Age gaps

[Julie.S]

Right now i'm seeing somebody young enough to be my daughter. The age difference is greater than your stated age.

We're doing just fine thank you, and will be married as soon as possible.

That's wonderful for you if it was me though my parents would be flipping out. I respect my parents views that's all and I don't want to cause them stress. I'm not hating on you for what you do with your life.

 

[Goodbook]

As I said before the differences will show up later, maybe not now but a few years down the track.

I know this one girl who married someone old enough to be her dad, the marriage lasted five years. They had two children. They eloped. After the divorce she said to me what she was really afraid of was having to look after her ex husband as he got older.
Well while she was married she was bound to. But she still feels that obligation, and certainly in the first beginnings of their relationship there was probably a certain amount of deception.

Anyway it was a lot of drama that I didn't really want to know about but if you are wise you can avoid that. Look before you leap anyway. Marry in haste, repent at leisure.

 

[Goodbook]

(I didn't know her pre-divorce, I just know her post-divorce). Just want to be clear that, otherwise if I was her friend back then I would have warned her at least.

It is important if your parents are christians that you obtain a blessing for any marriage relationship, because face it you may need their support when the grand children come along. And that goes for the in-laws as well. At least get along with them, it would be awful to marry into a family but then at the same time be ostracised from them.

 

[Calvinist Dark Lord]

That's wonderful for you if it was me though my parents would be flipping out. I respect my parents views that's all and I don't want to cause them stress. I'm not hating on you for what you do with your life.

Her parents are NOT amused. i'm much closer to their age than hers. However there are other issues involved --she was somewhat estranged from her parents before she met me. i don't particularly care for her parents either...mine are long deceased, no issue there.

However, the girl has lived on her own thousands of miles away from her parents for over 14 years. She has a good career that is pretty much recession proof. She also makes A LOT more than i do. However i am content with what i make.

i worry that i might not live long enough to see my grand children...assuming we decide to have children, that's iffy.

i am healthy as is she and we have many common interests. i'll give what i can in the years i have left.

Incidentally, it will be a first marriage for both of us.

 

[Julie.S]

Her parents are NOT amused. i'm much closer to their age than hers. However there are other issues involved --she was somewhat estranged from her parents before she met me. i don't particularly care for her parents either...mine are long deceased, no issue there.

However, the girl has lived on her own thousands of miles away from her parents for over 14 years. She has a good career that is pretty much recession proof. She also makes A LOT more than i do. However i am content with what i make.

i worry that i might not live long enough to see my grand children...assuming we decide to have children, that's iffy.

i am healthy as is she and we have many common interests. i'll give what i can in the years i have left.

Incidentally, it will be a first marriage for both of us.

Well that does change things a bit.

I am my parents only daughter so we are all cautious to a degree with who I date for good reason of course.

 

[Deidre32]

I was always the type to go 5 years, older or younger. That was my 'limit.' Age is just a number, but think it's more phases of life or whatever, that make dating too old, too young more of an issue.

 

[Goodbook]

I wouldnt worry about it so much if I were you Julie S.
You parents sound like they looking out for you and thats a good thing, plus you not being taken advantage of moneywise.

These days with women in the workforce and earning, if an unscrupoulous man sees the opportunity to coast on what his wife earns plus being younger with more years in the workforce ahead of her, it might be hes not likely to make a good head of the household. He may want YOu to be the head. When women wear the pants in a marriage it isnt actually a good thing, the man is abdicating his responsibility as a husband.

In marriages like these often what happens is the man is emasculated and they split. I see that happen a lot.

 

[timewerx]

Well yea thats weird. Often those types of relationships are sugar daddy or sugar mama type ones. Often they dont work out, and the person was seduced comes into bondage they cant easily get out of. But that depends on the hidden motives for them to be together..usually it involves money in exchange for favours, to be blunt.

I am in my mid 30's and might date someone over 10 years younger and I am in no financially advantageous position whatsoever! I've recently been unemployed too! lol! So I don't think it's about money in this case.

 

[GQ Chris]

I am in my mid 30's and might date someone over 10 years younger and I am in no financially advantageous position whatsoever! I've recently been unemployed too! lol! So I don't think it's about money in this case.

lol; then maybe she likes your gray beard?

 

[Calvinist Dark Lord]

lol; then maybe she likes your gray beard?

In my case, she actually does like the gray beard. We get some hard looks from people when we are out in public together. i mentioned that she is in good health...well, she sometimes looks 10 years younger than her actual age. i look a bit older than my actual age. The hardest looks we get are from women in my own age group...i know what that is all about and have seen it before in the case of other people in a similar situation to our own.

We have gotten a comment a time or two. Usually it is in jest, but there have been times when i've had to tell some person to mind their own business and let us mind our business.

 

[Cearbhall]

What is the limit?
Is there one?
How old is to old?

What do you guys think.

I don't care as long as there isn't a victim. As for myself, I care more about stage of life and maturity level. For example, since I'm about to graduate college and enter the workforce, I probably wouldn't start anything with someone who will be an undergraduate next year. That could get a bit strange, even though there might only be a year between us.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Sarah was 10 years younger than Abraham. So God accept marriages with age gaps 10 years and perhaps more. But there is very few things in the bible on huge age gap marriages. So God neither supports it or deny it.

I think the key is to pray a lot about it.

