Cohabitation Question

[Davidnic]

A priest could give good advice on it. Honestly there are mixed housemates here in State College who do so without scandal.

My wife and I have housemates who are two sisters who we have known for almost 10 years. When rent is over 1300$ a month and you are saving up for a house and such it makes sense in our area.

Now, as far as young unmarried people, there is the possibility of scandal. But many factors go into it all. Nature of the people involved, number of bedrooms and other factors can make a huge difference. A local priest should know some of those factors, or you can explain them to him.

It is, as you already know, not the prefered situation. But I know people here in college who do it out of economic necessity and take pains to avoid scandal.

There is a real and fine line between the gossip of others due to the unwarranted extrapolations of their own minds (that is their problem) and a situation caused by behavior that creates a valid perception or possibly leads to a more serious issue (that would be your problem).

Guideline. Not the prefered way and can be very tricky, but situations are different so seek guidance from a priest, or several.

 

[Benedicta00]

Because having an opposite sex roomate living under the same roof is somehow indicative of a low self-worth? Garbage.

No, becuase she deserves better then to rely on someone else all the time.

She deserves better than having no other choice but to live in some man's house where another guy will also be staying. This is no dorm situation.

If she can't find anything, then no, i do not suggest the girl go homeless but the way everyone made it sound as if this is the best thing since sliced bread, that it would even be fun, is sad.

Since it is his house, then that changes things a bit. She should not be putting herself in a situation where the day comes and he wants her out for what ever reason.

I just don't like the way adults are giving this girl the impression that these things have happy endings.

It will only be a temporary situation that may or may not work out.

Then the girl will be back in the same boat again. It best she find a solution where she can be independent.

 

[Benedicta00]

A priest could give good advice on it. Honestly there are mixed housemates here in State College who do so without scandal.

My wife and I have housemates who are two sisters who we have known for almost 10 years. When rent is over 1300$ a month and you are saving up for a house and such it makes sense in our area.

Now, as far as young unmarried people, there is the possibility of scandal. But many factors go into it all. Nature of the people involved, number of bedrooms and other factors can make a huge difference. A local priest should know some of those factors, or you can explain them to him.

It is, as you already know, not the prefered situation. But I know people here in college who do it out of economic necessity and take pains to avoid scandal.

There is a real and fine line between the gossip of others due to the unwarranted extrapolations of their own minds (that is their problem) and a situation caused by behavior that creates a valid perception or possibly leads to a more serious issue (that would be your problem).

Guideline. Not the prefered way and can be very tricky, but situations are different so seek guidance from a priest, or several.

that's fine but this isn't a dorm situation.

 

[Auntie]

It will only be a temporary situation that may or may not work out.

Then the girl will be back in the same boat again. It best she find a solution where she can be independent.

I think that's a major point.

 

[Fantine]

I am certain that this forum is only one source of advice Cecilia is reaching out for.

Sometimes a person needs to seek advice in relative anonymity.

Perhaps she is not ready to share her plans with people she knows in real life because the time isn't right.

Perhaps it appears to the outside world as if she lives in a perfect family, and it may be uncomfortable for her to reveal that it isn't.

I certainly think that priests are a good source of advice on spiritual matters, but I don't know whether this qualifies as a spiritual matter. It's basically a matter of economics and practicality, not spirituality.

Whether he is a good source of advice on these matters depends on his experience working with young people, his counseling training, how well he knows Cecilia and her family, etc.

 

[Auntie]

Cecilia, have you considered trying to find an elderly woman who needs some live-in help? Maybe someone from your church?

Years ago, my husband's grandmother always had someone living with her, mainly to help with cooking. She was able to care for herself and do her own driving, and she had a housekeeper a couple days a week. But she just did NOT want to live alone. She had a big house, and didn't want to sell it or move, so she always had someone live with her.

Cecilia, if you could find someone like that, you could be very very independent. You would be helping an elderly person keep her independence too. A "win-win" situation.

 

[Globalnomad]

I certainly think that priests are a good source of advice on spiritual matters, but I don't know whether this qualifies as a spiritual matter. It's basically a matter of economics and practicality, not spirituality.

.

Thanks, Fantine! You've put that much better than I did. (Although it DOES qualify as a spiritual matter... but not ONLY that)

 

[Miss Shelby]

General Translation of all of global and Fantine's posts:

'Don't go to the priest because he might tell you something you'd rather not hear. Take it from us, we'll give you slack on every possible excuse and even make up a few for you so that you can give yourself permission to do what you want'

 

[Benedicta00]

Cecilia, have you considered trying to find an elderly woman who needs some live-in help? Maybe someone from your church?

Years ago, my husband's grandmother always had someone living with her, mainly to help with cooking. She was able to care for herself and do her own driving, and she had a housekeeper a couple days a week. But she just did NOT want to live alone. She had a big house, and didn't want to sell it or move, so she always had someone live with her.

Cecilia, if you could find someone like that, you could be very very independent. You would be helping an elderly person keep her independence too. A "win-win" situation.

But that's won't be 'fun...' Living with two guys, sounds like a blast.

 

[Fantine]

General Translation of all of global and Fantine's posts:

'Don't go to the priest because he might tell you something you'd rather not hear. Take it from us, we'll give you slack on every possible excuse and even make up a few for you so that you can give yourself permission to do what you want'

What globalnomad and I said, rather, was that we both had adult children who had shared houses with both male and female roommates while they were in college, and that it did not present any moral problems for them.

