Conversions to Orthodoxy

Bessie said:

I've thought about posting here a couple of times,but just am not sure what to say. My story isn't really very interesting.

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Bessie said:

I've thought about posting here a couple of times,but just am not sure what to say. My story isn't really very interesting.

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Bessie said:

Well, if people are finding themselves inspired by the stories I'm happy to share... I hope it helps someone.

I wasn't raised with any religion. My parents just don't care much about it. My mom is a fairly militant agnostic, "I don't know and neither do you." and my dad likes to say that he goes to the church of the NFL. So, when I came home from school at the age of 8 insisting that I wanted to go to church like all my friends, they sent me off to the Unitarians hoping I wouldn't be indoctrinated by such a liberal group.

I don't remember why we stopped going, maybe my parents just got tired of taking me, but I don't remember going to church any more after grade school. However I maintained my interest in religion and would occasionally go with friends to see what they would do. I also read a lot. Toward the end of junior high I joined a Unitarian youth group. I also started to develop a social conscience and found my way to the Quakers, thanks to the Unitarians.

To be honest I was pretty happy with the Quakers. They had some basic social tenants that I agreed with and a very broad understanding of theology. It left room for all sorts,and I really miss many of the people I knew there. But, something happened. I went to a Roman Catholic mass with some friends and got "zapped" (yeah, that's a good theological term) with the understanding that Christ really is in the Eucharist. This was extremely intense for me and totally changed the way I viewed religion. I didn't immediately change my views, though. I just knew that if the Eucharist was true then I had to respond to that.

Two years later, after a stop off (and baptism) in the Episcopal church I officially entered the Roman Catholic Church at the age of 17. Ultimately although I disliked many things about the Roman Catholic Church, once I grasped the importance of Apostolic succession, and the fact that my experience with the Eucharist was in a Catholic church, I felt I didn't have much choice. I thought that I'd eventually be able to get over the things I had a problem with as I participated in the church and took part in the sacraments.

To a certain extent I wish I hadn't done this, because I think I pushed aside a lot of important things in order to gain access to the Eucharist. On the other hand, it may be where I needed to be at the time. As a teenager the RCC was accessible to me in a way that the Orthodox church wouldn't have been. I knew about it's existence, but that was about it. And, I did find comfort in having everything clearly laid out. I knew all the rules, and I followed them. Then, I went to college.

I think I was really ill prepared for life in the adult world, but I can say that one major change that happened for me is I lost a lot of my black and white world view. I felt like everything was way too simple for the RCC and things were in nice boxes that didn't like up with reality. So, I lapsed. Hard. I won't tell all the things I did, but lets just say I can really relate to St. Mary of Egypt. I'd love to have an Icon of her some day.

Anyway, when I did settle back down a bit I realized that although I still had concerns about the RCC, I also missed the sacraments terribly and I knew I could never be Protestant again. So, I basically ended up looking at Orthodoxy because there was nowhere else to go. I'm really glad I did. Most obvious to me immediately I realized that Orthodoxy does not have the "God in a box" mentality that I experienced in the RCC. The other issues that I had with the Catholic Church as an institution are not present in Orthodoxy. Finally, my understanding of the history of the church has changed a bit from when I was Catholic. I also find the realities of living an Orthodox life to make more sense for me.

Actually, it was living Orthodox practice that ultimately made things fall into place for me. I did do some reading, but books alone weren't enough to make me jump off the cliff. It was fasting, prayer, attending services etc. and watching the changes they produced. I still have quite a long way to go, though!

Anyway, when I was Chrismated (Holy Saturday 2008) I really did feel like I was home. There is such a sense of relief I can't even put words on it.

That's my stoy!

Bessie

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Vladislaff said:

How I met Lord Jesus.​

Hell in the earth.

Our family is as though Orthodox, in short not religious, nominal “Orthodox Christians”.
I live in the former USSR, in the former Russian colony and now an independent country. I had hard childhood with the hunger, my mother’s tears and poverty. In short in my childhood were all bad what could be after the USSR collapse in the CIS of 90’s.
I was very shy, had no friends, had problems with guys in school and all hated me, because of it I was playing hooky. I was close to suicide (although I was only 12) and I was not christened.
My attitude toward religion I guess was ordinary - "Maybe God exists, maybe no " So, once I decided to take chance to pray to Christian God: "Lord, if You really exist, please help me!" - this prayer was the beginning of my new happy life. It was not smth as impudence: "if You'll not answer, You're not exist ! " but was the last attempt. My life was the hell until it... until the acquaintance with Lord..
God answered and soon I forgot about Him. I thought: "Probably it was the coincidence?"... In time I again needed help and again remembered ab. Lord, again prayed and again got the help. ... So, when I was 16 I already believed in God firmly. I had met Him, got knew Him and was getting the appeals of Holy Spirit, His grace.
Thus, I became believer.

