Cohabitation Question

[helenofbritain]

Oh brother.

What she was originally asking was whether it would be appropriate for her to share living quarters with a bunch of guys as long as she insisted on her own bathing quarters and her own bedroom.

And the majority of posters, including YOU helen, said it would be just fine.

I was addressing benedicta's point.

Assuming everyone involved is mature and responsible, everything SHOULD be just fine.

 

[Assisi]

Assuming everyone involved is mature and responsible, everything SHOULD be just fine.

Likewise...I don't see what the problem would be.

 

[Globalnomad]

OK, the thread has grown by 4 pages since I last checked in. No time or energy to wade through it all, and I don't think I can possibly have any more to add. So I'll drop out. Bye!

 

[Benedicta00]

Unfortuately I have not been able to take the time to read all the replies to the OP (excellent topic BTW!), but of the first 3 pages I've read, I agree with Legend's posts. My son is only 6, but I pray by the time he is old enough to make a decision like this one, he will decide to live with other young men. He should not learn how to live on a day to day basis with a woman outside of his own family until after his wedding day. Amen.

Thank you.

I understood her question to be one of what her Church says about this. Not what the secular world says.

Of course we know they would think it was fine and danndy but she needs to ask a preist becuase we aren't supposed to be doing what the world says is fine.

The perspective given was what the world would say, not what the Churh would say. We really don't know what the Church would say, so she nees to ask a preist. and form her concious according to her faith and not according to the world

 

[Benedicta00]

When my first son did a house share with two other people, we were in the process of moving 550 miles away to another state after a lengthy period of unemployment for my husband.

Oldest son (20) said, "I'm sorry, but I can't go with you. My life is here. And don't worry, I'll finish college."

He worked at a restaurant. He shared a house with 2 other employees. The female was 30.

Was I glad that he chose to share a house with someone who was mature and sensible who could show him the ropes about living independently, and who, with the other housemate, had established chore charts, etc.?

Absolutely.

It saved me many, many sleepless nights....

She was a surrogate big sister, God bless her.

Good housemates come in all genders. I had met his and knew that he would be in a good situation.

Perhaps the fairest thing to say is that, since we don't know the particulars of Cecilia's situation, none of us can say for certain whether it would be good or bad, but that the answer as to whether it is a good decision or not depends on those particulars.

If there are people who are scandalized by what she knows are platonic living arrangements, then the sin is theirs, not Cecilia's (particularly if they spread the "scandal.") Maybe they need to readjust their scandal meters to allow for knowledge of the facts before jumps to inaccurate conclusions.

But do you understand Fantine, the point is her faith, according to her faith, is this recommened?

I say no... but unless she go to a preist, this is not going to be settled.

You are making all the worldly arguments why this is no big deal. We don't care what the world says, we are interested in knowing what the Church would say.

Do you know what the Church would say, since what I took away from her question was, she wants to remain faithful to the Church.

What place does the world have in this? None, unless she really isn't seeking what the Church's perspective is.

 

[Anhelyna]

You know - kids have to fly the coop at some point.

My elder daughter went 400 miles away at the age of 19 - to a small flat share - she had her own room but that was all - everything else was shared. She eventually left that and rented her own flat and found a flatmate to share with her - that worked out fine.

Younger daughter went South to College - shared a room in a hostel for 1 year and then moved out - to a shared flat - 2 girls , 2 boys. for the next three years .They changed flats each year - College didn't have living accommodation.

They learn how to cope - and it does prepare them for sensible living .

My younger daughter now has bought her own flat - and it's in her name - we saw to that . From time to time she may have a colleague sharing it with her - till they find their own accommodation. - She tells them exactly how much their rent and share of bills will be - and no pay - no bed -- it's as simple as that.

These things usually work out fine - just set the ground rules and make sure that all concerned know exactly what is involved.

 

[Benedicta00]

You know - kids have to fly the coop at some point.

