I'm trying; I keep praying for God's help to forgive him. I know I need to do this. I WANT to do this. I liked that analogy of, if given the chance to push him into he'll, would I? (No, I would not.)
I keep thinking these angry, bitter thoughts. He is my BROTHER in CHRIST; even if he wasn't, this is sinful.
How am I supposed to feel when I've forgiven him? It's like, one minute I feel peace and I feel like I'm forgiving him, and then later I'm angry again.
I know this is long but I hope you read this or at least someone will for I'm going to spill my guts here to help you. Or at least somebody. Even right now in my life, if I'm speaking of my natural mind I feel hurt, pain and anguish in regard to words of unkindness spoken to me by another. Let's just say this went on for a couple of years and in one sense they became like a thorn in the flesh ...I wondered if I was going to lose my mind. No matter what I sought to walk in love towards them and sometimes they'd appreciate it and sometimes they'd go off the
rails again and go, blah, blah, blah.....just more things of hurt. I actually lead them on their death bed to the Lord. I prayed for them to repeat, "Lord forgive me sins".....they looked at me with the thought, what do you mean my sins, but I quickly asserted but we've all sinned myself included all of us not just you alone.....they felt comfortable then accepting oh yes I'm a sinner....and they asked for God's forgiveness and asked Jesus into their life. Did i have time to get into any deep theology about many things? Nope....but neither did the thief on the cross get all that. God showed him mercy. They died a few days later but I do have the Blessed Hope they are saved.
OK now the pain and hurt and the anger of the past hanging over my head like a cloud......how did I and I'm still doing it now....get over it? HERE'S HOW. This will change your whole mental state if you allow it. You need to get bold and locked in to what you should be believing, and how you should be seeing them. If you don't get bold the devilish pain with still get you down. Don't allow it too. Take decisive action against it. Here's what you should consider and here's how you should view them.
Yes they had sinned....but see them through the BLOOD that is the BLOOD of Jesus. When you choose to see them through the blood of Jesus what do you see? You see them pure and holy without blame before God in love and you see them justified! Just as if they'd never sinned. Remember.....that how you want God to see you right? Now if you want God to see you that way God says then you choose to see others that way. Now that's something you have to do by faith, I get that BUT that's what you do.
Remember now the King story....one who had a great debt and he asked the Lord to forgive it?? Well he did, BUT you know what happened next.....he saw his fellow servant who sinned against him and he did not forgive him and I'm guessing you know that what the Lord said about that correct? Wasn't a good end for the one who wouldn't forgive even when they didn't feel like it.
So see them through the blood! The only sign you're doing that is whether of not by faith you're going to treat them just as if they'd never sinned. Is it easy? No, no, no, no it' not. But you and I and everyone better to this and do it as fast as possible. Do not allow bitterness and offence to fester in your spirit.
Cut it out and boldly declare NO, NO, NO I'm going to by faith treat them and talk to them as if they're justified.
So remember....you are NOT perfect, I am not perfect and let's not condemn others for not being the same. God Bless You and help you. You CAN overcome this but you've got to make the decision you're going to. 
