Check in thread (6)

[Jenniewren]

Sorry, I got a bit upset. My mother continued to manipulate me through my teen age years and I was miserable. Dad was a nice man, but he never stood up to Mum. He did have an influence though because when he died she became much worse.
I do not have many memories of childhood, probably because most have been blanked out.
I try to be loving and forgiving to my mother, especially now she has dementia, but it is still hard.
A book which has really helped me is "The Mum Factor" by Cloude and Townsend. It isn't easy going and involves a lot of soul searching, but it is excellent.
Bless you all xxxxx

 

[Redheadedstepchild]

(((((Jennie)))))

 

[free4all]

Cristianna, Pepperoni, Jenny...

I'm so sorry your childhoods were not pleasant. I pray God's love will envelop you and help you deal with anything you need to deal with.

Thanks to all of you for sharing from your hearts.

And for the rest of you in UY, you are the people I feel the closest to.

 

[cory533]

My dad was horribly abused as a child by both parents when he grew up and could whip his old man the abuse became strictly emotional. He worked hard to change the pattern when he saw it in himself sometimes he succeeded sometimes not. When my older brother died at twenty the remorse almost killed him. that was the child who would not submit to his authority and took the worst abuse at dad's hand. Dad did change even more then. he sought God more he became more forgiving. My oldest sister never recognized that dad had tried so hard and had changed. My dad was not the father she had. She has been plagued with chronic illness that the Dr.s could not cure she recently started forgiving dad and her health has improved immeasurably. She saw the violence and controlling I saw the loving man who changed his major from law to psychology to try to find out why he was so hard on his kids and how he could change. When grandpa died I felt guilty because I did not morn him I was glad he would not hurt Dad anymore.
but I miss Dad. I guess I wrote that to say don't let the bitterness destroy you, and be careful that in protecting you children from hearing about the trouble you went through they may not understand why you are less than perfect but hopefully are much better than you were raised to be.

 

[cory533]

Jill,We prayed for you and your family at my weds night prayer meeting one of the men who is an ex-junkie ex-con made a special plea that your nephew would hit bottom so that the Lord could reach him in his brokenness. This man prays for, expects and receives miracles.

 

[hugnluvable]

Cory - that is awesome! Christianna, go through the forgiveness process in the best way that YOU know how to. If it means actually telling the person then do it! Although Wayne says that whatever you say to your Dad has nothing to do with your husband, as a wife of a very caring and passionate husband myself I'd have to tell him everything thats going on in my heart about stuff regardless of the bitterness thrown my way.

Your husband is bitter and angry at your Dad because he cares for you. Men are crazy like that! And it is lovely to see that he wants to protect you and err you away from getting any more upset. But just by telling him that it's something you need to do to recieve any closure about it all might help him see sense. I have alot of respect for you even wanting to write a letter like that. And in time over alot of sensible, calm conversations your husband will come to a reasonable conclusion about it as well.

Just because you forgive your Dad doesnt mean your husband has to - and maybe thats what he is scared of? But your forgiveness will be a living testimony to Jesus alive on the earth - especially as your Dad's behavior has hurt YOU directly and your husband just has prejudices against the whole situation now! You will be blessed by it, shackles will be taken off and I really pray there'll be such a positive change in atmosphere in your household because of it. And I really pray that the fragrence of forgiveness blesses your Dad, husband and most importantly your children - and that the blessing is so strong that noone can miss it!

One thing you need to be careful of (and I know it might sound obvious). But if you've truly forgiven your father you will feel no need to speak badly of him or bring up what he's done or bring up the fact that he has done nothing to change. As a plus point - that way your family will have no reason to do the same either - if you arent a slave to it anymore then noone else should be either!

Erica
xxx

 

[cristianna]

...

 

[WashedClean]

Jill,We prayed for you and your family at my weds night prayer meeting one of the men who is an ex-junkie ex-con made a special plea that your nephew would hit bottom so that the Lord could reach him in his brokenness. This man prays for, expects and receives miracles.

That's awesome Cory, thank you soooo much!!!

And thanks to everyone for their prayers for my Dad - praise God they have been answered!!!

Around 6:00 last night they removed the tube and my Dad is breathing on his own!!! I'm so grateful to God for answering prayers. I had so many people praying for him, thank you all!! Now I just pray that as he comes out of the coma, he will not become restless and try to get out of bed... His 79th birthday is Monday, so I'm praying he is at least in a regular room, if not discharged. I know that's not likely, but God can and does perform miracles!

