Check in thread (6)

[WashedClean]

Hi All,

Just wanted to check in and say Happy Friday!

My Dad is still breathing on his own, but now he can't swallow. They aren't sure if it's from the tube being inserted so many times (ya think??) or something else. It's not uncommon, I just pray that he will be able to swallow soon and get some solid food in him. Please pray for this and for him to not be anxious. I think he's pretty scared and definitely out of his element. Oh, also pray that the doctors will be available. My mom has to beg for information and they barely return her calls!

Erica - that beach looks amazing, enjoy your time!

Wayne - praying for safe travels... where are you off to now, if I might be so bold to ask? Are we going to be seeing more coyote pics?

Pete - Happy early Birthday!! Any special plans?

Gotta run, bye for now...

Love,
Jill

 

[cristianna]

...

 

[rainbowpromises]

As I read, I think it's interesting how peoples' personalities shine through in their posts. At least I think so anyway. Even though most of us have never seen or talked to each other, I still get a feel for the different personalities as I'm reading.

I bring this up partly because my 15-year-old daughter has made some online friends, and they held a "reunion" of sorts last weekend. They're able to do it because everyone lives within 100 miles or so of each other. Sadly I don't think that would work here . . . hey, maybe we could all meet in Maui or something . . . ! (insert pina colada here the non-alcoholic kind . . . I'm baptist after all ).

Sorry Pep, I don't fly or do boats. I am white knuckling this weekend just being in the flight pattern of an airshow and taking a ferry across a river is high stress for me.
I have a splitting headache this morning just from spending an evening with drinkers.

Richard had a rye and coke which I can handle being around as long as it is only one or two drinks per person but last night the beer and wine odors were strong enough to make me feel sick. You got it, I don't drink! I feel sick just being around it. It is one of those gifts that God gave me. Just about every other member of my family (siblings and cousins) are alcoholics, but God saved me from it through allergies. I am so thankful!

 

[rainbowpromises]

Annette I can understand how it feels to not have resolve with dead family members. Although I haven't felt it personally, I know many who still wear the struggles of it.

My problem with dead famiy members is only partly my own. Before my aunt died I spent a lot of time with her. Her own kids had practically abandoned her, which I understand because she was so immersed in her own pain that she could not see their pain. My own mother lived that for a very long time as well.

Anyway, I had begun resolving the things I knew about certain family members when my aunt had me read her journals. When I read them I felt an overwhelming urge to take a machine gun and fire rounds into the graves of the uncles. Several years later I learned even more when my grandmother was dying. She relived every horrible moment in her life in the days before her death. When she went to be with the Lord it was a visible, peaceful release of this world and it's hurts.

So my unresolved issues with dead family members is not entirely on my own behalf. Only indirectly because what they did hurt my mom's generation and left my generation in this family at risk for additional problems.

 

[hugnluvable]

Well, the inlaws are here now..... really really looking forward to Cornwall now! Almost on our way! Woohoo! And as you can see, my CF character has gotten in the mood too!

Erica
xxx

 

[free4all]

Wow, Annette...... I can relate somewhat. I have an uncle that is alive today because I am a Christian.

Jill, I don't know how long it takes someone's throat to heal from the trauma of a tube. I had one for about an hour, and it took several days to completely heal. It sounds like your Dad had one for a long time. I hope he feels some improvement soon. I'm sure it's uncomfortable or painful for him. Is he being fed intraveinously?

Erica, beautiful pictures! And the map is helpful, too.

Thanks for all the prayers. I just got home--almost 19 hours, 890 miles/1500 km(?). I would also like to thank the Highway Patrol Departments of 5 states for their undeserved mercy.

Cory, the special gift you prayed for may have been an extra hour of sleep. We had a power outage of 3-4 hours the day before I left. When the power came back and I reset my clock, I reset to my computer clock time, not realizing it was set to a different time zone. As I was leaving the next morning, I realized what had happened. That resulted in an extra hour of sleep for me. It did not extend the trip an hour because I had an appt. halfway through, which didn't change. The only thing that changed was quite a number of other drivers may not sleep as well tonight.