To the contrary, I think their house sharing experiences helped them to get along with a wide variety of people, to become sensitive to the needs of others, to respect people's personal boundaries and space, etc.

While it did not provide any romantic relationships for either of them, thankfully, I think that in many ways it was an excellent preparation for marriage, because it taught them to adjust to living with different personalities, respecting the rights and boundaries of those with whom you live, etc.

This does not mean that they never had disagreements with their roommmates--but they learned how to work them out, another good preparation for marriage.

I can't help but feel when you say:

'Don't go to the priest because he might tell you something you'd rather not hear. Take it from us, we'll give you slack on every possible excuse and even make up a few for you so that you can do what you want'

that your perception of what Cecilia wants is very different from what Cecilia really wants.

 

[Davidnic]

that's fine but this isn't a dorm situation.

No. And neither are half of the situations up here. They are economic necessities. Now, there are still and always will be serious spiritual issues with this.

I agree it is not the best way. But given the circumstances it can be better than alternatives. The key points:

• See a Priest.
• Make every effort to avoid scandal and sin (knowing that gossip is not your problem).
• Look for a better situation

This is not immoral at base (as other things are), but difficult.

A priest has understandinfg of economic issues and has likely dealt with this type of issue and may know other options in the local area.

Seeing a priest is vital. But also vital in that is explaining the whole situation so he can help you from all ends of the issue and examine options and the distinct nature of the situation.

 

[Benedicta00]

General Translation of all of global and Fantine's posts:

'Don't go to the priest because he might tell you something you'd rather not hear. Take it from us, we'll give you slack on every possible excuse and even make up a few for you so that you can give yourself permission to do what you want'

 

[Benedicta00]

No. And neither are half of the situations up here. They are economic necessities. Now, there are still and always will be serious spiritual issues with this.

I agree it is not the best way. But given the circumstances it can be better than alternatives. The key points:

• See a Priest.
• Make every effort to avoid scandal and sin (knowing that gossip is not your problem).
• Look for a better situation

This is not immoral at base (as other things are), but difficult.

A priest has understandinfg of economic issues and has likely dealt with this type of issue and may know other options in the local area.

Seeing a priest is vital. But also vital in that is explaining the whole situation so he can help you from all ends of the issue and examine options and the distinct nature of the situation.

that is pretty much what I have said.

My complaint is, some feel it's just the wonderfulest thing, have the time of your life, yadda yadda yadda.

Adults are telling this girl this. that is what gets me.

No, it can also be a recipe for disaster.

 

[Miss Shelby]

btw, to say that a priest wouldn't know how to give financial advice is also bogus. Many priests that have personally known have had the ardent task of getting parishes out of debt. And they ususally have to foot their own bill on a very tight budget. So give credit where credit is due.

 

[Benedicta00]

I am certain that this forum is only one source of advice Cecilia is reaching out for.

Sometimes a person needs to seek advice in relative anonymity.

Perhaps she is not ready to share her plans with people she knows in real life because the time isn't right.

Perhaps it appears to the outside world as if she lives in a perfect family, and it may be uncomfortable for her to reveal that it isn't.

I certainly think that priests are a good source of advice on spiritual matters, but I don't know whether this qualifies as a spiritual matter. It's basically a matter of economics and practicality, not spirituality.

Whether he is a good source of advice on these matters depends on his experience working with young people, his counseling training, how well he knows Cecilia and her family, etc.

But what advise was she looking for? Is it moral or not? Only a priest can answer that, we can't.

Sometimes a person needs to seek advice in relative anonymity.

and she's surly getting it.

 

[Davidnic]

btw, to say that a priest wouldn't know how to give financial advice is also bogus. Many priests that have personally known have had the ardent task of getting parishes out of debt. And they ususally have to foot their own bill on a very tight budget. So give credit where credit is due.

100% correct. And, depending on how new the priest is, this will not be the first time he has dealt with such a situation. In many cases a good priest has handled dozens of situations like this and most of us only have maybe one personal experience and a few from those we know. He has a lifetime of expereince from confessions, study and pastoral work.

The above is what made JPII so insightful on human sexuality and marriage, despite not having more direct experience with some aspects of the issue. He was pastoral and good at it. And because of that had a far more complete understanding than most.

 

[Benedicta00]

btw, to say that a priest wouldn't know how to give financial advice is also bogus. Many priests that have personally known have had the ardent task of getting parishes out of debt. And they ususally have to foot their own bill on a very tight budget. So give credit where credit is due.

why do ppl think priests are stupid and clueless?

Because they live with out a sexual relationship?

I have never understood this line of reasoning.

So now they can't give advice on finances?? I have heard it all.

Do ppl think these men were priest from the womb? Or that they lived under a rock before they became a priest?

They lived too out in the universe before the Church locked them all up in caves and apparently took away all of the sense they had.

 

[MikeK]

But what advise was she looking for? Is it moral or not? Only a priest can answer that, we can't.

Sure we can. Priests have not cornered the market on morality. The Church maybe. An anonomous Priest? Nope.

and she's surly...

Be nice.

 

[Benedicta00]

Sure we can. Priests have not cornered the market on morality. The Church maybe. An anonomous Priest? Nope.



Be nice.

No but Christ did and they speak with His voice.

 

[MikeK]

No but Christ did and they speak with His voice.

That was Christ's voice that told me my wife and I should contracept and continue to recieve the Eucharist?