Can a priest be "too forgiving"?

[Andrei D]

Hi,

I have just joined this forum, and I am very glad to be here.

I am very troubled at this point and I am eager to see what other people with more experience and knowledge think. Be not afraid, I will not take any reply as "formal" spiritual advice, but I will consider any opinion.

Briefly, I was born Orthodox, but I left the church and faith for about 7 years. I declared to myself and to the world that atheism set me free of a regressive, limiting, antiquated belief system. I believe, and it is OK if you don't believe me, that through mysterious work, over the past year, the Holy Spirit truly removed me from my sin of pride and denial of God, and brought me, almost dragged me, back to the church.

No, nothing bad happened to me. Quite the contrary. And the dismay is real - I feel like I've been keeping our Lord in a small, damp, dark cell in the deepest cellar of my heart for 7 years, and He chose to dwell there, alone and unspoken to and yet He shows me more love and light than even before I did that to Him...

I have given this a lot of thought and a lot of prayer, and I still am unsure what I should "expect" or even whish in relation to my reborn "church life".

While I feel, thank God, that I am on a good path to repenting from most of the more egregious sins of thought and word and working hard on other sins in my life, one remains technically in "full effect" - while away from the church I got married civilly. I and my wife have a wonderful, loving family life, but we are not married in the eyes of the church as it were, and therefore in the eyes of God.

Since returning to the church, I haven't taken Holy Communion, I haven't even considered it, but I also am not sure what the path towards that is. Even after we do get married in the church, what should I whish and/or expect in this respect? I yearn for Communion, I really do, but I am afraid not to make a huge mistake in having it unprepared. In our tradition, many priests are very frightening about this issue. However, the priest here says with confession and repentance he will gladly offer it to me. I am unsure what I must think. Can I / should I refuse and thus sinfully rebel against my spiritual father? If my heart and my intentions are as clean as they can be, and the priest offers me this dispensation, is there still a danger in taking it? Am I overthinking this?

 

[All4Christ]

Hi,

I have just joined this forum, and I am very glad to be here.

I am very troubled at this point and I am eager to see what other people with more experience and knowledge think. Be not afraid, I will not take any reply as "formal" spiritual advice, but I will consider any opinion.

Briefly, I was born Orthodox, but I left the church and faith for about 7 years. I declared to myself and to the world that atheism set me free of a regressive, limiting, antiquated belief system. I believe, and it is OK if you don't believe me, that through mysterious work, over the past year, the Holy Spirit truly removed me from my sin of pride and denial of God, and brought me, almost dragged me, back to the church.

No, nothing bad happened to me. Quite the contrary. And the dismay is real - I feel like I've been keeping our Lord in a small, damp, dark cell in the deepest cellar of my heart for 7 years, and He chose to dwell there, alone and unspoken to and yet He shows me more love and light than even before I did that to Him...

I have given this a lot of thought and a lot of prayer, and I still am unsure what I should "expect" or even whish in relation to my reborn "church life".

While I feel, thank God, that I am on a good path to repenting from most of the more egregious sins of thought and word and working hard on other sins in my life, one remains technically in "full effect" - while away from the church I got married civilly. I and my wife have a wonderful, loving family life, but we are not married in the eyes of the church as it were, and therefore in the eyes of God.

Since returning to the church, I haven't taken Holy Communion, I haven't even considered it, but I also am not sure what the path towards that is. Even after we do get married in the church, what should I whish and/or expect in this respect? I yearn for Communion, I really do, but I am afraid not to make a huge mistake in having it unprepared. In our tradition, many priests are very frightening about this issue. However, the priest here says with confession and repentance he will gladly offer it to me. I am unsure what I must think. Can I / should I refuse and thus sinfully rebel against my spiritual father? If my heart and my intentions are as clean as they can be, and the priest offers me this dispensation, is there still a danger in taking it? Am I overthinking this?

My personal opinion...I believe there is a difference between getting married civilly while you are an active practicing Orthodox Christian, and being married civilly when you are departed, albeit temporarily, from the church.

That said - spiritual fathers and priests are there to help figure out what is best for a person spiritually. If he offers to allow you to commune after confession, I would do so. After all, the Eucharist is also for the remission of sins and unto life everlasting.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I would say that while your apprehension is understandable, remember the sacraments are to restore you to full health. there is probably no sin you committed that your priest has not heard, or at least knows a priest who has. I would say talk to your priest about confessing and communing, and follow what he says.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Welcome to CF, and to TAW!

