Dating unbelievers, tips , share your experience

[Curiousmind]

Hi all,

Not so sure if this topic is suppose to be here, but if anyone would like to share their experience of dating an unbeliever, I never dated anybody unfortunately, never met any interesting christian to date, I am considering dating unbeliever, because there is mutual interest in that group, unfortunately not in the group of the believers.

My tips for dating unbelievers though I am a rookie, LOL, maybe stupid tips, we shall see where the discussion leads to.

Question to ask the unbeliever you are dating:
1) Does she/he believe in God or some higher Power, does she respect God or the higher Power
2) Does she/he have respect for the Trinity God of the bible
3) Is she/he a truth seeker ? What I mean is, does she/he acknowledge that we can be wrong sometimes, when discovering the truth are they willing to change for the truth ?
4) Is doing the right thing, moral values, important to her/him

If the answer is no to any of the questions above, stop dating the person, because without these fundamentals it will lead to nothing.

Br,

 

[anetazo]

2 Corinthians chapter 6 to document, Christian people and heathen are not compadable.
They will compromise your values and beliefs. And impede on your spiritual growth.

Christian people are to witness to the outsiders. Not getting into personal relationships. Get the picture.

God won't use Christian who is compromised.

Those who are spiritually bankrupt are of no use to God.

 

[jsimms615]

I went out once with an unbeliever when I was in high school. The girl I was with actually got annoyed that I was talking about God.
I liked her until I got to know her (I thought she was pretty) and then lost interest in the relationship and we never went out again

 

[Curiousmind]

I went out once with an unbeliever when I was in high school. The girl I was with actually got annoyed that I was talking about God.
I liked her until I got to know her (I thought she was pretty) and then lost interest in the relationship and we never went out again

Like I mentioned, she doesn't respect God if she gets annoyed about God, so it is a red flag not to continue. If someone doesnt respect God they will respect no one but themselfs.

 

[timewerx]

I used to believe in dates.

Now I'm a dating unbeliever.

 

[Serendipitous Waffle]

Problems arise, as if your partner isn't Christian certain things they do may be wrong in the eyes of the Lord as you're living as a Christian while they are living in a sinful world with earthly views. That can bring you down a bad path, even if unintentional.

Not saying they are a bad person, just saying their values are very different from the Lord's and His way is the only way.

 

[Sketcher]

Honestly, so many people come here and elsewhere because they began dating unbelievers, then they got serious with God later, and they wanted to marry the unbelievers but they couldn't because they would be unequally yoked. Don't be one of those people. Don't think that you can play adolescent games with God like that, where he'd have to let it go for you because you have invested so much into it. No, his standards don't change because you've gone so far into sin. If you do that, the joke will be on you and the unbeliever, not God.

Yes, it is unfair to the unbelievers too. They come to the sections that are open to non-Christians here, and they come elsewhere, being on the wrong side of it, all because their significant others didn't follow their faith when they got together but began following it later. I have to apologize to them on behalf of their significant others, and their immaturity and unfaithfulness when that happens. Don't be one of those people.

As far as Christians at my church, I know one guy who woke up into the faith and actually did his best to repent - he was already living with his unbelieving girlfriend but he stopped having sex with her, and was trying to witness to her for years while still living together. She appreciated the changes in him, but turned out to have been cheating on him the whole time.

There's another lady, who married an unbeliever, who last I knew hasn't been able to convert him for years, and her children do not follow God either - Christmas and Easter is when they come to church and that's it. She did not want it to turn out like this.

Don't let that stuff happen to you.

 

[QuestionQuest74]

Not so good with me and the unbeliever WELL TECHNICALLY she wasn’t a unbeliever she just wasn’t open to obeying God and only wanted God for blessings and she did not know the word or care to know more of his word outside of the motivation from it.
She was a fun person and very loving and we had alot in common but me being already being in a lukewarm position with my relationship with God at the time being with her made it worst and I can’t blame her I should’ve left. We got into sexual sin. Even after days I would try to get her close to God by reading the Bible with her we would get lustful and sexual with each other. She would also send me nudes the after we watched Christian videos together.

I wanted to get her on the right path with God taking her to church but it was going no where and months after putting it off i had to let her go. It wasn’t easy because she was willing to please me in almost every single way but I have to out God over myself

 

[Curiousmind]

Not so good with me and the unbeliever WELL TECHNICALLY she wasn’t a unbeliever she just wasn’t open to obeying God and only wanted God for blessings and she did not know the word or care to know more of his word outside of the motivation from it.
She was a fun person and very loving and we had alot in common but me being already being in a lukewarm position with my relationship with God at the time being with her made it worst and I can’t blame her I should’ve left. We got into sexual sin. Even after days I would try to get her close to God by reading the Bible with her we would get lustful and sexual with each other. She would also send me nudes the after we watched Christian videos together.

