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Would you consider a married, but living apart?

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by ThisIsMe123, Sep 18, 2019.

  1. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +347
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I've been seeing this happening more and more with more middle-aged or older people when they get married. Apparently, it keeps the marriage fresh and if someone get's on your nerves if they are around you a lot. Would anyone consider this kind of living arrangement, esp. since some may already have their own homes?
     
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  2. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

    +4,824
    United States
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    I’ve never considered it. I need those sandpaper moments for character development. And I’d miss the privilege of caring for my husband and meeting his needs. Living in separate households could diminish our closeness and intimacy. I want to wake up in his arms.
     
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  3. mukk_in

    mukk_in Yankees Fan Supporter

    +3,546
    India
    Christian
    Celibate
    No, that's not marriage:). Husband and wife should cohabit and partake of each other, one flesh. Peace in Christ.
     
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  4. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +347
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    That's a great testimonial! I like it. But...why is it you think people are wanting to do this? What's the attraction of living separately, even though married? I think it's an acronym for it now, too MBLA (Married but living apart).
     
  5. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

    +4,824
    United States
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    Thank you. :)

    Comfort and convenience. Its also a safety net of in case the relationship fails. Sin wise, you’re dealing with fear and selfishness.

    I think these situations are more akin to married in name only. If he isn’t worthy of inconvenience; why bother?
     
  6. Heavenhome

    Heavenhome Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,555
    Australia
    Christian
    Single
    Why get married and then live apart?
    It defeats the whole purpose of marriage when the two become one.
    That seems to be selfish and safeguarding your possessions as yours where if you are married they all become ours (at least that's what I always believed).
    Maybe that's why some people do it.

    I don't think this is a thing a Christian should ever consider because married but living apart is NOT a marriage.
     
  7. public hermit

    public hermit Well-Known Member Supporter

    776
    +805
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    US-Others
    I don't know. I'm not sold on the idea of living apart, but I can imagine a scenario where it makes sense to keep two households, or two homes. I am 47. Let's say I meet a woman close to my age who also has her own place, things, etc. I'm not going to start a family at my age. And, why should one of us, or both of us, liquidate and then get a place together? Why not keep both places, mine in the country and hers in the city (that's how I'm imagining it at the moment, anyway). We can stay at her place some, mine some. Maybe some days we stay in our own places. Personally, I would not have a problem with a situation like that.

    Also, people work all of their lives to have something to pass on to their children. When mature people get together, things like that need to be taken into consideration. I would not expect her to sell what she has and move in with me if she has grown children who would have been given land or a house or what-have-you.

    I agree that married couples living apart doesn't seem quite right. But, depending on the circumstances, it may be wiser for a mature couple to not put all of their eggs in the same basket. Just a thought.
     
  8. devin553344

    devin553344 I believe in the Resurrection

    +2,081
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    My father has difficulty with women so he does that. His wife lives in a separate home. He's kinda short with people :( It's probably more merciful to her that way.
     
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  9. sea5763

    sea5763 Well-Known Member

    629
    +523
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    I’d probably only do that if I married an abusive wife beater and was running away from them but didn’t want a divorce on religious grounds.
     
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  10. com7fy8

    com7fy8 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,475
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    But if someone gets on your nerves, the Bible says >

    "Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." (Colossians 3:19)

    Now, how am I going to learn to do this, if I stay away from my lady? :)
     
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  11. HisGraceAbounds

    HisGraceAbounds Member Supporter

    117
    +86
    United States
    Protestant
    Private
    Living apart, no. Living together but having separate bedrooms, yes.
     
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  12. JustSomeBloke

    JustSomeBloke Wo-choo-lookin-at?

    157
    +160
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    No. If I liked a woman enough to marry them, I'd want to be able to cuddle, smell, and taste them often.
     
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  13. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +347
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Funny how some are evolving from this...and this has been going on for decades (as seen in black and white TV shows with the separate beds)...to now...just separate homes.
     
  14. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +347
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Well, hello Clarice!! :-D
     
  15. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

    573
    +494
    Australia
    Non-Denom
    Divorced
    For unbelievers, anything goes. For Christians, it's a cop out. Let God into the relationship and show the world how it should be done.
     
  16. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

    573
    +494
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    Non-Denom
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    Divorcing a wife beater is well and truly permitted by God.
     
  17. Miles

    Miles Well-Known Member

    +2,593
    United States
    Christian
    Private
    Depends on how quarrelsome she is. See Proverbs 25:24.

    If she's pleasant enough to be around, I don't see why we'd want to live apart, but I can appreciate the need for personal space. Most of my hobbies are of the solitary kind, and I think it would be nice if she has a few of her own. Or maybe she just needs to be alone while getting ready in the morning. Some couples have their own home offices, use separate bathrooms etc. That's fine with me.

    This is one reason why I like large houses (not fancy or expensive, but big) with lots of rooms. They're great for having a little "me time" when you need it, without going far.

    As far as keeping the relationship fresh, there are many ways to do that. Separate dwellings would be near the bottom of my list.
     
  18. bekkilyn

    bekkilyn Contemplative Christian Supporter

    +3,531
    United States
    United Methodist
    Celibate
    US-Others
    This idea is probably a horror story for extroverts, but has a great deal of appeal for those more introverted. Every marriage is going to be different. Some people simply need more personal space than others, including when sleeping, particularly if they are light sleepers and even hearing someone else breathing keeps them awake all night.
     
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  19. Jonaitis

    Jonaitis Sleep is for the weak

    +2,619
    United States
    Reformed
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    US-Republican
    My grandparents were separated, remaining married but living in separate places, because while they didn't believe in divorce, they could not stand living with each other. Yes, they would see and talk to each other, but being around each other 24/7 was too much for them after their children grew up.

    I would never consider this kind of relationship, it is not healthy and proper. However, if it were necessary under certain circumstances, I have no other choice since I hold to the permanence view of marriage.
     
  20. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +5,164
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Republican
    As an introvert, it could easily backfire on me. If I'm living separately, I could easily neglect her and the relationship because I'd be so into my own world.
     
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