A Step Towards Healing

[Reader Antonius]

To all my Eastern Orthodox brothers and sisters,



As some of you know the past week for me has been a difficult one to say the least. For those who don't know, earlier last week I hit rock bottom in my battle with sin.

In response I "gave up" the battle for my soul.

I denied Christ before my spiritual father and before my friends here and elsewhere. I went further and re-embraced the Religio Romana, a form of neo-paganism. I looked to Julian the Apostate as a model of what I had decided I wanted my life to be.

But then.....Christ revealed Himself to me, and He carried me back to Himself.

My whole life has changed in the span of two days. The Master is now teaching me to walk again, and He is teaching me other things as well.

In my darkness and the interaction I had with Him there, the Lord humbled me greatly.

Penance is the way to healing. And I am starting here by asking for forgiveness....and to give you my thanks.

On my recent "dialogues" I realized how easily pride corrupts good intentions. I realized how much young zeal can blind the eyes to the depth of any issue.

And then I was taught, by many Orthodox here, what my life must be dedicated to...at least here...at this time.

All of you, some by words and others by actions, taught me the importance of silence. This is somewhat difficult for me to articulate so please bear with me.

I learned from you all, the need to first guard our own hearts before we defend and promote our own beliefs. You taught me that things are often more complex than we realize. You reminded me of my youth and thus of my need to grow in my Faith before trying to discuss it. Above all you taught me humility......and how incredibly essential it is to the Christian life.

And so I come here to ask for your forgiveness.

And before you I confess the sin of pride:

Confiteor Deo omnipotenti, et vobis fratres, quia peccavi nimis cogitatione, verbo opere et omissione: mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Ideo precor beatam Mariam semper Virginem, omnes angelos et Sanctos, et vobis fratres, orare pro me ad Dominum Deum nostrum. Amen. ​

Forgive me brethren, and pray for me that I may never again submit to my old pagan ignorances. Pray for me that I may always walk in the Lord, who is teaching me His statutes.





Pax Vobiscum,

-Antonius Ioannes

 

[Anhelyna]

I forgive you

God forgives

Please pray for me a great sinner

A word of advice if I may

you have confessed - you have been given absolution - now this is over , do NOT dwell on it - it is over - wipe it from your memory. You have started again.

Now go in peace to love and serve the Lord - giving thanks in your heart for His great mercy

 

[Machachachi]

As a young man of God, Paul shared his wisdom with Timothy and I send that same wisdom to you during your struggles.

1 Timothy 6:11-16

11 But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 13 In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you 14 to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15 which God will bring about in his own time—God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, 16 who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen.

 

[ikonographics]

Antonius, someone once asked a monk what he does at the monastery and he replied:
"I fall and get up again, fall and get up again, fall and get up again..." That applies to all of us. As Anhelyna says, don't dwell on it. We learn through our mistakes and move on. Often God allows us to fall, in order that through our fall, he draw us closer to Himself. And don't worry, you're not the only one to be overcome by youthful/convert zeal, many of us have been through that (been there, done that, got the T-shirt) It's a phase and we do get over it

God bless you.

 

[Macarius]

God forgives, and I forgive. May God forgive us both!

 

[Monica child of God 1]

If you ever doubt that God can forgive, think of the Apostle Paul.

M.

 

[Michael G]

If you ever doubt that God can forgive, think of the Apostle Paul.

M.

And then think of St. Peter who denied Christ 3x and yet repented and went on to lead a life worthy of Christ.

 

[Reader Antonius]

Thank you all for your kind words.....and for your forgiveness.

I pray I may grow in my faith, and like the Early Fathers whom I idolize so much, I may speak to defend what I believe only when necessary......and at all other times, quietly guard my own heart.

Your servant in Christ,

-Antonius Ioannes

 

[MarkRohfrietsch]

We all need our Lord's forgiveness. I thank God daily that he has more than enough for all of us!

Pax Domini,

Mark, a poor sinful being.

 

[katherine2001]

God forgives, I forgive. May God have plenteous mercy on both of it. Pride is a terrible passion to overcome. I struggle with it every day and it comes out in so many different ways. May God help both of us to overcome it. God bless you, Antonius. As long as we repent every time we fall, God will help us to overcome the pride.