The easiest solution to me, is to first be in a relationship for a while to determine how compatible you are personality wise, and once it is determined that you are compatible in terms of personality and would like the relationship to hopefully go somewhere, to try physical intimacy.
For some people, physical intimacy can be painful (some men and women are unfortunate and have that response to sex in general), but unless it is a chronic issue with one or both partners, I see no reason that it could never be reconciled, or even that it need to be a relationship ender. My fiance and I haven't had much luck in terms of sexual intimacy, for reasons I will not get into, but even if we never end up having sex, I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else.
Here's the thing and something that perplexes me about this issue. I will admit that I grew up thinking that being equally yoked and committed would cure or be things that assist with any reasonable loving couple overcoming differences but I've met far too many people for whom that simply is not the case. I'm ruling out personality, loyalty and determination because those are not indicators for sexual fulfillment or compatibility. I don't have a study though I'm going purely based off my experience as a pseudo counselor of women. The stories were too frequent to ignore. We even developed a phrase called "obligation sex" where you love your partner dearly but you have just accepted that you won't ever have pleasure physically. At the time it was not a big deal but as I age the question did come back.. Why are we accepting of this? Why is that okay? And if it's not okay are we saying that we need to explore before marriage? And if we say that what are the consequences? Or is there an alternative way of looking at this?
Here is what I know that pain and discomfort are not uncommon complaints by women which they and their SO try to work on.. they of course go through counseling and try aids to assist but pain and discomfort remain on some level. and it's weird because WHY? lol I'm sorry to laugh but it's kind of sad and ridiculous that this is OK that our only solution is to just go try out different men.. that can't be it..
Plus some sex counselors are perverted.. :-/ and then the biggest hurdle is $$$$ who has extra coins to go figure this out.. and that's the best of us.. the worst of us just cheat and the saddest of us just accept being unfulfilled.
HEre's another twist in college there were many women who were proudly active.. when I attend reunions they are almost all married and ashamed of their past.. all of the hubris and ego hid STDs .. emotional scars.. lies they told themselves about not being attached etc.. and general emotional scarring from minor to severe..
I feel I'm back at square one.. :-/
I do believe that there are a percentage of people who WILL work through whatever problems they face sexual or otherwise because they are well matched..
wait..
maybe my question is really why our society does not consider these things and address compatibility and all its facets.. hmmm kk lemme think on it some more
Upvote
0