Stuck in the middle with Who?

Ricky M · Jan 29, 2020

Some would say I was born under an unlucky star. Yes, God has laid some nice things upon my plate. But every. Single. One. Of them was then used to choke and gag me. I did everything I could for my parents, certainly more than my 2 brothers ever did, yet they told me to go away. I did everything I could for my employer, certainly more than many I worked with, yet they stabbed me in the back over and over again. God gave me skills A then set me to job Z. He gave me resources B and demands for Y. He gave me desires C and provided things X. I don’t get at all why God would put a screwdriver in my right hand, and in my left a job that requires a hammer. But He has, over and over again, for 57 years. He tells me to be generous, and by and large people tell me they don’t want it. He says at minimum we should invest our talents in the bank, but never says what to do when the bank refuses deposit. He tells us to spread His word to the people, yet I try to speak a word of it and people and situations appear out of thin air to take over. The family thinks I’m a nice guy and ‘D’ is a butt hole, yet if they walk up while D and I are talking, D gets a hug and I don’t. I’m lucky if I even get acknowledged. Anywhere. Casper the freakin ghost. That’s the worst part about it, it’s not like they’re all hostile towards me, but that’s mostly because people have to believe something exists before they can be hostile towarsd it.

I’ve hit many breaking points along the years, but 3 years ago I hit a serious one. And I turned on God. Jesus I’m fine with, He’s trying to fix things in this world, but Jehovah … As far as I’m concerned He’s responsible for it all. He puts Adam in a situation where he had no choice but to fail, then when he did God says screw this I’m outta here. I didn’t have any part in that decision, you didn’t either, but here we are paying for it. Christ had to suffer and die because Jehovah walked away. And while God says He loves us, He also spends a lot of time saying we’re all lower than dirt, scum sucking peons. If my wife said that about me, I wouldn’t believe her when she says she loves me. Jesus loves me, He interceeds on occasion. But again, they are all occasions brought about by the fact that Jehovah abandoned us. And they are the exception, not the rule.

Yes I know they’re the same entity. But I sure like One manifestation a whole lot more than the Other.

And I don’t know how I’m going to change that.

Aussie Pete · Jan 29, 2020

Ricky M said:
Some would say I was born under an unlucky star. Yes, God has laid some nice things upon my plate. But every. Single. One. Of them was then used to choke and gag me. I did everything I could for my parents, certainly more than my 2 brothers ever did, yet they told me to go away. I did everything I could for my employer, certainly more than many I worked with, yet they stabbed me in the back over and over again. God gave me skills A then set me to job Z. He gave me resources B and demands for Y. He gave me desires C and provided things X. I don’t get at all why God would put a screwdriver in my right hand, and in my left a job that requires a hammer. But He has, over and over again, for 57 years. He tells me to be generous, and by and large people tell me they don’t want it. He says at minimum we should invest our talents in the bank, but never says what to do when the bank refuses deposit. He tells us to spread His word to the people, yet I try to speak a word of it and people and situations appear out of thin air to take over. The family thinks I’m a nice guy and ‘D’ is a butt hole, yet if they walk up while D and I are talking, D gets a hug and I don’t. I’m lucky if I even get acknowledged. Anywhere. Casper the freakin ghost. That’s the worst part about it, it’s not like they’re all hostile towards me, but that’s mostly because people have to believe something exists before they can be hostile towarsd it.

I’ve hit many breaking points along the years, but 3 years ago I hit a serious one. And I turned on God. Jesus I’m fine with, He’s trying to fix things in this world, but Jehovah … As far as I’m concerned He’s responsible for it all. He puts Adam in a situation where he had no choice but to fail, then when he did God says screw this I’m outta here. I didn’t have any part in that decision, you didn’t either, but here we are paying for it. Christ had to suffer and die because Jehovah walked away. And while God says He loves us, He also spends a lot of time saying we’re all lower than dirt, scum sucking peons. If my wife said that about me, I wouldn’t believe her when she says she loves me. Jesus loves me, He interceeds on occasion. But again, they are all occasions brought about by the fact that Jehovah abandoned us. And they are the exception, not the rule.

