Bad Advice

[jsimms615]

Move the refrigerator next to the bed. That way you won't have to get up and the extra fat will help you stay warm for winter


My mother-in-law won't go home. What should I do?

 

[Easter-ner]

Ask her to live with you permanently!

I love garlic but worry about bad breath. What should I do?

 

[jsimms615]

Try dipping the garlic in the toilet. That should help.


I can't seem to get to sleep tonight. What should I do?

 

[Romanseight2005]

Stay up all night and watch infomercials. Buy everything they show you. Your life will be much easier with all those gadgets.

We can't decide which church to attend. How should we choose?

 

[jsimms615]

Go to all of them. That way you can get a wide perspective.


A little light on my dashboard won't go off. What should I do?

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Stick a piece of chewed gum over it until it hides the light.

I'm on a New Year's diet but still have a craving for a 1kg bar of chocolate. What should I do?

 

[Romanseight2005]

Eat all of the chocolate you want!

I can't get my son to clean his room. What should I do?

 

[anyman]

Force him to watch tv & play video games until he conforms

I have a strange itching sensation on the soles of my feet. any advise?

 

[Romanseight2005]

Hang out near puddles of water and wait for the mosquitoes to bite. Do this while barefoot so they will be sure to bite.

I am 15 pounds overweight. How should I lose the weight?

 

[anyman]

Try speeding up your metabolism with lots of doughnuts.

I constantly loose my car keys. A little help please?

 

[thriftyEvie]

attach your keys to a string around your neck, that way you will never lose them.

My son loves potatoes, i can not keep enough of them in the kitchen,what should i do?

 

[anyman]

Start diciplining him by hitting him repetedly with large baking potatos.....he should loose interest.

I'm thinking of starting a home business. Any ideas?

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

You could start up a business called "Hacking Banks' Mainframes R Us"

I keep drinking too much coffee. What can I do to cut back?

 

[anyman]

You should switch to Red bull in the afternoon. If you drink 2 of those for every cup of coffee you'd normally drink it should satisfy your craving.

I'm considering planting a cactus garden. Any sugestions for its location?

 

[Easter-ner]

Plant the cactus garden near the steps, that way, if anyone falls the cactus will be there to cushion them!

My hair is getting too long. What should I do?

 

[anyman]

I have a friend who's a hair stylist. Her names Delilah & she's really pretty. I'll get her # for you.


I have a small child at home. He wants to get a pet. Any suggestions?

 

[jsimms615]

Pythons like to cuddle and would make a good choice.



What should I get my dad for his birthday?

 

[anyman]

A funeral plot makes a lovely gift.

Trying to get over a fear of both heights & rejection. Any ideas?

 

[Romanseight2005]

Go skydiving. Make sure that someone you love packs the parachute. Have them cause the chute to be lodged so it won't come out when you pull it. Your fear of heights, and your rejection issues will end shortly after this.

I am really anxious, and I can't eat or sleep. What should I do?

 

[anyman]

Go down to the abandonded house at 2nd & Main. Ask for Bill & tell him you'd like to buy some "Anxiaty Medicine". You should develope an appitite & be able to sleep. Make sure you go alone & carry lots of cash with you.

My Dog barks all night. How can I make him stop?