying to recruit people to come to the Bible study. Kind of a tough process vetting atheists and Christians in a secular group. He had to keep an eye out between those who indulged in drink/escapades and the reserved types.

 

[blackribbon]

That could apply to anywhere really, if they show they aren't interested in engaging, then back off. .

Bingo

 

[dayhiker]

Yes, the person who owns the group can put out quite a bit of money and of course a lot of work to over see the meetup group. I've not done it personally, but I've talked to those who have.

Since meetup is expensive, it might be worth while to start a FB group that announces activities for singles in your area. Area could be just your town or several towns. That might be a good way to get singles thinking about how to meet.

 

[blackribbon]

I can't use meetup because they require a picture in your profile...and I can't put a picture out on open internet because of my job.

 

[Trogdor the Burninator]

I can't use meetup because they require a picture in your profile...and I can't put a picture out on open internet because of my job.

Do they actually check the pictures? You can always put in a picture of you where you are too far away to clearly tell who you are, or take a profile picture and blur it before posting.

Or take a picture of the back of your head

 

[blackribbon]

Do they actually check the pictures? You can always put in a picture of you where you are too far away to clearly tell who you are, or take a profile picture and blur it before posting.

Or take a picture of the back of your head

Requirement...a current picture with your face clearly visible.

 

[Citanul]

Requirement...a current picture with your face clearly visible.

I've definitely seen Meetup profiles without pictures of the person, so I think it might be a requirement of specific groups rather than the site as a whole. In which case, maybe you'd be able to get in touch with the organiser of such a group and explain your situation.

 

[blackribbon]

I have found that requirement for the meet-ups that I am interested in attending. Maybe it isn't site wide. However, is easier to let them have their rules and not disturb the peace. They have the right to attempt to keep their groups safe for their members even if it excludes a few people like me.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I can't use meetup because they require a picture in your profile...and I can't put a picture out on open internet because of my job.

Your job requires you to have no picture anywhere on the web?

I've been a member of Meetup for quite a while...I think most organizers, at least in my area, that highly prefer a picture, but aren't as militant about it as others. But those that require it see the person as being kind of shady themselves if they don't do it.

That way they are able to identify you when you actually show up. Otherwise, you just make it harder for the organizers to identify you.

Of course, you have to be proactive in introducing yourself to members that DO have photos.

I have found that requirement for the meet-ups that I am interested in attending. Maybe it isn't site wide. However, is easier to let them have their rules and not disturb the peace. They have the right to attempt to keep their groups safe for their members even if it excludes a few people like me.

So how is it are you going about making friends and meeting new people if Meetup is not an option?

 

[blackribbon]

Your job requires you to have no picture anywhere on the web?

I've been a member of Meetup for quite a while...I think most organizers, at least in my area, that highly prefer a picture, but aren't as militant about it as others. But those that require it see the person as being kind of shady themselves if they don't do it.

That way they are able to identify you when you actually show up. Otherwise, you just make it harder for the organizers to identify you.

Of course, you have to be proactive in introducing yourself to members that DO have photos.



So how is it are you going about making friends and meeting new people if Meetup is not an option?

Honestly, I don't really have a lot of friends now. My medical issues have prevented me from getting out and my best friend had a baby and switched to day shift so I never see her anymore. I have a few more acquaintance-like friends through work. As my health gets better, I will probably sign up for some class or something. My life seems to go in waves. God brings people in my life for a season.

 

[sunlover1]

Widows are an exception, but would you really contend that someone who chooses an abuser or an addict for a partner has no responsibility? Those traits usually aren't hard to see, and if you don't take the time to thoroughly know a person before having children with them, you aren't making good decisions. And if you can't make good decisions in that, which is one of the most important part of anyone's life, it's safe to say that said person has pretty bad judgement.

That's not to say that they can't change, it's just that most people don't.