And Erica, I took your suggestion of sugar snacks. OJ and dried fruit for breakfast, and coffee with almond M&M's for a late supper snack. Kept me awake just fine.

Oh, and Pep, about your planned conference in Maui, I like the idea, but I need some time to save for the plane ticket! (And I suspect the folks from England may wish to have input on the destination. )

And Jill, I went to the tropical tourist paradise of... Cleveland. But it was a good class. Sorry, no wildlife pics. That part of the country has been settled for much longer than out west. I think they ran all the coyotes off.

Thank you, Cristianna and everyone, for your prayers. Good night.

 

[Pepperoni]

Sorry Pep, I don't fly or do boats.

I am white knuckling this weekend just being in the flight pattern of an airshow and taking a ferry across a river is high stress for me.

You know . . . I love to fly. (And I like boats too). But I confess that an airplane flying overhead will make me nervous on occasion. We live a couple miles from our small-town airport, and once in a while one will get a little low coming in for a landing and when I hear it buzzing over our house . . .

Thanks for all the prayers. I just got home--almost 19 hours, 890 miles/1500 km(?). I would also like to thank the Highway Patrol Departments of 5 states for their undeserved mercy.

Ha ha! Well as long as you had that seatbelt on . . .

 

[Redheadedstepchild]

Hi all-

I started to write a long post about an incident that happened between DH and I on the way to the kids' VBS program this morning but thought better of it. I'll just summarize: I'm frustrated. I don't push him to come to church with me. Most of the time he stays home. Whatever. When he does decide to come he pouts or grumbles the entire time, starting when we walk out the door. Today he threw a temper tantrum. It's like he's saying, "oh I'll support you (or the kids) if I have to, but I'm going to make sure you know exactly how miserable I am." I officially join the church tomorrow, and he is coming to that, but honestly I don't want him to come back after that. I know that's really wrong, and I'm sure I'll feel differently when I'm in a better mood. I'm just aggravated at the moment.

OK done ranting.

 

[Pepperoni]

Hi all-

I started to write a long post about an incident that happened between DH and I on the way to the kids' VBS program this morning but thought better of it. I'll just summarize: I'm frustrated. I don't push him to come to church with me. Most of the time he stays home. Whatever. When he does decide to come he pouts or grumbles the entire time, starting when we walk out the door. Today he threw a temper tantrum. It's like he's saying, "oh I'll support you (or the kids) if I have to, but I'm going to make sure you know exactly how miserable I am." I officially join the church tomorrow, and he is coming to that, but honestly I don't want him to come back after that. I know that's really wrong, and I'm sure I'll feel differently when I'm in a better mood. I'm just aggravated at the moment.

I'm sorry. I know first-hand how frustrating that can be.

I remember the time my kids were in a Christmas play . . . about 2 1/2 years ago now I think. We begged my husband to come. Finally he grudgingly said he would. The day arrived (it was Sunday evening I think) and he ended up getting "called in to work." I was a bit suspicious but didn't say anything, and he said he would be back in time for the Christmas play. Time went by and I didn't hear from him. So I called him at work, and he informed me that a co-worker's house had caught on fire so the co-worker had to leave (I later found out this wasn't true). It simply wasn't important to him. It still isn't. He felt he needed to have a good excuse not to attend, after he promised his children he would be there. The truth is he doesn't view things like that as "his job." In fact . . . I haven't technically joined our church yet. I don't know why, I just haven't. And the kids and I have been attending this particular church since 2001. If I join at some point, my husband will not come. I won't even ask him. In fact, I won't even tell him. When it comes to church, or spiritual matters in general, he is not a part of my life in that way. He does not want to be, and I will not force him.

He did come to our oldest daughter's baptism, almost exactly a year ago now. Tried to get out of it though. Tried complaining, tried poking fun . . . and afterwards completely criticized the message and the pastor's delivery of it.

