BF-GF relationships sinful?

[John Davidson]

After all, they are not in the Bible, and are not part of the Biblical model for finding a marriage partner.

I believe that they have no place in Christian life.

In my opinion, there should be no commitment until marriage is proposed and decided. The BF-GF relationship is just pointless, and is a false commitment. It wastes time if you're not actively seeking a marriage partner. God never meant for a couple to not know where their relationship was headed.

Therefore, I believe that dating should begin with the man stating his intentions (getting to know the woman and assessing their compatibility for the purpose of marriage), so there will be no guessing games, and there should be no exclusivity or conveyance of affection until engagement.

This is definitely not a popular view, so I welcome any comments!

You have a very strange concept of sin. To you contraception, dolls, teddy bears, and having a boyfriend/girlfriend is sinful. It must be painful living in your world of false rules and regulations.

 

[Goodbook]

OP were or are you raised amongst a certain denom that has these rules? Just wondering as i heard amongst my bible study ladies that when they were growing up they werent allowed to go dancing like..partner dancing. it just wasnt done cos it might cause someone to stumble.

Some baptists were like this. They never had anything like school balls. Like in the movie footloose.

 

[ilovesendai7]

OP were or are you raised amongst a certain denom that has these rules? Just wondering as i heard amongst my bible study ladies that when they were growing up they werent allowed to go dancing like..partner dancing. it just wasnt done cos it might cause someone to stumble.

Some baptists were like this. They never had anything like school balls. Like in the movie footloose.

Actually I wasn't brought up in a strict home at all! I'm just going on a journey of personal discovery, and trying to learn about what pleases God in order to live a life pleasing to Him. I definitely do not think that I have it all sussed, if I did I probably wouldn't bother posting it here.

 

[Goodbook]

oh thats ok then all, good.

Well, Gods commandments aren't grievous. Also Jesus did say why do people call him Lord, Lord when they don't do what He said. Good question.

I think if you serious about Jesus and call him LORD He really is Lord of your life, not yourself, so, you can't just do things without consulting Him, even if it seems like a good idea to you, we are to be in His will, not our own.

 

[ilovesendai7]

You have a very strange concept of sin. To you contraception, dolls, teddy bears, and having a boyfriend/girlfriend is sinful. It must be painful living in your world of false rules and regulations.

Actually I am currently going through a personal journey of interpreting the Bible and what sin is, because I want to live a life pleasing to God. I definitely do not have it all figured out, and that's why I post here to gain different perspectives from other followers of Christ. I am currently undecided on the dolls, teddy bears, and contraception issues, but slightly more sure of the boyfriend / girlfriend thing.

 

[Citanul]

Actually I am currently going through a personal journey of interpreting the Bible and what sin is, because I want to live a life pleasing to God. I definitely do not have it all figured out, and that's why I post here to gain different perspectives from other followers of Christ. I am currently undecided on the dolls, teddy bears, and contraception issues, but slightly more sure of the boyfriend / girlfriend thing.

The problem with trying to find out what things are sinful is that anything you can think of, someone somewhere will probably have declared it a sin, and is likely to have a web page about it. If you become too obsessed about sin then you start turning Christianity into a legalistic religion that's all about following rules, which is going about things in completely the wrong way.

While it's not necessarily going to cover everything, my view is that your basis for deciding anything should be Matthew 22:37-39. So if it's not harming your personal walk with God and not impacting negatively on someone else then there's a good chance that it's not a sin.

 

[Citanul]

the whole point of being engaged, is so others know you are serious about marriage, and that the other person is 'taken' or 'espoused'. You can break an engagement at any time.

Why there has to be a run around before that I don't know. I always feel that its unhealthy for people to get so attached just to one other person when there's no reason to be exclusive. Also its a disservice to the woman especially, who maybe strung along, hoping for marriage but its just not gonna happen.

Its far better to be free and have lots of girlfriends/boyfriends ie. brothers and sisters in Christ.

I really don't understand how this works. How can you decide that you want to get married to someone with first being in some sort of committed relationship with them? I do agree that you shouldn't string a person along, but discovering whether or not they're the right person for you to marry does take time, and I don't see how that discovery can happen without some sort of period of exclusivity.

If I'm going to make a commitment to someone for the rest of my life then I need to have some evidence that they're also capable of making that sort of commitment, and their going around dating multiple people at the same time is certainly not evidence of that.

Do you actually know people who have done this (i.e. gone straight from dating multiple people to becoming engaged and then gone on to have a successful marriage), or is this another one of those strange ideas that you seem to come up with?

 

[Richard Fleay]

I believe that its all in gods design, If the couple are receptive to god, they can court/date without committing sin, I dont covet my Girlfriend. I love her because of gods placing her in my life. I understand that i am physically attracted to her but that is not my motivation for being with her. I love how she is a power along side me in Christ, she is prayerful and fearful of the lord. She has an anointing flowing from her, she has a glow that is unique to the holy spirit, and without a sexual relationship theres no place for stepping past gods design. We will take the lords prompting in our lives, we will take his word. We will step things up when he shows us its time, but for now we are building an understanding and a friendship and boundaries and communication that will aid us in our lives whether gods prompts us to wed or not. In the end if the two people do not honor and obey god they will fail anyway. god wants us in that place. he will not honor anything else

 

[Xalith]

Nothing wrong with BF/GF, provided there is no sex.

