about forgiveness
The second half of this idea of debtors, takes us to a couple of parables that are worth our attention...
as we forgive our debtors. I am of the opinion that anyone who does not understand how difficult it can be to forgive someone has never really had enough evils committed against them. Forgiving someone who has sinned against you, can be an excruciatingly difficult thing to do, for this reason, we are going to look at two aspects of forgiving others. The first is why we should forgive and the second is various ways and truths that will help us to be able to forgive.
Matthew 18:21-35 is a parable about the Kingdom of heaven. Notice here that it is about the Kingdom in which God reigns supreme, not the kingdom of this world that Satan is currently running. It is important for us to understand that this is a spiritual matter, not a fleshly one. That being said, remember that the spirit and flesh of man are connected. In fact, when we forgive others, it is more about us and less about them than you might realize. Forgiveness is an act of Love, a Love that begins with humility. In other words, forgiving someone who has done you wrong, is about humbling yourself to the point in which you can say, I submit even this to the Lord of Lords and King of Kings. It is to become so humble that you can accept that this thing has come to you for the purpose of building in you the character of Christ. The world may have intended to do you evil, but in the hands of the living God, this evil that has befallen can and will make you more like Christ if you allow it into your life. Thus prayer is a place of yielding even our pride to God so that in that, we can find forgiveness. Even Christ's very suffering and death speaks to us of this truth. Man plotted evil against the Christ, yet God intended that evil to bring about the salvation of many. (Genesis 50:19-20; Genesis 45:5-7; Acts 2:23-24) The people of Biblical day were looking for a King, what they found was a baby in a manger, who willingly went to the cross, because that was what God ordained. When we become humble enough to yield ourselves, even the evils done to us, to God, to allow Him to work, use, and reveal the good He has within them, our lives change, our wills change and in place of the anger, hurt, bitter feelings, we find joy, contentment, and Love. So, back to our story....this is the Kingdom of heaven we are talking about, not the kingdom of this world. This is something the world cannot understand, it is a spiritual matter therefore, done in the power of the Holy Spirit, not our own power.
Jesus is asked the question, how many times should we forgive, Jesus replies with 70 X 7 and this parable about the Kingdom we are to be living in. There is a King, who wants to settle the accounts of his servants. The first servant is brought before the King and his debt is read. In order to pay the debt, the man will have to sell all that he owns, including his family in order to have enough money to square the debt and free himself from the bondage of that debt. But the man loves his family dearly, and so he pleas to the King to give him more time. He promises to repay the debt if only he is extended a period of grace. The King however, is not just willing to give the man a period of grace, but He is also willing to completely erase what the man owes. The man has received the favor of the King though he did not deserve it.
This is the story of every believer. We owe a debt. The debt is huge, it's death. A debt too large for us to pay, even with an extended period to pay it. You and I could live for thousands of years and never be able to repay the debt we owe for the sins we have committed. And so, the King, the God of heaven and earth, listens to our pleas and says, “I'll do you one better, I will forgive you your debt. I will allow your debt to be mine and in that you will find freedom from your bondage of debt.” This gift is so great that most of us are reduced to tears and amazing depths of gratitude that our debt, that which we owed, was forgiven, no strings attached. We become overwhelmed by the fact, that the King would show us such favor. But, for many of us, that compassion that was shown, is quickly overshadowed by our own prideful thoughts. We begin to allow our pride to convince us that we were somehow special, something worthy of such grace. We forget who we were and how desperate we were to try to make things right with our King. Our pride tells us that we are somehow greater than the grace that was shown, that somehow, we are superior to others.
