New here and I am lost with my 16 year old son

Coming home drunk with a different bunch of women? At 16?

I don't know what to say. I am not a parent myself. I only hope that someone who has been in your (or your son's) shoes answers you. Meanwhile I will pray for your son and you. God is excellent at finding the lost sheep, and in our weakness His strength is perfect.

In some ways I was a "lost son" myself. I was never attacked, I was quite sheltered, and all harm in my life was because of my own stupidity. But there was a point where I lost my hope. I started drinking, at some point I just drank every day. I abused my meds I got for my depression and anxiety and used them to get myself high. I lost my job and I couldn't function. Two things kept me from losing my life: God and my mother.

I prayed to God at my lowest point where I had lost pretty much everything and I had nothing but pain. I didn't know it then, but it was a turning point. Everything would be uphill from there, even if I realized it only years later. Even my therapy and treatments (numerous) somehow started to work here and there. I was a stubborn one, and I only started to search for God when I thought there was nothing left. The misery I had, He used it, and made something good out of it. He can do it.

About my mother, yes she was worried. I didn't want to worry her, and I wanted to keep all my pain for myself, but luckily I couldn't keep that pain locked in forever. Because when it's too much, it's too much. There were times when I crawled to my mother's house when I thought I had nothing else to hang on to, nowhere else to go. She saw some of my drunken desperate breakdowns, she saw me at my worst. And even if I kind of continued to push her away, her love for me stuck there, deep in my mind somewhere. Her willingness to help, to do anything in her power, was something that eventually I just couldn't ignore. So time and again I went to her when I didn't have anybody else, and little by little we got closer. I don't know if this qualifies as an advice, but for me, it was important that my mother insisted, no matter how much I resisted or how much I was ashamed of the worry I caused, that she loves me and she's willing to help. It got through. It was something to hold on to.

I hope you get better replies from people who are parents themselves and who have experience about these things. But keep on telling your son that he's loved. If he resists, let him. Sometimes we can be brick walls, but no walls, especially the ones we make ourselves, will last forever. I'll say a prayer for you both. May God bless you all, guide and comfort you, and may Christ walk with you.

I may not have advice for you, but I will definitely be praying for him before The Lord continually!

I have no real advice, except to say you sound like you’re doing everything you can and are a truly wonderful mother. Keep letting him see that love so he knows no matter how he feels and how bad it is he’s loved.

Remember to look after yourself in this time as well so you are able to look after him.

I will pray for both of you

When I was a kid I was a pretty bad person. I stole from my parents, I always got in trouble at school, I was a pretty bad person. I remember when I was 16 I was lost and didn't know what to do and honestly? Up till about 6 years ago? I thought I would never be happy. But then I found Christ. Or actually Christ found me. And he changed me into being a good person with hope. For the first time in almost 32 years... I'm happy. God also gave me a wife who when I was a kid I NEVER thought I would be married. I mean... I was a loser and none of the girls wanted me. I only got to date 2 girls in my entire life. But I know my wife is a God chosen one and that I will be with her for the rest of my life. You know what made me change though when I was a kid? My dad told me when I turned 16 that he and mom couldn't keep me out of prison anymore. So I was kind of forced to straighten out because I didn't want to go to prison.


I pray that your son will also find Christ so he can be happy like me. I would also advise you to tell your son that you can't keep him out of prison anymore. Prison might scare him like it scared me. Just a thought.

LostParent said:

Hello all I am new here and in need some advice with my 16 year old son. I am honestly pretty lost with my son, he was recently attacked at school by another student by what was all accounts a gang thing this kid had to attack another stud to get into said gang and he chose my son. And stabbed him multiple times and he spent a few weeks in the hospital and We were lucky to have not lost him. Well he was recovering really well and then his girlfriend broke up with him and he has gone downhill from there. He is gaining a lot of weight sleeping a lot not taking showers I don’t know why his girlfriend broke up with him I do know they still talk a lot and her parents contacted me the other day and just warned me to keep a close eye on my son. I don’t know what to do, I have him in counseling and he is seeing a psychiatrist so I am unsure what else I can do. He is still struggling really badly with pain and nightmares. He won’t talk to me and has no interest in things he used to. His grades are slipping significantly as well. What shoul I do with my son? I don’t know how to make this right or fix this. And no we haven’t switched him out of the school as he was adamantly against it and begged us not to move him from the schools as he didn’t want to be seen as broken and weak. As far as I know the kid that stabbed my son repeatedly is in juvenile detention charged with attempted murder. The prosecution is pressing hard for my son to testify and to give a victims testimony. It is really hard to sleep at night because at night he will have nightmares and let out these blood curdling screams that you can hear clear across the house. He has recently been coming home extremely drunk with a bunch of different women we haven’t ever seen before. He has just seemingly lost all faith and hope.