I wanted to get her on the right path with God taking her to church but it was going no where and months after putting it off i had to let her go. It wasn’t easy because she was willing to please me in almost every single way but I have to out God over myself

So I am in this problem, there are christian women but thing is I am not really interested in them, I thought about it but just cant force myself to be really romantically interested in them. So sometimes I wonder why does God make it so hard to meet someone christian and mutual interest, I waited so long. In the unbeliever group there are women I am romantically interested in and mutual interest.

 

[Endeavourer]

If you have a non-negotiable (such as being a Christian), then Dr. Harley has an excellent article where he advises to only marry someone with the same non-negotiable. Otherwise you may find yourself in a situation where you have to choose your marriage or your non-negotiable.

Choosing the Right One to Marry - Letter #2 : Marriage Builders,...

Letter #2 Dear Dr. Harley, I have been dating this guy long distance for about six months. He dated a girl for two years, prior to them taking a premarital questionnaire, which brought out issues...

www.marriagebuilders.com

 

[linux.poet]

It's a waste of time. Unbelievers never accept the Gospel because you want them to.

If you need to get married and you're in an area where there are no Christians to date, my advice is to move to another state, city, country until you find a suitable match. That's what Abraham did when he was looking for a wife for Issac - if that strategy works for him it's good enough for you. Esau married a couple of unbelieving women and look what happened to him.

Spare no expense. The intangible value of waking up to a believing spouse is worth more than everything money can buy.

 

[Endeavourer]

Not so good with me and the unbeliever WELL TECHNICALLY she wasn’t a unbeliever she just wasn’t open to obeying God and only wanted God for blessings and she did not know the word or care to know more of his word outside of the motivation from it.
She was a fun person and very loving and we had alot in common but me being already being in a lukewarm position with my relationship with God at the time being with her made it worst and I can’t blame her I should’ve left. We got into sexual sin. Even after days I would try to get her close to God by reading the Bible with her we would get lustful and sexual with each other. She would also send me nudes the after we watched Christian videos together.

I wanted to get her on the right path with God taking her to church but it was going no where and months after putting it off i had to let her go. It wasn’t easy because she was willing to please me in almost every single way but I have to out God over myself

"She was a fun person and very loving"​

"we had alot in common "​

"she was willing to please me in almost every single way"​

​

QQ74: Why didn't you marry her instead of send her away? Do you know how many husbands would love to have this, along with her high sexual drive?

"We got into sexual sin. Even after days I would try to get her close to God by reading the Bible with her we would get lustful and sexual with each other. She would also send me nudes the after we watched Christian videos together."​

​

This is on you, buddy. That she was hooked into you after sharing intimacy is not her fault. Sending her away for her sexual exuberance might have been a terrible mistake on your part.

"I wanted to get her on the right path with God taking her to church"​

​

It sounds like she is a professing believer. Did you take her to your own church or did you try to find a church she would be enthusiastic about attending as well?

"just wasn’t open to obeying God and only wanted God for blessings a"​

Did she say this, or did you just have a difference of opinion on what obeying God was?

​

 

[Endeavourer]

@QuestionQuest74

Hi QQ74. Just wanted to pop back on here. I was browsing this forum and came across a few of your other posts. I see that you are struggling with contentedness in a few areas of your life (whether due to your personality, or whether purely due to a season of struggling that has nothing to do with your personality is immaterial). The post you wrote about the young lady is the only area I noticed that you were genuinely happy.

If you are happy in your marriage, with a partner who "was willing to please me in almost every single way", the rest of life's valleys and shadows are greatly helped by having a great partner.

If this girl would still feel something for you, I'd strongly consider working to secure her as a wife.

With respect to your concerns about obeying God and worshipping him, I've noticed that your conscience can be a little over-developed (not necessarily a bad thing) so I'm concerned that you are letting a great match for you go without a reason that God would require of you.

My very dear father was overly burdened by a conscience that I feel went so far beyond what the Lord would desire that it robbed much of the joy of his profession during his time here on earth. It also robbed him of rejoicing about ALL SIX of his children and ALL of their spouses being saved because he was too afraid to believe that they might not have short-cutted some element of being saved. Oh, the joy he could have had!!!