In our story, the man who was forgive his great debt, goes to a man that owes him much less. In his pride, he demands that the debt that is owed him is paid in full. The man who owes much less, pleads with the man to give him more time, time to collect enough, to save enough, to find enough work to repay the debt. The man whom the King had forgiven forgets the debt he owed was forgiven in grace and compassion and Love, and insists that if the man cannot pay, he be thrown into prison until the debt has been settled. The man allowed two things to get in his way of forgiveness, pride (I John 2:16; Proverbs 27:20; Romans 13:14; Ephesians 2:3; James 4:16) and forgetting who he had once been. (James 1:23-25; Romans 2:13; Romans 8:2; Galatians 6:2; James 2:12; I Peter 2:16; Galatians 5:13). Like in our everyday lives, people watch how we behave, whether or not the grace and compassion that God showed us is evident in our lives, so the people of the story, watched the man and when he had his debtor thrown into jail for not paying the debt, they went straight to the King and reported to Him. The King had the man whom He had forgiven brought before Him to which He asked this question, “I forgave you, I showed you mercy, compassion, and Love, shouldn't you have shown the same to the one who owed you?” (Ephesians 5:1-2; Matthew 5:48; Luke 6:36; Ephesians 4:32) You see, as a servant of the King, the man who had been forgiven by the King was suppose to represent the King and His will to the people of the Kingdom. (Philippians 2:15; Deuteronomy 32:5; Proverbs 4:18; Matthew 5:14-15; I Peter 2:12) This meant that he was to show the same grace, compassion, and Love that was shown to him, so that the people could understand who the King really was and how much He deserved their loyalty.
Well, to finish the story, the King was so angry with the man, that He had the man thrown into jail and allowed the jail keepers to torture as they pleased. Then in verse 35, we see this promise.
(HSCB) So My heavenly Father will also do to you if each of you does not forgive his brother from his heart." Forgiveness is a demonstration of the grace we have found in Christ and as such, it is how we represent our King to a lost and dying world. But notice the end of the verse, this is a genuine forgiveness not just someone standing in front of you like your parents might have done, and demand that you apologize for something or even accept an apology that was given. Forgiveness that does not erupt from a circumcised heart is not forgiveness at all. Christ's forgiveness for our debt is to be such a consuming fire, that it transforms our desires into His and in that, we learn to desire to forgive others who have done us wrong.
Our first understanding then of why we should forgive, is two fold: 1. because we have been forgiven in that forgiveness is humility and Love and 2. because we are servants of the King and as such, we are to demonstrate His laws and characteristics. Now let's look at Luke 7:36-50 and there find the story of a woman who was known for her sins. She comes to Jesus who happens to be visiting at the house of a Pharisee, a prominent religious man of the day. When she finds Jesus, she kneels before his feet and weeps. The tears that she is crying, cascade onto Him, the Christ and wash His feet. When the woman sees the tears on her Master's feet, she unties her hair and dries them with the only thing she has available. Then she takes a fragrant oil and covers His feet with lotion. While all this is going on, the Pharisee, a religious man of the day, begins to observe the situation through the eyes of the world, rather than the eyes of Christ and there, questions Christ's claims to be from God, His claim to speak the words of God (a prophet). “For surely,” the Pharisee says, “if He was a prophet, He would know that this woman is a sinner.” Jesus knows what is going on and replies with a question. There were two debtors, the Christ said, both were forgiven, which one loves more? The Pharisee replies, the one who had the bigger debt forgiven. Jesus acknowledges this was the answer He was looking for, and tells the woman her sins are forgiven, her faith has saved her.
To many this story is about the power and authority of Christ to forgive sins as we see in the Pharisee. To others, it's a story about how our sins are forgiven by faith, faith being trust in that for which we believe. Today, we want to consider this passage in light of what it tells us about forgiveness. Not only are we commanded to forgive, but here we see that forgiveness is a mark, a measure so to speak. It is a measure of how much we have been forgiven and how much others will “owe” us if we have much to forgive and do so. Forgiveness for our sins is the benchmark of the Christian faith. Without forgiveness of the debt we owe, there is no salvation, no sanctification, no cleansing, no heavenly home. Forgiveness not only marks the man whose life has begun, but it is a grace that makes the one we forgive grateful to us. Now, let's take a moment to remember that forgiveness here is a reconciling. We can forgive without reconciliation. In this case we are talking about the one who repents. That does not mean that we allow a known child abuser to watch our children because we reconciled with them, it does however mean that we no longer push that person to the outer world and never allow any contact with them. We no longer walk on the opposite side of the street, but now, we greet them, we are friendly, kind, compassionate, rejoicing with them in truth, keeping no record of wrongs to throw up in their face the first time we become scared that the behavior will repeat itself, etc. (I Corinthians 13) So, forgiveness is also about our gratitude to God and the reward we gain from forgiving someone of great wrongs.