My elder daughter went 400 miles away at the age of 19 - to a small flat share - she had her own room but that was all - everything else was shared. She eventually left that and rented her own flat and found a flatmate to share with her - that worked out fine.

Younger daughter went South to College - shared a room in a hostel for 1 year and then moved out - to a shared flat - 2 girls , 2 boys. for the next three years .They changed flats each year - College didn't have living accommodation.

They learn how to cope - and it does prepare them for sensible living .

My younger daughter now has bought her own flat - and it's in her name - we saw to that . From time to time she may have a colleague sharing it with her - till they find their own accommodation. - She tells them exactly how much their rent and share of bills will be - and no pay - no bed -- it's as simple as that.

These things usually work out fine - just set the ground rules and make sure that all concerned know exactly what is involved.

I give up...

I wish the OP would come and say which imput she seeks, if the Church has a problem with this or if everyone else does.

 

[Cecilia]

I was seeking to see the Church's defination of cohabitation...which apparently is an unmarried sexually-active couple sharing a house. As well as the opinion of others in general. I have recieved both.

And YES, contrary to popular belief and whatever y'all are bickering about, I am going to speak to a priest about it, probably several.

 

[Benedicta00]

I was seeking to see the Church's defination of cohabitation...which apparently is an unmarried sexually-active couple sharing a house. As well as the opinion of others in general. I have recieved both.

And YES, contrary to popular belief and whatever y'all are bickering about, I am going to speak to a priest about it, probably several.

Good for you, i wish you the best.

 

[Benedicta00]

Cecilia,

allow me to clear the air. This is a grey area as far as what the Church says.

No, it is not a sin but I'm sure the Church would say this arrangement is something that is not desirable.

You will have to decide for yourself.

As a mother, I would not want my daughter to deal with any of it but that's just me.

My heart goes out to you that you even have to be in this predicament. It is my hope the relationship heals between you and your parents.

If you do decide to do this, just beware of all that can go wrong and try to have some sort of back up plan if it does become unbearable.

My best advice I can give to you as person who has lived in this world is do not put yourself in a situation where you have no way out if you should want to leave.

Whether it be in this situation or any other, do not paint yourself into a corner.

Why I am aggravated by the other responses is you are young and you don't seem to have parental support behind you.

Once you leave you will be on your own and it does not seem as if you will have anyone else to fall back on, so please, make good choices.

 

[rrguy]

Independent of the living arrangement, hopefully you all can still go to Church.

 

[Fantine]

I am glad you will consult several priests (although when I consult several people, priests or not, I tend to agree with the ones whose opinions are most like mine 99.9% of the time...)

We aren't talking about a situation that is covered by the ten commandments here, or the precepts of the Church, or the seven deadly sins.....

So all you can get is someone's opinion, plain and simple.

Whether that person is a priest or a psychologist or a layperson.

If you are looking for a priest to tell you "Don't do it," I'm sure you'll find him. If you're looking for a priest who will tell you, "Establish firm guidelines and boundaries, get to know the personalities of your potential housemates, and put in a clause that allows you to leave with 30 days notice....." I'm sure you'll find him, too.

I would just like to point out that those of us who have had personal experience with this arrangement with our own children have generally had much more positive comments than those who have had absolutely no experience with this living arrangement.

I do hope that if there are people out there who have regretted it when they or their children lived in coed houseshares that they will come forward, because such comments will be much more valuable to you than those of the biased and prejudiced.

 

[MikeK]

I would just like to point out that those of us who have had personal experience with this arrangement with our own children have generally had much more positive comments than those who have had absolutely no experience with this living arrangement.

Interesting that.

I shared a house with a female friend for a very short time. It wasn't the most pleasant living arrangement, but that had nothing to do with the gender of the roomies. As much as I didn't like it, I would have rather have lived in my car than lived with my parents once I was out of highschool.

 

[WarriorAngel]

Closing thread.

Cecilia surely got more than enough info to think on.

Aside; seek a priest to help you discover what the Church teaches.