Cravings

[GreekOrthodox]

Hope everyone doesn't hate me too much here...I'm one lousy example of an Orthodox Christian this season. Great Lent is a powerful, heck, the most important, fast of the year...and I'm just pathetic. During the Nativity Fast I put on 6 lbs. alone. I dread lents now. My body hates carbs!

Not as much as my body... diabetic and struggling to stave off insulin injections for another three months. The fast was genuinely killing me so I finally spoke to my priest about diabetics and fasting. I simply pray more and fast as best I can.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Thanks to EVERYONE. I was really nervous about expressing my concerns and angst about this for fear I'd get piled-on. I wouldn't blame people. Frankly, the thing is, I've tried to control other sins and struggles I have more than food. Now I know 100% that food is related to passions and self-control, sins, and attitudes, so I am the first to appreciate Orthodoxy's emphasis on that. Our passions and body as well as appetites are all mysteriously connected! But lately I've had better luck controlling some of my personal sins with prayer and the determination to hold on to God's grace than by eating tons of lentils and boycotting cheese. One area I seriously need to improve on is giving. I don't give enough $$$ to charity, not nearly enough! I am also too judgmental and impatient as well as given to despair about things. I'm a spiritual idiot.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do or how I'm going to handle this. I lost another 2 lbs. in the past couple of days. I feel better than I've felt in years and my blood pressure is returning to normal. Orthodox fasting usually sends my BP up and makes me gain weight. What I do know is that I am NOT going to take Holy Communion until I have confessed and discerned this. That's not going to happen.

Thanks for listening to my pitiful struggles, guys, and for your advice, kindness, and patience with me....a spiritual nincumpoop!

 

[Anhelyna]

<<I am also too judgmental and impatient as well as given to despair about things. I'm a spiritual idiot.>>

Hmmm are you talking about me there ?

Actually, I think if we are all totally honest, that is a very very familiar expression about people we know

What to do - increase prayer ? Charitable donations ?? Confession ???

Pick ourselves up , start again and keep on keeping on as best we can - we have a Great Feast in front of us

 

[Orthodoxjay1]

Thanks to EVERYONE. I was really nervous about expressing my concerns and angst about this for fear I'd get piled-on. I wouldn't blame people. Frankly, the thing is, I've tried to control other sins and struggles I have more than food. Now I know 100% that food is related to passions and self-control, sins, and attitudes, so I am the first to appreciate Orthodoxy's emphasis on that. Our passions and body as well as appetites are all mysteriously connected! But lately I've had better luck controlling some of my personal sins with prayer and the determination to hold on to God's grace than by eating tons of lentils and boycotting cheese. One area I seriously need to improve on is giving. I don't give enough $$$ to charity, not nearly enough! I am also too judgmental and impatient as well as given to despair about things. I'm a spiritual idiot.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do or how I'm going to handle this. I lost another 2 lbs. in the past couple of days. I feel better than I've felt in years and my blood pressure is returning to normal. Orthodox fasting usually sends my BP up and makes me gain weight. What I do know is that I am NOT going to take Holy Communion until I have confessed and discerned this. That's not going to happen.

Thanks for listening to my pitiful struggles, guys, and for your advice, kindness, and patience with me....a spiritual nincumpoop!

Yes food is connected to the passions, everytime I have gone to confession, it fast more, food leads to passion father says, I'll admit I thought come on give me a penance, other than fast more, yet father is right the more I realize my weakness for food.

 

[ArmyMatt]

Thanks for listening to my pitiful struggles, guys, and for your advice, kindness, and patience with me....a spiritual nincumpoop!

if we are honest though, we all go through what you have written when it comes to the Fast, my man

 

[Bessie]

I blew it tonight too, and not for any good health related reasons either. I really enjoyed a bite or two of the forbidden fruit but immediately felt disappointed in myself. If I can't stop myself from eating foods I enjoy how am I ever going to make progress on the really hard stuff like anger and sloth? Anyway, back to the grindstone ...

 

[Orthodoxjay1]

We must all remember that the Fall of our first ancestors happened because they broke the fast, by eating the apple.

 

[miknik5]

Thai curry with veggies and coconut milk is great. I'm starting to love coconut milk in iced coffee with a bit of honey as well.

....

 

[ArmyMatt]

We must all remember that the Fall of our first ancestors happened because they broke the fast, by eating the apple.

yep, and when confronted by God, they both refused to repent

 

[Orthodoxjay1]

yep, and when confronted by God, they both refused to repent

Yes absolutely, that why this Lenten season is such a important season of repentence

 

[ArmyMatt]

Yes absolutely, that why this Lenten season is such a important season of repentence

and why fasting and prayer are always tied together

 

[~Anastasia~]

Well piffle.