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A traumatic experience like this has the potential to push a person towards behaviours that are out of character for them. Having been stabbed they may have reevaluated their life through that experience. The fact that they are moving toward drinking and possible sexual activity, may be a result of the feeling that they want to cram as much out of life as they can. They may also feel let down by God, or wonder where God was in the circumstance, which may compound their desire to experiment outside the bounds of God's commands. The good news is that God understands human desire and weakness, especially when it come from a situation of pressure. The best thing to do is keep loving and supporting your son, while allowing God to draw him back to the life that is better for him. This could take time.

Your son can't bare the pain , the fear from his attack so he is withdrawing into himself . His sense of self is damaged who he is. This happens when children are abused also and can effect who they think they are for the rest of their lives . He is trying to numb his pain with alcohol and fill his emptiness with women .Keep him going to therapy and remind him who he really is show home movies of himself , his old report cards how special he is to everyone .To show him he is more than any knife attack could ever take away . Then I would pray for him if he not open to it then when he is a sleep out loud over him for spiritual protection prayers to Archangel Michael can find on Internet , to Jesus , Mother Mary's rosary doesn't matter if not Catholic she brings healing to people's bodies .

LostParent said:

Hello all I am new here and in need some advice with my 16 year old son. I am honestly pretty lost with my son, he was recently attacked at school by another student by what was all accounts a gang thing this kid had to attack another stud to get into said gang and he chose my son. And stabbed him multiple times and he spent a few weeks in the hospital and We were lucky to have not lost him. Well he was recovering really well and then his girlfriend broke up with him and he has gone downhill from there. He is gaining a lot of weight sleeping a lot not taking showers I don’t know why his girlfriend broke up with him I do know they still talk a lot and her parents contacted me the other day and just warned me to keep a close eye on my son. I don’t know what to do, I have him in counseling and he is seeing a psychiatrist so I am unsure what else I can do. He is still struggling really badly with pain and nightmares. He won’t talk to me and has no interest in things he used to. His grades are slipping significantly as well. What shoul I do with my son? I don’t know how to make this right or fix this. And no we haven’t switched him out of the school as he was adamantly against it and begged us not to move him from the schools as he didn’t want to be seen as broken and weak. As far as I know the kid that stabbed my son repeatedly is in juvenile detention charged with attempted murder. The prosecution is pressing hard for my son to testify and to give a victims testimony. It is really hard to sleep at night because at night he will have nightmares and let out these blood curdling screams that you can hear clear across the house. He has recently been coming home extremely drunk with a bunch of different women we haven’t ever seen before. He has just seemingly lost all faith and hope.

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He is just a 16-year-old boy and things happened to him is extremely terrible. His reactions are understandable.

But sometimes, we come to know God when we were in dire situations. Same can happen to your son. He might have left the church, but that doesn't mean God left him. Maybe, just maybe, God is leading your son to experience His power to heal.

There is never nothing we can do, because we can always pray. Pray that God will lead your son to Him. Pray that God will let you and your husband to know His will, so that you may act accordingly. Pray that God will let your family to experience His power and His love, and see the work of Him in you and you son.

Talk to his psychiatrist and see if he can be referred asap to a counsellor who practices EMDR. This is an extremely effective therapy for those who have gone through trauma, as an intervention method for PTSD.

I agree with others who have said the alcohol use is likely a way of coping with a situation he was not emotionally equipped to deal with. This can turn into an addiction, if he's not careful. Please have some good heart to heart talks with him about his excessive drinking, but just talk - don't nag him to quit, or that might push him to do it more and will possibly damage your relationship with him. Simply let him know that you will always be there for him, and you are willing to help in whatever way he needs you, even if it means to leave him be to deal with his own emotions... just "be"... be available, be visible. Let him come to you.

Very hard situation. I can't imagine how frightening that situation was for both of you! I'll remember you when I pray.

ValleyGal said:

Talk to his psychiatrist and see if he can be referred asap to a counsellor who practices EMDR. This is an extremely effective therapy for those who have gone through trauma, as an intervention method for PTSD.

I agree with others who have said the alcohol use is likely a way of coping with a situation he was not emotionally equipped to deal with. This can turn into an addiction, if he's not careful. Please have some good heart to heart talks with him about his excessive drinking, but just talk - don't nag him to quit, or that might push him to do it more and will possibly damage your relationship with him. Simply let him know that you will always be there for him, and you are willing to help in whatever way he needs you, even if it means to leave him be to deal with his own emotions... just "be"... be available, be visible. Let him come to you.

Very hard situation. I can't imagine how frightening that situation was for both of you! I'll remember you when I pray.

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I think you've gotten some great feedback, including this post. As ValleyGal has pointed out, keeping the lines of communication open is your best (and really only) option at this point. Your best bet is to try to get him to open up about his feelings about the stabbing and the break up.

At 16 it can seem like the end of the world when you lose the one you love. Remind him that he has a lot of life ahead of him, and he'll have plenty of other opportunities to find a wonderful and loving relationship again. You might suggest he consider taking some Karate (or other self defense) classes, or offer him a gym membership so he has the opportunity to feel better about himself.

