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Things have happened and I'm still here and it's crazy, I ask myself why am I hear, why do I love him? I can't answer why.
He sure has, I honestly think I'm trauma bonded, I had a horrible experience that had him as the perpetrator but he was the one who was there after the event to console and comfort me, we bonded, I some times wonder when I look back if it was set up, it was him, his mistress and I showed up and found out, it was like nothing, he didn't even act like I was there, he wouldn't leave or make her leave, he was whisper to her at one point, found out they were talking to figure out how to get rid of me. and then I Said that this isn’t love and he was saying to me I do love you and then she is saying he does love you. It's twisted. It's demeaning, degrading. I left he stayed with her. Here in April a yr later, he told me because I kept asking why dies it seem your always going back to her? So he yell because she blank blank like a porn star. I was shocked, devastated and it felt demeaning, how could a husband do something like that knowing how much pain he already caused me. I try to remember these moments because I don't believe god wants me to be with a man that abuses his wife that way, because it is abuse, he never is verbally abuse but that one time destroyed me, I believe that was the point.
I have been doing alot of research. He is in jail and he is going to prison. He does not no anything. I have a default divorce hearing in October. I live in a home owned by my parents. He doesn’t have anyone to help him. I can block him from calling.
When your walk with God depends on someone else instead of your own will, you aren't really walking with God. "Seeing" someone doesn't mean you necessarily want the best for them (sacrificial love) it can only mean that you lust for them and want their attention selfishly. You have to remember that narcissists can have big egos an if they "think" you no longer love them then they think that first you are wrong, but over time it can hurt their ego so they play a game that they get you to love them again and once their ego is satisfied (and lusting too) they go on to the next challenge. That's right, many people aren't really interested in loving someone so much to give their lives for them and sacrifice greatly for the best for them, they are only interested in the challenge of getting something that nobody else can and their love of challenge can cause them to jump from one person to the other regardless of promises.
Unless God is giving you a clue you have to look at his behavior. People typically don't change unless something drastic happens to them and if they are forced to change it may only be temporary as unless their nature has changed sooner or later they will revert back to "normal' when the condition that caused them to change is gone. Talk is cheap and broken promises and lies and abuse signal that the person isn't seeking God and thus God cannot influence them easily. One thing about divorce is that it doesn't preclude remarrying the one you divorce althought I do not suggest it because unless both people change in the former marriage history can repeat itself.
When you have sex with someone, it creates a spiritual connection. In the Bible it says two become one. God doesn't see a couple in a marriage spiritually by default but one spirit. It is not that he can't see separate spirits but the biblical hierarchy of a marriage is the family is seen as one. You are connected spiritually with your husband and I've not a clue as how to break that connection but God knows how. We love in many ways and many levels and there are differing kinds of love also and when you share everything you are with someone physically and mentally you are tethering your "all" to them. You could consider it a sort of addiction not necessarily bad but some of the same symptoms and the withdrawal from it differs between individuals some find it very hard others can easily go on to the next "drug" or relationship and feel very little.
He never showered me. also he was on meth alot of our marriage, in those times he acted differently, totally different person on drug.
Not good. I would have (if I were married to someone on drugs) demand they quit and be tested as dealing with people on drugs is a losing task. If you aren't special enough to be showered with attention on occasion, then you aren't going to be in a good marriage with that person.
