Would you consider a married, but living apart?

Noxot · Sep 18, 2019

I think that the idea is insane. Ideally husband and wife should be a team that acts as one angel. There is no purpose in being married to someone that you hate or can't stand.

I believe in divine utilitarianism more than Earthly utilitarianism. Marriage should be an eternal relationship because God is eternal and we are his image. If you can't imagine an eternal relationship then so what! you probably can't Imagine eternal life in general either. Does that mean eternal life will not be?

ThisIsMe123 · Sep 19, 2019

Jonaitis said:
My grandparents were separated, remaining married but living in separate places, because while they didn't believe in divorce, they could not stand living with each other. Yes, they would see and talk to each other, but being around each other 24/7 was too much for them after their children grew up.

I would never consider this kind of relationship, it is not healthy and proper. However, if it were necessary under certain circumstances, I have no other choice since I hold to the permanence view of marriage.

Hm, I have sometimes found that after the kids move out...it was like being on a 2nd honeymoon.

bekkilyn · Sep 19, 2019

Noxot said:
I think that the idea is insane. Ideally husband and wife should be a team that acts as one angel. There is no purpose in being married to someone that you hate or can't stand.

I believe in divine utilitarianism more than Earthly utilitarianism. Marriage should be an eternal relationship because God is eternal and we are his image. If you can't imagine an eternal relationship then so what! you probably can't Imagine eternal life in general either. Does that mean eternal life will not be?

While this may be a nice thought, there is no scriptural proof that marriage actually works in any capacity beyond our earthly lives. In fact, according to Matthew 22:30, it would seem opposite. Also, humans will not be changing into angels...it is only that we will be like them in the sense that they do not procreate and thus have no use for marriage in the "biblical" sense. Eternal life is not only for those who are married. After all, the apostle Paul seemed able to imagine the concept of eternal life despite being a mere single person.

bekkilyn · Sep 19, 2019

Sketcher said:
As an introvert, it could easily backfire on me. If I'm living separately, I could easily neglect her and the relationship because I'd be so into my own world.

While that risk is certainly true, living together in the same house does not prevent this exact scenario from happening. I kind of think that this sort of neglect is a separate issue that would need to be resolved somehow regardless of living arrangements. If the only thing keeping one's most favorite and intimate person in mind is living with them in the same house, then something is wrong, introverted or otherwise!

Sam91 · Sep 19, 2019

As an introvert, I think it's a great idea. It would probably work better for blended families if the couple's believed remarriage was acceptable.

Or if a married pair worked in different towns during the week to save a commute and to make caring for elderly relatives easier. An older couple possibly have full lives already and maybe their ability to keep serving could be enhanced with an arrangement like this. More energy through less of a commute, more chance/time to serve while apart, better use of time together when united, better prayer for each other and friends, more time to seek the Lord too.

Noxot · Sep 19, 2019

bekkilyn said:
While this may be a nice thought, there is no scriptural proof that marriage actually works in any capacity beyond our earthly lives. In fact, according to Matthew 22:30, it would seem opposite. Also, humans will not be changing into angels...it is only that we will be like them in the sense that they do not procreate and thus have no use for marriage in the "biblical" sense. Eternal life is not only for those who are married. After all, the apostle Paul seemed able to imagine the concept of eternal life despite being a mere single person.

In general I think it's hard to know about things of Heaven but I do subscribe to more Christianity than just the scriptures. I think that the scriptures would back me up on that. It's easy to interpret that Matthew verse in a way that matches my worldview and learning.

Certainly eternal life is more than just one thing. It seems God promised us the fullness of life here and forever. I think we will take whatever can be purifed enough to remain. I see no reason why people can't still craft things, for instance. Acts of love are one of the most fundamental things of reality.

bekkilyn · Sep 19, 2019

Noxot said:
In general I think it's hard to know about things of Heaven but I do subscribe to more Christianity than just the scriptures. I think that the scriptures would back me up on that. It's easy to interpret that Matthew verse in a way that matches my worldview and learning.

Certainly eternal life is more than just one thing. It seems God promised us the fullness of life here and forever. I think we will take whatever can be purify to enough to remain. I see no reason why people can't still craft things for instance. Acts of love are one of the most fundamental things of reality.

I'd like to see the scripture that supports the idea of two human beings turning into one angel. Personally, I find that whole idea a bit creepy.

Noxot · Sep 19, 2019

bekkilyn said:
I'd like to see the scripture that supports the idea of two human beings turning into one angel. Personally, I find that whole idea a bit creepy.

