Approval of divorce and remarriage

[Jessica Ryan]

No divorced still married

 

[Jessica Ryan]

Well sex outside the marriage.

If committing violence against the one who is supposed to be ‘one flesh’ with you isn't a violation of God's intentions for marriage as a faithful, one flesh union, I don't know what is, abuse and adultery fall under violating 'one flesh' union.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

If committing violence against the one who is supposed to be ‘one flesh’ with you isn't a violation of God's intentions for marriage as a faithful, one flesh union, I don't know what is, abuse and adultery fall under violating 'one flesh' union.

chronic hardness of heart” is grounds for divorce when there is “a serious sin issue, a serious breach of the marital bond, a serious trust breakdown . . . and there is no repentance or willingness to look at that and how that’s affected the marital bond and the bond of trust.
Everything has happened in my marriage, adultery, no repentance, unwillingness, no trust, abuse ,chronic hardness of heart.

 

[Sophrosyne]

chronic hardness of heart” is grounds for divorce when there is “a serious sin issue, a serious breach of the marital bond, a serious trust breakdown . . . and there is no repentance or willingness to look at that and how that’s affected the marital bond and the bond of trust.
Everything has happened in my marriage, adultery, no repentance, unwillingness, no trust, abuse ,chronic hardness of heart.

I recommend marriage counseling for yourself, and consulting a divorce lawyer on this matter. You need people that are not embroiled in the marriage to advise you as what to do, what your choices are and how to proceed with things as they are and changes as you deal with things.

He basically is acting like he isn't married to you by his actions which means he has divorced you but doesn't want you to divorce him also.

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

I recommend marriage counseling for yourself, and consulting a divorce lawyer on this matter. You need people that are not embroiled in the marriage to advise you as what to do, what your choices are and how to proceed with things as they are and changes as you deal with things.

He basically is acting like he isn't married to you by his actions which means he has divorced you but doesn't want you to divorce him also.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

Yes! I already have a divorce and a court date, it's a default hearing. I'm setting up counseling already.

 

[Sophrosyne]

Yes! I already have a divorce and a court date, it's a default hearing. I'm setting up counseling already.

Good deal, get the counseling even if there is no problems for the divorce as living with someone that is abusing, manipulative, and narcissistic can often do damage to you and you need to also forgive him of everything after the divorce is final and move on, forgiving doesn't mean he has a clean slate with you... ever. It just means you aren't going to think "he owes you" and become bitter about any required interaction with him in the future. Abusive people that won't change that you cannot handle well need to be banished from your life if possible as that can completely stop them sinning against you.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

Good deal, get the counseling even if there is no problems for the divorce as living with someone that is abusing, manipulative, and narcissistic can often do damage to you and you need to also forgive him of everything after the divorce is final and move on, forgiving doesn't mean he has a clean slate with you... ever. It just means you aren't going to think "he owes you" and become bitter about any required interaction with him in the future. Abusive people that won't change that you cannot handle well need to be banished from your life if possible as that can completely stop them sinning against you.

I understand this because I already feel the affects and thank God he will be in jail awhile, I've already started to feel bitterness some, I was going to counseling already because of the affair but it's at a college and no counseling during summer, but this was before I knew he was narcissist. I'm pretty sure I'm trauma bonded. Thank you

 

[Sophrosyne]

I understand this because I already feel the affects and thank God he will be in jail awhile, I've already started to feel bitterness some, I was going to counseling already because of the affair but it's at a college and no counseling during summer, but this was before I knew he was narcissist. I'm pretty sure I'm trauma bonded. Thank you

It is hard to fathom narcissism if you want to see everyone as a "good" person. In the Bible there were very evil people and we saw the ugliness of man throughout it to testify that "goodness" points to God, not to us at all. I believe we are all inherently evil by nature and we have to be taught/punished/rewarded to either remain evil or more good or even more evil. I think sometimes narcissism comes by a childhood traumatic event that damages a person into thinking everyone is against them and out for themselves so they go that route. I've also heard that if we are exposed to sins (victims of them) we can often experience the desire to likewise sin the same. One could say the same demonic forces can work the same result in your life so make sure and get a good hold (education) on every sin he has done to you and understand them so that that nature won't infect you too.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

It is hard to fathom narcissism if you want to see everyone as a "good" person. In the Bible there were very evil people and we saw the ugliness of man throughout it to testify that "goodness" points to God, not to us at all. I believe we are all inherently evil by nature and we have to be taught/punished/rewarded to either remain evil or more good or even more evil. I think sometimes narcissism comes by a childhood traumatic event that damages a person into thinking everyone is against them and out for themselves so they go that route. I've also heard that if we are exposed to sins (victims of them) we can often experience the desire to likewise sin the same. One could say the same demonic forces can work the same result in your life so make sure and get a good hold (education) on every sin he has done to you and understand them so that that nature won't infect you too.

Yes I do believe childhood trauma. His mother abandoned him when he was 2, he was also sexually abused at 13 and never dealt with either, just suppressed them, I never knew about his abuse until way after we were married.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

I believe he is not saved. He thinks or maybe he really believes he is, there are no fruits of the spirit, I am saved. I believe he has a chronic hardened heart, he has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, he says somthing else but can't remember he says, oh he remembers, he just don't want to tell me, I believe, but I don't need to know because I ses it.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

I go back and forth, is he or maybe he isn't a narcissist, either way it's wrong, it hurts, it's unhealthy and it's not from God and it keeps me from God. So I keep remembering what the word of God says, not how I feel. It's hard.