Some of your writings remind me of him, that to my opinion, where he was too afraid of his conscience to be free to find joy in the Lord. Oh, what a wonderful feeling that is. I would love for you to share in that in a fuller measure.

 

[QuestionQuest74]

@QuestionQuest74

Hi QQ74. Just wanted to pop back on here. I was browsing this forum and came across a few of your other posts. I see that you are struggling with contentedness in a few areas of your life (whether due to your personality, or whether purely due to a season of struggling that has nothing to do with your personality is immaterial). The post you wrote about the young lady is the only area I noticed that you were genuinely happy.

What post I wrote about this young lady ?

If you are happy in your marriage, with a partner who "was willing to please me in almost every single way", the rest of life's valleys and shadows are greatly helped by having a great partner.

So I should’ve been unequal yoked with this woman?

If this girl would still feel something for you, I'd strongly consider working to secure her as a wife.

With respect to your concerns about obeying God and worshipping him, I've noticed that your conscience can be a little over-developed (not necessarily a bad thing) so I'm concerned that you are letting a great match for you go without a reason that God would require of you.

My very dear father was overly burdened by a conscience that I feel went so far beyond what the Lord would desire that it robbed much of the joy of his profession during his time here on earth. It also robbed him of rejoicing about ALL SIX of his children and ALL of their spouses being saved because he was too afraid to believe that they might not have short-cutted some element of being saved. Oh, the joy he could have had!!!
Some of your writings remind me of him, that to my opinion, where he was too afraid of his conscience to be free to find joy in the Lord. Oh, what a wonderful feeling that is. I would love for you to share in that in a fuller measure.

 

[QuestionQuest74]

"She was a fun person and very loving"​

"we had alot in common "​

"she was willing to please me in almost every single way"​

​

QQ74: Why didn't you marry her instead of send her away? Do you know how many husbands would love to have this, along with her high sexual drive?

We was only together for a total of 8 months

"We got into sexual sin. Even after days I would try to get her close to God by reading the Bible with her we would get lustful and sexual with each other. She would also send me nudes the after we watched Christian videos together."​

​

This is on you, buddy. That she was hooked into you after sharing intimacy is not her fault. Sending her away for her sexual exuberance might have been a terrible mistake on your part.

She was mainly performing oral acts on me.

"I wanted to get her on the right path with God taking her to church"​

​

It sounds like she is a professing believer. Did you take her to your own church or did you try to find a church she would be enthusiastic about attending as well?

"just wasn’t open to obeying God and only wanted God for blessings a"​

Did she say this, or did you just have a difference of opinion on what obeying God was ?

She knew i was struggling with lust and she would ask can she send me nude pictures

 

[tturt]

"Do not be yoked together with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?" II Cor 6:14

 

[Endeavourer]

What post I wrote about this young lady ?

So I should’ve been unequal yoked with this woman?

You said

QuestionQuest74 said:​

Not so good with me and the unbeliever WELL TECHNICALLY she wasn’t a unbeliever she just wasn’t open to obeying God "....​

If the sexual responses/behaviors are what you're basing this comment on, then you might mistaken. As I mentioned before, you do have an active conscience (potentially overactive) which may be pushing you further than what God requires of you. I say this as one of the most conservative believers in my circles, although I no longer wear dresses every day anymore, or head coverings to church. Also, three years ago I finally had my first Christmas tree, formerly known to me as a "Baal bush".... lol.

Her exuberance towards you sexually is not necessarily indicative of anything but a deep attachment to you. It doesn't necessarily mean she isn't a believer. I believe it's safe for me to use the word "most" for how many very conservative Christians do get pulled into sexual intimacy of various kinds before marriage.

This post is not an endorsement of premarital sexual intimacy, but just a statement of realities I've observed.

I also believe that it is Biblical to consider yourself married once sexual activities start occurring, especially if the parties are spending nights or have moved in together. In the Bible, the moving in together and sexual union was often the marital event rather than a ceremony or license. To my conviction, if a couple has moved in together, moving out is a divorce and would need Biblical justification. I wholeheartedly agree with the idea of a public ceremony, but in the event there is not one, per patterns of Bible times, moving in together was considered a marriage. So that's just how I feel about it. Others may have different perspectives.

QuestionQuest74 said: "So I should’ve been unequal yoked with this woman?"

I would absolutely not advocate unequal yoking; I'm just giving your something to considers as to whether she is actually an unequal yoke to you verses whether your conscience was a bit unrealistic in this case.

The woman you described, if she professes to be a believer, which your post indicated she did, sounds like a wonderful match for you.

That's all I wanted you to consider.

Sincerely,
E.