That gets old. So I completely understand your reluctance to press the issue of your husband's church attendance. I think it's okay to admit that his attitude is disappointing, and I think it's also okay not to want to subject yourself to the negativity. Sometimes it really IS too much, and it's okay to be honest and admit that.

Now if I can just remember that, in relation to my own situation . . .

 

[Redheadedstepchild]

Thanks Pep... It's good to know that someone else understands, but I'm really sorry that you've had to go through it.

I've been thinking that this goes beyond being just an UY thing. DH and I both have a demanding jobs, but his hours are longer, especially in the fall. I'm very supportive of him. During the busy times I pretty much take care of things so that he can concentrate on his work without having to worry about us. Basically all he has to do when he walks in the door is spend time with the kids until they go to bed (which he likes). It's not expected that I take on this role, I do it because I know it's what the family needs. It bothers me that he doesn't willingly reciprocate, but I have to remember that he's in an uncomfortable situation. Even so, I shouldn't have to deal with his immature behavior.

 

[cory533]

My wife and I resolved this issue years ago. I occasionally give her a blanket invitation to church and i let her know what is happening in terms of membership, baptism etc. She does not go I try to activly avoid putting presure on her. when she says she will go to something I don't hold my breath.I try to leave her wiggle room so we don't but heads over it.If God wants to reach her in a service He is going to have to drag her there because I will not. My DW is far to stuborn to be pushed.I might guilt her into comming sometimes but it would not help and I truly don't feel it would be the Godly thing to do. Similerly she invites me to beltain celebrations and the like and we both just laugh. We both know I won't go. She just doesn't understand how unwelcome I would be. At least in our case I make more progress by leaving the door open and letting her peek in when she thinks noone is watching.

 

[Pepperoni]

I've been thinking that this goes beyond being just an UY thing. DH and I both have a demanding jobs, but his hours are longer, especially in the fall. I'm very supportive of him. During the busy times I pretty much take care of things so that he can concentrate on his work without having to worry about us. Basically all he has to do when he walks in the door is spend time with the kids until they go to bed (which he likes). It's not expected that I take on this role, I do it because I know it's what the family needs. It bothers me that he doesn't willingly reciprocate, but I have to remember that he's in an uncomfortable situation. Even so, I shouldn't have to deal with his immature behavior.

I'm familiar with this too, unfortunately.

My husband also has a demanding career, while I technically do not. Well, my full-time job is parenthood, obviously that's demanding. I also work a part-time job (20 hours a week) but I have a lot of flexibility so I realize I have it a lot easier than many moms do.

So, given my husband's job and demanding hours, I do have the vast majority of the responsibility on me. And like you said, I do it because it's what the family needs. Problem is, I assumed many years ago that my husband would see it's not easy for me to be both mother and father, as well as maid, chauffer, etc., and maybe that would prompt him to step up, or at the very least have a little more patience. But that hasn't happened. Instead, he has been happy to have me take over these roles while he comes home from work and watches TV for the night, and sleeps until noon the next day. The more I do, the less he has to do. I'm really trying not to complain, because, again, I'm doing it for the good of the family, and not for any recognition I hope to receive. But a little appreciation once in a while would be helpful. Him coming home from work and yelling the "F" word at everybody and further destroying the house (after the kids have already succeeded in doing that) is not showing appreciation for what I do.

Cory, I liked this quote by you:

At least in our case I make more progress by leaving the door open and letting her peek in when she thinks noone is watching.

I think that's fantastic that that's working for you.

In my case, I would have to say that my husband really appears to have his mind made up. I'm not sure what it would take for him to admit the possibility that God might exist, much less actually turn to Him and trust Him. Yet I know it's not impossible. Nothing is impossible with God, after all, but . . . sometimes I just have a difficult time imagining it. So thanks for sharing your experience(s) with us. And everyone else here as well. It's interesting for me to read what works for some, and what works for others. Because, let's face it, not all people are the same; and what works for one couple may not work for another. But it's encouraging and inspiring to hear people share their "success" stories (I put "success" in quotes because I suppose if we were all completely "successful" in influencing our spouses, none of us would be here). Yet, it's been important for me to see that I can only take so much responsibility for my husband's lack of interest in spiritual matters. We can leave the door open, but we can't make them walk through.

