29 & Never Dated

bèlla · Feb 19, 2021

DragonFox91 said:
I'm not even doing that

If 29 is the end of the road you have reasons to be concerned. If it isn't you're not out of the game. So what's the payoff for getting upset and anxious? If the story isn't over you have no reason to despair. If it is that's understandable.

Dwelling on this isn't helping. You get frustrated and sad. It doesn't bring you closer to a companion or give you peace. You sink then come up for air and sink again.

Only you can stop the cycle.

DragonFox91 · Feb 19, 2021

Oh no, I feel like crying. I'm thinking really negative thoughts.

bèlla said:
If 29 is the end of the road you have reasons to be concerned. If it isn't you're not out of the game. So what's the payoff for getting upset and anxious? If the story isn't over you have no reason to despair. If it is that's understandable.

Dwelling on this isn't helping. You get frustrated and sad. It doesn't bring you closer to a companion or give you peace. You sink then come up for air and sink again.

Only you can stop the cycle.

Im just stuck. I never make progress w/ it. If 29s the end of the road, I hit the end of the road a long time ago. I never got on the road. I have to dwell on it. If I don't, no one else will & I'll never get anywhere. No one else is trying to help me w/ one. I have to help myself for it. It won't just happen unless I make steps. I'm all by myself w/ this so I got to put everything I can into it.

bèlla · Feb 19, 2021

DragonFox91 said:
Oh no, I feel like crying. I'm thinking really negative thoughts.

If you’re doing all you can to make this happen that’s enough. If you’ve prayed and taken action you’ve done enough. Your efforts haven’t gone unnoticed. Your cries aren’t ignored.

You’re punishing yourself because you haven’t succeeded. You can’t keep hurting yourself for failing. You can’t make yourself suffer because you’re alone. You need to forgive yourself. You’re not to blame.

DragonFox91 · Feb 19, 2021

bèlla said:
If you’re doing all you can to make this happen that’s enough. If you’ve prayed and taken action you’ve done enough. Your efforts haven’t gone unnoticed. Your cries aren’t ignored.

Maybe I'm not doing all I can. Maybe I'm not praying right. They haven't gone unnoticed, but nothing's happening. Nothing ever happens for this. I make zero progress.

bèlla said:
You’re punishing yourself because you haven’t succeeded. You can’t keep hurting yourself for failing. You can’t make yourself suffer because you’re alone. You need to forgive yourself. You’re not to blame.

All I've done is fail at it. I don't succeed. I lose at this.

bèlla · Feb 19, 2021

DragonFox91 said:
Maybe I'm not doing all I can. Maybe I'm not praying right. They haven't gone unnoticed, but nothing's happening. Nothing ever happens for this. I make zero progress.

What more could you do in your opinion? Outside of the pandemic, what’s holding you back? You mentioned your network in the past. Would increasing it help? How’s your communication and confidence with the opposite sex?

All I've done is fail at it. I don't succeed. I lose at this.

You’ve succeeded in places where others fail. This is your area of struggle. The one which forces you to lean on God. We all have one.

With all we’re facing your lone concern is marriage. You aren’t worried about a loss of income, losing your home, or watching loved ones suffer with the same or Covid.

All you can think about is marriage. God made it so. Count your blessings. Stop dwelling on the lone thing you lack. It could be worse.

Noxot · Feb 19, 2021

I don't feel like reading 15 pages.

I decided to check out teal swans YouTube videos again since I have not seen them in like 5 years. one thing that really clicked with me was that she said women are controlled by fear, consciously or unconsciously. it makes a lot of sense tbqh. obviously women don't want a man that has fear or seems weak in whatever way that might come out be it physically, socially, economically, talent or abilities usefulness ect. she has some useful videos on such matters though that recent video seemed to cater to a lower common denominator. still useful though.

in a recent video teal said it's not that women don't want nice guys, it's that they prefer jerks that have other good qualities. a nice guy + other good qualities is going to be wanted over a jerk + good qualities for a large selection of women.

jordan peterson described that women select horizontally and up in the hierarchy and men select horizontally and down. are you familiar with jordan peterson? here is a short video about the topic of male and female sexual behavior. he used the term "socioeconomic". pretty nice word.

in this video I don't trust to heavily depend upon surveys of what people say since they might say something to look good or not look terrible. they might say what they think is socially acceptable or image-of-self acceptable regardless if they live up to that image. they might not be aware of how much our biology influences our behavior. but it's still a useful video. (bucko')

Noxot · Feb 19, 2021

woman don't want a failure. stop with that kind of talk. it's defeatist. it's weakness.

bèlla · Feb 19, 2021

Women aren’t controlled by fear and Teal Swan is not a reliable source for Christians given her background and beliefs. Her about me page makes no mention of God or Christ. She describes her practices as spirituality.

