Am I bisexual? Please read my story...

[lovehopefaith]

So I'm 18, and I have always been interested in guys. I still am, and that's never changed. I plan to marry, have a family, the real thing. When I see women, I never fantasize about them. I've never even thought of fantasizing about them, and it doesn't matter what they're wearing. In fact, when I see a scantily dressed woman in public, I get so angry. It makes me feel like I'm cheap, and just an object for men to look at, and that hurts me emotionally! I certainly don't lust after her or want to be like her. I'm worth a lot more than that!

So anyway, the problem developed the more I masterbated (the last few months especially). Whenever I did, I always thought about women, not men. I never thought of sleeping with a woman mind you (God forbid!), just a woman's parts on my body. I've never really felt feminine or pretty, and when I was younger I used to want to be a boy because I thought boys had all the fun. Maybe that has something to do with it.

Anyway, I sometimes think about men, but I get way more arousal from thinking about a woman. If I come across something on the Internet when I am alone, (and no, I never look at any kind of porn, but you know how easy it is for something to pop up) I feel like I want to touch. And I don't know what's wrong with me! I never think of women that way, and I never fantasize body parts at any other time! I feel like such a pervert, and I don't know what to do! I mean, how are you supposed to control your body's urges? Is it even possible? If I stop masterbating, and if I put my computer in a more open place, that would solve the thinking problem, but what scares me the most is what if that is who I really am? People say that who you are when you're by yourself is the true you! If that's the case, how can I fix the dark parts of my mind that still exist even when I don't think about them? They're still there, right? And I feel guiltier about it all the time!

I never thought this would be a problem for me, as I have been told many times, "Girl, you are obsessed with guys!"... but anyway, I am asking for your Christian advice? Thank-you.

 

[doctorwho29]

I'm a guy who has a very similar problem (I catch myself fantisizing about other men when I don't want to). I try to pray everytime such an image comes into my head and one of my main persistant prayers has been to ask God to mold me into the person He wants me to be, whoever that is. I hope that helps.

 

[MrStraightforward]

lovehopefaith,
This types of feelings are more common that you might suspect. You don't choose them, so don't beat yourself up for having them! Various studies have shown that many women have, at some point in their lives, had fantasies about other women. So if it makes you feel better, you are certainly NOT alone. Having these attractions does not mean you are a lesbian, it just means you, at times have sexual thoughts about women. Join the crowd!
That said, masturbating while fantasizing about women will strengthen your brain's association between women and sexual attraction/pleasure, and that is not what you want. Your suggestion of moving your computer sounds like a really good one! You might think about talking to a psychologist about these unwanted feelings. Good luck. And stop beating yourself up for feelings you don't choose to have! Accept them, and soldier on.

 

[bendslikeawillow]

I don't think you're bisexual at all You are coming into your sexuality, exploring different ideas in your mind, and getting to know yourself. This is VERY common, in both young women and men. It causes a lot of teenagers a lot of stress. Most teenagers question their orientation at one point or another, and turn out to be totally straight

People have intrusive thoughts, thoughts they don't want, and that doesn't mean that they WANT those thoughts. That's just human. I do agree with mrstraightforward, though, about how induldging those thoughts ill strengthen the association. It won't MAKE you bisexual (or a lesbian), but it will lead to more confusion, and more guilt and remorse. If one of those thoughts pop into your head, don't beat yourself up, and don't feel guilty. Just gently redirect the thought to something you happier and more comfortable with

 

[IgnusAnima]

It doesn't look like your bisexual. I would say you were curious. <staff edit> more people than you would think go through such phases. But what you have to understand is that even if you do turn out to be bisexual or lesbian, that you are not evil or <staff edit>. God loves his Children no matter who or what they are. He made us.