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Christian compatibility...differing practices in faith can cause issue?

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by ThisIsMe123, Jan 16, 2020.

  1. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    I have a real good Christian friend that I met online. The only think that kept me from wanting to date her is the fact she has young children...esp. at our ages...mid-40s.

    Anyways, that's not really the issue here. Me and her are real big movie buffs. We actually became very good friends and she's always keeping in touch with me. Seeing how I'm doing, etc. The way a good friend should be...I miss that I'm the one always having to make the phone calls to my friends or always the one reaching out.

    We see movies together or talk about them a lot. She gets my references and such via TV and movie culture. Big movie buffs. I believe one time we were seeing a Marvel movie and the trailer for the new flick came out. It was a sequel from the 80s and she got enthusiastically excited! We also connect on a lot of other levels and interest and can pretty much just talk about anything as she's a deep person.

    I figured that'd be next on our agenda when it came out...as it was quite obvious.

    Later, I had showed her some additional footage of that upcoming flick, and apparently, it has some profanity in it. I didn't think much of it, but when the movie came out she said she'll pass on it because of that reason. That it would not get her closer to go God to be around profanity.

    I was like "That was unexpected...when did this happen?!" She said in the past year, she has decided to even take her faith up a notch to avoid even these kinds of things. She equated profanity to pieces of embers from a fire, landing on your soul (I am paraphrasing)...but I'm thinking, "Um...what's with the funny talk?" I thought she kind of lost it overnight or something.

    I dunno, but maybe I'm numb to profanity, but I"m just there to enjoy the story. Of course, when I was growing up, my dad cursed some when he'd be working on a project or something...and we'd even joke about the fact when the project was done. So it's no big thing to me. Water off a duck's back.

    This got me thinking about finding a Christian woman in my life and how it's been either these types of women (no kissing before marriage, profanity in TV and movies, drinking occasionally, etc.) These kinds of things that women find to be deal breakers in a Christian partner, even claiming these men (like myself) are "Christian in name only"....which is rather presumptuous.
    I had known a woman that refused to date a man that drinks, even a single beer order at a dinner gathering after Bible study. She had a crush on a guy, until he ordered a beer....later...she married him, so I guess she compromised on that hang up. I am guessing she felt she may have been unrealistic in her expectations? I"m guessing since she was always around him at church, the familiarity built some attraction...and she thought, "Meh, now the dirnkin' isn't such a big deal". Which happens.

    So I talked to my female friend/movie buddy and mentioned how there are some Christians have the "live and let live" attitude. Basically I asked her, "Okay, so you don't watch those kinds of movies...anymore, would you be okay with your husband/boyfriend saying, 'Hey, me and Bill are going to see the new so-and-so movie! Is that okay?"

    Basically, she can watch her Hallmark movies, and he can watch what he wants.

    She said, "Nope, because then he'd be bringing that into the home".

    That said, as a Christian, it's made it even all the more challenging to find a Christian woman. I told her this...and in fact, I said if it weren't for her kids, I'd be interested in her. I even told her that she's probably going to have a hard time finding a man that shares this specific belief about movie content....but she won't budge.

    That said, I mean, which is worse, would you want your spouse stealing? Cheating on you? ....or watching a movie with some profanity? Is profanity really THAT big of a deal for some Christians as I know for some they don't even give it a thought?

    I think this is where I had resolved to even dating Christians without such strict convictions. I've even considered single women that complain to be "spiritual" if anything.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2020
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  2. Goodhuman

    Goodhuman New Member

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    If someone is celibate, he will not be celibate until he find woman. But he will deny any woman for God. If he is open to women, he is not celibate.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2020
  3. hopego

    hopego New Member

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    Is it about celibracy he asking? I think he say he not sure if profanity good thing or not as he loves the movies more than a good woman that loves God. Is it bad thing this profanity I think its a sin and it gets in the way of focusing on good values or morals, if you embrace the rude words you say it not matter that words are used in bad ways, could injure your mind and then a few steps away from that you start to think it not matter if they said to others and a few steps away from that who knows what happens. I say your woman she have good values and she might help you if you listen to her good point of frame work she will point you to God and Gods Word will tell you that bad words get in the way of your relationship with God. Time for you to watch good wholesome movies and not ones that you remember. Your Father in Heaven he put good woman with good ideas in your path for a reason, he has purpose and plan for your life, praise his Holy name. If you love this woman, show her respect, not use profanity and not watch things with profanity and God and all his Angels will cheer when you put her above your love of old movies and watch nice ones with her and be better person, honour your nice woman she will lead you through Christ to a nicer life, healthier and to be profanity free. Thank you Lord Jesus for your Word and your example to live a good kind life with respect for everyone. Amen
     
  4. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    This is not a celibacy thread whatsoever.
     