My surgery is scheduled for just after Pascha. (I figured we've waited this long, God willing it will be no extra danger for me to be there for Holy Week and Pascha.) But my surgeon was horrified at my fasting rules. He said I don't have to eat meat EVERY day, but I have to eat it. I spoke with my SF who agreed.

And I'm worried that all the preparations will take away time I would have wanted to spend on spiritual disciplines. I have a fear this may be a very arid Pascha. I so regretted how I felt about Nativity, and I don't want to lose Pascha the same way. My SF said I can fast next year. And I know if I do my own thing and fast anyway, it's worse than not fasting at all. (Plus my husband is aware of all of this and he would be angry if I did, and apply that to the Church.)

Honestly, when I was new to this, I looked for little ways to get around this and that. But I've reaped such tremendous benefits now that I'm looking for ways to get around restrictions.

Maybe I will learn another way to make things meaningful.

And I AM struggling a bit with attitudes and such that have been gone for a while now, I had almost forgotten I used to confess them regularly but without really noticing, they got put away. But they are back.

Yeah, I guess we are always learning. And to be honest, part of my desire is entirely selfish - it's the JOY of Pascha that I don't want to miss. It can't be all about food though, because it was never "yay, now we can eat!" But the joy is truly "Christ is Risen!" I'm afraid of losing it though. It has a different "flavor" for me each year so far, but still immensely precious.

 

[nutroll]

The other day at Presanctified Liturgy, I heard a verse that hit me so hard I had to go write it down. "I have not gained the virtue of the Pharisee, yet I imitate his self conceit." That pretty much sums up Lent for me so far this year. I started off doing so well (at least in terms of what I put in my mouth) and yet I was miserable to be around. About two weeks in, I fell flat on my face in my pride, and haven't been able to really get back up off the ground since. I can get up on my hands, maybe my elbows, but then I fall back down again. I haven't even come close to being virtuous or righteous, even though at times I showed discipline. But I did a spectacular job of feeling pretty good about myself.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

This probably sums up all of us, Nut!!

The other day at Presanctified Liturgy, I heard a verse that hit me so hard I had to go write it down. "I have not gained the virtue of the Pharisee, yet I imitate his self conceit." That pretty much sums up Lent for me so far this year. I started off doing so well (at least in terms of what I put in my mouth) and yet I was miserable to be around. About two weeks in, I fell flat on my face in my pride, and haven't been able to really get back up off the ground since. I can get up on my hands, maybe my elbows, but then I fall back down again. I haven't even come close to being virtuous or righteous, even though at times I showed discipline. But I did a spectacular job of feeling pretty good about myself.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Sure sounds familiar. And the worst of it is, how often I didn't see it until much later. Which makes me wonder how much I'm not seeing NOW.

Lord have mercy. Thankfully, He does, I hear.

 

[ArmyMatt]

Sure sounds familiar. And the worst of it is, how often I didn't see it until much later. Which makes me wonder how much I'm not seeing NOW.

Lord have mercy. Thankfully, He does, I hear.

I actually once heard that is a mercy of His. if we saw how sinful we all truly are, many would fall into despair. so God let's us see in little doses that He knows we can handle.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

If I could see how sinful I am, my soul would be like the Manhattan Project!!!

I actually once heard that is a mercy of His. if we saw how sinful we all truly are, many would fall into despair. so God let's us see in little doses that He knows we can handle.

 

[ArmyMatt]

If I could see how sinful I am, my soul would be like the Manhattan Project!!!

and if we are honest with ourselves that is all of us.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I think I'm thankful much is hidden. But on the other hand, little reminders and glimpses are good for putting down pride. Aspects of pride seem (to me) one of the most difficult passions (is it a passion?) to eradicate (ha! "eradicate"! Wishful thinking!), so I find certain reminders to be helpful.

Walking the line between pride and despair ... a lifelong tightrope act, I think. For some of us anyway. Though I suspect we all have leanings one way or another, and have to take medicine that pushes us closer to the other one.




ETA ..... I wonder if you can be put in despair because of the inability to overcome pride? That's probably possible .... ?

 

[Unlearner]

Gurney (and others), what you are expressing is exactly how I feel and as a newly Orthodox Christian it is helpful to know that I'm not alone in being so aware of how I'm falling short. Sometimes when I talk to other converts (especially it seems recent ones) they speak as though they jumped in the deep end are doing fine and I'm not sure how that's even possible! I suppose it could be, but what are the odds that I joined a parish full of spiritual supermen, honestly.