Yes I know they’re the same entity. But I sure like One manifestation a whole lot more than the Other.

And I don’t know how I’m going to change that.

You have a twisted view of God that does not fit who He really is. You should get to know Him. Turning on God is the dumbest thing that anyone can do. You are not God. I'd quit analysing His ways by by your own understanding. That will lead you into a pit - as you are already.

When you are in a pit, the first thing to do is stop digging. What part of "God so loved" is hard to understand? God did not kill Adam. Adam committed spiritual suicide. He had a choice, he had a very simple instruction and knew the consequences of his action. God decided to do something to save Adam - and all his descendants. He did not have to do that. He could have left us to self destruct and gone onto a project where beings would appreciate Him instead of complaining constantly.

The way back for you is very hard. You have to swallow your pride and admit that you are wrong. As Job had to do. It worked for him.

GaveMeJoy · Jan 30, 2020

That’s tough. I’ve prayed you will receive the promised peace from abba father, and the joy that is given despite any circumstances.

This is my life verse and the peace and joy come in suffering, not to alleviate it. But you will have to be able to humble yourself and approach God in this way before you can access it. Easier said than done when in so much pain for so long!

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-7

I encourage you to listen to this song. It broke me when I was in a somewhat similar place.

SkyWriting · Jan 30, 2020

Ricky M said:
Some would say I was born under an unlucky star. Yes, God has laid some nice things upon my plate.

One of my nephews was stillborn. Perhaps we have options to change?

Mydreams · Jan 30, 2020

Lord bless Ricky M, and this prayer request, in Jesus gracious name, Amen!

Ricky M · Jan 31, 2020

Aussie Pete said:
You have a twisted view of God that does not fit who He really is. You should get to know Him. Turning on God is the dumbest thing that anyone can do. You are not God. I'd quit analysing His ways by by your own understanding. That will lead you into a pit - as you are already.

When you are in a pit, the first thing to do is stop digging. What part of "God so loved" is hard to understand? God did not kill Adam. Adam committed spiritual suicide. He had a choice, he had a very simple instruction and knew the consequences of his action. God decided to do something to save Adam - and all his descendants. He did not have to do that. He could have left us to self destruct and gone onto a project where beings would appreciate Him instead of complaining constantly.

The way back for you is very hard. You have to swallow your pride and admit that you are wrong. As Job had to do. It worked for him.

Get to know Him. I do. I've been at the end of His whip for 57 years, regardless of whether I honor His commands or not (and that includes whether He LETS me honor His commands, which in most cases has been a HUGE no). Oh the stories I could share.

Ricky M · Jan 31, 2020

Here's an example...

My father died in the fall of 2018 (my mom passed earlier). In December 2018 I received a 100k distribution from his estate. I figured I would do the Biblical thing and donate 10k of it to charity. Between Dec 15 2018 and the end of January 2019, I sent $8500 out distributed among 9 legitimate charities.

To this day, other than a charge showing on my credit card bill, I have no idea if 3 of those ever actually got the money. Another, I mailed a check to the address on their web page. It came back as undeliverable. I called their number and left a message. Never got a reply. I then detailed all this on their facebook page. Crickets. I sent their money to a charity that did respond to their donation. 3 more charities sat on their checks for months. 2 finally cashed them after I told them deposit it this week or I stop payment, the third then turned on me and made me out to be the bad guy because I was 'pressuring' them. Another cashed their check right away, but I never got an acknowledgement until many months later I received a letter inviting me to a donors event. But that letter was postmarked AFTER the date of the party. At that point I said screw it and took the other $1500 to Vegas. Like I said, what do you do when the bank of God refuses deposit?

Like wise, God led us to a home in the midwest. A year ago hey had a major flood which displaced many people from their homes. Our little fortress remained high and dry, and would have easily taken in several people for shelter. But no, God had me tied up in California with my thumb up my keister babysitting a dead woman.

And these aren't even the tip of the iceberg.

