Dating and Sex

[Tropical Wilds]

Well, if you're over weight, my safety is at risk. My families safety is at risk. You are an example to my children and an influence on me... So, I could make the same argument. I never said I'd stop caring about her...

You and I would definitely not be a good match for sure.

Your safety and that of your family is not at risk if your partner is overweight. It is in no way comparable to a drug addicted or physically abusive spouse.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

You and I would definitely not be a good match for sure.

Are you aware of how bad this makes you look or do you just not care? What makes you think you are entitled to a woman? Because you lost weight and make money? Relationships aren't transactions and I think it's very telling how in your first post you mention how you just can't buy a wife anymore. Do you just not care about other people?

 

[Emosoundlogic]

Your safety and that of your family is not at risk if your partner is overweight. It is in no way comparable to a drug addicted or physically abusive spouse.

Were you raised in a family that fed you all the mountain dew and dorrito's you wanted? That dinner was at best box food, most of the time mcdonalds? I was... It made me obese and really really damaged me. I have permanent scars because of it, ones I cannot erase physically, not to mention emotionally.

If you want to say that's not abuse, okay, we can agree to disagree.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Okay, then it's a problem the rest of the world shares... I'm just honest about it. You have conditions, just like everyone else. You're a liar if you say you don't.

It's actually possible to have relationships that aren't transactional. Have you ever done something for someone without wanting something in return? Or you must receive something to give?

 

[Tropical Wilds]

You and I would definitely not be a good match for sure.

Well I’m a happily married woman who is simply having a discussion with you. I neither asked you to evaluate me for compatibility and, as a Christian, you shouldn’t be asking yourself “Hmmmm... Is this married woman a good fit for me?” and sexualizing me in such a way.

So... Yeah. I’ll cope with being judged and found wanting by a lustful eye just fine. Thanks though.

 

[Emosoundlogic]

Are you aware of how bad this makes you look or do you just not care? What makes you think you are entitled to a woman? Because you lost weight and make money? Relationships aren't transactions and I think it's very telling how in your first post you mention how you just can't buy a wife anymore. Do you just not care about other people?

Are you like 16? If you don't realize that every relationship has some level of transaction to it, then you're just ignorant or naive.

NO ONE just loves someone for no reason. I don't care what relationship there is out there, you get SOMETHING from it, or you don't care about it.

Also, yes, I don't care if it makes me look bad, I wont apologize for being human, and I wont be shamed into caring about something because some random stranger on the internet thinks I'm a bad person for having a completely logical view of something.

 

[Emosoundlogic]

It's actually possible to have relationships that aren't transactional. Have you ever done something for someone without wanting something in return? Or you must receive something to give?

Oh, I do stuff for people all the time without getting anything in return, but it doesn't cost me much either. There's very very few people I would help move their apartment for free, pretty much just my family, and even then I'd expect at least a thank you and probably a lunch or something.

Please, explain to me how you have a never transnational relationship.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Were you raised in a family that fed you all the mountain dew and dorrito's you wanted? That dinner was at best box food, most of the time mcdonalds? I was... It made me obese and really really damaged me. I have permanent scars because of it, ones I cannot erase physically, not to mention emotionally.

If you want to say that's not abuse, okay, we can agree to disagree.

Are we really compared being fed food as a child that back in the 80’s and mid-90s we didn’t realize were as damaging as they are, to being beaten by your spouse or married to somebody who has a drug habit...?

 

[Emosoundlogic]

Well I’m a happily married woman who is simply having a discussion with you. I neither asked you to evaluate me for compatibility and, as a Christian, you shouldn’t be asking yourself “Hmmmm... Is this married woman a good fit for me?” and sexualizing me in such a way.

So... Yeah. I’ll cope with being judged and found wanting by a lustful eye just fine. Thanks though.

Lol, what? For all I know you're a 12 year old boy... I could care less. I never sexualized you haha, your husband must love this side of you.

 

[Emosoundlogic]

Are we really compared being fed food as a child that back in the 80’s and mid-90s we didn’t realize were as damaging as they are, to being beaten by your spouse or married to somebody who has a drug habit...?

Yes, you can try to take my point and cut it down by saying in the 80's and 90's we didn't know how problematic excess calories were, but um, we knew that back in like the 1800's... CPS would take your child away from you for doing that now days, and for good reason.

 

[SleepingAtLast]

Emosoundlogic, just based off of the discussion I have been reading through, I have a question:

If you married a woman who was later in a car accident, suffered a traumatic brain injury, and became mentally handicapped, what would you do in that scenario?