Sorry I don't have time to write more, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.

P.S. Heather - glad you enjoyed the book!

 

[Redheadedstepchild]

Jill, that is fantastic news!

 

[Pepperoni]

Around 6:00 last night they removed the tube and my Dad is breathing on his own!!! I'm so grateful to God for answering prayers.

I can't tell you how happy I am to hear this. I love to hear about answered prayers.

I pray God's love will envelop you and help you deal with anything you need to deal with.

I've learned that often God's love is the only thing we have.

Pepper, your situation sounds a little bit like mine . . . She obviously had all these expectations of what a daughter should and could be. I was never good enough. She was (and still is) emotionally abusive, manipulative. She is needy and clingy one minute. cold and hard the next. She liked to get attention. One way was to exagerate symptoms of an illness I might have to get me nedicated and gain sympathy for the poor child and what a dedicated mother she must be to lavish such care on a sickly child.

Jenny, when I'm reading this, I'm wondering if it's possible that we have the same mother!! Either that, or my mother has a twin.

It's almost scary, you've described my mother to a tee.

I'm sorry for what you went through, anyway. I know it's difficult and I admire everyone's willingness to share openly. At times I've envied others' abilities to do this, but it's something I'm learning.

 

[cristianna]

A fine member of our group has a birthday coming up in five days, on 8/14!

 

[rainbowpromises]

Around 6:00 last night they removed the tube and my Dad is breathing on his own!!! I'm so grateful to God for answering prayers.

I am thankful and happy to hear this.


On the other much deeper subject that has been going around, I would love to share my healing process but I have 6 dozen cookies to make. We have 48 kids at our soccer camp this week.

Short form - I don't think I fully fit the victim mold, but I was victimized. I spent a lot of years in the survivor mode until finally God brought me to the victorious stage. Doesn't mean that it still doesn't affect my life because it does. Forgiveness came a long time before I was ready to spend time with this guy and I still have some issues with dead family members.

 

[Pepperoni]

A fine member of our group has a birthday coming up in five days, on 8/14!

I love birthdays! Who is it? Is it you?

I'm trying to click on profiles so I can do my research, but CF won't let me . . . keeps giving me error messages.

 

[Pepperoni]

I think I've figured it out. It's Pete, isn't it?


(and look at the time difference between last post and this post. It only took me two minutes! Am I good or what?)

 

[hugnluvable]

Hi guys, well just when I had a bit of time to write down all that happened at New Wine the website wasnt online. So I typed it up offline and have copied it up here.... lol!

Did I not mention to you guys that it was AWESOME! God was so moving in everything that was going on in that field in Shepton Mallet, Somerset.....well not really a field, more a huge showground - but we all camped - the lesser brave ones in caravans, but we had an amazing tent with decorations and everything. The weather was gross on the first day - dead heavy rain, but for the rest of the week it was bright sunshine and it dried all the mud up really quickly which meant me and my best friend could sit on the grass outside all the meeting/cafe marques and pray together. There is nowhere else like New Wine.... I have to think REALLY hard to find somewhere else where two people can randomly just sit down and pray together with hundreds of people walking past and not get odd looks - maybe we should try it in our home towns if we're brave enough? I don't know, anyway that was pretty cool.

Unlike Pete - who will be giving us loads of feedback about the talks, the seminars, the main events I wasnt a delegate... instead I was on a team called Club One. It was one of the youth groups aimed at the 12-13 year old sector. There were around 500 teenagers in this venue each meeting. We met in the morning to sing/worship, pray, have a talk and a seminar and we did the same in the evening with some space for ministry if needed. As leaders we were responsible for around 12 young people - making sure they were ok and as someone they could get to know and confide in if they needed prayer or advice during the week. Plus we had the amazing privelege to pray for these guys if they wanted ministry at the end of the eveing session. On the last day we had a really fun time dressing up and running around the campsite - running away from the teens! It was called "Hunt the leader!" and once found we had to give them a catchphrase to prove that we'd been found! Mine was "Cornetto!" - pretty random I know, but its from a film called "Hot Fuzz" that quite a few of us really like.