Again, God gives me a screwdriver, and with it a job that requires a hammer. He tells me I'm supposed to do certain things, then throws up brick walls to prevent it from happening. He gives me knowledge and experience, then mutes me so I can't share any of it with anyone.

Set me free to do what you command Lord, or take me home!!!

Aussie Pete · Feb 1, 2020

Ricky M said:
Get to know Him. I do. I've been at the end of His whip for 57 years, regardless of whether I honor His commands or not (and that includes whether He LETS me honor His commands, which in most cases has been a HUGE no). Oh the stories I could share.

Your "God" is more like the Devil. Who is asking you to do anything except believe? Lord Jesus is the Life of the born again Christian. He has already been punished for all the sin of all mankind that will ever occur. "Lets you honour His commands"? God gives us Jesus, who is well able to please God - He's already done that perfectly. God expects nothing of you but sin and failure. If we could please God, we would not need Jesus. My friend, somewhere along the line you've misunderstood the gospel.

Ricky M · Feb 1, 2020

Aussie Pete said:
Who is asking you to do anything except believe?

Does the Bible not tell us to be generous and giving people, to share what God gives us with the less fortunate? Does the Bible not tell us to love strangers and neighbors? Does the Bible not tell us to share His word with others? Does the Bible not tell us to do unto others? Does the Bible not prescribe certain activities and tell us to avoid other activities? Does the Bible not tell us to do good works all around?

Is belief the end-all, be-all of our existence, or is it the foundation upon which we build with good works?

Is belief really all that's expected of us?

Ricky M · Feb 1, 2020

Aussie Pete said:
Your "God" is more like the Devil. Who is asking you to do anything except believe? Lord Jesus is the Life of the born again Christian. He has already been punished for all the sin of all mankind that will ever occur. "Lets you honour His commands"? God gives us Jesus, who is well able to please God - He's already done that perfectly. God expects nothing of you but sin and failure. If we could please God, we would not need Jesus. My friend, somewhere along the line you've misunderstood the gospel.

I'm curious what you make out of the donation thing ... $8500 spread among 9 organizations, minimum of $500, 8 of which balked at receiving it..?

Aussie Pete · Feb 1, 2020

Ricky M said:
I'm curious what you make out of the donation thing ... $8500 spread among 9 organizations, minimum of $500, 8 of which balked at receiving it..?

I think you've posted in the wrong spot.

Aussie Pete · Feb 1, 2020

Ricky M said:
Does the Bible not tell us to be generous and giving people, to share what God gives us with the less fortunate? Does the Bible not tell us to love strangers and neighbors? Does the Bible not tell us to share His word with others? Does the Bible not tell us to do unto others? Does the Bible not prescribe certain activities and tell us to avoid other activities? Does the Bible not tell us to do good works all around?

Is belief the end-all, be-all of our existence, or is it the foundation upon which we build with good works?

Is belief really all that's expected of us?

Depends on what is meant by belief. If it is a mental acceptance of a set of facts, that will save no one. Churches are packed with those kinds of "believers". Real belief produces a response. Most people get the Christian life back to front. They read God's expectations, analyse them through the prism of their own interpretations and then attempt to put them into practice. By this they hope to please God. They invariably fail. Our self-produced righteousness is still filthy rags.

When we believe God, when we see what He has done for us in Christ, when we are truly born again, we find that we want to obey, we want to do what is right and we have the power to do what is right.

It is vital to have a living relationship with Lord Jesus. For example, I teach in a small Bible school, not a big deal, but we have a shop front. There was someone sitting outside, leaning against the window. The Lord told me to go out and talk to him. We invited him inside. He'd just been released from the mental health ward of the local hospital. We led him to Jesus. At any time there are dozens of people waiting for a taxi or a bus near our school. I can't talk to all of them. I was led to speak to the one.

"For all who are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God." Romans 8:14
"Jesus answered and said to them, 'This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent.'"
John 6:29

Ricky M · Feb 1, 2020

Aussie Pete said:
Depends on what is meant by belief. If it is a mental acceptance of a set of facts, that will save no one. Churches are packed with those kinds of "believers". Real belief produces a response. Most people get the Christian life back to front. They read God's expectations, analyse them through the prism of their own interpretations and then attempt to put them into practice. By this they hope to please God. They invariably fail. Our self-produced righteousness is still filthy rags.

