Hello everyone,
My wife and I are in our late 20's and have been married for 2 years, together for a total of 7 years. Currently my wife and I have been struggling in our marriage and I am hoping those wiser could give some guidance and advice to me on how to handle the situation.
About 6 months ago my wife got a new job and made a bunch of new friends. I was and still am happy for her, as with our beliefs it can be hard to fit in sometimes with people our age. Unfortunately, since she made her new friends she slowly stopped being as affectionate with me. First sex, then kissing, then hugging, then even holding my hand. She told me that she sees me more as a roommate or a best friend then a romantic partner, and even though she finds me physically and mentally attractive and she loves me, she said the spark was gone.
Through multiple conversations about it, she summed up she feels like she is going through a "quarter life crisis" and did not understand why she felt this way, but she wished she could solve our issues. I did what I could to try to reignite the spark for her, as I am still just as crazy about her as when we first met. I took her out on dates, romantic surprises, leaving notes in her lunch etc. but nothing seemed to work.
She was more excited to see and spend time with her friends then me. She would often text her friends during our time together which would hurt my feelings. The lack of intimacy and what seemed to be a lack of regard became a big concern for me, and I would talk about it with her often to come up with a solution. She started to find it draining and would say shes sick of all our "relationship talks". I would tell her I was concerned for our relationship and that I want us to spend more time together, which meant less time with her friends, and she said I was being controlling. We stopped going to church together as one of her friends only had the day off on Sunday so they would hang out all day. Basically, I felt like she would hang out with me only she had nothing else to do.
She kept telling me there was nothing wrong with me and there was nothing I could do about it as this was her problem, and maybe becoming less available to her would reignite things for her. I tried my best to do this, but after 4 months of I started to get resentful, less patient, and jealous that her greeting her friends with a smile and a hug was more affection then what I was getting from her. We started to argue more, which fell back on the "relationship talk" issue she had before, which pushed her further from me. It got to the point where I would check into a hotel and spend my weekends there as I felt too angry and hurt to be around her, and she thought it was good for our relationship as it gives her more of a chance to miss me.
Ultimately, we both decided that I should move out of the home we own together, as she told me that would be the best chance of snapping her out of this stage in her life. She told me she doesn't want to be dealing with this either and that she was sorry. I packed my stuff and moved into a small furnished suite. We both cried and it was one of the hardest days of my life.
After I moved out, she asked if it would be ok if one of her friends slept on the couch for awhile as they were going through a hard time at home. Her friend was in an abusive relationship and ended up breaking up with her boyfriend and needed a temporary place to stay. I agreed to it as I felt like either way this friend was going to stay there whether I said it was ok or not.
I have been living in this suite for about a month. It is comfortable but it is not home for me. I have already learned a lot about myself and my weaknesses, but I feel like I have more to learn before we can live together again. I am living here in secret from my family, friends and coworkers as I don't want them to pick sides or think ill of either of us, but it makes for a lonely road as I have no one to talk to. I struggled a lot with it in the first few weeks and it created more arguments between us, but I am now praying a lot and am trying to embrace the Bibles call for husbands to love their wives and selflessly give and sacrifice for her needs and her sins. Some days I feel too upset with her to do this for her, so I do it for God instead. I am thankful to have Him in my life as I learned when I first moved out that I do not have the inner strength to do this completely on my own.
I know I am not a perfect person, but I don't know what I did to her to deserve this. Before all of this she always respected me as the leader of our relationship. She has told me that there's nothing wrong with me, but I feel like there must have been for there to be such a swift change in attitude. I feel like everything I have tried has either ended poorly or had no effect. She told me we both need to take hands off our relationship and let God work, but it's hard to trust her right now and whether she's telling me the truth. She has never done anything like this in our relationship before and I am a bit blindsided by her behavior.
In the mean time I am trying not to be a victim, and I am trying to get outside my comfort zone and do more things to keep my mind off of this and have more positive things to look forward to. The whole plan for this was to reignite the spark in our relationship, but so far that hasn't worked. She told me she just needs space right now, but isn't sure if our relationship is meant to last. If you have no advice to give or words of encouragement, please pray for my marriage and that we are able to resolve things. Thank you for reading and I appreciate your input.
