Are we too dependant on others?

[BoarderDave]

I have had such a mess of a morning/afternoon today and the biggest thing on my heart is that I was feeling completely unwanted. Nobody needs me. Nobody WANTS me.. Or so I was mentally beating myself into thinking. hah.

Well after I confessed such things to a good friend of mine.. she explained how unhealthy it was of me to be so dependant on others to constantly be giving me attention. How she is going to be praying for me to work this out so that I can be happy and satisfied with myself, even when others aren't right by my side.

So now this just hit me and is settling into my heart; I am SO dependant on everyone around me. For once in my life.. everyone is doing their own thing, and Im losing it. This isn't good. :o

So I ask you all.. do you share this tendency to depend a bit TOO much on people? Im curious if Im the only one here or if others fight this too.

 

[Fremdin]

I do. I need to be around people. The strange thing is, I am a loner so even though I long to be with others I very rarely reveal myself to them. So I'm dependant on others but I never let them get close to me. I may drop hints here and there but on the whole I do not engage on a very deep level. I just like to have people around, at all times.

 

[mina]

in a way; i think it's perfectly natural and healthy to need others and to be needed by others. Of course there's overboard, but none of us are an island. Having interrelated relationships is a healthy and positive part of life. I think we have lost some of that by trying to be so fiercely independent as a society. It's very weird to grasp the reality that this concept has become. at least it's a hard concept for me to grasp. I'm pretty much alone all the time. And i want to be needed and wanted and loved, but i don't have that right now. I am ok, but i don't feel as healthy or as content as i could be with positive relationships in my life. You don't know who you are and what you can withstand until it's just you, but it's also awfully nice to have that and not have to worry about always being alone. I can be who i am either way i think, but i'd rather have the 7 hugs a day.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

I used to be fairly needy and I'm not sure what happened that changed me but I'm fairly independent now. I've always been a loner and as Fremdin said, I also wanted to be needed.
But now I get on with my life the way I want to.

 

[Fremdin]

I think I desperately need approval and attention. I want to be the coolest, most fun and funniest person in the orbit of my friends.

 

[Periann]

I want to be liked but I don't do well with too much attention. I get self-concious way easily unless I'm truly comfortable with the person I'm talking to and have known them for a while. I'm kind of the opposite in that I get annoyed when people need too much of me, and I'm beginning to recognize that I can be very selfish in things like that and I struggle against it. I've been told that I put out a "don't get too close to me" air and it's kind of a bummer. I guess deep down I would love to have someone who would be there for me and take care of me but I hate the thought that I might become so dependant on them that I can't be happy on my own.

 

[BoarderDave]

Thanks for the input everyone. Keep it coming. Good to see Im not the only one who get's into this..

I think I desperately need approval and attention. I want to be the coolest, most fun and funniest person in the orbit of my friends.

Yeah, that's more like me.. I just want to get the kudos from people.. and have people want things from me or something along those lines.

I just need to discover my happiness with myself. And having a good independent life.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think we go thru stages (sounds like you're going thru one ). You have to be comfortable just being you .....with you, if that makes any sense. I used to always get upset when I wasn't "included". Then I figured out, that I am a pretty cool person, and I happen to like me, and then I stopped needing to be included. I still like to be included, but if I'm not....it's their loss, not mine. . And sometimes we can be in a room full of people (friends) and be sooooooo lonely. So....
besides you ARE a cool person. And I'm sure you're really fun to hang out with, so just keep that in mind when you're doggin on yourself. And pick yourself back up, and make your own plans. by yourself or otherwise.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

No. I can't leave if I'm needed, I need to keep myself in a state where I'm expendable so I can leave anytime.
(Wow, I think my rep power has gone from under 1000 to OVER 9000!!)

 

[justaGUYnamedROB]

"I refuse to join any club who would have me as a member." - Groucho Marx

 

[Keri]

I know how you feel Dave. I've kinda come to a point in my life like that as well. Everyone is doing their own thing and it's hard not to feel alone and then spend more time thinking about how you're dependent. I feel you.

 

[Hudson Hawk]

I tell ya Dave, I have been very similiar to the way you mentioned for most all my life. I did not really think of it or admit it until the last year or so. I, for many reasons I suppose always wanted to be liked and not be anyones enemy to the point I would practically deny being myself to do so. Depending on others for my happyness and their opinions pretty much.