A lot of amazing stuff happened with the young people… it was truly awe-inspiring to see 12-13 year olds praying for each other for the first time in their lives, worshipping God passionately when they’ve spent the last few years sitting bored/unconfident at the back in the corner of the church! Some were healed, some were given prophecies and many were given amazing testimonies that they can take home and testify that Jesus is alive!

The amazing thing about Club One team was that the leadership realised how important it was to realise that if God is moving in the young people in the venue then He is wanting to do business with us too. So we had times of prayer and worship as a team before and after the meetings. The evening kinda finished at 9.30pm for the kids but a few times we didn't leave until at least 11pm!

And it was true, our times together were an amazing release... and God really wanted to do work in us as well, especially cus we were serving!

God really taught me that the more you give.... the more you recieve. You really can't outgive God, the ultimate giver... I learnt that the hard way that week and ended up breaking! I'll explain how and why...

During the day we had a few hours in between meeting times so I went to one seminar during the week about prophecy. Thelady was really clear about it all and confirmed loads to me. She gave us alot of practical time as well to pray with others and to practise our gifts.... a lady who prayed with me saw me with a vile of oil and just pouring it out and the words of Isiah 61 came to mind - "The spirit of the sovereign Lord is upon me".
Well, that'd be ok for a 1st time of hearing it, but it has come to so many other people's attention I KNEW finally that it was God talking. So I thought it over and all the way back to my tent I was thinking about it and crying and realising that all God wanted was for me to be myself. To be a witness of Him to my friends, family, workmates, my husband! I wasnt expected to be like a hugely responsible minister of any sort (although one day it might happen) - all God wanted was me... and He wants to use me through the person I am! Which is kinda encouraging, humbling, overwhelming and mind-blowing all at the same time.

After the evening meeting when all the young people had gone, we had our team-time. It was awesome. God was so moving in that place. And then the guys upfront sang a song with the words mentioned to me "The spirit of the sovereign Lord is upon me, to preach good news to the poor....." And I just had to get to my knees, God wa there, and then as it hit me that God was speaking I then face down on the floor. I then started sobbing uncontrollably...4 words that struck me and set me off.... "it's all too much!". All the things going on in my life, all the feelings, all the things going on in other people's lives,
all the emotions, all the past things that have happened... it was all too much! My job, my future carreer, my music, my friends, my family, my non-believing husband, my house, my car, my students, my youth work, my church, my Mum's past health, my Dad's
current health, my everything! It was all too much for me to handle by myself. And as these words "The spirit of the sovereign Lord upon me" came up - I just panicked! All these things God wanted to use me for.... it was all much too much! And I had to
give EVERYTHING to God! Everything. Every little thought that I never gave up over the years, every emotion, every plan, everything!

I'd never done it before, I kinda held onto it, bottled it up... until the Lord broke me! And the crying wasn't just a repentant cry, I really felt as if I was releasing it all before Him. Afterwards I now accept the words given to me, and that God wants to use me... but I need to keep on giving my life to Jesus and hold nothing back! A lady who prayed for/with me said that God was saying to her "It's all too big" - I said nothing whilst I was on the floor - God was so so so moving! He is awesome!

Then over the next few nights we prayed into gifts for one another. We had a choice of corners what to pray for... one night I took part in praying for tongues for others who wanted it.... a lady (now a really lovely friend of mine) was given them that night and it was incredible. The next night I prayed for wisdom - or that my gift could be used that night.... at least 2 young people asked me questions and left that night with more insight which was amazing. I was also prayed for about my tinnitus (ringing in the ears!) and although the ringing hasnt stopped, when I was being prayed for I saw Jesus standing right in front of my face! As if to tell me He knows what is going on and He is on the case! Since then, people from church have prayed for my healing too.... I have every faith
that it is going to go one day.

I made LOADS of really good friends there too, and I really can't wait to do it next year with them again... Although I was the only one from our church on that team (everyone else bar 2 people were delegates) I think I've recruited a couple more from church for next year too through bouncing off the walls and telling everyone upfront about the amazing time we had!

Another thing that God gave me was from Isiah 61 about proclaiming the year of the Lord's favour. 2008 is going to be one amazing year... I don't know how or why yet
but I have every faith that God means every word He says to me!

There is so much more I could say about last week - and it could spring up in conversation over the next few months - but that's just a taster of what God
has been doing in my life. The most exciting thing is that I really saw New Wine as just a conference, one that would help equip those taking part for the year
ahead... and oh my goodness it most certainly has for me!