1 problem I do see is the older spouse will most likely die years before the younger one. So the younger spouse will be spending years of his/her elderly years alone. Yes widows can remarry. But it isn't so easy. And there are black widows of both man and woman out there.

 

[Julie.S]

Sarah was 10 years younger than Abraham. So God accept marriages with age gaps 10 years and perhaps more. But there is very few things in the bible on huge age gap marriages. So God neither supports it or deny it.

I think the key is to pray a lot about it.

1 problem I do see is the older spouse will most likely die years before the younger one. So the younger spouse will be spending years of his/her elderly years alone. Yes widows can remarry. But it isn't so easy. And there are black widows of both man and woman out there.

I'm not concerned with religion in my dating very much.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Another problem I see is that the older person would want to settle down, while the younger person might still want to explore their options. And I am not just talking about changing jobs. I am talking about a younger person in North America suddenly wanting to work in Africa for 5 years. There is a big identity crisis in a lot of the young people. And a person that is 10 years older might want to settle down and have no interest in quitting his/her job and moving to Africa.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Her parents are NOT amused. i'm much closer to their age than hers. However there are other issues involved --she was somewhat estranged from her parents before she met me. i don't particularly care for her parents either...mine are long deceased, no issue there.

However, the girl has lived on her own thousands of miles away from her parents for over 14 years. She has a good career that is pretty much recession proof. She also makes A LOT more than i do. However i am content with what i make.

i worry that i might not live long enough to see my grand children...assuming we decide to have children, that's iffy.

i am healthy as is she and we have many common interests. i'll give what i can in the years i have left.

Incidentally, it will be a first marriage for both of us.

It sounds like she is at least 32 (18+14) years old. And you are probably 52 or more. Since you are both older and are full adults, the answer is yes.

 

[CCHIPSS]

I don't take into account death statistics and whatnot. ...I'm in my twenties, but regardless, I could go to the grocery store this same day and die in a car accident. I'm also capable of getting sick of a serious illness and succumbing to it like any 72-year-old man or woman. I have a new work client who is recently widowed and she's anywhere between 38-42 years of age. Her husband was about the same age as well when he died. Death comes when God says so.

Anyway, I do understand that point-of-view. But I also think it would be a shame to pass up a beautiful and loving relationship/marriage, no matter how short, with the person you love. I know that I would rather have it that way than never knowing a single day of God-given pleasure and completeness of being with the man I love.

That's just the way I see it.

Once again this age gap problem isn't addressed at all in the bible. So God is neutral about it. As such we can only look at this from a particularity point of view.

I think the down sides of marrying someone much older/younger is pretty clear. If a fully consenting adult knows about them and still wants to marry, he/she can go ahead.

 

[CCHIPSS]

I'm not concerned with religion in my dating very much.

Actually as a Christian, religion should be your number 1 concern. The bible stated that Christians should only marry Christians. A marriage should be a reflection of Christ's relationship with the church. Love one another just like Jesus loved the church. Submit to one another just as Jesus submitted himself to the church.

But honestly I know speaking like this won't help. I know plenty of really faithful and knowledgeable Christians dating non-Christians. I do not question their faith at all, and this makes it more sad. It seems many people trust God in all things except their marriage.

I myself dated non-Christians after I broke up with my EX. It was just a blessing from God that I find my current Christian GF. So I really would be a hypocrite to say that Christians must date Christians only. I can only refer them back to what was written in the bible.

 

[Julie.S]

Actually as a Christian, religion should be your number 1 concern. The bible stated that Christians should only marry Christians. A marriage should be a reflection of Christ's relationship with the church. Love one another just like Jesus loved the church. Submit to one another just as Jesus submitted himself to the church.

But honestly I know speaking like this won't help. I know plenty of really faithful and knowledgeable Christians dating non-Christians. I do not question their faith at all, and this makes it more sad. It seems many people trust God in all things except their marriage.

I myself dated non-Christians after I broke up with my EX. It was just a blessing from God that I find my current Christian GF. So I really would be a hypocrite to say that Christians must date Christians only. I can only refer them back to what was written in the bible.

Well I just don't judge people as much as some others might. I come from a very accepting family of people.

Actually as a Christian, religion should be your number 1 concern. The bible stated that Christians should only marry Christians. A marriage should be a reflection of Christ's relationship with the church. Love one another just like Jesus loved the church. Submit to one another just as Jesus submitted himself to the church.

This is one reason I am actually getting farther away from this faith sadly. It comes off as someone telling you what you should do even though you don't even know them. Sorry I don't mean to be rude.

 

[Goodbook]

If you know God, and get to know Him better, its not someone who doesnt know better telling you what to do. LEt God be God. If He says its not good to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever, then listen.

But if you an unbeliever, I warn you, its a waste of time going after a christian. Faith in Jesus is the number one thing in a believers life. If you dont believe Jesus, then its going to be hard for you. Because whatver God says, we christians simply trust and obey. If you want to do something ungodly, you doing it alone.

 

[Goodbook]

In biblical times they simply didnt worry about things like mortgages. They just built homes for themselves and didnt have to pay someone or buy it off someone else. That may be one of the reasons why age difference did not matter so much. Living in the world today and being a slave to the bank, you are given a number and a certain number of years before you are eligible for things like the pension. Also things like health insurance etc. stuff you need to be concerned about if you shack up with someone for life.