I have worked on that and done it to the point that im starting to get the mentality of being happy in my own skin and not depending on someone else for it. I know who I am and I am starting to like it that way . It is worth the effort to change, and I wish you the best in doing so!

 

[Luther073082]

I'm kind of weird on this. I love to be around people, be needed, have people talking to me. Quite often I'm perfectly fine, happy and comfortable being the center of attention.

But I do fine when I'm alone too. In fact I would tell you that I need that kind of time to myself. No matter if I'm sitting in my room on CF or just taking a quiet drive on the interstate. I like to have my time alone.

 

[HopeFaithLove4u]

Well after I confessed such things to a good friend of mine.. she explained how unhealthy it was of me to be so dependant on others to constantly be giving me attention. How she is going to be praying for me to work this out so that I can be happy and satisfied with myself, even when others aren't right by my side.

I, 100%, agree with this gal!

I challenge you Dave.....have you ever gone to a restaurant, by yourself, and eaten? Or the movies?
Be content and happy within yourself.....then it won't bother you what other people think and are doing.

 

[BoarderDave]

I, 100%, agree with this gal!

I challenge you Dave.....have you ever gone to a restaurant, by yourself, and eaten? Or the movies?
Be content and happy within yourself.....then it won't bother you what other people think and are doing.

I have done a lot by myself..

Never a movie though..

 

[Sketcher]

Given the way I grew up, I have the opposite problem by necessity. I'm not very social and I spend a lot of time doing non-social things, and I find them fun.

 

[ido]

Dave - when you're out on your board and by yourself, how do you feel? I'm guessing you feel at peace - kind of "one" with your surroundings. Do you "need" anyone then?

See if you can find a way to translate that feeling into your every day life.

 

[Quoth]

The approval of certain friends puts me on cloud 9, but I am mostly self-motivated and independent. I'm not a powerhouse of self-confidence and motivation, but my attitude is this:

"I am me. I present myself to the world, for better or worse. I can stand on my own two feet whether or not you care about me. I have value, and there's precious little you can do to step on that. I will swallow my pride, admit my mistakes, learn from them, and continue on, knowing that God loves me and I don't need your approval."

I like approval from others, but I don't need it to be happy.

 

[BoarderDave]

I think we go thru stages (sounds like you're going thru one ). You have to be comfortable just being you .....with you, if that makes any sense. I used to always get upset when I wasn't "included". Then I figured out, that I am a pretty cool person, and I happen to like me, and then I stopped needing to be included. I still like to be included, but if I'm not....it's their loss, not mine. . And sometimes we can be in a room full of people (friends) and be sooooooo lonely. So....
besides you ARE a cool person. And I'm sure you're really fun to hang out with, so just keep that in mind when you're doggin on yourself. And pick yourself back up, and make your own plans. by yourself or otherwise.

hehe, I didnt skip over your post.. just didnt have time to reply to it at the time I read it.. then kind of forgot.

Yeah, I definitely am getting it now. I really need to keep my spirits up about my independence and find my own things to keep me happy. I usually can do that just fine, but with this past ex of mine, she was distant a bit, so it made it feel like she SAID she liked me, but I wasn't feeling it. So it made me question my self worth. heh.

Things are looking up for me though. Im learning this whole independent route.

Dave - when you're out on your board and by yourself, how do you feel? I'm guessing you feel at peace - kind of "one" with your surroundings. Do you "need" anyone then?

See if you can find a way to translate that feeling into your every day life.

Yeah, I definitely get all chilled out with myself when Im floating around in the ocean. It's great. At the same time, its way fun to have friends out with me, but I can still find my happiness when Im by myself. In fact, I had this Jack Johnson song.. called Monsoon.. that instantly puts me into a stoked-for-surf kind of mood.. so I used to float there singing the song to myself (nobody else within ear-shot) in between waves. haha. It actually made me smile just to sit there and vibe out to a song.

"I am me. I present myself to the world, for better or worse. I can stand on my own two feet whether or not you care about me. I have value, and there's precious little you can do to step on that. I will swallow my pride, admit my mistakes, learn from them, and continue on, knowing that God loves me and I don't need your approval."

Awesome quote. Thanks.