Thanks guys for reading

Erica
xxx

 

[free4all]

Around 6:00 last night they removed the tube and my Dad is breathing on his own!!!

Thanks for the good news! Still praying for his continued recovery.

Cory and Annette, I'm so glad neither of you is trapped in the past by bitterness and unforgiveness.

Pete, happy birthday wherever you are! (Thanks for noticing, Cristianna. It almost slipped by us since he hasn't posted lately.)

Hi Red, Pep, Jenny, and everyone else.

Erica, I can almost envision the atmosphere you described. It sounds wonderful! I have similar memories from my time in Europe when I went to an annual retreat in Gwat, Switzerland. It's such a different atmosphere being around all Christians... a little taste of heaven, I think!

I ask for prayers for safety tomorrow. I'll be driving over 600 miles/1000 kilometers. With a couple stops in between, it may be an 18-hour day. I think I'll be okay, but it gets harder and harder to stay awake driving at night as I get older.

 

[cory533]

I ask for prayers for safety tomorrow. I'll be driving over 600 miles/1000 kilometers. With a couple stops in between, it may be an 18-hour day. I think I'll be okay, but it gets harder and harder to stay awake driving at night as I get older.

Father God I ask you to take care of Wayne with his long drive let him have no trouble, breakdowns,tickets hassels. help him to stay alert throughout the drive. give him wisdom to stop and rest if he needs to. And please give him a special Extra something nice that he does not need but that he will know is from you on this trip. I ask this in your name Lord Jesus and I thank you in advance for your answer.

 

[hugnluvable]

Phew Wayne... 18 hours! And I thought our 6 hour journey to cornwall was bad enough. Please remember to take LOTS of breaks and drink plenty of water and dare I say it eat sweets and drink coffee! Thats how I get around it. Are you driving solo? Lord, I pray that Wayne gets to and from his destination safely... that you keep him focused and alert on the way there and on the way back!

As for me..... we're off to Cornwall (right at the bottom of the UK) to Helston - near Lizard....

We'll be visiting this AMAZING beach pretty much every day if the weather holds out...... its called Kynance Cove and is beautiful I don't know how anyone can question whether God made it or not....

So if you don't hear from me next week - I'll be there!

Then a few days after we get back from Cornwall we're off to Greenbelt - a Christian music festival..... it's going to be such a great year!

Erica
xxx

 

[Pepperoni]

I ask for prayers for safety tomorrow. I'll be driving over 600 miles/1000 kilometers. With a couple stops in between, it may be an 18-hour day. I think I'll be okay, but it gets harder and harder to stay awake driving at night as I get older.

Just make sure you allow yourself to stop if you need to. I've no doubt it's imperative that you reach your destination in a timely manner, but some things aren't worth risking your life for.

In that spirit, I thought this deserved to be repeated:

Father God I ask you to take care of Wayne with his long drive let him have no trouble, breakdowns,tickets hassels. help him to stay alert throughout the drive. give him wisdom to stop and rest if he needs to. And please give him a special Extra something nice that he does not need but that he will know is from you on this trip. I ask this in your name Lord Jesus and I thank you in advance for your answer.

and this:

Lord, I pray that Wayne gets to and from his destination safely... that you keep him focused and alert on the way there and on the way back!

As for me..... we're off to Cornwall (right at the bottom of the UK) to Helston - near Lizard....

We'll be visiting this AMAZING beach pretty much every day if the weather holds out...... its called Kynance Cove and is beautiful I don't know how anyone can question whether God made it or not....

Erica--that looks breathtaking! I know you'll enjoy yourself. Praying for traveling mercies for you as well.

Hi Red, Pep, Jenny, and everyone else.

Is "Crazy Mo"/Stephanie still around? And what about "glo1"? I think sometimes people like to know they've been missed.

 

[Pepperoni]

As I read, I think it's interesting how peoples' personalities shine through in their posts. At least I think so anyway. Even though most of us have never seen or talked to each other, I still get a feel for the different personalities as I'm reading.

I bring this up partly because my 15-year-old daughter has made some online friends, and they held a "reunion" of sorts last weekend. They're able to do it because everyone lives within 100 miles or so of each other. Sadly I don't think that would work here . . . hey, maybe we could all meet in Maui or something . . . ! (insert pina colada here the non-alcoholic kind . . . I'm baptist after all ).