Hi Drick, I have to disagree that someone who's been abused or "chose an abuser" is at fault. That's like saying that if your wife had an affair, then it's your fault for faulty judgement in marrying her.
It's called victim blaming and it kind of bugs me lol.
Seriously, abusers don't wear a sign saying they're going to turn on you. They start out as charming and kind and all the things you think would make for a good mate, they may turn on you overnight, or they may wait some time. In my experience, they wait until they have a powerful commitment, such as a wedding, and then, BAM, Dr Jeckyl to Mr Hyde.
Anyhow, the entire post above is faulty because of the very first erroneous suggestion that "those traits usually aren't hard to see".
There are women everywhere who are afraid to date; I know many, because I belong to online groups of women who've been tricked. Women who are kind and intelligent and strong, but terrified to trust again because they were so deceived and the men SEEMED like wonderful men. Some were even pastors and teachers, lawyers, policemen, leaders in the community :/
These women often stayed out of fear for their lives, no reason to blame them for that in any way. That's victim blaming.
In fact, I can say, with some certainty, that if you find a woman who's been abused this way, who's gone through hell at the hands of a narcissist or sociopath, you've more than likely found a woman who's a real treasure. I've noticed that a high percentage of the women who've been targeted by this darkness, are strong godly women of integrity.
So i guess a woman who's been abused isn't a liability, although if the abuse has been ongoing for many years, she may be broken now and need a kind patient godly man to help her heal from the PTSD. And that part may be something most men wouldn't desire.
So the one thing i agree with is that it's hard for folks to change, but in this case, that's a good thing, because this woman was a good catch to begin with, and then men came along and tried to break her (it was actually NOT flesh and blood but spiritual wickedness in high places.. etc)
Just my 2 cents.

 

[Servant68]

In fact, I can say, with some certainty, that if you find a woman who's been abused this way, who's gone through hell at the hands of a narcissist or sociopath, you've more than likely found a woman who's a real treasure.

I know two women like this. The problem with dating them is that they have gone through hell at the hands of a sociopath. And with this world's flawed justice system, those sociopaths are free to continue to make life hell for the women and anyone who dares to date them.

One woman I know has had pets killed through physical violence and by poison. A guy that tried to date her had his dog poisoned and his vehicles vandalized and family threatened. Her ex is smart enough to not get caught and she is in a rural area where the local law enforcement doesn't have the resources to fully investigate the deaths or go after the ex.

There is no way I am going to willingly endanger my beloved dog, or my daughter and grandchild, by entering into a relationship with a woman associated with a psycho ex-husband or boyfriend.

That would be stupid.

The only possible way that would end would be for me to take the life of the psychotic person threatening me and my loved ones. I don't want to lose everything I own and possibly my freedom by dating someone.

It's sad and tragic for the women who are victimized, but this is the current world we live in where there is no justice.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Hi Drick, I have to disagree that someone who's been abused or "chose an abuser" is at fault. That's like saying that if your wife had an affair, then it's your fault for faulty judgement in marrying her.
It's called victim blaming and it kind of bugs me lol.
Seriously, abusers don't wear a sign saying they're going to turn on you. They start out as charming and kind and all the things you think would make for a good mate, they may turn on you overnight, or they may wait some time. In my experience, they wait until they have a powerful commitment, such as a wedding, and then, BAM, Dr Jeckyl to Mr Hyde.
Anyhow, the entire post above is faulty because of the very first erroneous suggestion that "those traits usually aren't hard to see".
There are women everywhere who are afraid to date; I know many, because I belong to online groups of women who've been tricked. Women who are kind and intelligent and strong, but terrified to trust again because they were so deceived and the men SEEMED like wonderful men. Some were even pastors and teachers, lawyers, policemen, leaders in the community :/
These women often stayed out of fear for their lives, no reason to blame them for that in any way. That's victim blaming.
In fact, I can say, with some certainty, that if you find a woman who's been abused this way, who's gone through hell at the hands of a narcissist or sociopath, you've more than likely found a woman who's a real treasure. I've noticed that a high percentage of the women who've been targeted by this darkness, are strong godly women of integrity.
So i guess a woman who's been abused isn't a liability, although if the abuse has been ongoing for many years, she may be broken now and need a kind patient godly man to help her heal from the PTSD. And that part may be something most men wouldn't desire.
So the one thing i agree with is that it's hard for folks to change, but in this case, that's a good thing, because this woman was a good catch to begin with, and then men came along and tried to break her (it was actually NOT flesh and blood but spiritual wickedness in high places.. etc)
Just my 2 cents.