First it would be good to understand the nature of spirit. how can you understand such things of Heaven if you don't understand the reality of spirit? There are examples of expressions of various spirits that form something. One example would be the lamb that speaks like a dragon. Here clearly we see the error of mixing the things of heaven with the things of hell.

But one of the most profound things about each of us is that we ourselves are a spirit. that's why Paul once claimed that his spirit is with such and such people even though his body was not. It's why a person could be said to have the spirit of Elijah.

This might seem weird but each of us are actually comprised of very very many spirits and interactions of the spiritual world.

There are legit concerns of losing the two that would unite as one and in that process lose both of themselves. It is the same grevious error that believes that in being united to God that you yourself are destroyed. As if God wished to destroy the very one that he loves. This is why the Trinity is the perfect expression of true Unity. The father and son are not lost in the revelation of the Kingdom of Heaven which is the Holy Spirit.

Sam91 · Sep 19, 2019

Noxot said:
First it would be good to understand the nature of spirit. how can you understand such things of Heaven if you don't understand the reality of spirit? There are examples of expressions of various spirits that form something. One example would be the lamb that speaks like a dragon. Hear clearly we see the error of mixing the things of heaven with the things of hell.

But one of the most profound things about each of us is that we ourselves are a spirit. that's why Paul once claimed that his spirit is with such and such people even though his body was not. It's why a person could be said to have the spirit of Elijah.

This might seem weird but each of us are actually comprised of very very many spirits and interactions of the spiritual world.

There are legit concerns of losing the two that would unite as one and in that process lose both of themselves. It is the same grevious error that believes that in being united to God that you yourself are destroyed. As if God wished to destroy the very one that he loves. This is why the Trinity is the perfect expression of true Unity. The father and son are not lost in the revelation of the Kingdom of Heaven which is the Holy Spirit.

I'd be very careful of uttering things that aren't in the Bible, especially without pointing it out. I think it is akin to spreading a false gospel. Be careful to what you are listening to from other people. I don't know how well you know your bible but it doesn't say that everyone is made up of lots of spirits. We are told not to accept a false gospel too.

54 Bible verses about False Teachings

1 Timothy 6:20-21

Hebrews 13:9

bèlla · Sep 19, 2019

Noxot said:
Ideally husband and wife should be a team that acts as one angel. I believe in divine utilitarianism more than Earthly utilitarianism.

I understand what you’re getting at. But most don’t see marriage in that guise or desire the kind of coalescence you’re speaking of. The mystical aspects of marriage are beautiful. I’ve written about it frequently in the past.

bekkilyn · Sep 19, 2019

Noxot said:
First it would be good to understand the nature of spirit. how can you understand such things of Heaven if you don't understand the reality of spirit? There are examples of expressions of various spirits that form something. One example would be the lamb that speaks like a dragon. Here clearly we see the error of mixing the things of heaven with the things of hell.

But one of the most profound things about each of us is that we ourselves are a spirit. that's why Paul once claimed that his spirit is with such and such people even though his body was not. It's why a person could be said to have the spirit of Elijah.

This might seem weird but each of us are actually comprised of very very many spirits and interactions of the spiritual world.

There are legit concerns of losing the two that would unite as one and in that process lose both of themselves. It is the same grevious error that believes that in being united to God that you yourself are destroyed. As if God wished to destroy the very one that he loves. This is why the Trinity is the perfect expression of true Unity. The father and son are not lost in the revelation of the Kingdom of Heaven which is the Holy Spirit.

However, what you are describing now is not the same as a scripturally-supported doctrine that married human couples are going to turn into a single angel, or even angels in the first place.

While there are things that I personally believe, or at least consider might be true, that are outside of what scripture addresses, I don't make claims that scripture clearly supports those things and then not post any scripture that backs up what I am claiming.

When I hear things like what you said of people being composed of very many spirits, I think more of Mark 5:9.

Noxot · Sep 19, 2019

I'm probably more introverted than all of you and I don't want to live in separate houses lol. I guess I idealized everything too much. How will I find God in a person if I can't even be around them? I don't like the idea of going to work and being without my wife. In South America I saw some tribes hunting monkeys and the woman were holding the hunters arrows. Sounds nicer then being one of those men who works his butt off then comes home exhausted, used up by the world.

And it sounds so superfluous to own two homes. of course helping the family gives more legitimacy to that.

PS I don't think I'm in error about the things I express otherwise I would not express them. just pay attention to your own experience, how people are always helping to make you. Largely you are what you accept and reject.

quietpraiyze · Sep 19, 2019

Everybody is not the same. Some married people live in separate housing sometimes side by side. I really get that and I've known for some time an arrangement like that would be ideal for me if I were to ever get married...

