what are you feeling right now? (24)

Rene Loup said:

It should not take a fricken week for my mother to help her disabled son make a resume. Instead, she's taking her sweet time sitting on the chair, playing on one of her iPads, and stuffing her face full of fudgsicles.

I just want to strap her onto a chair, pile up all of her iPads in front of her, douse them in gasoline, and set them on fire for her to watch.

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W2L said:

My life has been traumatic. Its not something i talk about, but its been hard. It has made life difficult, and it has hurt my mental health a lot. I use to have nightmares and flashbacks, and still have flashbacks often. My mind is a battlefield and i die daily. I cling to hope in the Lord because he's the only hope i see.

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Rene Loup said:

I've been asking for days and each time we make some progress, she takes a day off to move on to the next step. It's been a week and we have not even made a single finished page. Every time I even talk to her half her attention is on the iPad. She does nothing anymore except play on the iPad whereas I'm trying my best to get my life back in order even though I have a disability the world hates me for.

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Rene Loup said:

Asperger's Syndrome primarily but also anxiety, depression, and possibly complex PTSD.

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Lily76_ said:

very very angry right now

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chaoticfirefly said:

hey everyone. how are things?

i'm academic and financial aid suspension, but working to get back in the fall. i spent the last two weeks of my semester in and out of the er because of agonizing pain to the point i just could not eat or drink anything, so my studies went down the drain. i barely managed to pass my finals, and had to drop my intro to ethics class. i'm hoping i get financial aid back for the fall, and my advisor gets back to me so i can get my classes back (if not, i'll email an advisor from the TriO department).

they finally decided to dig further into the pain, and found congestion around my liver. but they're not sure if that was causing the pain, but even tramadol wasn't working. i saw my regular doctor a week after i got done with school, and he referred me to a specialist so i see them next week. the pain came back last week and has stuck around since, and it comes and it goes. if it's what they're saying it is, then i'll just push for surgery because i just don't want pills that likely won't work for the rest of my life, i'm already having to take medication because my brain sucks.

i've got a summer job that helps out in the financial aid department and pays okay, it's still soul crushing anyways. but that's the public and food industry, we're just not human beings. next summer, i hope i'll be working in places that'll help with my degree: i can work at a news station or shadow a politician, so since 2020 is coming up, i can apply for this campus politics thing where i work in the states capital with lawmakers and lobby for laws that help university students within the state. it also counts as a paid internship credits (housing is supplied, i'm given an allowance monthly for food and stuff, and an actual pay check or something).

about two-three weeks before school got out, an idiot brought a gun onto campus and shot out a window. he was arrested and charged with quite a few things, and it's like. the campus bans weapons, especially our housing. why would you throw away your entire future to try to make some stupid political point? you shot out a window, brought a gun onto campus that wasn't even yours, terrified a whole bunch of people, and wonder why you've been arrested? ugh.

my friends and i became somewhat of activists on campus--except nobody knows it's been us. someone had been painting swastika's everywhere, as well as just spreading hateful messages, and they were being slow at covering it up. so i messaged a friend if someone was able to bring me to the store, i needed spray paint to fix some stuff. so since then, late at night, we'd go and cover up the hateful stuff with more positive stuff. whether it was my friend doing pretty artwork or me just writing kind messages, we would just fix that ugly marking.

of course, the school's president emailed us with, "we are all allowed opinions, no matter what they are. this school has always allowed different beliefs" and people lashed out. don't know what happened, but towards the end, whoever was doing it stopped. but we're sorta labeled the vigelante criminals. and to think, my friendship and life of "crime" started from stealing chocolate cookies from the cafeteria because i wanted snacks.

oh yeah, i made friends in the spring semester. and they're all leaving me for europe this coming semester! one is going to russia and finishes his degree there (saint petersburg), another friend is going to prague for the semester, and someone else is going to spain because mexico was deemed too unsafe at the moment (don't know why, haven't checked to see what's up--been a little busy). BUT i'm planning for greece or romania in 2020 fall semester, i haven't decided yet.

but i'm also just thinking of directly applying to the university of ljubljana (slovenia) since even non-eu prices is so much cheaper than going to a sister school in another country through this university. i just gotta uh. i just gotta get off my butt and start teaching myself slovenian.

but one of my friends i made in a club offered to teach me romanian if i decide to go to sibiu, she's from cluj.

why eastern/south eastern europe? i really don't know. i just find them to be such cool countries. greece is simply for the fact that when i was a little kid, i was super obsessed with both ancient egypt and ancient greece, and little kid me would die at the chance of going to greece for a year. the downside is, abroad and i'd get homesick, i'm a vegetarian and those countries are super meat based with foods (though vegetarian options are available, especially in greece cause tourism, it's just not much of a thing). i'd miss home a lot.

my school also has sister schools in new zealand and australia and i was thinking like, it's warm there, beaches. fascinating accents but like. their school years are wrong and so are their holidays (i'm joking, they're cool countries).

and i guess one last update is, one of my friends is kind of an idiot. she got caught hotboxing her dorm room, and had the cops called on her. the only thing they did was confiscate her weed and bong thing and gave her a warning. she hasn't smoked since.

so. i'm basically bordering on okay. just anxious about getting back into school. and car insurance because i missed a payment and the guy said he'll try to get me reinstated.