Yep....this is kind of similar in the dating world when people tell you your "picker" is off, or "you're dating/picking the wrong people" when you've run into an issue when it comes to things not working out in your dating life.

As if you should have had mental telepathy before asking them out.

she may be broken now and need a kind patient godly man to help her heal from the PTSD. And that part may be something most men wouldn't desire.

Yeah, some would say, "Oh, he / she has issues, red flag...next!" Not saying they all will, as I've dated some people with PTSD that have managed it pretty well.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I know two women like this. The problem with dating them is that they have gone through hell at the hands of a sociopath. And with this world's flawed justice system, those sociopaths are free to continue to make life hell for the women and anyone who dares to date them.

One woman I know has had pets killed through physical violence and by poison. A guy that tried to date her had his dog poisoned and his vehicles vandalized and family threatened. Her ex is smart enough to not get caught and she is in a rural area where the local law enforcement doesn't have the resources to fully investigate the deaths or go after the ex.

There is no way I am going to willingly endanger my beloved dog, or my daughter and grandchild, by entering into a relationship with a woman associated with a psycho ex-husband or boyfriend.

That would be stupid.

The only possible way that would end would be for me to take the life of the psychotic person threatening me and my loved ones. I don't want to lose everything I own and possibly my freedom by dating someone.

It's sad and tragic for the women who are victimized, but this is the current world we live in where there is no justice.

So you're concerned that if you date a woman that has a crazy ex, that you may wind up with slashed tires or something?

 

[Servant68]

So you're concerned that if you date a woman that has a crazy ex, that you may wind up with slashed tires or something?

I'm pretty sure I articulated the severity of what can and what has happened to people who date women with a crazy ex.

Ignore reality at your own peril.

 

[sunlover1]

I know two women like this. The problem with dating them is that they have gone through hell at the hands of a sociopath. And with this world's flawed justice system, those sociopaths are free to continue to make life hell for the women and anyone who dares to date them.

One woman I know has had pets killed through physical violence and by poison. A guy that tried to date her had his dog poisoned and his vehicles vandalized and family threatened. Her ex is smart enough to not get caught and she is in a rural area where the local law enforcement doesn't have the resources to fully investigate the deaths or go after the ex.

There is no way I am going to willingly endanger my beloved dog, or my daughter and grandchild, by entering into a relationship with a woman associated with a psycho ex-husband or boyfriend.

That would be stupid.

The only possible way that would end would be for me to take the life of the psychotic person threatening me and my loved ones. I don't want to lose everything I own and possibly my freedom by dating someone.

It's sad and tragic for the women who are victimized, but this is the current world we live in where there is no justice.

 

[sunlover1]

I know two women like this. The problem with dating them is that they have gone through hell at the hands of a sociopath. And with this world's flawed justice system, those sociopaths are free to continue to make life hell for the women and anyone who dares to date them.

One woman I know has had pets killed through physical violence and by poison. A guy that tried to date her had his dog poisoned and his vehicles vandalized and family threatened. Her ex is smart enough to not get caught and she is in a rural area where the local law enforcement doesn't have the resources to fully investigate the deaths or go after the ex.

There is no way I am going to willingly endanger my beloved dog, or my daughter and grandchild, by entering into a relationship with a woman associated with a psycho ex-husband or boyfriend.

That would be stupid.

The only possible way that would end would be for me to take the life of the psychotic person threatening me and my loved ones. I don't want to lose everything I own and possibly my freedom by dating someone.

It's sad and tragic for the women who are victimized, but this is the current world we live in where there is no justice.