Citanul · Sep 20, 2019

I only scenario I could consider (and even then I'd be reluctant to do so) would be living apart during the week because of work but being together at weekends. Otherwise if you're not living together then what's the point of getting married?

ReesePiece23 · Sep 20, 2019

Good for trust I suppose, but then you'll test that when you're sharing finances, creating joint bank accounts and not squandering both of your incomes on rubbish.

Marriage goes above and beyond the realms of a romantic relationship. One's a bit glib and doesn't hold a lot of weight, whilst marriage is a power team and relies on communication and common sense. Enjoyable all the same, but an element of commitment and discipline is required if you give a monkey's about them.

Marriage is taken a bit too seriously I think, but living in separate homes is a bit too far. Even for me.

ThisIsMe123 · Sep 20, 2019

ReesePiece23 said:
Good for trust I suppose, but then you'll test that when you're sharing finances, creating joint bank accounts and not squandering both of your incomes on rubbish.

Marriage goes above and beyond the realms of a romantic relationship. One's a bit glib and doesn't hold a lot of weight, whilst marriage is a power team and relies on communication and common sense. Enjoyable all the same, but an element of commitment and discipline is required if you give a monkey's about them.

Marriage is taken a bit too seriously I think, but living in separate homes is a bit too far. Even for me.

If someone is NOT living apart (I do plan on living with my spouse, btw), it's starting to become more common to not intermingle funds once people get married. Some couples prefer to have separate bank accounts. I know I plan on doing that, and if I do co-mingle funds, it'll be a new account opened in both names.

I even had a Christian friend highly advise going with a pre-nup.

Citanul · Sep 20, 2019

ThisIsMe123 said:
If someone is NOT living apart (I do plan on living with my spouse, btw), it's starting to become more common to not intermingle funds once people get married. Some couples prefer to have separate bank accounts. I know I plan on doing that, and if I do co-mingle funds, it'll be a new account opened in both names.

I'm not convinced that it's necessary to have a joint bank account. I live with my sister, and I pay some monthly expenses while she pays others. If there are any big expenses then one of us will make the actual payment and the other will transfer their half of the amount to the account of the one who paid.

So I can't think of a reason why a similar system couldn't happen if I were to get married. The one slightly tricky aspect might be groceries as my sister and I each buy our own whereas if I were married groceries would presumably mostly be for both of us, but I'm sure something could be worked out.

I can understand how it may have been easier to have a joint account prior to online banking being a thing as transactions would require you to go to the bank, but these days you can easily move money around in the comfort of your own home, so if you're both earning a salary I don't see much need to have a joint account.

bèlla · Sep 20, 2019

ThisIsMe123 said:
I even had a Christian friend highly advise going with a pre-nup.

They’re ideal for sizable assets, business income, property, or when children are involved. If they’re young I would have benefits (insurance and legacies) paid into a trust.

I met someone last year who permitted her boyfriend to manage her children’s account (her husband died). He lost most of the money. There’s roughly 15% left or less by now if anything at all.

S.O.J.I.A. · Sep 20, 2019

friends with benefits. marriage being reduced to legal benefits under the state.

this is not what the LORD intended or demanded from those who enter the institution of marriage.

bekkilyn · Sep 20, 2019

I would never in a zillion years advise anyone to give up their own bank accounts. While many have idealized views of marriage and believe that their individual staunch views on marriage will protect them from any and all harm, all too often that person you trusted the most of anyone in the world save God himself will at best decide he or she doesn't want to be married anymore or at worst, will act in ways that destroy anything and everything held in common, up to and including draining joint finances and incurring large amounts of debt through joint credit accounts, etc.

Even people with the best marriages in the world need to have protections in place because you NEVER know what another person will do and it only takes the one to completely destroy everything, and the other person involved often doesn't need your legal permission to do it.

Do not believe that marriage in the spiritual sense is at all the same as marriage in the legal sense. It's not, and people you deeply trust can seemingly in an instant, turn into betrayers. Jesus' advice to his apostles is sound also in a more general sense when he states to, "be as wise as serpents and as innocent as doves."

Would you consider a married, but living apart?

anarchist personalist

This And That

Contemplative Christian

Contemplative Christian

Child of the Living God

anarchist personalist

Contemplative Christian

anarchist personalist

Child of the Living God

❤️

Contemplative Christian

anarchist personalist

In The Secret Place

Well, when exactly do you mean?

The Peanut Buttery Member.

This And That

Well, when exactly do you mean?

❤️

Dynamic UNO

Contemplative Christian

Similar threads