  5. Goodhuman

    Goodhuman New Member

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    There was text about celibacy, but now is removed.
     
  6. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    I prefer someone who honors their convictions. Even when they butt against my own. I think that’s a mark of good character. Especially if they’re a reflection of things the Lord laid on their heart. We can’t foresee the snares we’re subject to. But He can. Oftentimes He tries to prevent their occurrence.

    Sometimes compromise can be made if it’s evident the individual won’t lead you astray. But in the same breath, I wouldn’t want someone to contort themselves on my behalf. I’ve been considering my own and recognize one should include a measure of wiggle room for the right person who could become a prospect.

    ~Bella
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2020
  7. Pavel Mosko

    Pavel Mosko Arch-Dude of the Apostolic Supporter

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    I usually consider a good Christian woman of principals a good thing, but there is that saying of "too much of a good thing". In your case, I wonder if she is a bit too much of a perfectionist. That sort of thing can be a recipe for unhappiness. Maybe you should just be friends with your friend and let her date a nice Mennonite guy there are other fish in the sea.
     
  8. Sam91

    Sam91 Child of the Living God Supporter

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    I see her point. I wouldn't want to watch a film with a lot of bad language in it either. She sounds wise knowing not to date someone who would bring the things she doesn't want round her into the house she'd need to live in. Especially, with her children living there. Sounds like she is trying to raise them in the way they should go. :)
     
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  9. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    Or Ammish (I guess Mennonites are kind of the same?) I mean, profanity is more white noise to me. Being the Sci-Fi geek that I am, I'd be more focused to know how Sarah and John Connor's story winds up . lol
     
  10. S.O.J.I.A.

    S.O.J.I.A. Dynamic UNO

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    oh well..

    ….NEXT...
     
  11. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    There are few conversions to Old Amish Orders. In spite of the attraction. Mennonites and less strict groups get more newcomers.

    ~Bella
     
  12. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    Religion has a way of bringing out extremes. But many balance themselves over time as we grow in maturity. When you’re in the company of others like yourself it seems normal. Until an outsider provides another perspective.

    Consider the discussions in TAW. The absolute certainty of its rightness above the rest would be shocking for many to observe. But in your mind it’s normal. Because you believe it’s so. Just like the women he’s mentioned. ;)

    ~Bella
     
  13. Pavel Mosko

    Pavel Mosko Arch-Dude of the Apostolic Supporter

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    Oh I guess so. Quite frankly many discussion in that forum are a bit narrow in scope, I like to talk to them because we have some shared interests etc. but I would be a bit bored sticking purely to that place so you shouldn't pigeon hole me as just being EO. I'm not even EO technically speaking, I'm a lapsed OO whose last official church affiliation was catching some home services from the Charlotte Areas local parish of the Charismatic Episcopal Church.


    Anyway this does raise a couple points. From the sacramental / Holiness end I can kind of see it. (Their actually was an Orthodox rabbi I would occasionally watched on TV that had some very interesting and informative things to say that were very useful on subjects like that).


    But there is the other point it really comes from this one book I read ran across.
    https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Common-Ground-Communicate-Christian/dp/0802440967

    I've seen for myself where having some interest in secular stuff can be a good thing, when it comes to talking to folks outside the Faith. In some thread from a few weeks back I mentioned the idea of Christians being in a Christian Ghetto, where they are afraid of some kind of contamination by associated with those on the outside very much like some of the antagonist NT Pharisees.