From Wiki:

According to her, she was born with extrasensory abilities such as clairvoyance, "clairsentience", and "clairaudience". She has claimed to be an alien from the star Arcturus. She has also claimed to be the reincarnation of Indian guru Sai Baba of Shirdi and remembers the life as clearly as her own.

Swan has stated in numerous interviews that she was abused, raped and psychologically tortured from the age of six onwards by a family friend. According to an article in Huffington Post Canada, Swan claimed to have been the victim of ritualistic abuse by a satanic cult for over a decade.

TenthAveN · Feb 19, 2021

bèlla said:
Women aren’t controlled by fear and Teal Swan is not a reliable source for Christians given her background and beliefs. Her about me page makes no mention of God or Christ. She describes her practices as spirituality.

From Wiki:

According to her, she was born with extrasensory abilities such as clairvoyance, "clairsentience", and "clairaudience". She has claimed to be an alien from the star Arcturus. She has also claimed to be the reincarnation of Indian guru Sai Baba of Shirdi and remembers the life as clearly as her own.

Swan has stated in numerous interviews that she was abused, raped and psychologically tortured from the age of six onwards by a family friend. According to an article in Huffington Post Canada, Swan claimed to have been the victim of ritualistic abuse by a satanic cult for over a decade.

Honestly, I think that’s a prime example of what “spirituality” does to you mentally. You are tapping into things that are not of God. Bethel Church is another example of this, as there’s a video of Beni Johnson (I think) laying her hand on a man, and he starts writhing on the floor and screaming. It’s horrific.

bèlla · Feb 19, 2021

TenthAveN said:
Honestly, I think that’s a prime example of what “spirituality” does to you mentally. You are tapping into things that are not of God. Bethel Church is another example of this, as there’s a video of Beni Johnson (I think) laying her hand on a man, and he starts writhing on the floor and screaming. It’s horrific.

I wasn’t familiar with her but I had a hunch. Following that path could lead to spiritual vexations. I’ve heard comments about Bethel in the past. I read a couple of Piper’s books and his son penned his own about being a pastor’s kid.

The more Christians rave about someone the greater the likelihood I’ll proceed with caution. You have to look beyond personality and reviews to find the truth behind their message.

TenthAveN · Feb 19, 2021

bèlla said:
I wasn’t familiar with her but I had a hunch. Following that path could lead to spiritual vexations. I’ve heard comments about Bethel in the past. I read a couple of Piper’s books and his son penned his own about being a pastor’s kid.

The more Christians rave about someone the greater the likelihood I’ll proceed with caution. You have to look beyond personality and reviews to find the truth behind their message.

I don’t think Piper is associated with Bethel. This girl that attended the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministries (?) said they use tarot cards. I’m not sure if it’s true, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m honest. But yeah, I wouldn’t accept dating advice from anyone like that. I think Christians have a different dating criteria that goes beyond wealth and social status.

Isaiah 2:22 · Feb 20, 2021

TenthAveN said:
Bethel Church is another example of this, as there’s a video of Beni Johnson (I think) laying her hand on a man, and he starts writhing on the floor and screaming. It’s horrific.

That's awful. Sounds demonic. What is this Bethel Church? A mega-church in the States?

Isaiah 2:22 · Feb 20, 2021

DragonFox91 said:
Oh no, I feel like crying. I'm thinking really negative thoughts.

Im just stuck. I never make progress w/ it. If 29s the end of the road, I hit the end of the road a long time ago. I never got on the road. I have to dwell on it. If I don't, no one else will & I'll never get anywhere. No one else is trying to help me w/ one. I have to help myself for it. It won't just happen unless I make steps. I'm all by myself w/ this so I got to put everything I can into it.

Like Bella said, we all have our crosses to bear. This must be yours. Ask God to help you stop dwelling on it. It's not a healthy way to deal with it. There's a difference between putting time and effort towards fixing this problem (which you are already doing), and fixating on it in an unhealthy and damaging way. I know it's difficult when you have anxiety. You can't just tell someone to stop. But there are better ways to deal with it than this. Have you told your counsellor about these intrusive thoughts?

DragonFox91 · Feb 20, 2021

Noxot said:

That video's kind of depressing. But the depressing parts seem like lies to me. I see women date all types of men. It just comes down to compatibility & if you click.

