Age gaps

[Citanul]

I was told that the age gap that is allowed is half your age plus 7 years until you are 50 and then I forget the rule.

So if your 40 you can date somebody half your age plus 7 years so the youngest should be 27. If you are 20 then it is half your age plus 7 years so the youngest you should date is 17.

Its just something I heard and not fact.

I would say it's less what's allowed and more a guideline, although I think that "rule" seems to work best when the older party is in the 20-30 age range.

As to what age gap I would consider, for me it's dependent on current life situations. I'm in my late 30s and have a house and a steady job, which makes me a little reluctant to date someone in their mid 20s whose living and working situation might be more fluid.

When it comes to a partner, I'm looking for someone with whom I can settle down and maybe (although not necessarily) start a family, and I certainly wouldn't want to delay the latter for too long. I'm not looking to go on some sort of adventure or explore new options with no knowing of where they might lead, so if the woman in her 20s was more interested in those things then I don't think we'd be well-suited for each other.

 

[SnowyMacie]

Personally, I've recently decided that four years in either direction seems like a good range for me. The biggest age gap that I know personally was a friend in high school, his dad was 10 years older than his mom.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

I really have no qualms with anyone who balks at large age gaps within a relationship/marriage or finds it weird and suspicious, because it does indeed look...strange. I can agree with that. But I personally don't feel that way about it. Partly because that's just who I am, age is a number to me, and perhaps partly because I've known a good handful of happy and successful relationships/marriages that have large age gaps. I even have a sister who is married to a man 12 years older than she is. They have three children together and are happy.

I know what I tend to be attracted to, but to be fair, I can't add anything based on experience since I've never dated. But I know myself pretty well, and I know on my end I could make a relationship with a large age gap work.

Putting aside the cliché reasons such as 'Ew, that's gross' or 'that's so weird'...large age gaps can work if both parties are not only consenting adults, but also grounded, stable individuals who have reached the point in their lives where they know who they are, what they're about, what they want to acheive in life and are steadily working towards that achievement, they understand and contain the maturity to accept that love/relationships is not sunshine and rainbows, ect. ...Now, having said that, I'll acknowledge that said people tend to be in their mid-twenties and above, so I don't necessarily recommend anyone younger to date someone 12+ years their senior.

Now, for me personally, I'm almost 27 and it wouldn't faze me one bit to be dating someone 20 years my senior. Heck, 20 years is on the lower end to me. Lol. 20 is more like 10 in my mind to be perfectly honest. ... Obviously that's not for everyone and that's OKAY. But there's nothing wrong or weird about large age gaps, you just need to have your ducks in a row and to be absolutely certain that you're comfortable with it and if it's the right thing for you. Such relationships have their challenges, although they come a little later in life and for obvious, age-related reasons. But EVERY kind of relationship has its own unqiue challenges, which we all know full well and can't argue with.

*To clarify, I don't condone ALL large age gaps. Like dating someone 40+ years your senior/junior is not weird or gross per se if both are consenting adults, but simply...it's ridiculous.

 

[Julie.S]

There are older men I am attracted to I will admit that. I can't be with them for multiple reasons. One of them being people around me will probably flip out.

A guy I like who is around 35 or 36 also came on to me recently and then later said he was not comfortable dating due to distance and our ages. We have the same likes and such. I'm 24 and I can understand his caution but it still hurt.

 

[redblue22]

I think finding someone to match me would be a harder thing to find than finding a person who matches some average idea of age. That being said, I think the closer and younger the age then all the better.

 

[Travelers.Soul]

Personally I don't think I could date or be in a relationship with a guy more than 15 years older than me, my general rule is no more than 10 years older but I would go up to 15 for the right guy. I have no issue with dating guys younger than me but it is a case by case basis.

