Trying to untangle my life from my ex's

[LaundrySoap]

Hi all,

So months before my ex and I broke up, he took over the apartment I was living in and I went to live with friends (we never lived together fyi). I am still on the lease at that place. It costs $250 to do a lease change to get my name off the lease. My ex and I are not talking to each other. We broke up 4 month ago, and I want to go down to the office and sign the forms, and then tell them to just put the fee on the account and make him pay for it. But I'd already told him don't worry about changing the lease if it costs money. It would be no skin off his back to pay for it, but it's a lot of money for me.

The other issue is, when I moved out of the apartment, I left a lot of my stuff there for him to hold on to while I lived with friends. And then in May we broke up, and in July I moved to a new apartment. It took him TWO TRIES to figure out what was my stuff vs what was his, and he still has my over the door coat rack. Again, I'd told him, whatevers left, don't worry about it. But then 4 months later I found his expensive water bottle in my car; I returned it to our mutual friends and I said I wanted my coat rack back in return. My friend gave him the bottle at church, but apparently he said he's not going to bring the coat rack to church. I never said to do that; how hard is it for him to drive up to their house and drop it off by the door or something? Not sure how many days passed between them telling him and him actually getting the bottle back, but I still don't have my coat rack back.

I feel like I just need to let it all go; just ignore the lease and count my coat rack as long gone. But it's just frustrating. How do you stare at something that's NOT YOURS for months and then not give it back when you gather up all the stuff to return?

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Hi all,

So months before my ex and I broke up, he took over the apartment I was living in and I went to live with friends (we never lived together fyi). I am still on the lease at that place. It costs $250 to do a lease change to get my name off the lease. My ex and I are not talking to each other. We broke up 4 month ago, and I want to go down to the office and sign the forms, and then tell them to just put the fee on the account and make him pay for it. But I'd already told him don't worry about changing the lease if it costs money. It would be no skin off his back to pay for it, but it's a lot of money for me.

The other issue is, when I moved out of the apartment, I left a lot of my stuff there for him to hold on to while I lived with friends. And then in May we broke up, and in July I moved to a new apartment. It took him TWO TRIES to figure out what was my stuff vs what was his, and he still has my over the door coat rack. Again, I'd told him, whatevers left, don't worry about it. But then 4 months later I found his expensive water bottle in my car; I returned it to our mutual friends and I said I wanted my coat rack back in return. My friend gave him the bottle at church, but apparently he said he's not going to bring the coat rack to church. I never said to do that; how hard is it for him to drive up to their house and drop it off by the door or something? Not sure how many days passed between them telling him and him actually getting the bottle back, but I still don't have my coat rack back.

I feel like I just need to let it all go; just ignore the lease and count my coat rack as long gone. But it's just frustrating. How do you stare at something that's NOT YOURS for months and then not give it back when you gather up all the stuff to return?

Better not ignore the lease. Get it transferred asap.
Blessings

 

[seeking.IAM]

But I'd already told him don't worry about changing the lease if it costs money.

Again, I'd told him, whatevers left, don't worry about it.

Some harsh advice, probably not what you are looking for: Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say these things, don't be upset that he took you at your word.

I suggest you get your name off the lease even if you have to pay it yourself and let the rest go. Move on. If you want to untangle your life from your ex, untangle it. You are the one that wants your name off the least and is benefited by it, so see to it by paying for it. It's not his desire, nor to his benefit. Fussing over leases and coat racks is keeping it tangled.

 

[turkle]

I agree with seeking.IAM. You were not honest with him, and he has no reason to return this small item that's easily replaceable, nor to have to deal with the lease because of what you said. You will need to pay to remove your name from the lease yourself.

This is a reminder of the wisdom to never tie yourself legally to someone you are not married to.

 

[LaundrySoap]

@turkle @seeking.IAM

I called the apartment office and started the process of getting my name off the lease and told them I'd pay for it.

I do feel bad about going back on my word about the coat rack; I talked to my dad about it and he said the same thing as you guys, but also "least said soonest mended." I was thinking of telling my friends to tell him (since we don't speak anymore) not to worry about the coat rack. But the advice I got from my dad and my friends mom was, let it go, it's ok if i don't say anything else about it (plus I feel like it could come across the wrong way).

Anyway. Yeah; I'm not giving ANYONE something I expect to ever get back again.

 

[LaundrySoap]

Ugh ok I asked my friends to tell him never mind about the coat rack. Just gonna order myself a new one from Amazon.

I am DOOONNNEEE with this. Worst 4 months ever, dealing with this crap. Moving on.

Thanks to all who joined me today on this stupid saga.