When we believe God, when we see what He has done for us in Christ, when we are truly born again, we find that we want to obey, we want to do what is right and we have the power to do what is right.

It is vital to have a living relationship with Lord Jesus. For example, I teach in a small Bible school, not a big deal, but we have a shop front. There was someone sitting outside, leaning against the window. The Lord told me to go out and talk to him. We invited him inside. He'd just been released from the mental health ward of the local hospital. We led him to Jesus. At any time there are dozens of people waiting for a taxi or a bus near our school. I can't talk to all of them. I was led to speak to the one.

"For all who are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God." Romans 8:14
"Jesus answered and said to them, 'This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent.'"
John 6:29

That's the thing. I do know Jesus, I walk with Him every day. I've seen - and been part of - some amazing - miracles and manifestations of the gifts. I could never deny Him, because anything I say wouldn't have any bearing on the reality of the situation.

But those are the far far far exception, not the rule. I see someone hurting like you did here, I long to say something to help them, but before I can even get a word out poof! People and situations literally appear out of thin air to interrupt. You were led to one. But I am bridled from all.

Like the donations thing. In my walk with Jesus He tells me to be generous. I get a windfall and try to share it with others. 8 out of 9 basically didn't want it. And these were legitimate organizations - a Church and a Bible Camp were on the list. I know we are accountable not just to give but how we do it. I never saw God put up any red flags to any of them. (And why is this not the right place to discuss it?)

Back in the late 80's someone told me I was of the line of John the Baptist; destined to wander the wilderness eating bugs until I have my one defining moment. But even John had a ministry before that.

Aussie Pete · Feb 2, 2020

Ricky M said:
That's the thing. I do know Jesus, I walk with Him every day. I've seen - and been part of - some amazing - miracles and manifestations of the gifts. I could never deny Him, because anything I say wouldn't have any bearing on the reality of the situation.

But those are the far far far exception, not the rule. I see someone hurting like you did here, I long to say something to help them, but before I can even get a word out poof! People and situations literally appear out of thin air to interrupt. You were led to one. But I am bridled from all.

Like the donations thing. In my walk with Jesus He tells me to be generous. I get a windfall and try to share it with others. 8 out of 9 basically didn't want it. And these were legitimate organizations - a Church and a Bible Camp were on the list. I know we are accountable not just to give but how we do it. I never saw God put up any red flags to any of them. (And why is this not the right place to discuss it?)

Back in the late 80's someone told me I was of the line of John the Baptist; destined to wander the wilderness eating bugs until I have my one defining moment. But even John had a ministry before that.

What do you do as far as spiritual warfare? It really is a war zone. Satan opposes us - his name means adversary. We bind Satan daily, put a curse of frustration on his will and command evil spirits not to speak. And that is before we do anything else. And yes, there are days when I feel like Isaiah, preaching to the deaf and blind.

I missed something somewhere. I don't recall your remark about giving and most not accepting. There is tremendous opposition to the gospel right now. It started in the 60's and its getting harder, especially in the Western world. Lord Jesus warned us that the of most would grow cold. That feeds through to a hardness of heart that shuts out the gospel.

We need to remember that our primary responsibility is to obey. Lord Jesus ministered for 3-1/2 years. When He rose from the dead, He appeared to His followers. How many? Maybe 1,000 or so. It does not seem much for all that He did and said. A few weeks later, thousands were saved. One day, the true church will be revealed in all her glory. I live to see that day. I hope it's in my lifetime. In the meantime, all I can do is carry on doing what the Lord has shown me to do.

LoricaLady · Feb 2, 2020

I pray you will truly know your Heavenly Father. No way He would play the tricks on you that you believe He has. You have an enemy though, the evil one, and he likes to twist things around big time and keep you from blessings! You might want to read what the Lord has to say about complaining against Him. It is counter productive.

Again, I pray you will come to know - as well as trust - Who the Almighty really is and turn your problems over to the real Him.