Give yourself a gold star if you made any sense out of the above paragraph.

And with that, I'm off to church!!

 

[Pepperoni]

My husband also has a demanding career, while I technically do not. Well, my full-time job is parenthood, obviously that's demanding. I also work a part-time job (20 hours a week) but I have a lot of flexibility so I realize I have it a lot easier than many moms do.

So, given my husband's job and demanding hours, I do have the vast majority of the responsibility on me. And like you said, I do it because it's what the family needs. Problem is, I assumed many years ago that my husband would see it's not easy for me to be both mother and father, as well as maid, chauffer, etc., and maybe that would prompt him to step up, or at the very least have a little more patience. But that hasn't happened. Instead, he has been happy to have me take over these roles while he comes home from work and watches TV for the night, and sleeps until noon the next day. The more I do, the less he has to do. I'm really trying not to complain, because, again, I'm doing it for the good of the family, and not for any recognition I hope to receive. But a little appreciation once in a while would be helpful. Him coming home from work and yelling the "F" word at everybody and further destroying the house (after the kids have already succeeded in doing that) is not showing appreciation for what I do.

Since I'm on a roll today, let me elaborate a bit more.

I still haven't cleaned up the mess he made Friday night when he had his tantrum. There were some stuffed animals and cheerleading pom poms on the loveseat . . . and he sent them all scattering in his rage, as well as some newspapers and magazines that were on the coffee table.

I think it's a matter of selfishness. When a spouse acts in that manner, and/or seems to be willing to only be on the receiving end of the relationship rather than the giving end, it's selfishness, pure and simple. Red mentioned her husband not being willing to reciprocate, that goes along with it as well. I'm sure this is not specific to UY relationships/marriages, but it does seem to tie into it. I've noticed it's been a recurring theme on these boards, and while I hesitate to make assumptions about others' spouses, I would venture to say that the fault of selfishness is probably more prevalent in UY relationships than it would be in relationships between two believers. I could be wrong, but that's what I'm seeing and experiencing.

I've said before that my pastor has told me he would not have married my husband and I. Oddly enough, we were married in a Baptist church (although not the one I currently attend). Yet Pastor has said he would marry two non-believers. I thought that was interesting, so I asked him about it. He said that's because two non-believers are "equally yoked." I suppose he's right. He's said openly that he's very against an unequally-yoked pairing. After examining my life, as well as reading Scripture, I can see why.

I hope my girls, when the get married (if they choose to) have their head on a lot straighter than I did.

Not sure how I got off on that tangent. Maybe because since I started posting here several months ago, I'm seeing how important faith can be, and how it can tear apart a marriage. I've said that my husband is not a part of my life in that way, and it's true. He isn't. And the more important your faith is to you, the less in common you have with your spouse. Marriage was intended by God to be a unification between two people, a oneness if you will, and when there are glaring differences in something as important as a relationship with God . . . how can that marriage ever truly be successful?

 

[WashedClean]

Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to give you a quick update on my Dad...

First of all, my sister and her son were supposed to meet me at my parents house today and we were all going to go to the hospital. Her son was driving her since she doesn't drive long distances. Anyway, he picked her up at 8:20 this morning and told her he hadn't been home or slept in 2 days. He wanted to stop at his place and take a shower, change, etc.. She told him to take a quick nap because she was afraid of him driving. He fell asleep and then she couldn't wake him up. She's very frustrated and upset, to say the least. Sounds like he was on a drug binge or something. Cory, maybe your group's prayers are being answered and this will mean rock bottom, I'm not sure. But please keep praying about this.