But talking about forgiveness and doing it are not always the same thing. So let's look into some of the ways we can learn to forgive, even those who have done us great wrongs. The first thing that we want to talk about is who forgiveness is for. Many people are fond of saying that forgiveness is for your own good, but I seldom hear people explain why. I have watched people who have unforgiveness, they become obsessed with the hatred, bitterness, anger, and even sometimes the revenge that they are living in. The death that comes at the hand of this bitter, hostile lifestyle is ugly, but even more so, it is destructive to those that you love as well. Unforgiveness, destroys us and that destruction is very evil and ugly. In that unforgiveness we become obsessed with ourselves, our own pains, hurts, and injustices. Unforgiveness is a poison that slowly eats away at the humility we are called to live in, and in that eroding of our humility, we become even more prideful than we were to begin with. Pride is the root of all sin, as such it is a constant problem for every human being. It is the thing that wars against the Spiritual health we are to have.
Romans 7:23 (HCSB) But I see a different law in the parts of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and taking me prisoner to the law of sin in the parts of my body. For the one who is spiritually made alive by the blood of the Lamb, unforgiveness is at war with the indwelling Holy Spirit. Therefore, you will never find rest apart from forgiveness. Forgiveness bring the peace that God promised to bring with His Spirit. (Romans 7:21-25; Romans 8:2; Galatians 5:17; I Peter 2:11; James 4:1) As a place of yielding our wills to the will of God, forgiveness is necessary to end the war, the battle between the old man and the new man. I talked with a man once, who insisted that revenge was superior in matters of enemies like terrorists, or rapists, but the truth of the matter is that unforgiveness breeds within us a war that cannot be won unless or until we learn to forgive. Thus, the first step in learning to forgive, is to desire to humble yourself enough to be willing to forgive. Notice the first step has nothing at all to do with actually forgiving, but rather allowing ourselves to be humble enough to be willing to forgive. For some, this is an almost insurmountable task. S.C. Lewis said, that humility is not thinking less of yourself, but rather thinking of yourself less. Very wise words. Somehow in our minds, be become convinced that if I forgive, I will be less, that I will somehow justify what was done to me and/or my family and in that, allow the offender to boast in his sin and get away scott free. The reality however, is that forgiveness has absolutely nothing at all to do with justifying anything that was done. In fact, it is a condemnation of the act, an admission that the act in question was sinful to both me and God. In reality, when we forgive we become exalted. Forgiving another is to put their evil behind you and continue to run the race that is before you. (Hebrews 12:1; Romans 13:12; I Corinthians 9:25-27; Galatians 2:2) In running competitions it is well known that looking back slows us down, likewise, in the race that is this life, looking behind at the evils that were done to us, slows us from the perseverance to finish the race. It keeps our mind on ourselves rather than on others. If there is one mark that testifies to whether or not we have forgiven, then I would say this is the mark. If we can live in humility, true humility, where our thoughts are on the things of God and our service to Him, rather than on the things that hurt us, if we can look at the one who has done us great harm and have compassion and Love for them, rather than return to the hurt that calls us to think of ourselves, then, we have forgiven. (Philippians 2:3; Romans 2:8)
Once we have humbled ourselves enough to want to forgive, the next step is allowing God to work His miracle within us. To begin this journey, let us look at the reason why this evil came upon us. Hurting others is an act of sin, but the ability to not hurt others is an act of God. Many people only have a head knowledge of who God is, and in that head knowledge they assent to the truth of God. But what they lack is a "circumcision" of the heart, that is a cutting away of the old man and his sinful ways and desires. By desiring to hold onto your anger and resentment, you have no more been circumcised in your heart than the people who hurt you. You are equally guilty, equally sinful, equally hurtful of someone else...without your heart being circumcised, you are no different than the ones who hurt you.
Philippians 3:3 (HCSB) For we are the circumcision, the ones who serve by the Spirit of God, boast in Christ Jesus, and do not put confidence in the flesh—forgiveness is an act of yielding control to the Holy Spirit through our allowing Him to cut away all the evil desires of our hearts and plant within us His desires. Thus when we pray with a heart of belief, “not my will but thine be done” we are opening the door for God to fill us with forgiveness for those who have sinned against us. (Romans 2:29; Deuteronomy 30:6; Jeremiah 4:4; Romans 7:6; Colossians 2:11) This is not a matter for the mind to reason, but rather a matter of the heart, the very will of man to accept.