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Lol, what? For all I know you're a 12 year old boy... I could care less. I never sexualized you haha, your husband must love this side of you.

My husband and I have been together for 10 years, three kids, been through things that kill most couples, and yet we still can’t keep our hands off of each other. His love isn’t conditional, and “this part of me” (the part that has no problem formulating an intelligent opinion and then sharing it freely) is one of the parts he REALLY likes.

If you’d like me to give his feedback on your situation, I’d be happy to, but you wouldn’t like it.

 

[Emosoundlogic]

Emosoundlogic, just based off of the discussion I have been reading through, I have a question:

If you married a woman who was later in a car accident, suffered a traumatic brain injury, and became mentally handicapped, what would you do in that scenario?

I would care for her out of obligation, I'd try to make her life as comfortable as possible, probably dedicate a youtube to her or something, find a way to engage her, as sick as it sounds, that would be somewhat of a project for me that I'd enjoy.

But, if she was completely unable to fulfill my physical needs and assuming she knew that, we'd have to figure out a way for us to get around that. I would be in true agony if she still required me to be "faithful" to her physically. Assuming of course she was still mostly functional... If she was straight vegetable, like, pull the plug let her go man.

I mean, it'd have to be a really awkward scenario... like, she'd have to be unable to feel for it to really ruin it for me... 99% of my pleasure when it comes to physical is hers. If she gets where she wants to go, I feel like a bad ass, like a true man, I don't really care much about my side, that's easy lol.

I mean, I think a better "doom" scenario is she develops a thyroid issue which makes her gain weight incredibly easily, and she just can't really avoid being over weight. In that case, yeah, I love her out of obligation, but I'd definitely hate it, I'd consider that side of my life over, probably try to chemically castrate myself or something. What's the point of having a sexual desire with no way to fulfill it but hurt someone you care about?

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Yes, you can try to take my point and cut it down by saying in the 80's and 90's we didn't know how problematic excess calories were, but um, we knew that back in like the 1800's... CPS would take your child away from you for doing that now days, and for good reason.

If you’d like me to do the full statistical review of what we knew in the 80s and 90s with regards to health and nutrition, I’d be happy to. The fact of the matter is that we didn’t realize the damage that food was doing at the time, and neither did the average American. And seeing as the average time an American family spends cooking per day is 20 minutes and the average numbers of meals out the average family has per week is 6-10, clearly CPS does not take away kids for such reasons. Frankly, we can’t even get CPS to take kids from households where they know the parents may murder them, much less have them count how many times they hit the drive through window.

Have you spoken to your doctor about the possibility of an eating disorder?

 

[Emosoundlogic]

My husband and I have been together for 10 years, three kids, been through things that kill most couples, and yet we still can’t keep our hands off of each other. His love isn’t conditional, and “this part of me” (the part that has no problem formulating an intelligent opinion and then sharing it freely) is one of the parts he REALLY likes.

If you’d like me to give his feedback on your situation, I’d be happy to, but you wouldn’t like it.

I'm honestly not worried about either of your feedback, you're obviously an over weight woman who doesn't like me because I don't find over weight women attractive, while not being over weight myself, which makes it impossible for you to attack anything but my character, which at best is STILL ad hominem.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I would care for her out of obligation, I'd try to make her life as comfortable as possible, probably dedicate a youtube to her or something, find a way to engage her, as sick as it sounds, that would be somewhat of a project for me that I'd enjoy.

But, if she was completely unable to fulfill my physical needs and assuming she knew that, we'd have to figure out a way for us to get around that. I would be in true agony if she still required me to be "faithful" to her physically. Assuming of course she was still mostly functional... If she was straight vegetable, like, pull the plug let her go man.

I mean, it'd have to be a really awkward scenario... like, she'd have to be unable to feel for it to really ruin it for me... 99% of my pleasure when it comes to physical is hers. If she gets where she wants to go, I feel like a bad ass, like a true man, I don't really care much about my side, that's easy lol.

I mean, I think a better "doom" scenario is she develops a thyroid issue which makes her gain weight incredibly easily, and she just can't really avoid being over weight. In that case, yeah, I love her out of obligation, but I'd definitely hate it, I'd consider that side of my life over, probably try to chemically castrate myself or something. What's the point of having a sexual desire with no way to fulfill it but hurt someone you care about?

Um... Wow...