 

[Sophrosyne]

I believe he is not saved. He thinks or maybe he really believes he is, there are no fruits of the spirit, I am saved. I believe he has a chronic hardened heart, he has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, he says somthing else but can't remember he says, oh he remembers, he just don't want to tell me, I believe, but I don't need to know because I ses it.

One can not be totally sure about salvation, but we can judge other by their fruits. I've found however unless someone confesses that they are a believer pointing out their sins is for the most part a waste of time. Until they feel the tug of the Holy Spirit on them most people don't think about sins the way God does they try to balance good/evil on a scale and when it tips one way or another that is what they are. This is how many people who have narcissistic tendencies think they can get away with things by comparing themselves to other sinners or having an inflated value of good deeds to cancel out their bad things. What ends up happening however is they are good to the people that they like and bad to those who they don't like. As long as they find someone to be good to (to them) it cancels out their evil. Christians must believe our deeds don't cancel our sins, we are rewarded for them if we are saved but overall perhaps those in hell don't suffer as much if they don't spend all their time doing evil so a good thing can give them a short vacation from chronic sinning. I've been around people that are Christian that still do evil and that is because they themselves define right and wrong not God. I believe they are saved but unable to stop sinning it is like a tug of war in their spirit to hang on to Jesus with bad times they grab on, and good times they..... let go again.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

I recommend marriage counseling for yourself, and consulting a divorce lawyer on this matter. You need people that are not embroiled in the marriage to advise you as what to do, what your choices are and how to proceed with things as they are and changes as you deal with things.

He basically is acting like he isn't married to you by his actions which means he has divorced you but doesn't want you to divorce him also.

So he has divorced me just not legally? But he has emotional? I don't know what I didn't see or get this, I know a long time ago I remembered someone telling me that he isn't committed but I have to be, I was so blind. I have always been 100 percent committed, faithful, loyal, I know I deserve better and I know God will provide.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

One can not be totally sure about salvation, but we can judge other by their fruits. I've found however unless someone confesses that they are a believer pointing out their sins is for the most part a waste of time. Until they feel the tug of the Holy Spirit on them most people don't think about sins the way God does they try to balance good/evil on a scale and when it tips one way or another that is what they are. This is how many people who have narcissistic tendencies think they can get away with things by comparing themselves to other sinners or having an inflated value of good deeds to cancel out their bad things. What ends up happening however is they are good to the people that they like and bad to those who they don't like. As long as they find someone to be good to (to them) it cancels out their evil. Christians must believe our deeds don't cancel our sins, we are rewarded for them if we are saved but overall perhaps those in hell don't suffer as much if they don't spend all their time doing evil so a good thing can give them a short vacation from chronic sinning. I've been around people that are Christian that still do evil and that is because they themselves define right and wrong not God. I believe they are saved but unable to stop sinning it is like a tug of war in their spirit to hang on to Jesus with bad times they grab on, and good times they..... let go again.

I brought up that possibility he has already divorce me emotional, he ask where I got my info, I said the Bible, then he turned it around on me saying I have already divorced him because I deleted him from messaging me, see when I have kicked him out in the past that is when he has cheated, i dont understand, to me no matter if we are together or not we are married, I stay faithful. Even if we fight, separate, or like now I'm going to divorce but I will still honor my covenant until those papers are signed.

 

[Sophrosyne]

So he has divorced me just not legally? But he has emotional? I don't know what I didn't see or get this, I know a long time ago I remembered someone telling me that he isn't committed but I have to be, I was so blind. I have always been 100 percent committed, faithful, loyal, I know I deserve better and I know God will provide.

If one considers remarrying in the Bible at the time of Jesus where he said no to divorce without good reason (adultery etc) so people who wanted to have sex with another person would just divorce their spouse and often leave them with no rights of a married person and then marry another person....
God never said in the Bible that Adam and Eve ever got married at all, he considers the act of sex between a man and a woman as a spiritual marriage. In marriage two singles become one couple and Adam and Eve "coupled" and had children. If he is sleeping with other women he is essentially spiritually marrying them and the only legal way you can marry another is to divorce them first in most countries.

 

[Jessica Ryan]

I

So he has divorced me just not legally? But he has emotional? I don't know what I didn't see or get this, I know a long time ago I remembered someone telling me that he isn't committed but I have to be, I was so blind. I have always been 100 percent committed, faithful, loyal, I know I deserve better and I know God will provide.

I find myself still trying to get him to understand, because I'm either in denial or idk, I just want to let go but how? It's hard to give up hope.

 

[Sophrosyne]

I brought up that possibility he has already divorce me emotional, he ask where I got my info, I said the Bible, then he turned it around on me saying I have already divorced him because I deleted him from messaging me, see when I have kicked him out in the past that is when he has cheated, i dont understand, to me no matter if we are together or not we are married, I stay faithful. Even if we fight, separate, or like now I'm going to divorce but I will still honor my covenant until those papers are signed.

You don't have to honor a contract/covenant that is broken, you just have to not sin outside of marriage till you do remarry.

 

[Sophrosyne]

I

I find myself still trying to get him to understand, because I'm either in denial or idk, I just want to let go but how? It's hard to give up hope.

Making people understand they are sinning when they continue to sin and think nothing is wrong and accuse you of sinning instead of dealing with their sins is.. pointless.