I see that we share some similarities: I came to faith in 2017. I was wordly but little by little God set me free from many bondages. My desire was to be as good as possible for God. I tried to live without sin completely. But day after day I failed. Nevertheless, I had some strenghtenings of faith. At that time I thought that they were big in themselves but something greater was about to come... In summer 2018, God took me to His "school". My faith grew and strengthened. I read first time in my life the New Testament through. Repented. Prayed. Prayers were answered. In autumn 2018, I got closer to God wilfully, and every morning having woken up I felt His presence. I read the Bible and got "living waters" from it. My somewhat "radical" faith got stronger and I experienced God's miracles in my life. Blessings were abundant. Until one day...
In 2019, I was in a prayer and opening my heart to God. I was thanking Him for His miracles until devil came to stir up unbelief towards God's promises. It succeeded to sow a seed of unbelief to my heart. Then started falling...
I felt God's presence less and less and the unbelief grew continously. I cried out to God many times and every single time He helped me. The enemy was attacking me when I was weak. And when I was in the weakest point of my life (at that point it was the weakest), devil questioned why to have a relationship with Jesus. I didn't know the answer immediately and then I felt someone leaving me. I believed that the Spirit of God left me. I was terrified.
In the next morning I felt God's great absence. I was shocked and took the Bible. Got no "living waters" from it. I was petrified. I came to a conclusion that God had forsaken me. Things happened and I ended up in a ward. I was falsely accused by non-believing doctors of having psychosis. They forced me to eat medicine.
I was heartbroken. Hopeless. Desperate. Petriefied. I was so close to God but then all this happened! I felt emptiness in me.
Things happened in that ward which I consider to be from the Lord. A small amount of "miracles". Once I heard something which I think is from God and once the Word of God "opened" that I received "living waters" from it.
Finally, after having spent time a bit more than a month there I was allowed to go home without going there anymore. I felt that they (the staff on that ward and the doctors) destroyed me. I didn't read the Bible anymore, I was wordly etc.
I started visiting a person from whom later on became one friend of mine. One day the Lord spoke through this friend: I've opened you a door. You feel weak but God is strong in the weak. Strengthen my son, strengthen.
Weeks later, I had bad thoughts about God and I lost my hope. I thought that He forsook me again. But when I met my friend, the Lord spoke to me again, and He gave me a reason for this: "... but it's a strengthening of faith." My hope was restored.
And since that God has spoken to me promising many things: "Don't fear, don't fear." "Yet there comes a day where you can jump for the joy." "I'll never leave you, not for even a day." And even this, which can apply to all of us: "There's no sin which is that big that the work of the Golgotha can't cover."
The Lord continued speaking to me and He told me: "Thank the Lord." I tried to obey that exhortation. And I'm still daily thanking Him, waiting Him to come back to my life.
I was bitter towards God for what I had suffered without knowing it. One day He revealed that bitterness. Having heard that I tried to forsake the bitterness. It took maybe weeks to get rid of most of it.
Once He spoke to me this: "The Lord says that you're a child of God and always beloved for him." Additionally, He has spoken to me many, many promises. But the Lord has emphasized His love towards me this year even though I can't feel His divine love nor His presence neither can't hear His voice in my heart.
Also He has spoken about the consequences of this state: "My child, look, this suffering is to brighten my name."
Once He showed a revelation to this friend of mine (this is one of the many revelations): "I (God) will never forsake". This promise can apply to all of us.
Some promises from the Bible which the Lord has spoken to me: Psalms 18:4, Psalms 22:24-25, Psalms 25:3, Psalms 51:19, Psalms 57:3, Psalms 147:3, Isaiah 57:15, Isaiah 43:18-21, Isaiah 40:27-29, Isaiah 41:10, Romans 8:38-39, Hebrews 7:25.
About my own experience: I don't feel the Lord's presence, can't speak with Him, the Bible doesn't give me "the living waters". Most of the time I'm emotionless. Can't think properly because the inner voice who used to be the Holy Spirit is quiet. I see no beauty in this world, can't feel joy for anything. This person (Simon) who's talking to you is still missing the relationship with the Lord. But one day, I hope and desire, I'll receive Him back. There's some promises denoting to that indirectly.
I hope you get better now, even a bit. God loves you, He cares about you. Think about this: Romans 11:29.
AMP: For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable [for He does not withdraw what He has given, nor does He change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call].
(Sorry for including so many "I" and "me" when denoting to me, I don't know how to omit those.)