 

[MForbes]

Started dating an agnostic girl 42 years ago. Married her......still married to her. Will be married to her for the rest of my life.

 

[QuestionQuest74]

You said

QuestionQuest74 said:​

Not so good with me and the unbeliever WELL TECHNICALLY she wasn’t a unbeliever she just wasn’t open to obeying God "....​

If the sexual responses/behaviors are what you're basing this comment on, then you might mistaken. As I mentioned before, you do have an active conscience (potentially overactive) which may be pushing you further than what God requires of you. I say this as one of the most conservative believers in my circles, although I no longer wear dresses every day anymore, or head coverings to church. Also, three years ago I finally had my first Christmas tree, formerly known to me as a "Baal bush".... lol.

Her exuberance towards you sexually is not necessarily indicative of anything but a deep attachment to you. It doesn't necessarily mean she isn't a believer. I believe it's safe for me to use the word "most" for how many very conservative Christians do get pulled into sexual intimacy of various kinds before marriage.

This post is not an endorsement of premarital sexual intimacy, but just a statement of realities I've observed.

I also believe that it is Biblical to consider yourself married once sexual activities start occurring, especially if the parties are spending nights or have moved in together. In the Bible, the moving in together and sexual union was often the marital event rather than a ceremony or license. To my conviction, if a couple has moved in together, moving out is a divorce and would need Biblical justification.

Doesn’t Roman 13:1-2 Say we should obey the laws of the land so that doesn’t count as MARRIAGE
I wholeheartedly agree with the idea of a public ceremony, but in the event there is not one, per patterns of Bible times, moving in together was considered a marriage. So that's just how I feel about it. Others may have different perspectives.

QuestionQuest74 said: "So I should’ve been unequal yoked with this woman?"

I would absolutely not advocate unequal yoking; I'm just giving your something to considers as to whether she is actually an unequal yoke to you verses whether your conscience was a bit unrealistic in this case.

How is my conscience unrealistic?

The woman you described, if she professes to be a believer, which your post indicated she did, sounds like a wonderful match for you.

That's all I wanted you to consider.

Sincerely,
E.

 

[Endeavourer]

Doesn’t Roman 13:1-2 Say we should obey the laws of the land so that doesn’t count as MARRIAGE

It is not illegal for a man and woman to live together without being married or to spend the nights at each other's house, so no, a marriage of conscience may be different than a marriage in the land.

We do a lot of things per our conscience based on our beliefs about things in the Bible that are above and beyond the law of the land. Attending church is one example. I prefer to abstain from patronizing businesses or doing unnecessary work on Sundays (per my conscience, "The Lord's Day"), for another example.

I still do absolutely advise a young couple starting out to formalize with a license or a common law marriage at some point, however. The beginning of the marriage in their consciences may be a different date than the beginning of the marriage on paper, however. That is not illegal.

In common law states, you literally just have to move in together and hold yourself out to the community as husband and wife to be married (each state has its own specific requirements to this, but this is the gist of it). In this case, both spouses have the legal protections of the marriage, which especially applies in the event of a divorce (entitlement to child support and proper division of assets) or death (estate can be probated as if the couple were married) or sale of a home (claiming the full $500k capital gains deduction), etc etc. People in these states can also file taxes as a married couple, although that can be disadvantageous due to the marriage penalty in the tax law. You can claim survivorship SS benefits if in a common law marriage recognized by your state. If you move to a non-common law state, the non-common law state will recognize the marriage as valid since it was valid in the state they moved from. I'm not advocating a common law marriage for you, necessarily - just stating this about the laws of the land per your comment.

My opinions and beliefs are not prescriptive for others, they are just my personal convictions. One of my daughters moved in with someone for a year and I regarded them as married and then divorced. I told her so. In her case, he decided to move to another state without consulting her which was the cause of the breakup, so she did have a Pauline exception for divorce (abandonment per 1 Cor 7).

However, it's something for you to think about -> and if the sexual exuberance towards you was the main reason you thought she was not believing as an unbeliever (and esp after you participated in opening up that area of your relationship), I hope my posts give you pause to reconsider. She did sound like a compatible person for you:

"She was a fun person and very loving"​

"we had alot in common "​

"she was willing to please me in almost every single way"​

Edited to add: This type of marriage is literally the dream of everyone. Marriages in trouble do not speak of each other in this way, and this is the ideal type of marriage partner of almost every man on earth. Please read some of the threads on here about sexless marriages. They are far more common that you think. It seems that wouldn't happen with this woman, as long as your continued to treat her lovingly and respectfully.

Sincerely,
E.