Approval of divorce and remarriage

[Jessica Ryan]

You can't save or reform anyone. All you can do is to share the Gospel with him - that Jesus died on the Cross to take away his sins, and if he repents of all known sins, believes the Gospel and puts his trust in Christ, he will be saved, and have the indwelling Holy Spirit to transform him into the person Christ wants him to be.

But I would continue in prayer to make sure that the guy's motives are pure. This is the problem when a male in his position is attracted to a female in your position. You need to be as harmless as a dove and wise as a serpent in these matters. You need to be ultra sensitive to what the Holy Spirit might say to you, because He knows the hearts of people and when dealing with a guy in prison who is wanting to get to know you better, it is best to deal with that with a long barge pole, ready to run away if things turn pear shaped.

He is my husband, the guy in jail, im considering divorce, one day i feel i need to divorce him then next day i should not divorce him, for one i do have people who influence divorce. I cant say one person well maybe one, that thinks I should stay. My dad actually tell me to get hid of him and have been threatened uf i dont i want have a place to live. If I read the word I feel it points to stay, not give up, have faith and pray. So idk back to confused.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

He is my husband, the guy in jail, im considering divorce, one day i feel i need to divorce him then next day i should not divorce him, for one i do have people who influence divorce. I cant say one person well maybe one, that thinks I should stay. My dad actually tell me to get hid of him and have been threatened uf i dont i want have a place to live. If I read the word I feel it points to stay, not give up, have faith and pray. So idk back to confused.

Oh. I didn't realise he's your husband. That puts a different slant on it. I think it depends on why he is in prison, and/or whether it is something that he has done to you, saying in the way of domestic violence. Don't divulge the reason on this public forum. If he has always been good, kind, and gentle to you as a loving husband, then there is no reason why you should divorce him. If he is in prison for quite a while, it might be a test for you, being apart from him for maybe years. Anyway, you must follow your heart, no matter what your father says to you.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

Covenants are contracts and even though parts of it can be broken it takes the party that incurs damages because of it to terminate it. It is not broken until you decide it is essentially. If you feel he cannot "pay" the price you seek to make things right then you can decide to quit the contract based upon his no honoring it. In the Bible God talked many times about covenants being broken and in the end a new covenant was offered because Israel broke the old one. Many Jews are still keeping the old covenant even though God has a new one they refuse to agree to.
Someone who won't honor a contract sooner or later you have to cancel the contract with them and perhaps sue them for damages in court.

Why do I struggle with to give up or to keep on fighting? It's hard.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Why do I struggle with to give up or to keep on fighting? It's hard.

The only way is through prayer so that God's will can be made more clear to you.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

Oh. I didn't realise he's your husband. That puts a different slant on it. I think it depends on why he is in prison, and/or whether it is something that he has done to you, saying in the way of domestic violence. Don't divulge the reason on this public forum. If he has always been good, kind, and gentle to you as a loving husband, then there is no reason why you should divorce him. If he is in prison for quite a while, it might be a test for you, being apart from him for maybe years. Anyway, you must follow your heart, no matter what your father says to you.

He is an addict, he is in and out of jail. Infidelity. It's kinda hard to work on a marriage if he is in jail or if he continue to use.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

The only way is through prayer so that God's will can be made more clear to you.

I do, I have, it's been over a yr.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

He is an addict, he is in and out of jail. Infidelity. It's kinda hard to work on a marriage if he is in jail or if he continue to use.

Only you will know whether it is right for you to stay or to part company. Infidelity gives you the freedom to divorce without censure from God, also you will need to consider what kind of marriage you will have with someone who is an addict who may not be willing to give it up. If he is not a Christian, then being unevenly yoked to an unbeliever may cause you a lot of grief and eventually drag you down.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I do, I have, it's been over a yr.

This speaks a lot for your loyalty to your husband regardless of what he has done to you.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

Only you will know whether it is right for you to stay or to part company. Infidelity gives you the freedom to divorce without censure from God, also you will need to consider what kind of marriage you will have with someone who is an addict who may not be willing to give it up. If he is not a Christian, then being unevenly yoked to an unbeliever may cause you a lot of grief and eventually drag you down.

Thing is its been 7 yrs and I am dragged down already more like a shell of who I was. I'm not positive he is a Christian, he seems to think so.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

This speaks a lot for your loyalty to your husband regardless of what he has done to you.