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chaoticfirefly said:

hey everyone. how are things?

i'm academic and financial aid suspension, but working to get back in the fall. i spent the last two weeks of my semester in and out of the er because of agonizing pain to the point i just could not eat or drink anything, so my studies went down the drain. i barely managed to pass my finals, and had to drop my intro to ethics class. i'm hoping i get financial aid back for the fall, and my advisor gets back to me so i can get my classes back (if not, i'll email an advisor from the TriO department).

they finally decided to dig further into the pain, and found congestion around my liver. but they're not sure if that was causing the pain, but even tramadol wasn't working. i saw my regular doctor a week after i got done with school, and he referred me to a specialist so i see them next week. the pain came back last week and has stuck around since, and it comes and it goes. if it's what they're saying it is, then i'll just push for surgery because i just don't want pills that likely won't work for the rest of my life, i'm already having to take medication because my brain sucks.

i've got a summer job that helps out in the financial aid department and pays okay, it's still soul crushing anyways. but that's the public and food industry, we're just not human beings. next summer, i hope i'll be working in places that'll help with my degree: i can work at a news station or shadow a politician, so since 2020 is coming up, i can apply for this campus politics thing where i work in the states capital with lawmakers and lobby for laws that help university students within the state. it also counts as a paid internship credits (housing is supplied, i'm given an allowance monthly for food and stuff, and an actual pay check or something).

about two-three weeks before school got out, an idiot brought a gun onto campus and shot out a window. he was arrested and charged with quite a few things, and it's like. the campus bans weapons, especially our housing. why would you throw away your entire future to try to make some stupid political point? you shot out a window, brought a gun onto campus that wasn't even yours, terrified a whole bunch of people, and wonder why you've been arrested? ugh.

my friends and i became somewhat of activists on campus--except nobody knows it's been us. someone had been painting swastika's everywhere, as well as just spreading hateful messages, and they were being slow at covering it up. so i messaged a friend if someone was able to bring me to the store, i needed spray paint to fix some stuff. so since then, late at night, we'd go and cover up the hateful stuff with more positive stuff. whether it was my friend doing pretty artwork or me just writing kind messages, we would just fix that ugly marking.

of course, the school's president emailed us with, "we are all allowed opinions, no matter what they are. this school has always allowed different beliefs" and people lashed out. don't know what happened, but towards the end, whoever was doing it stopped. but we're sorta labeled the vigelante criminals. and to think, my friendship and life of "crime" started from stealing chocolate cookies from the cafeteria because i wanted snacks.

oh yeah, i made friends in the spring semester. and they're all leaving me for europe this coming semester! one is going to russia and finishes his degree there (saint petersburg), another friend is going to prague for the semester, and someone else is going to spain because mexico was deemed too unsafe at the moment (don't know why, haven't checked to see what's up--been a little busy). BUT i'm planning for greece or romania in 2020 fall semester, i haven't decided yet.

but i'm also just thinking of directly applying to the university of ljubljana (slovenia) since even non-eu prices is so much cheaper than going to a sister school in another country through this university. i just gotta uh. i just gotta get off my butt and start teaching myself slovenian.

but one of my friends i made in a club offered to teach me romanian if i decide to go to sibiu, she's from cluj.

why eastern/south eastern europe? i really don't know. i just find them to be such cool countries. greece is simply for the fact that when i was a little kid, i was super obsessed with both ancient egypt and ancient greece, and little kid me would die at the chance of going to greece for a year. the downside is, abroad and i'd get homesick, i'm a vegetarian and those countries are super meat based with foods (though vegetarian options are available, especially in greece cause tourism, it's just not much of a thing). i'd miss home a lot.

my school also has sister schools in new zealand and australia and i was thinking like, it's warm there, beaches. fascinating accents but like. their school years are wrong and so are their holidays (i'm joking, they're cool countries).

and i guess one last update is, one of my friends is kind of an idiot. she got caught hotboxing her dorm room, and had the cops called on her. the only thing they did was confiscate her weed and bong thing and gave her a warning. she hasn't smoked since.

so. i'm basically bordering on okay. just anxious about getting back into school. and car insurance because i missed a payment and the guy said he'll try to get me reinstated.

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Jeshu said:

It looks like dad will survive. On top of his pneumonia he had a blood infection as well but luckily he responded well to the antibiotics and is mending well. They hope he will be able to leave hospital next week Tuesday. Thanks to those who said a prayer for him.

We went hiking up the mountain to a mountain lake. It was awesome the hike took us three hours and we were well and ready for some lunch by then.


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