- Nov 26, 2007
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To all my Eastern Orthodox brothers and sisters,
As some of you know the past week for me has been a difficult one to say the least. For those who don't know, earlier last week I hit rock bottom in my battle with sin.
In response I "gave up" the battle for my soul.
I denied Christ before my spiritual father and before my friends here and elsewhere. I went further and re-embraced the Religio Romana, a form of neo-paganism. I looked to Julian the Apostate as a model of what I had decided I wanted my life to be.
But then.....Christ revealed Himself to me, and He carried me back to Himself.
My whole life has changed in the span of two days. The Master is now teaching me to walk again, and He is teaching me other things as well.
In my darkness and the interaction I had with Him there, the Lord humbled me greatly.
Penance is the way to healing. And I am starting here by asking for forgiveness....and to give you my thanks.
On my recent "dialogues" I realized how easily pride corrupts good intentions. I realized how much young zeal can blind the eyes to the depth of any issue.
And then I was taught, by many Orthodox here, what my life must be dedicated to...at least here...at this time.
All of you, some by words and others by actions, taught me the importance of silence. This is somewhat difficult for me to articulate so please bear with me.
I learned from you all, the need to first guard our own hearts before we defend and promote our own beliefs. You taught me that things are often more complex than we realize. You reminded me of my youth and thus of my need to grow in my Faith before trying to discuss it. Above all you taught me humility......and how incredibly essential it is to the Christian life.
And so I come here to ask for your forgiveness.
And before you I confess the sin of pride:
Forgive me brethren, and pray for me that I may never again submit to my old pagan ignorances. Pray for me that I may always walk in the Lord, who is teaching me His statutes.
Pax Vobiscum,
-Antonius Ioannes
As some of you know the past week for me has been a difficult one to say the least. For those who don't know, earlier last week I hit rock bottom in my battle with sin.
In response I "gave up" the battle for my soul.
I denied Christ before my spiritual father and before my friends here and elsewhere. I went further and re-embraced the Religio Romana, a form of neo-paganism. I looked to Julian the Apostate as a model of what I had decided I wanted my life to be.
But then.....Christ revealed Himself to me, and He carried me back to Himself.
My whole life has changed in the span of two days. The Master is now teaching me to walk again, and He is teaching me other things as well.
In my darkness and the interaction I had with Him there, the Lord humbled me greatly.
Penance is the way to healing. And I am starting here by asking for forgiveness....and to give you my thanks.
On my recent "dialogues" I realized how easily pride corrupts good intentions. I realized how much young zeal can blind the eyes to the depth of any issue.
And then I was taught, by many Orthodox here, what my life must be dedicated to...at least here...at this time.
All of you, some by words and others by actions, taught me the importance of silence. This is somewhat difficult for me to articulate so please bear with me.
I learned from you all, the need to first guard our own hearts before we defend and promote our own beliefs. You taught me that things are often more complex than we realize. You reminded me of my youth and thus of my need to grow in my Faith before trying to discuss it. Above all you taught me humility......and how incredibly essential it is to the Christian life.
And so I come here to ask for your forgiveness.
And before you I confess the sin of pride:
Confiteor Deo omnipotenti, et vobis fratres, quia peccavi nimis cogitatione, verbo opere et omissione: mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Ideo precor beatam Mariam semper Virginem, omnes angelos et Sanctos, et vobis fratres, orare pro me ad Dominum Deum nostrum. Amen.
Forgive me brethren, and pray for me that I may never again submit to my old pagan ignorances. Pray for me that I may always walk in the Lord, who is teaching me His statutes.
Pax Vobiscum,
-Antonius Ioannes