Aussie Pete · Feb 2, 2020

Ricky M said:
That's the thing. I do know Jesus, I walk with Him every day. I've seen - and been part of - some amazing - miracles and manifestations of the gifts. I could never deny Him, because anything I say wouldn't have any bearing on the reality of the situation.

But those are the far far far exception, not the rule. I see someone hurting like you did here, I long to say something to help them, but before I can even get a word out poof! People and situations literally appear out of thin air to interrupt. You were led to one. But I am bridled from all.

Like the donations thing. In my walk with Jesus He tells me to be generous. I get a windfall and try to share it with others. 8 out of 9 basically didn't want it. And these were legitimate organizations - a Church and a Bible Camp were on the list. I know we are accountable not just to give but how we do it. I never saw God put up any red flags to any of them. (And why is this not the right place to discuss it?)

Back in the late 80's someone told me I was of the line of John the Baptist; destined to wander the wilderness eating bugs until I have my one defining moment. But even John had a ministry before that.

I've reread the last paragraph. You need to be really careful with what people prophesy over you personally. If it is true, God will give you grace to endure and it will be profitable for His Kingdom in some way. If it is not, you may unwittingly accept a satanic curse on your life. Think about it, pray about it. If it is a curse in the guise of a prophecy, it can be broken. If you need to know how, message me.

Ricky M · Feb 2, 2020

Aussie Pete said:
I've reread the last paragraph. You need to be really careful with what people prophesy over you personally. If it is true, God will give you grace to endure and it will be profitable for His Kingdom in some way. If it is not, you may unwittingly accept a satanic curse on your life. Think about it, pray about it. If it is a curse in the guise of a prophecy, it can be broken. If you need to know how, message me.

The issue existed loooong before the prophecy was made. If the prophecy was the progenitor of the issue, it wouldn't have been an issue until afterwards, right?

LoricaLady · Feb 3, 2020

The devil can work evils in your life and then get others to prophesy them over you to reinforce what he is trying to do to mess with your mind and your life. We can listen to self styled prophets. We can also listen to the prophets in the Bible and study the wisdom there. "Trust in YHWH" aka God, i.e. not some fallible person "with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

He primarily leads us through what He has already spoken, in the Word. You might want to go there and see what He has to say about false prophets.

I pray you will search the Word diligently to see what kinds of lives lead to blessings and which do not. Maybe you will see something that He could help you correct. (There is, of course, always something we need Him to correct.)

Aussie Pete · Feb 3, 2020

Ricky M said:
The issue existed loooong before the prophecy was made. If the prophecy was the progenitor of the issue, it wouldn't have been an issue until afterwards, right?

Fair call. Just the same, I'd ask the Lord to reveal anything that is extending a trial further than it should. For example, I prayed something so dumb that I should have been carted off to psych ward for a while. I asked God for trials because life was too comfortable and it bothered me. I got the trials. I did not handle it well at all. Some years later, I was in trouble when my car broke down. I needed help fast. Nothing was happening and I was getting desperate. I had a word come to me, "Do not lead me into hard testing but deliver me from evil". Help came within a minute. And it was a young Christian couple who helped.

When things had settled, the Lord spoke to me again. He said that I should have prayed "deliver me from evil", not asked for trials. I'd opened the door for Satan to oppress me. I've not fallen into that trap again. This was around 35 years ago. I've found that trouble comes anyway - I don't have to ask for it!

Ricky M · Feb 3, 2020

LoricaLady said:
I pray you will search the Word diligently to see what kinds of lives lead to blessings and which do not. Maybe you will see something that He could help you correct. (There is, of course, always something we need Him to correct.)

OK, the Word says we are to live generous lives. I tried to be generous to 9 legitimate organizations. 8 of them balked at receiving it. Including a church and a Bible camp.

I know how God's word says we are to live. The question is, why is my every single attempt to live that way stymied, stonewalled, and rendered irrelevant? And it's not always satan doing it. That's what gets me, I know my Father's voice. He holds me back, but won't say why. Other than the John the Baptist thing, which I obviously have not embraced but all evidence points to that.

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