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Do my homework. :doh: Enjoy myself. :)

/me peeks in, tiptoes to the counter and fixes herself a green tea smoothie, and sits in the corner to watch the snow fall. I'm not doing the best either, but... that's okay. I'll live. Why are you frustrated, TLB? :hug: I hate feeling frustrated... I think it's one of the worst feelings...

/me wanders in, fixes herself a hot chai, grabs some homework to get a start on, and joins Soulwings at the windowseat.

Life is a learning experience, yes... :hug: Bec.... but I don't know if I want to be learning what I'm learning. Well, okay, that's not true. I know I'm getting "stronger" - or at least, more able to rely on my Abba for strength - because of all the stuff that I have been/am going/will go...

I am really not doing well right now. I'm making plans to restrict tomorrow. I don't care about anything anymore. I just want to be thin. Or at least, in control. I know that weight doesn't matter. And I know that it shouldn't define me. But it does. And I know that I will probably be okay...

/me wanders in and makes a smoothie for herself, then goes and sits in the corner and watches the snow, trying to not think about things. :sigh: Brr. It's cold. I hate feeling like this. I think I need to go do something useful, or creative, or something .....

Gahhh. /me is frustrated. Things just come crashing down sometimes ... and it really is frustrating, because I can't ever think "logically" then. Whatever "logically" means. :(

:hug: Bethany. I understand the fear to eat ... but it is an irrational fear. The food isn't going to hurt you. I promise. It won't make you fat, it won't injure you, it's not the enemy. But I know that even if your heart knows these things, your head will tell you differently. This is...

I agree with Soulwings, Bec. You don't need that much exercise. It's only going to wear your body down. :hug: :hug: Lisa. Good to see you again, too! How are you? Anyone want a mocha? I'm going to fix up another quadruplely caffeinated one ... I'm sooo tired. And I've got tons of work...

Hehe. Time differences mess me up. :P Especially for those countries on the other side of the world. I'm really stressed. And I really don't deal with stress well. Gahhh.

/me tiptoes in to not disturb Soulwings, and goes over to the counter to fix a quadruplely caffeinated mocha, before curling up in a squishy armchair to read some poems by Shelley and Keats and Milton.

I'm thankful for: ~the sound of falling snow. ~God's still, small voice. ~True love. ~Songs by Plumb and Superchic[k]. ~Yoga for Dummies. ~Quiet times with my journal and music. ~Getting out of my head for a little while. ~Friends with whom I can be honest. ~Comfortable silence. ~Pleasant...

Good thing about January ... /me ponders for a little while. Well, classes started, so I actually got to see people other than my mum, dad, and sister. :) Which is good, I suppose, since I was getting rather cabin fevery. /me turns on the Enya that Soulwings left by the stereo, settles...

:hug: Kath. Thank you. :hug: Although I really don't feel strong right now. There are so many memories in my head that keep coming back, and I can't control them right now. Things are bad. And I'm having trouble coping. No cutting and no starving, yet I'm slipping back into my ED. My...

Eugh. Not doing too great either, ED-wise. I'm tired of fighting and tired of thinking about fighting. He said that I stopped fighting some time ago. Maybe I did. Does that mean I've turned my back on recovery?? I don't think so. But I don't know. This could potentially lead to trouble. :(

Ouch ... rusty nail sounds painful!! I hope you got a tetanus shot ... that can be nasty. :hug: I agree. It's insane that January is almost over. I'm not ready for the rest of the year to begin, though, because at least for part of January we had Christmas break ... but February is without...

Umm... this might sound really weird... ...but does anyone who is trying to be in recovery feel jealous of the girls/women who are still in their ED and aren't getting help/don't want help?? :-S

It hasn't been that bad for a few months. But I do often get to the point of such apathy that offing myself doesn't sound like a terrible idea. I just don't have the energy to do it. I'm already on meds for this - quite a high dose - and there's really nothing else that can be done, other...

/me tiptoes in, fixes a cup of chamomile tea with honey, and sits by the fire, staring at the flames.

I know what Soulwings is talking about, regarding the crashes, though. And it feels like there is nothing - nothing in the world - that is worth those crashes. And dreading them is even worse, because you know that they're there lurking around the corner, so you can't experience the fullness...