Very lucid points, rus. I agree. We can't relate either to a man who just woke up out of simian evolution nor can we relate to one who is changing into another life form. And I agree with you that there is a subtle attempt to sound hip and current, modern and sensible, when marrying evolution to Holy Orthodoxy. It makes one appear barbaric, passé, and just plain unreasonable to go with the Genesis narrative. And it also seems like some want to make Orthodoxy more 'marketable' if we're more 'with the times' rather than appearing like old-school pie-in-the-sky myth junkies....
What I really find disconcerting about evolution and secular humanism is the blatant elephant in the room reality that the idea of humanity evolving into a better being, a more sensible being, a being who craves justice and truth and wisdom and universal peace a la Gene Roddenberry is kind of tough to wrap one's mind around when we have more genocides, murders and mayhem, inhumanity toward one another, stupidity, lack of intellectual honesty, and more crime coupled with unstable relationships than we've ever had before? I see no signs of a 'better mankind' out there. I see a secular culture dead set on making everyone be into same-sex 'marriage' and abortion, contraception, no-fault divorce, no-questions-asked morality, but at the same time this secular culture is spying on everyone going through their emails, records, GPS, taxes, bank statements, and keeping tabs on us all the while drone-striking, torturing people, taking advantage of people financially, pitting people against one another, and making a meaner, nastier world. It's a world that claims to be opposed to bullying and yet huge international power plays and privacy infringements are going on as the world turns a blind eye to Coptic Christians and Orthodox brothers and sisters in Syria and Iraq are being bled-out. The media spends time blasting Vladimir Putin and the Russian government for fighting the gay agenda, but no one cares if Christians are being butchered in Syria and Egypt. No one cares about Orthodox Christians being kidnapped, clergy kidnapped and held ransom. Is the secular humanist media just seeing an 'evolved' humanity one that accepts sodomy, abortion, no-fault divorce, and I'm ok-You're ok?
Watching Star Trek as a kid I always thought the Gene Roddenberry vision of the future was so awesome! No war, everyone at peace and nobody cares about money or power, just improvement of the human condition. Behind that vision is a big lie. The big lie is that stuff can happen through man WITHOUT CHRIST. And though the goal of humanity loving one another is a laudable one, anyone knows that Scripture tells us it will never happen and that God is the only path to peace and justice at all.
So in the end I just see evolution these days as the secular humanist's hope that we ARE a bunch of ever-changing animals. This vision covers a multitude of sins. If we're just fancy simians with better control of our digits and brains, but still essentially animals on a path, we can justify pre-marital sex, 'swinging,' homosexuality, and everything else, including murder, because in the end, we're just animals, and animals will be animals!
And this is where the most effective lies are closest to the truth. Fallen Man can NOT "evolve" in any sense of theosis on his own; he can only devolve, degrade. We CAN evolve... into monsters in our own private hells.
But for all practical purposes, that is irrelevant. If Adam, the first man, is not like us for all practical purposes, then we cannot relate to him. If he is not human in the same sense that we are, then all discussion is meaningless. If there is any meaning to the idea of a Fall, then he must have at least Fallen from a state of perfection; he had been created by God as good and it would make nonsense of the Fall to suggest that he somehow became "less good" prior to the Fall. Therefore, there can be no evolution, let alone the sort that involves death, in that unFallen state. We can only talk about man at all if man is of one kind, if, as Scripture tells us, creatures were created to produce, not what would become something else, but after their own kind.
Unless there is a definite creature called Man, as all Scripture and Tradition assure us, and other distinct species as well, then all of our theology, all of our Tradition becomes nonsense, for it does make distinctions. The very idea of evolution seeks to erase those lines of distinction, to say that Man is NOT exceptional, that he is only an animal at a "higher stage of development". Impressionism in art is the same idea expressed artistically (and this is what I think is wrong with impressionism and the later, and ever more insane tendencies of art) - it blurs all distinctions, until we are left with no solid things, only "impressions". And an impression is an admission that the thing itself is not (no longer exists, if it ever did), just as fossils are only impressions of things that once were. So the very idea of evolution plays into the abolition of man (See Lewis, and Hopko's commentary on that book).
I see the defense of "theistic evolution" as a form of shyness, a fear of contradicting the popular view and trying to fit our Faith into the box they offer us for it. It boils down to scientism, the worship of science that in our time is dominated by the complete ignorance of genuine philosophy and theology.