Anyway, so my Mom and I went to the hospital. They moved him out of ICU into a regular room. Unfortunately, it turns out that I misunderstood and he DID have bleeding on the brain, aka a stroke. He has weakness on his left side and can't talk right now. The good news is that he's breathing on his own, but it's quite shallow and labored. He recognized me and I could see some connection, but then it was gone. He's foggy and mostly sleeping, sometimes with his eyes open. This was really hard to see because my Dad has always been really virile and strong. My mother is amazing... She got him comfortable (he was actually sweatting when we got there) and talks to him, pats him down with wet towels, etc.

He'll probably be there a few more days and then need to go to rehab/long term care. We don't know if he's able to stand/walk at this point, which will be a huge factor.

Sorry to give all the details, but I want your prayers to be specific!

Thanks everyone... I have to run now, but you are all in my thoughts and prayers too. Glad you're home safe Wayne!

Love in Christ,

Jill

 

[pete56]

Hi everyone

I just wanted to touch base! I am back from my break and God has been awesome (as always!) I will be writing more in my blog once I have properly digested everything!

And yes it is my 51st birthday this week (on Tuesday) but I am still a young middlescent compared to Moses! and look what God did with him!!!!!!

Jill I am glad your Dad is doing ok! You are never far from my prayers!

Erica - anyone that survives Club One needs to be Sainted - Both my kids found Christ there!!!!

Kay I hope the move goes smoothly!

I'll try to catch up during the week!

You may have noticed I am not officially on Staff right now! This is the result of my enforced LOA, for reasons noted elsewhere! I am not sure that I shall return to staff or even remain in CF after my time at New Wine! But we will see.

Bless you all

PP

 

[cory533]

Hi everyone

I just wanted to touch base! I am back from New Wine and God has been awesome (as always!) I will be writing more in my blog once I have properly digested everything!

And yes it is my 51st birthday this week (on Tuesday) but I am still a young middlescent compared to Moses! and look what God did with him!!!!!!

Jill I am glad your Dad is doing ok! You are never far from my prayers!

Erica - anyone that survives Club One needs to be Sainted - Both my kids found Christ there!!!!

Kay I hope the move goes smoothly!

I'll try to catch up during the week!

You may have noticed I am not officially on Staff right now! This is the result of my enforced LOA, for reasons noted elsewhere! I am not sure that I shall return to staff or even remain in CF after my time at New Wine! But we will see.

Bless you all

PP

Pete I understand your frustration and the position you have taken, However...(ominous music goes here) Actually I just hope you will stay we appreciate your perspective on things. and of course your friendship.I still find for the most part the site has not gone to hell in a handbasket yet. I believe God is in control and will work through those of us who stay to make the changes that this church needs. This is a very personal decision to make and your answers may not be mine. Sometimes God uses things like this to push us on to where he wants us. Just like the raids by viking raiders on the abbeys and monasteries of the Irish coast caused much of the stored history of the church to be sent to the continent for safekeeping where it let to the revival ending the dark ages. He does use all things to His purpose.

 

[Jenniewren]

Hi everyone, what a week for sharing last week. It still amazes me the way I have opened up, speaking about things which have been bottled up for years since I joined CF. The Lord is doing an amazing healing work in my life. It is still at the difficult hurting stage right now, but I trust he will not leave me here.
Blessings and prayers to everyone who shared so openly. Thank you for your words of wisdom Cory.
blessings to your family Jill, still praying.
Pepper, I think we have twins for husbands as well as mothers. It is beginning to feel like the twilight zone lol. I wonder if the emotional abuse from our childhood is the reason we married men who cannot connect emotionally?
Pete, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. If you do decide it is right for you to leace CF please stay in contact. You are a precious brother to us.

 

[free4all]

Hi all-

I started to write a long post about an incident that happened between DH and I on the way to the kids' VBS program this morning but thought better of it. I'll just summarize: I'm frustrated. I don't push him to come to church with me. Most of the time he stays home. Whatever. When he does decide to come he pouts or grumbles the entire time, starting when we walk out the door. Today he threw a temper tantrum. It's like he's saying, "oh I'll support you (or the kids) if I have to, but I'm going to make sure you know exactly how miserable I am." I officially join the church tomorrow, and he is coming to that, but honestly I don't want him to come back after that. I know that's really wrong, and I'm sure I'll feel differently when I'm in a better mood. I'm just aggravated at the moment.