My wife and I are in our late 20's and have been married for 2 years, together for a total of 7 years. Currently my wife and I have been struggling in our marriage and I am hoping those wiser could give some guidance and advice to me on how to handle the situation.
About 6 months ago my wife got a new job and made a bunch of new friends. I was and still am happy for her, as with our beliefs it can be hard to fit in sometimes with people our age. Unfortunately, since she made her new friends she slowly stopped being as affectionate with me. First sex, then kissing, then hugging, then even holding my hand. She told me that she sees me more as a roommate or a best friend then a romantic partner, and even though she finds me physically and mentally attractive and she loves me, she said the spark was gone.
Through multiple conversations about it, she summed up she feels like she is going through a "quarter life crisis" and did not understand why she felt this way, but she wished she could solve our issues. I did what I could to try to reignite the spark for her, as I am still just as crazy about her as when we first met. I took her out on dates, romantic surprises, leaving notes in her lunch etc. but nothing seemed to work.
She was more excited to see and spend time with her friends then me. She would often text her friends during our time together which would hurt my feelings. The lack of intimacy and what seemed to be a lack of regard became a big concern for me, and I would talk about it with her often to come up with a solution. She started to find it draining and would say shes sick of all our "relationship talks". I would tell her I was concerned for our relationship and that I want us to spend more time together, which meant less time with her friends, and she said I was being controlling. We stopped going to church together as one of her friends only had the day off on Sunday so they would hang out all day. Basically, I felt like she would hang out with me only she had nothing else to do.
She kept telling me there was nothing wrong with me and there was nothing I could do about it as this was her problem, and maybe becoming less available to her would reignite things for her. I tried my best to do this, but after 4 months of I started to get resentful, less patient, and jealous that her greeting her friends with a smile and a hug was more affection then what I was getting from her. We started to argue more, which fell back on the "relationship talk" issue she had before, which pushed her further from me. It got to the point where I would check into a hotel and spend my weekends there as I felt too angry and hurt to be around her, and she thought it was good for our relationship as it gives her more of a chance to miss me.
Ultimately, we both decided that I should move out of the home we own together, as she told me that would be the best chance of snapping her out of this stage in her life. She told me she doesn't want to be dealing with this either and that she was sorry. I packed my stuff and moved into a small furnished suite. We both cried and it was one of the hardest days of my life.
After I moved out, she asked if it would be ok if one of her friends slept on the couch for awhile as they were going through a hard time at home. Her friend was in an abusive relationship and ended up breaking up with her boyfriend and needed a temporary place to stay. I agreed to it as I felt like either way this friend was going to stay there whether I said it was ok or not.
I have been living in this suite for about a month. It is comfortable but it is not home for me. I have already learned a lot about myself and my weaknesses, but I feel like I have more to learn before we can live together again. I am living here in secret from my family, friends and coworkers as I don't want them to pick sides or think ill of either of us, but it makes for a lonely road as I have no one to talk to. I struggled a lot with it in the first few weeks and it created more arguments between us, but I am now praying a lot and am trying to embrace the Bibles call for husbands to love their wives and selflessly give and sacrifice for her needs and her sins. Some days I feel too upset with her to do this for her, so I do it for God instead. I am thankful to have Him in my life as I learned when I first moved out that I do not have the inner strength to do this completely on my own.
I know I am not a perfect person, but I don't know what I did to her to deserve this. Before all of this she always respected me as the leader of our relationship. She has told me that there's nothing wrong with me, but I feel like there must have been for there to be such a swift change in attitude. I feel like everything I have tried has either ended poorly or had no effect. She told me we both need to take hands off our relationship and let God work, but it's hard to trust her right now and whether she's telling me the truth. She has never done anything like this in our relationship before and I am a bit blindsided by her behavior.
In the mean time I am trying not to be a victim, and I am trying to get outside my comfort zone and do more things to keep my mind off of this and have more positive things to look forward to. The whole plan for this was to reignite the spark in our relationship, but so far that hasn't worked. She told me she just needs space right now, but isn't sure if our relationship is meant to last. If you have no advice to give or words of encouragement, please pray for my marriage and that we are able to resolve things. Thank you for reading and I appreciate your input.