When we humble ourselves enough to desire to forgive, we yield our desires to the living God to change our desires into His desires, the next thing that is helpful to our learning to forgive is to understand what Christ said on the cross, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” What we often fail to understand when we are caught in someone sinning against us, is that when they sinned against us, they also sinned against God. You see, when you are the circumcised of heart, then the evil done to you, is really done to Christ and not you at all. In other words the offense is Christ's, you as a child of the King are being attacked because you are a child of the King, (John 15:18-19; Proverbs 29:27; Matthew 10:22; John 7:7; John 16:33; Acts 14:22; I John 3:1) not because of you as an individual. To attack a prince or a princess is a very serious crime in which your daddy the King will have His revenge in due time. You just have to trust Him to be your avenger. (Romans 12:19; Leviticus 19:18; Leviticus 32:35; Psalms 94:1; Psalms 20:22; Jeremiah 51:36; I Thessalonians 4:6; II Timothy 4:14; Hebrews 10:30) When we begin to understand that first of all, this thing was done to God, because we were carrying the authority of the King and secondly that if the person who hurt us really understood, they would never have touched one of God's children, forgiveness becomes a little bit easier to do. Even if they knew what they were doing, they did not understand the significance or consequences of that action, consequences that are not ours to carry out. As we yield our pride, our desires, our revenge over to God, His humility, His desires, trust that He will not allow this to go unpunished, floods our being and we discover that we have learned to forgive. That does not mean there are no more challenges ahead, but it does mean that we are learning to forgive, one victory at a time. (Galatians 2:20)
It might be helpful to our study to talk about the misconception many people have about forgiveness. Forgiveness and reconciliation are two completely different things. Where it is true that reconciliation cannot happen without forgiveness, forgiveness can happen without reconciliation. Jesus own words on the cross, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do” is a perfect example of forgiveness without reconciliation. (Luke 23:34) I Corinthians 13 tells us that Love keeps no records of wrongs. Look at forgiveness kind of like that. In forgiveness, we no longer hold the sin over the other person demanding that we be avenged for the wrongs committed against us. We cease to make the issue all about us and our pain, in essence we stop having a pity party. We even in forgiveness stop looking for something bad to happen to the other person and instead, we view the offender with the compassion and Love of our Creator, King, and Savior. (Luke 23:34; Matthew 5:44; Romans 5:6-8; Romans 4:25; Romans 8:39; Ephesians 5:2; I John 4:10) Reconciliation however, is to make thing right. Set the record straight, restore what was once broken. (Matthew 5:24; Acts 7:26; Romans 5:10; II Corinthians 5:18-20; Ephesians 2:16; Colossians 1:20-22) We are reconciled to Christ when we accept Him as Lord and Savior of our life. When He becomes Lord in our life, reconciliation happens, yet way back at the cross, He forgave. Likewise, we can forgive someone that refuses to reconcile with us. However, in order for our forgiveness to be complete, we should desire them to be reconciled with God first and others second. Reconciliation does not mean that we trust a rapist or child molester with our unguarded children or daughters, but rather it means that when we see them, we are able to see the Christ in them, no matter how marred, rather than the sin that used to be all that we could see when we saw that person who wronged us. (Hebrews 12:2; II Peter 2:14; I John 2:9-16; I John 3:15-20; II Corinthians 4:4; II Peter 1:9) A change in our vision does not justify the sin, nor does it excuse the sin. Love calls sin sin, but it does mean that we see the person as someone that God Loved enough to send His son to suffer and die so that he could be reconciled to God. In other words, forgiveness opens the door for us to partake in the ministry of reconciliation if and when it is offered. In fact, the very goal of the Love we are to have for our enemy is one of reconciliation.