Yeah, you aren’t in a place for a relationship right now. I would continue with personal and spiritual development before looking for a relationship at this point. You may be ready physically, but emotionally and spiritually you aren’t quite there yet.

 

[SleepingAtLast]

I would care for her out of obligation, I'd try to make her life as comfortable as possible, probably dedicate a youtube to her or something, find a way to engage her, as sick as it sounds, that would be somewhat of a project for me that I'd enjoy.

But, if she was completely unable to fulfill my physical needs and assuming she knew that, we'd have to figure out a way for us to get around that. I would be in true agony if she still required me to be "faithful" to her physically. Assuming of course she was still mostly functional... If she was straight vegetable, like, pull the plug let her go man.

I mean, it'd have to be a really awkward scenario... like, she'd have to be unable to feel for it to really ruin it for me... 99% of my pleasure when it comes to physical is hers. If she gets where she wants to go, I feel like a bad ass, like a true man, I don't really care much about my side, that's easy lol.

I mean, I think a better "doom" scenario is she develops a thyroid issue which makes her gain weight incredibly easily, and she just can't really avoid being over weight. In that case, yeah, I love her out of obligation, but I'd definitely hate it, I'd consider that side of my life over, probably try to chemically castrate myself or something. What's the point of having a sexual desire with no way to fulfill it but hurt someone you care about?

What I am gathering from everything you are saying is that you require that she be able to meet your sexual needs in order for you to be happy in the marriage. Obviously I am just a dude on the internet, so you are free to take or leave whatever I have to say, but I am just offering to you that this is not a healthy view of marriage. It is not wrong or unhealthy to desire that sex be part of your relationship, but if your satisfaction with the marriage rests in that and most of her value to you lies in that, your perspective is one that is bound to doom a future marriage. This isn't to cut you down. My hope would be that you would at least consider what I am saying and bounce it off of some people whose opinions you trust and respect, and that you would do what is necessary to adjust your perspective prior to pursuing marriage.

 

[Emosoundlogic]

If you’d like me to do the full statistical review of what we knew in the 80s and 90s with regards to health and nutrition, I’d be happy to. The fact of the matter is that we didn’t realize the damage that food was doing at the time, and neither did the average American. And seeing as the average time an American family spends cooking per day is 20 minutes and the average numbers of meals out the average family has per week is 6-10, clearly CPS does not take away kids for such reasons. Frankly, we can’t even get CPS to take kids from households where they know the parents may murder them, much less have them count how many times they hit the drive through window.

Have you spoken to your doctor about the possibility of an eating disorder?

LOL, yeah I had a nutritionist try to tell me I had an eating disorder because I was trying to be fit. I'm at 15% body fat, I'm not even considered an athlete, I'm no body builder... There are people with WAY harsher diets than mine.

Yes, please, educate me on how in the 80's and 90's we didn't know that 170 calories per can of soda, that your kid is drinking 5 of a day at least, not to mention the caffeine, wasn't harmful. Also, that a low protein, high fat / sugar diet wasn't harmful.

The average family is obese... The average male in america is 5'9'' 190 lbs... The average female is 5'4'' 160lbs... Both are 40lbs over weight... The fact that americans turn a blind eye to it, I'll give you that, but it's not ignorance, people legit just refuse to look at the facts. That eating a clean healthy diet sucks, it doesn't taste great, and it's not convenient or cheap.

 

[Emosoundlogic]

What I am gathering from everything you are saying, you require that she be able to meet your sexual needs in order for you to be happy in the marriage. Obviously I am just a dude on the internet, so you are free to take or leave whatever I have to say, but I am just offering to you that this is not a healthy view of marriage. It is not wrong or unhealthy to desire that sex be part of your relationship, but if your satisfaction with the marriage rests in that and most of her value to you lies in that, your perspective is one that is bound to doom a future marriage. This isn't to cut you down. My hope would be that you would at least consider what I am saying and bounce it off of some people you know whose opinions you trust and respect, and that you would do what is necessary to adjust your perspective prior to pursuing marriage.

Oh, I have bounced that off of people, and every single person tells me not to get married. So, basically, live a life of sin because you are damaged goods. Not that of course any woman is going to want to touch me anyway.

 

[Emosoundlogic]

Um... Wow...

Yeah, you aren’t in a place for a relationship right now. I would continue with personal and spiritual development before looking for a relationship at this point. You may be ready physically, but emotionally and spiritually you aren’t quite there yet.

Been this way since I was a kid, it's just a personality defect. Some people aren't made to get married. We just have to live lives of disobedience I guess.