    And there is another point namely, simply being yourself which actually was the main point I was trying to get at. We have different personalities, callings etc. I really think that lady would be better off with someone else. When people have to go out of their way to reform themselves to appease someone else in general those endeavors don't end well. Unless were talking about something extreme that genuinely should be reformed like addiction etc. that kind of behavior change lasts only as long as the person's infatuation then the person reforms back to their prior self and all hell breaks loose.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2020
  14. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    I used TAW as an example to correlate with the OP. I wasn’t addressing you in the comment but the beliefs of the populace overall. :)

    Absolutely. I communicate with believers from various traditions and appreciate their perspective. I think we can learn a lot from one another. But I won’t consider a prospect from a tradition I wouldn’t convert to. That’s my bias. If he’s serious about his faith in the long run; he’ll be happiest with someone on the same page.

    In terms of relationships, I’m squarely in the nondemonational nonevangelical camp. I may have another non in time. :p

    I concur wholeheartedly and its evident in my vernacular. I don’t use Christianese and often weave well-known illustrations in my comments which don’t require a theology textbook to parse. ;)

    I believe we should be impacting all echelons of society. If we remain amongst ourselves we can’t complain the world has gone amok. Perhaps the Lord nudges some who aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty for the gospel. It sounds like you’re in that group Pavel. :)

    Precisely. Wrong fit doesn’t equal bad or weird. It means we’re destined for someone else.

    My initial comment alluded to this and I changed it for the sake of the OP. I’ll unpack that on my thread where time and space allow me to address it without referencing anyone. Lest offense occur.

    You ought to post more. I love your insight! How’s the job search coming along? I hope you’ll share the thoughts you’ve alluded to in your comment. It’s nice to see a different perspective.

    ~Bella
     
  15. Pavel Mosko

    Pavel Mosko Arch-Dude of the Apostolic Supporter

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    My instincts were right on the school bus driver job, they are interested in having me come drive etc. except that I hit a huge bureaucratic snag on getting my PA drivers licence. As far as needing a birth certificate etc.

    In the meantime, I may be having to embrace "the Gig Economy" in the meantime. There are some driving jobs that I can do that don't require anything. I've actually got a Messianic Rabbi friend the guy who had the nightmare abusive narcissistic personality wife. His divorce went through a few days ago, his wife was so unreasonable she managed to turn everyone off (her counsel, the judge, besides my friends law firm). Anyway he has 6 months to deliver some kind of an luxury car too her from Mississippi to Washington state. So I might do it, rather him farming it out to an agency. I like road trips, but I need to figure out the logistics as far as making some money on it.


    Thanks, I've been wanting to do some kind of blog series, You-tube video series etc. There lots of different topics around theodicy, finding God' will for your life etc. that I've been on the verge of covering.
     
  16. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    That’s good news! What do you need to do to satisfy their requests?

    You have the right mindset. It’s right now. Not forever. As long as you remember that you’ll be okay. This could be a window to something else. :)

    I remember you speaking of him. How’s he doing?

    That would be a fun road trip and a nice way to help each other too. I’d do it.

    You have a nice writing voice and you’re objective. We need more of that. Meeting people where they are requires us to step out of our comfort zones. Your perspective will benefit believers and others He sends your way.

    Perhaps, that’s the real thing you’re pursuing. Driving may be the avenue to fund it. For the moment. ;)

    ~Bella
     
  17. Pavel Mosko

    Pavel Mosko Arch-Dude of the Apostolic Supporter

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    He doing good now, but the previous year he was the poster boy for someone coming out of an abusive relationship, especially like all the NPD groups and channels that you see on You-tube and Facebook, etc. I actually encouraged him to get this bundled course from Richard Grannon aka Spartan Life Coach, because it had a lot of hands on materials dealing with his issues, I told him just the course that covered "managing contact with a Narcissist" would be worth it (Back when he was still dealing with his now ex). He hasn't really had time for it between his job working at a nuclear research facility, and running up on weekends to give various presentations at two evangelical groups in Santa Fe, and southern Colorado.
    But I think this year is going to be really good for him.


    But it was funny how NPD was a big theme of last year. My mom last year, with he health issues was coming to terms with how she was raised by her mother who I suspect had NPD. And that did raise some thoughts from my own past because I knew 2 pastors in the 90s that I suspect had NPD issues.


    And of course the previous year, my best friend had a run in with a covert narcissist who actually tried to get him in trouble with his bishop. (My friend had a break off contact to someone he counseled for years because the guy wanted to openly cohabit/sleep with his girlfriend and finally ignored my friends warning that he would accept that). But the guy, wouldn't accept that and tried to reframe it as some kind of abuse or neglect on my friends part.