Thank you im glad someone sees it this way.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Thank you im glad someone sees it this way.

The bottom line of your wedding vow is "in sickness and in health; for better or for worse". It seems that you are leaning toward the "worse" side of your marriage right now. It seems to me that because you made a vow before God, the thought of breaking it is giving you conflict.

To be honest, I can't tell you what to do. I can only trust that the Lord will show you the right way for you to go in the light of your circumstances.

I suggest you find a good Christian marriage counsellor who has professional qualifications, who can help you work through all this to a place of peace whatever you decide.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

The bottom line of your wedding vow is "in sickness and in health; for better or for worse". It seems that you are leaning toward the "worse" side of your marriage right now. It seems to me that because you made a vow before God, the thought of breaking it is giving you conflict.

To be honest, I can't tell you what to do. I can only trust that the Lord will show you the right way for you to go in the light of your circumstances.

I suggest you find a good Christian marriage counsellor who has professional qualifications, who can help you work through all this to a place of peace whatever you decide.

Your right. I was going to counseling until summer break, im going back soon, the affair was a yr ago, I still have not healed, alot is because the lack of willing from my husband I believe. I feel stuck.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

Your right. I was going to counseling until summer break, im going back soon, the affair was a yr ago, I still have not healed, alot is because the lack of willing from my husband I believe. I feel stuck.

Yes but also to my husband because I take it very serious, I promised. If he has been abandoned by his mom and others and it has caused him serious issues and then here I am and I divorce him but I promised I wouldn't, then what does that say? He already has no self worth, he doesn't love himself. Jesus doesn't abandon me when I hurt him or betray him, so this is why it's hard to leave.

 

[bmjackson]

My advice to you after being married to a gambling addicted criminal, is not to focus on divorce. The question is: can you live with him again when God has not given you orders to do so? I did not know about my ex's addiction before we married and the Lord showed me that it was therefore not a marriage as we need to know what we are letting ourselves in for to make a contract. I was released from the marriage.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

My advice to you after being married to a gambling addicted criminal, is not to focus on divorce. The question is: can you live with him again when God has not given you orders to do so? I did not know about my ex's addiction before we married and the Lord showed me that it was therefore not a marriage as we need to know what we are letting ourselves in for to make a contract. I was released from the marriage.

I knew but didn't if that makes since, I never had dealt with addiction or anyone addicted. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

 

[bmjackson]

Then it was not a marriage of consenting individuals.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

He has tried to say I knew what I was getting myself into. Before we were married he got high on the bus ride home from prison, found out after we were married from someone else.

 

[bmjackson]

Of course he will try to tie you to him. He knows he can manipulate you.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

My advice to you after being married to a gambling addicted criminal, is not to focus on divorce. The question is: can you live with him again when God has not given you orders to do so? I did not know about my ex's addiction before we married and the Lord showed me that it was therefore not a marriage as we need to know what we are letting ourselves in for to make a contract. I was released from the marriage.

I believe if I choose to stay or to leave God will honor it. I know if he uses. He cheats, the cheating is the worst pain, no trust, he is unwilling to communicate but he is passive aggressive, it's hard to get him to express feelings, it's frustrating, I need for him to get, understand the pain and hurt his actions caused, he does not seem to or doesn't care, he says he does, I feel he is has withdrawn emotional, idk he has issues from childhood trauma and abandonment issues. It's just alot. I just want to give up because it is to much, I mean most people that have hurt someone they love are willing to do anything to help the hurt one heal, not be hurt again, I dont see it, it's more him frustrated and wants me to get over it.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

I believe if I choose to stay or to leave God will honor it. I know if he uses. He cheats, the cheating is the worst pain, no trust, he is unwilling to communicate but he is passive aggressive, it's hard to get him to express feelings, it's frustrating, I need for him to get, understand the pain and hurt his actions caused, he does not seem to or doesn't care, he says he does, I feel he is has withdrawn emotional, idk he has issues from childhood trauma and abandonment issues. It's just alot. I just want to give up because it is to much, I mean most people that have hurt someone they love are willing to do anything to help the hurt one heal, not be hurt again, I dont see it, it's more him frustrated and wants me to get over it.

The way I'm going to get over it, is to leave the marriage.