Isaiah 2:22 said:
Like Bella said, we all have our crosses to bear. This must be yours. Ask God to help you stop dwelling on it. It's not a healthy way to deal with it. There's a difference between putting time and effort towards fixing this problem (which you are already doing), and fixating on it in an unhealthy and damaging way. I know it's difficult when you have anxiety. You can't just tell someone to stop. But there are better ways to deal with it than this. Have you told your counsellor about these intrusive thoughts?

Oh yes, this is the main topic I talk to my counsellor about.

Noxot said:
woman don't want a failure. stop with that kind of talk. it's defeatist. it's weakness.

I'm aware. Just coming here to vent.

bèlla said:
What more could you do in your opinion? Outside of the pandemic, what’s holding you back? You mentioned your network in the past. Would increasing it help? How’s your communication and confidence with the opposite sex?

Every time I try to increase my network, it leads to dead-ends w/ dating.
Recently to try to increase my network, I tried meet-up groups over the summer. They tend to attract......not the type I'm looking for, even for male friends. I'm really trying to get involved at the church by me, but appears to be another dead-end.
No idea how my communication is w/ women my dating age range. I'm not meeting them.

bèlla said:
You’ve succeeded in places where others fail. This is your area of struggle. The one which forces you to lean on God. We all have one.

With all we’re facing your lone concern is marriage. You aren’t worried about a loss of income, losing your home, or watching loved ones suffer with the same or Covid.

All you can think about is marriage. God made it so. Count your blessings. Stop dwelling on the lone thing you lack. It could be worse.

I've seen successes in other areas. I rarely see successes w/ this. Some would say I never have.

bèlla · Feb 20, 2021

TenthAveN said:
I don’t think Piper is associated with Bethel. This girl that attended the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministries (?) said they use tarot cards. I’m not sure if it’s true, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m honest. But yeah, I wouldn’t accept dating advice from anyone like that. I think Christians have a different dating criteria that goes beyond wealth and social status.

Mercy. That’s terrible. Tarot readers may be scamming you. But mediums usually aren’t. That’s the demon talking.

bèlla · Feb 20, 2021

DragonFox91 said:
I've seen successes in other areas. I rarely see successes w/ this. Some would say I never have.

If you succeed at everything where’s the cross? Why do you need God if you can make it on your own? Turning off your mind may be challenging and require you to implement practices to stay on track. Like meditation, contemplation, gratitude and so on.

DragonFox91 · Feb 20, 2021

I feel horrible this morning. I feel like I'm just wasting my life. I never see progress w/ this.

bèlla said:
If you succeed at everything where’s the cross? Why do you need God if you can make it on your own? Turning off your mind may be challenging and require you to implement practices to stay on track. Like meditation, contemplation, gratitude and so on.

I'm confused. I can't make it on my own w/ this, but I've been left to. No one else will.

bèlla · Feb 20, 2021

DragonFox91 said:
I feel horrible this morning. I feel like I'm just wasting my life. I never see progress w/ this.

You feel you’re wasting your life because you’re single?

I'm confused. I can't make it on my own w/ this, but I've been left to. No one else will.

What kind of help do you want? You said your anxiety isn’t situational. Which means you’ll fret about the relationship when dating and married. That’s your trigger.

You’ll always panic. That’s why we’re advising you to find better ways to cope with your therapist’s help.

DragonFox91 · Feb 20, 2021

bèlla said:
You feel you’re wasting your life because you’re single?

yes

bèlla said:
What kind of help do you want? You said your anxiety isn’t situational. Which means you’ll fret about the relationship when dating and married. That’s your trigger.

You’ll always panic. That’s why we’re advising you to find better ways to cope with your therapist’s help.

I don't know. I just know I got to do it all by myself so I got to put everything I can into it. I'm the only one concerned about it.

I'm sure I'd fret some, but I doubt to this extreme. This is a result of years & years & years of build up (w/ probably years & years & years more to go). I don't fret w/ friendships. I don't fret at work. I don't fret w/ other things. You said you've noticed that w/ me as well. I've stated also a lot of the anxiety's gone away but it remains persistent w/ this problem.

bèlla · Feb 20, 2021

DragonFox91 said:
I don't know. I just know I got to do it all by myself so I got to put everything I can into it. I'm the only one concerned about it.

I don’t think your anxiety is wholly responsible for your behavior. This sounds like a spiritual malady. You’ve tied your self-worth to marriage and made it an idol.

Your longing is inordinately greater than it should be. It’s an outgrowth of rejection you’ve fed. You’ve acquired anxiety, fear, and sorrow because its unmet. Your anxiety will worsen when you have someone. The fear of loss will consume you.

This sounds more like bondage than want. Message @Carl Emerson and share your story. See what he says.

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