    Anyway that was very educational, until then I didn't even know there was a thing called a Covert Narcissist.... But I found Grannon's video on You-tube
    "Covert Salad" - how covert narcissists use word salad as a tactic" very educational because it described the kind of games this guy use to play. (This guy hoped to win me over to his cause so I got use to his mind games).
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2020
  18. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    That’s a terrible ordeal to live through and I’m glad he’s found peace. I hope God blesses his work and restores her to a sound mind and disposition.

    It was a very popular term but most were made without a proper diagnosis. While behaviors may emulate certain NPD qualifiers. I wouldn’t want to put the disease on anyone. I hope the buzz has run its course and grace will prevail.

    There are a lot hurting people in the world and mental illness is on the rise and more prevalent thanks to the Internet. I can recall a time when the lone complaint I heard was depression or bi-polar syndrome. I’d never encountered anyone with a condition beyond the two. Seeing it here was shocking. Love is needed there too.

    I don’t think I’ve met a true narcissist. I attract men and women in need of spoiling and care. That’s understandable given my disposition. But they’re equally giving and invested in my betterment.

    To be in the clutches of someone who utilized gaslighting and psychological warfare to impose his will is another matter. And my spirit would probably repel the person long before he got his hooks in.

    How did you like the resources? Do you feel this is a subject the Lord is moving you to address?

    ~Bella
     
  19. Pavel Mosko

    Pavel Mosko Arch-Dude of the Apostolic Supporter

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    Well it probably is some aspect of whatever my calling or ministry is. In my younger years, I wanted to be a Clinical Psychologist "when I grew up" so to speak, but in my grad school program for Marriage, Family Child Therapist I took some hits especially in Grad level Statistics and could not finish the program, but had completed probably about 80% of the units or so.

    Just a few years later I went into a Divinity program, that had a counseling emphasis from Fuller Theological Seminary. But only got part way through the program. Other than paying for it, the biggest hurdle was my church status. At the time, I was going to a nondenominational Charismatic Church (one of the ones that was big in the "Prophetic Movement" that soon became the Prophetic/ Apostolic Movement". As part of my program, I was required to have a supervision in a manner that was nearly identical to what it would have been life if I was allowed to finish my master's in Counseling. This (This required something like at least 40+ supervised hours where you met with the head pastor of the church you were working at. Basically you just chat over what your week was like, and the person can offer you advice etc.


    But anyway, I knew that wasn't going to fly at the church I was at. You really had two pastors both pretty big names when it came to all the Church Conferences, conventions etc. They seemed to take turns going around the country for various big meetings etc. But that wasn't the worst part, when I tried to talk to the junior pastor that I had the closer relationship with, he basically tried to vector me to their "Lay Pastor training" program which essentially trained you to be an elder, with the hopes of someday maybe being an actual associate pastor.....


    Anyway I basically dropped out of that church, but I came back after a few months just officially to say good bye, by getting prayer and trying to explain my dilemma. And I kind of floundered around for a few months, taking my Biblical language classes etc. (I couldn't afford to take many classes so I took the toughest ones first to make sure I wouldn't have another problem of not being able to complete the degree.). But I was in Limbo as far as my program went (not knowing what I would do with my residency / supervision problem). But while I was working as focus group recruiter for a market research company, I ran across this Russian Orthodox girl that I took a shine to (a daughter of a priest no less). And I think when I was studying for my Greek Final at my parents retirement house over the weekend, I decided to check out this Orthodox church that was down the road so to speak from my folks. I had extremely low expectations.. I went there just to see if I could "stand it", and well things worked out 180 degrees different than my expectations. I had more of a Holy Spirit encounter doing that than in I did in all the various conventions, and meeting I did and I had seen a number of the big names, had personal prophesy a number of times, etc. so I was definitely impressed and it changed my life.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2020
  20. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    Right...I know a guy that was married to a woman...and this woman was born again many years INTO their marriage. Felt sorry for him....as he was more of secular variety. I think there were certain things not allowed in the house any longer due to her new found religion. I think she no longer allowed television in the house.

    I'd sooner eat broken glass than to be married to a woman like that.
     
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