I've been gone so long that I've forgotten how to post lol. oops.
I can't blame you at all for wanting to stay far from the socio's exes. And to be honest, we who've dated or married such, SHOULD have listened to the still small voice. But hey, we all make mistakes.
Not all socios go on to stalk though. Just saying.
The common responses are to stalk and never give her peace, or to simply have absolutely nothing to do with her again.
And regardless, imo, it's all about (again) hearing His voice.
Should women/men even remarry? I know that's super controversial, but imo, we no longer live by laws, but rather by the Spirit; God gives grace to those who are to remain single and He gives desire to those who should hook up. (IMO Only)
Those who are led by the Spirit of God, shall be called the sons of God.
And i sure don't blame you for not wanting to lose your freedom etc.
God says that when a man finds a wife he finds a "good" thing. Not "trouble" lol
IMO (again lol) If God leads you there, He will make the way. Not sure why I'm even saying this, but who knows the future. And from what I see, the socios/narcs are out in droves. The world is getting darker and darker, and these are not agents of Heaven.
Datings scary business for men too!
Be blessed!

 

[sunlover1]

So you're concerned that if you date a woman that has a crazy ex, that you may wind up with slashed tires or something?

slashed tires would be mild.
These guys (women) can screw with your entire life.
(Perhaps you don't need to be told, forgive me if you've mentioned )
They can cause everyone you know to turn against you (imagine how devestating it is to lose your friends, and not be able to defend yourself because their lies are so flipping believable you begin to wonder about your self too
They love to cause you to end up penniless, as if by magic smh.
etc...
You're a compassionate person, they target compassionate people. because again, we wrestle not flesh and blood.
take care of yourself.
Be blessed.

 

[Servant68]

And from what I see, the socios/narcs are out in droves. The world is getting darker and darker, and these are not agents of Heaven.
Datings scary business for men too!

Amen! I live in a rural area with a super low crime rate. My brother is a Detective and had a case the other day in which a woman claimed to be held and tortured for a week in some farmhouse. Turns out she made up the story to get back at her ex-boyfriend for breaking up with her.

It's alarming just how quickly the world seems to be getting darker. Despite my pretty ideal area, I will occasionally see people just do the most inexplicably odd things that HAVE to be Satan inspired.

Was driving in my town of 1200 yesterday and going down the main drag about to leave town at about 20mph when I see a large Shepard mix in the street and a younger couple walking alongside the shoulder making no attempt to call their dog out of traffic.

I slow way down and move to the center of the road, smile and wave as I go by. They flip me off...

A minute earlier as I was stopped at a stop sign about to pull onto the main drag, A minivan pulls off the main drag and instead of going in front of me like normal, cuts behind me and drives on the sidewalk. Weird.

Then I get flipped off for slowing down and being polite a minute later?

I thought I was in a Stephen King novel; it was creepy.

 

[sunlover1]

Amen! I live in a rural area with a super low crime rate. My brother is a Detective and had a case the other day in which a woman claimed to be held and tortured for a week in some farmhouse. Turns out she made up the story to get back at her ex-boyfriend for breaking up with her.

It's alarming just how quickly the world seems to be getting darker. Despite my pretty ideal area, I will occasionally see people just do the most inexplicably odd things that HAVE to be Satan inspired.

Was driving in my town of 1200 yesterday and going down the main drag about to leave town at about 20mph when I see a large Shepard mix in the street and a younger couple walking alongside the shoulder making no attempt to call their dog out of traffic.

I slow way down and move to the center of the road, smile and wave as I go by. They flip me off...

A minute earlier as I was stopped at a stop sign about to pull onto the main drag, A minivan pulls off the main drag and instead of going in front of me like normal, cuts behind me and drives on the sidewalk. Weird.

Then I get flipped off for slowing down and being polite a minute later?

I thought I was in a Stephen King novel; it was creepy.

LOL @ SK novel.
Sorry to be the one to tell you, but polite is no longer considered a virtue.
Polite is akin to weak perhaps; And maybe another factor is age?
They treat us poorly the older we get? (Which is obviously backward,
but so is our society at the present.)
Ugh, who knows.
Glad God has my back!