The best thing you can do is to be patient and remain loving through it all. Remind him that you love him unconditionally, but some of his recent behaviors look to be pretty self destructive at the moment. Things change over time and time has a way of healing these types of wounds.

Don't give up on him and he won't give up on himself, but this will take time and it will be slow going for awhile.

God bless you both.

Wow! I can not begin to imagine what you are going through. My 14 yr old nephew lives with us and was having some bullying issues at his school the past couple of years. I turned into such a huge mama bear and he isn't even my son. Although that experience showed me (and him) how much I cared for him. He was beat up a couple of times and stabbed once as well. Although not bad enough to land him in the hospital. The hardest part was letting him know that I was there for him without trying to "fix" anything. It took a long time for me to allow him to just talk and me listen. All he wanted was someone to listen to him. He didn't want to hear what he should do, how he should act. He was in counseling but more importantly I went to counseling with him a couple of times so we could both learn what we should be doing for him. Also, his Youth Pastor never let up on him. I'm so thankful for that. Just be there for your son no matter what. Let him know that you and your home are a safe place for him. Pray without ceasing. We will be praying for you and your son.

I can't even begin to understand what you both been through. I can tell you love your son very much! Others do too!

Short version, ask for prayer and talk with your Pastor about it. Make sure you have a support system in place for yourself. Second is prayerfully know when to show grace and to show tough love. He needs grace to be patient with him, but tough love to confront his fears and be allowed to coach him on how to face his fears.

When someone is emotionally dead on the inside, they become like a black hole. They never contribute or produce, the constantly consume and consume. Never enough food or drinking or whatever else is being used as a coping mechanism. By God's grace he will over time come to the place where he recognize he is running from himself and what happened.

I really encourage you not to take this on alone! This is a long haul battle for the soul of your son. You will need help along the way!

LostParent said:

Hello all I am new here and in need some advice with my 16 year old son. I am honestly pretty lost with my son, he was recently attacked at school by another student by what was all accounts a gang thing this kid had to attack another stud to get into said gang and he chose my son. And stabbed him multiple times and he spent a few weeks in the hospital and We were lucky to have not lost him.

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Of course, luck had nothing to do with it. There is no luck, only God's will. In any case, I'm sorry to hear of the terrible things done to your son. Thank God, he was spared from worse injury.

LostParent said:

Well he was recovering really well and then his girlfriend broke up with him and he has gone downhill from there. He is gaining a lot of weight sleeping a lot not taking showers

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Recovering from a serious injury and then dealing with heartbreak, too, takes a psychological toll on a person. Your son sounds quite depressed. Understandable, though, given what he's endured.

LostParent said:

I don’t know what to do, I have him in counseling and he is seeing a psychiatrist so I am unsure what else I can do.

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Have you included God in the situation? Where does He fit in to how you're dealing with your son?

LostParent said:

What shoul I do with my son? I don’t know how to make this right or fix this.

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What makes you think it's your responsibility to fix the situation? Care for your son. Pray for him. But "fixing" his life isn't in your power to accomplish. Your son needs God. There are things only God can do, places within us that only He can penetrate and transform. Are you trusting your boy to Him in prayer regularly and encouraging your son to draw near to His Maker?

LostParent said:

And no we haven’t switched him out of the school as he was adamantly against it and begged us not to move him from the schools as he didn’t want to be seen as broken and weak.

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Well, what your son might beg for and what he might need are not always the same thing. Part of being a parent is knowing when to draw boundaries for your children, and to protect them when they haven't the maturity to properly protect themselves.

LostParent said:

He has recently been coming home extremely drunk with a bunch of different women we haven’t ever seen before. He has just seemingly lost all faith and hope.

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I would never even have thought to come home in such a state when I was a teenager - even if I'd had both my legs cut off and a dozen girls dump me! I'd have been forcibly ejected from the premises if I'd tried. So, I never did. Why does your boy think it's perfectly all right to behave in a drunken, promiscuous way in your home? Why isn't he afraid to show up at home in such a state? When your son bears the responsibilities of an adult fully, then he has the freedom to behave as he likes. But if you're paying for his food, clothing, shelter, electricity, water, laundry, etc., you call the shots when it comes to how he'll behave in your home.

You do your son no favours by enabling him to live an immoral life. His injuries and heartache, however terrible, don't entitle him to lousy living. And his drunkenness and promiscuity will only add to the pain he has endured. If your son cannot see this for himself and rein himself in, you must be the parent and do his reining-in for him. Set clear and inflexible boundaries concerning your son's behaviour at home: No more going without a daily shower; no getting drunk; no sleeping around with girls. If he violates your rules, withdraw privileges (making sure he knows up front that this will happen when he disobeys): no more cell phone, no more using the family car, no more cable t.v., no more gaming console use, etc. Go talk to his ex-girlfriend and find out what's going on between them. Ascertain if the psychiatrist is actually helping your son. If not, find a new one who can. And start attending a good, Gospel-preaching, Christ-centered church (if you aren't already).