 

[Gnarwhal]

The one thing that I think of, particularly with women dating older men, is that biologically men tend to pass away earlier than women do. According to the WHO, the average life expectancy for a woman is 81 in the U.S., while it's 76 for a man. So putting aside the social stigmas or what-have-you about a woman dating a man who's 20+ years older than her, that still means that even if he's in good health and lives an active lifestyle, it's still possible that he could die when his wife is only in her 50's.

That's just kind of sad to me because it seems like it would unnecessarily shave a lot of years off of the marriage. You know?

If anything men ought to date women who are, on average, 4-5 years older than them so they can both go out at the same time.

 

[William67]

I wouldn't have a problem dating someone close to my age except for the fact that women my age cant, or wont, bear children. And if I get married, part of the equation is children. So, I cant restrict myself to women to women 5 years my junior. And if people don't like it, too bad.

 

[Goodbook]

I think seven years is probably the most difference you can have without it being all weird.

Othewise you risk it being unequally yoked, even if the guy is christian. I mean i have friendships with sisters who are of all ages but then I relate to them differently and it depends on their spiritual maturity.

I think you find your level and certainly theres people much older than me, who are still just babes in christ. If you are seeking a companion, its not fun to be around a guy who just has no clue about spiritual matters. And of course hes not going to listen to a woman go on about this. If you going on a date with someone its going to crop up sooner or later cos you dont want to really be alone with a guy who you dont feel safe around and not assured is saved.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

I don't take into account death statistics and whatnot. ...I'm in my twenties, but regardless, I could go to the grocery store this same day and die in a car accident. I'm also capable of getting sick of a serious illness and succumbing to it like any 72-year-old man or woman. I have a new work client who is recently widowed and she's anywhere between 38-42 years of age. Her husband was about the same age as well when he died. Death comes when God says so.

Anyway, I do understand that point-of-view. But I also think it would be a shame to pass up a beautiful and loving relationship/marriage, no matter how short, with the person you love. I know that I would rather have it that way than never knowing a single day of God-given pleasure and completeness of being with the man I love.

That's just the way I see it.

 

[redblue22]

Something about your post reminds me that I have enjoyed many long term relationships. I can't imagine all that time just sitting around never having had a relationship, waiting for God, and playing philosopher of other people's relationships.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Something about your post reminds me that I have enjoyed many long term relationships. I can't imagine all that time just sitting around never having had a relationship, waiting for God, and playing philosopher of other people's relationships.

Mine?...or who are we talking here?

 

[redblue22]

Mine?...or who are we talking here?

Well, yes, your post just kind of sparked some good memories. I don't know why. Maybe it was about appreciating shorter lived relationships. I was overtaken with appreciation for both shorter and longer relationships I've had. Thank you.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Well, yes, your post just kind of sparked some good memories. I don't know why. Maybe it was about appreciating shorter lived relationships. I was overtaken with appreciation for both shorter and longer relationships I've had. Thank you.

Ooh, gotcha. Okay, cool.

 

[MehGuy]

I heard about a 110 year old marrying an 18 year old.

Luckily for her, he looked young for his age. Some people thought he was only 105.

 

[Gnarwhal]

I heard about a 110 year old marrying an 18 year old.

Luckily for her, he looked young for his age. Some people thought he was only 105.

That wedding night must've been craaaa-zzyyyy.

 

[MehGuy]

That wedding night must've been craaaa-zzyyyy.

He was.. he was.. he was into.. cruel things..

 

[Gnarwhal]

He was.. he was.. he was into.. cruel things..

I don't know why but my mind immediately went to Se7en.

 

[Truthfrees]

MOD HAT ON

Please discuss the topic and not each other.

If your post is missing, it's for this reason, or for quoting someone doing this.

MOD HAT OFF

 

[Calvinist Dark Lord]

I don't really care what other people do dating wise either its up to them not me. Its a little weird when the guy could be her dad though.

Right now i'm seeing somebody young enough to be my daughter. The age difference is greater than your stated age.

We're doing just fine thank you, and will be married as soon as possible.