Kingdom of heaven is inside you

When I was 16, my mother’s friend (who was rare and a little secular parishioner) decided to baptize us (me and my sister) and one day we were taken to Orthodox Church in a suburb of our city and baptized. (although without catechumenate) So, until my christening I had met God and knew Him by real life and real experience but never read Gospel, did not know the doctrines of faith, never met the real pious Christians and never talk about Church or God. All my way to faith was inside in my heart, it was very private and no one knew about it. I got knowledge of God but didn’t know His Church.
I guess the day of my christening was the most happy in my life (if do not have in the view days of Eucharist) – I remember the soul’s condition until and after Mystery – until my life was hell, there were pain, hoodoo and darkness, I was spiritually dead and weak. After Mystery I became another, my soul was revived, I begun to live, my life became paradise, I became strong by Lord Jesus, became happy.
Now I got used to feel by my soul the Grace of Holy Spirit in all what’s related with Orthodox Church, it became ordinary in my life although I up to now can’t describe it by words. In another forum I wrote: “How to describe the graceful feelings of Christening and Confirmation? Not in Russian but in English? I think it’s impossible to express it by any language. But I can say that it’s the most important in life, all without it is senselessly. It’s when ‘The Kingdom of Heaven is inside you’. It’s the absolute happy… It’s like somebody who all his life would was imprisoned in the dark grave and suddenly was unyoked, was freed and then in the first time breathed by fresh air, seen sun…”
After christening, I was afraid to attend Church because I was not independent, and couldn’t find Church in city by my own (I didn’t know the location of Church) and was feeling shy to ask it, didn’t know the time of services etc.

Church of Baptists.

I was so glad when my neighbor invited me to go to Church on Sunday. Although it was the Baptist gathering, but as I didn’t understand the deference between Orthodoxy and Baptism, I thought “all words about heresies and schisms are politics”. So, It was not a house of worship but the leased Chinese restaurant for several hours on every week.
Being there, I didn’t renounce Orthodoxy but thought that all Christian confessions are parts of One Universal Church. Among Baptists were the contempt and hatred attitude toward Orthodox Church, it was making me stare… I had started to attend gatherings of Baptists, but never get communion there (because saw myself as unworthy). I was taking part in worships, and while I was praying together with them, I felt that my soul is dying. I felt by my soul the death, pain and darkness and destruction of soul. I didn’t want to trust those feelings and pain, I was suppressing it: “What’s up? I came to Christ !” I didn’t believe to my heart.
Further I took part in the Protestant missionary work (shame on me!) including against Orthodox Church (as I thought both Baptist and Orthodox Churches are true and authentic, it was OK for me to Christianize secular and nominal Orthodox Christians) While I was attending Baptist worships I had an Orthodox Christian prayer-book and a cross (as jewel), so when I was using these I felt the illumination of my soul by Holy Spirit (i.e. Grace) – it was reminding me the Grace of my Orthodox christening.
So, I trusted to both Churches – Orthodox and Baptist. Without any fanaticism, I sincerely had compared both spiritual practices – by the real experience. In Baptism, I found friends and anxiety, but spiritually just emptiness and death. I very love and respect Baptists but I will never be agree with idea that they’re valuable part of Universal Church. The main reason, why I left their Church is the absence of Holy Spirit in their spirituality, the absence of authentic spirituality with Orthodoxy. Maybe correctly to say “their Church generally have no spirituality”
Thus by my foolish ecumenism I’ve understand that only Orthodox Church is true. I left them when I was 17 years old, and begun attend Orthodox Christian parish. After Baptism, my injured soul with big thirst aspired to every Orthodox Divine Liturgy! Every Divine Liturgy was the great holiday for me! Now all my life is based on our Lord and I’m happy! All my strength in Him and because of it I’m invincible.

When St. Nicolas Serbian was imprisoned in Nazi prison, jailer asked him:
- Do you really believe that Jesus is God?
- No.
- Oh boy, don’t you believe in, aren’t you?
- I don’t believe, but I know that Lord Jesus is God !

So, I agree with St Nicolas, I know that Lord Jesus is God and He exists! Amen.

The Love.

Earlier I thought that all words about the love are false. Love seemed me gushy and artificial. When I was reading Gospel and seeing the word “love”, I tried more shortly to leaf through the page and forget it. In short: I hated word “love”.
But once in my life took place wonderful event which had changed my heart. Maybe it will be strange for you but this event is beating.
A dusting was giving to me by hooligans and it seriously injured me. Face was disfigured, concussion of the brain etc. It was aggravated battery. When I came to home and saw my wounds, it was the great shock for me! I felt hate and spite! I wanted wreak vengeance upon them (I knew how to find them)! But remembered about Gospel, I did effort and for the sake of Christ, forgave them. Further, I began to pray for their salvation… and suddenly came GRACE and I understood: “what a terrific people they are!” - God helped me to see the beauty of my offenders!... Further, I had read Orthodox Catechism, ab. Holy Trinity, and God by His grace helped me to see, how He loves us! (as my soul was able to feel it)
Now I am thankful to those guys who cured me from my barbarism by beating of me! Since I know – love is real! Love exists! Life is nonsense without Christian Love!

(I beg pardon if my own life experience insulted Baptists and I would be very thankful if anybody will send me by PM my grammar and lexical errors from the text.)

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rdhosken said:

My wife and I are coming home, we have Discovered Original Christianity after 40 years of involvement in Evangelical missionary work. We are now catechumens in the Antiochian Orthodox Church. Rather than duplicating the whole story here, let me just refer you to my website www.agape-biblia.org where you can read it.

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rdhosken said:

My wife and I are coming home, we have Discovered Original Christianity after 40 years of involvement in Evangelical missionary work. We are now catechumens in the Antiochian Orthodox Church. Rather than duplicating the whole story here, let me just refer you to my website www.agape-biblia.org where you can read it.

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rusmeister said:

Welcome, Mr. Hosken!
Your website doesn't seem to indicate your recent shift to the catechumenate (although perhaps I missed it).

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