The following is mostly just my opinion/understanding. I have only the various things my priest has explained, and someone in our parish did much the same thing.

First while you left and proclaimed atheism (if I understand you right) you essentially excommunicated/separated yourself from the Church. During that time, whatever you did (getting married) was essentially done as one who was not one of the faithful. Regardless, the means of restoration in both of these cases according to our priest is the Sacrament of reconciliation. If it might be different in any other jurisdiction, I'm not aware of that. If I were in such a position, I would discuss it with my priest and accept what he says.

I suppose if you have a problem with that, perhaps you could request that a request be made of the Bishop regarding your situation. Whatever comes of that, you would have fulfilled your responsibility before God by any measure or standard.

The only thing I'm wondering about is that you mention going against your spiritual father? You don't have to answer, but I have to wonder who he is and why he's saying this? And what responsibility you have to be under his authority? That all needs to be discussed with your priest, maybe. I'm aware of some nuances but I wouldn't want to guess wrong and that is waaayyyy above my place to be telling anyone.

But if it happens to be a matter of pious custom that is enslaving you, that needs to be brought out. Sometimes the grandmothers and grandfathers will impose impossible standards based on what they were taught by their grandparents, and it's not always in line with what the Church actually teaches. The Church is about RESTORING people after all. If something gets in the way of that, it needs to be questioned.

God be with you. And again, welcome!

 

[Andrei D]

Thank you, all.

I'll clarify, because my phrasing was muddy - there is no third "spiritual father", I was referring to my priest. My priest has been telling me sort of the same things you have mentioned here. The "rebellion" would be me saying, "no, I'm scared to take Communion".

Anastasia, you are spot on, however, that this stems from way back when I was a kid, and some older people in my family would even say that departing from the church is unforgivable and you can never come back, etc. or you would not be able to take Communion for the rest of your life, or for 10 years (it varied). They were mostly talking about folks who would accept some leadership positions in the Communist Party and stop coming to church for fear of being punished by the government.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I thought that might be a likely source.

I understand how things from our youth get ingrained. I see it cause those in our parish problems in thinking they can never be restored or must keep abstaining from Communion, when the Church says no such thing - the opposite in fact. Our priest is grieved sometimes trying to get through to people, I think. Political oppression in the case of the Greeks bred some stiff expectations that might have helped to preserve holiness under persecution, but in the environment today keeps some away from Communion.

Anyway.

I'd say listen to your priest. Maybe he can help quiet those voices from your past.

God be with you.

 

[Bessie]

Hey I also drifted away from the church and came back after a number of years, and it was hard. I went to confession fully expecting a penance and to be asked to abstain from communion for a while. Instead I received the opposite response, and essentially have instructions to receive every week, even if I do not feel worthy. God is love. He desires your salvation and says that if you do not eat his body and drink his blood you do not have life within you. If your priest, who has the authority to make these decisions, is asking you to come to confession, then do it, and do what he says. Your status with the church community is not a matter of how you're feeling. You (and I, and all of us) are the prodigal. Your father is offering you a place at the table. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

 

[prodromos]

None of us are ever worthy. We prepare as best we can in our broken state and receive God's Grace through obedience. Don't let a sort of inverse pride in how sinful you've been keep you from the Eucharist. You need it more than anything.

 

[Andrei D]

Don't let a sort of inverse pride in how sinful you've been

This is... this just is so. Thank you!

 

[SaNcTaMaRiA]

I have no advise as I am a Catholic. However, I wanted to congratulate you on coming back to your faith. Lots of great advise in here as always. I will pray for you!

 

[Andrei D]

Please pray for me.

I've been preparing as best as I could. I won't be around here tomorrow as I will try to clear my mind and settle myself in peace as best as will be able to and say: May the communion of Thy Holy Mysteries be neither to my judgment, nor to my condemnation, O Lord, but to the healing of soul and body.

As before, I am very thankful you, here.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Please pray for me.

I've been preparing as best as I could. I won't be around here tomorrow as I will try to clear my mind and settle myself in peace as best as will be able to and say: May the communion of Thy Holy Mysteries be neither to my judgment, nor to my condemnation, O Lord, but to the healing of soul and body.

As before, I am very thankful you, here.

Prayers for you.

 

[ArmyMatt]

Lord have mercy!

 

[All4Christ]

Lord have mercy!