OK done ranting.

Red,

I can relate to how you feel. DW used to come to church with us about once a year, and like you said, she made sure everyone knew how much she hated it. She would criticize the music, the decorations, etc. She would be a grump the entire time, plus before and after. I agree with you that such behavior is immature. I think I used to do what Cory does, and that was give her an open invitation, but not bring it up all the time. I certainly didn’t bring it up soon after one of her grump visits.

Pep, I totally agree with what you said about only taking so much responsibility for your husband’s lack of interest in spiritual matters. You are right: we cannot choose for our mates, or force them to choose. If we could, we wouldn’t be here. They will not be able to blame us if they continue to reject Christ.

I also agree with your point about selfish behavior, and while not unique to a UY relationship, it can be magnified in one. We’re all selfish in our sinful nature, and those who reject the Holy Spirit allow the sinful nature to reign supreme in their lives. Hopefully those of us who are following Christ will allow the Spirit to overrule our nature.

since I started posting here several months ago, I'm seeing how important faith can be, and how it can tear apart a marriage. I've said that my husband is not a part of my life in that way, and it's true. He isn't. And the more important your faith is to you, the less in common you have with your spouse. Marriage was intended by God to be a unification between two people, a oneness if you will, and when there are glaring differences in something as important as a relationship with God . . . how can that marriage ever truly be successful?

It still amazes me when Christians think it’s perfectly fine to marry an unbeliever. How can someone view life with God as so important, yet marry someone else who isn’t interested in the things of God, or worse yet, actively rejects God? Being married to an unbeliever means there will likely be a huge part of your life that they won’t participate in or be interested in. Yet some still insist it’s perfectly fine for them. Why would anyone settle for a partial marriage, or actively pursue one?

Jill, please keep us updated on your Dad’s condition, and don’t be sorry for the details. Same for your nephew, if you feel comfortable doing so.

Pete, welcome back! I look forward to reading your notes on the conference after you’ve had time to post them. I hope you don’t leave CF. Even if the rules and management do change, I hope CF and UY will still be beneficial. I will have to see it proven otherwise before I would consider leaving. I hope you will hang around after the changes and continue to provide your input.

Cory, I agree with you that there may be some good come out of the restructuring at CF. I was thinking of a different example in history, but I can’t remember all the specifics. Maybe it was when Jerusalem was attacked in 70 A.D. If my poor memory is correct, I think that caused some Jewish Christians to disperse from Jerusalem, and as a result, the Gospel spread.

Hi everyone, what a week for sharing last week. It still amazes me the way I have opened up, speaking about things which have been bottled up for years since I joined CF. The Lord is doing an amazing healing work in my life.

And I believe that is one of the main reasons we come to CF: to be healed, and to provide avenues of healing for others. I agree, Jenny, that sharing openly can aid in healing. In my life, it’s rare to be in situations IRL where people share so openly. Sometimes in a close group, but it’s not common. There is freedom and healing in being so open. I feel more freedom and closeness to those of you here as a result of last week. I had no idea that several of you were dealing with those issues from your childhoods. I knew some were, but I didn’t know so many of you were. Jenny, I’m glad you have felt the freedom to open up. That’s part of the healing process.

Gotta go. Bad storms here, electricity and internet flickering.

 

[pete56]

Hi folks, thanks for the birthday wishes and the welcome back!

I have to admit I have missed CF and UY particularly!

I will be posting my notes - I'll make a start today. And I think I shall stay at UY in CF even if I decide to leave Staff permanently. But if God keeps giving me signposts saying leave (as he did again yesterday when I returned and read my PMs) then I am going to find it hard to stay!

Any way I am off to my Blog to start posting the New Wine 07 experience!

I will try to catch up on everyone else's news too!

Bless you all

Pete

 

[cristianna]

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