Sex without marriage is always a sin (it's called Fornication), and BF/GF is not marriage. So as long as you are not having sex and are not lusting after one another in the sexual way, then there's nothing wrong with forming some sort of relationship where the two begin to see each other frequently, have dinners together, etc.

Again, provided there is no sex of any kind.

 

[John Davidson]

Actually I am currently going through a personal journey of interpreting the Bible and what sin is, because I want to live a life pleasing to God. I definitely do not have it all figured out, and that's why I post here to gain different perspectives from other followers of Christ. I am currently undecided on the dolls, teddy bears, and contraception issues, but slightly more sure of the boyfriend / girlfriend thing.

Well let me ease your conscience, nowhere in scripture does it advocate any of those things are sin. Please show me the scripture that states having a boyfriend/girlfriend is a sin?

 

[Xalith]

Well let me ease your conscience, nowhere in scripture does it advocate any of those things are sin. Please show me the scripture that states having a boyfriend/girlfriend is a sin?

Depends if the relationship is sexual. In today's secular culture, BF/GF relationships are almost expected to be sexual. I don't think I have to point out Scripture that says Fornication is a sin.

 

[James of Arc]

.

 

[rickster]

So this is a semantic argument? bf/gf vs courting? Sounds like fun.

 

[Xalith]

I kind of wish you would so you can prove what you are saying.

Very well. I really didn't think I had to actually do that (It's, like, Bible 101 right beside Idolatry, Stealing, and Murder), as it should be rather widely known, but sure.

Acts 15:20
Acts 15:29
Romans 1:29
1 Corinthians 5:1-3
1 Corinthians 6:18
1 Corinthians 7:2
1 Corinthians 10:8
2 Corinthians 12:21
Galatians 5:19
Ephesians 5:3
Colossians 3:5
1 Thessalonians 4:3

I think that's a good start, ne?

 

[John Davidson]

Depends if the relationship is sexual. In today's secular culture, BF/GF relationships are almost expected to be sexual. I don't think I have to point out Scripture that says Fornication is a sin.

Fornication isn't what we are discussing.

 

[Xalith]

Fornication isn't what we are discussing.

It is related to the discussion, as I said in the post that you quoted, many secular (and even some Christians I've heard) people today equate a BF/GF relationship with sex.

The whole question is "Is being in a BF/GF relationship a sin?"

And the answer is: No, unless you are having sex, then yes. Not because it's a BF/GF relationship, but because any sex (including BF/GF sex) outside of wedlock is called Fornication and it is defined as a sin by the Bible.

 

[blackribbon]

Sin is an attitude and a heart problem. You really can't make a list of hard fast rules because even God didn't do that. If you love something more than God and can't give it up even for God, then that is sinful. Short and sweet.

If it pulls you away or separates you from loving God, then it is sin.

If your focus is no longer on pleasing God, then it is sin.

 

[Xalith]

Sin is an attitude and a heart problem. You really can't make a list of hard fast rules because even God didn't do that. If you love something more than God and can't give it up even for God, then that is sinful. Short and sweet.

If it pulls you away or separates you from loving God, then it is sin.

If your focus is no longer on pleasing God, then it is sin.

There are certain things, though, that He outlined as sin, even though they don't "separate you from loving God" but He outright made sure it was known as Sin, and Fornication is one of those things.

The huge list of NT verses alone I posted above, God makes it very clear that Fornication is not to be done. Will He forgive it? Absolutely! You need to repent and ask for forgiveness. Should you do it, thinking that you can just say "sorry" later? No, that's "Free Grace". That's not having a repentant attitude towards sin.

If you're a Christian, and God said "Don't do this thing, ever." .... should you be questioning it?

IMO, no.

But that's just me I guess. It was asked if it's a sin, and I replied and I think that's pretty much all I'll say of the subject unless someone has something specific to say to me. Not wanting to argue or rules lawyer, only pointing out what Scripture says about the particular subject.

 

[Goodbook]

I think I agree with Xalith certainly nowadays and when I was growing up gf and bfs were just expected to have sex sooner or later. The way of the world.

If you grew up in a predominately christian environment, went to a christian school, it wouldn't.

 

[blackribbon]

There are certain things, though, that He outlined as sin, even though they don't "separate you from loving God" but He outright made sure it was known as Sin, and Fornication is one of those things.

The huge list of NT verses alone I posted above, God makes it very clear that Fornication is not to be done. Will He forgive it? Absolutely! You need to repent and ask for forgiveness. Should you do it, thinking that you can just say "sorry" later? No, that's "Free Grace". That's not having a repentant attitude towards sin.

If you're a Christian, and God said "Don't do this thing, ever." .... should you be questioning it?

IMO, no.

But that's just me I guess. It was asked if it's a sin, and I replied and I think that's pretty much all I'll say of the subject unless someone has something specific to say to me. Not wanting to argue or rules lawyer, only pointing out what Scripture says about the particular subject.

Being molested or raped is not a sin...and it is having sex outside of marriage. There are exceptions for every rule. Fornification means that you intentionally have chosen to ignore God's plan for a marital relationship between two people and put your pleasure over God's plan for waiting until you have committed to each other.

I still say it is an attitude and that fact that God actually defines a few rules (again, no complete list), shows that often our hearts rebel against making God the center of our decision making. No mature Christian enters into fortification without some doubt or knowledge that they are not doing what is best in God's eyes...they may justify reasons why it is "okay" (well we are getting married anyway...) but it isn't ever "gee, I didn't know .... " So again, a heart issue.