Now, for a brief word about forgetting. Many people try to argue that you have not really forgiven if you still remember what happened. But God has a different story to tell us about forgiveness. Let's start by looking at the captivity of the children of Israel in Egypt. The children of Israel have an entire celebration, called the Passover, for the purpose of remembering their captivity in Egypt. One of the things they were also suppose to forgive. The argument is used that God throws our sins as far as the east is from the west and remembers them no more. (Psalms 103:12; Hebrews 9:26; Isaiah 43:25; Hebrews 8:12; Isaiah 1:18; Isaiah 38:17; Isaiah 44:22) What is missing from this teaching about forgiveness is that first of all this is how God sees our sin, not how we see the sins of other. In fact, Jesus is our payment for our sins, therefore His forgiveness is so complete that the record is erased. We however, cannot be the payment for someone elses sin, therefore it would be impossible for our forgiveness to bring about a paid debt for the sins that someone else committed. Secondly, this teaching forgets what scripture says about remembering. (Matthew 26:75; Colossians 4:18; Hebrews 13:3; I Thessalonian 2:9; Hebrews 10:32; Revelations 2:5; Revelations 3:3) In fact, remembering does two important things for us, first it reminds us to pray. For example, if Joe hurts me and I remember that pain, I am in forgiveness reminded to pray for Joe and for all those that have been hurt as I have been. Secondly, remembering serves to encourage us to rejoice in the healing and forgiveness that God has provided for us. Let's go back to the children of Israel, (Deuteronomy 5:15) they were to remember their captivity, not as a means of living in the past, but rather as a means of remembering the deliverance that God provided for them. Remembering is an act of being thankful for the blessings God has provided through and despite the affliction. Further consider the story of Joseph in Genesis, Joseph remembered what his brothers had done to him, but he demonstrated a heart that had forgiven, a heart that understood that their plan of evil was really God's plan to bring about good.
As We Forgive our Debtors...
Study Guide
When someone sins against us, why is god allowing it to happen? ______________________________
Genesis 50:19-20; Genesis 45:5-7; Acts 2:23-24
- A man owes a debt so great that it would cost him everything, even his family. How does the King respond in Matthew 18:21-35?
- Do we ever forget or trivialize the grace shown to us when the King forgave our debt?
What two things stand in our way of treating those who have sinned against us as the King treated us when He forgave our debt?
- I John 2:16; Proverbs 27:20; Romans 13:14; Ephesians 2:3; James 4:16 _____________
- James 1:23-25; Romans 2:13; Galatians 5:13; Galatians 6:2; James 2:12; I Peter 2:16; Galatians 5:13 __________________________________________________________
- Are there witnesses to our behavior?
- Who are the witnesses to our behavior?
- Does the King know of our unforgiveness?
What does the King say to us about forgiving? _____________________________________________
Ephesians 5:1-2; Matthew 5:48; Luke 6:36; Ephesians 4:32
How is our forgiving a reflection of the King's forgiveness? __________________________________
Philippians 2:15; Deuteronomy 32:5; Proverbs 4:18; Matthew 5:14-15; I Peter 2:12
Why according to Matthew 18:35 should we be afraid of not forgivening others? Where does this forgiveness come from? _______________________________________________________________
Why should we forgive?
1. Matthew 18:21-35 ___________________________________________________________
2. Matthew 18:21-35 ___________________________________________________________
What should follow forgiveness? ________________________________________________________
Luke 7:36-50
How is unforgiveness harmful to our spiritual relationship with God? ___________________________
Romans 7:21-25; Romans 8:2; Galatians 5:17; I Peter 2:11; James 4:1
Steps to Forgiveness:
- Humble yourself enough to desire to forgive those who have sinned against you.
A. Forgiving another is not affirming their sin but what? _________________________
Hebrews 12:1; Romans 13:12; I Corinthains 9:25-27; Galatians 2:2
B. Forgiveness allows us to put our attention on who? ___________________________
Philippians 2:3; Romans 2:8
2. Allow God to work in you to learn to forgive others.
A. Unforgiveness is a sin not unlike the sin of the person we are not forgiving.
B. Forgiveness is an work of what? __________________________________________
Romans 2:29; Deuteronomy 30:6; John 4:4; Romans 7:6; Colossians 2:11
3. Understanding Christ's words on the cross when He said, “Father, forgiven them for they know not what they do.”
A. The sins committed against the true believer are committed against who? _________
John 15:18-19; Proverbs 29:27; Matthew 10:22; John 7:7; John 16:33; Acts 14:22; I John 3:1
B. Who will punish the evildoer if not you? ___________________________________
Romans 12:19; Leviticus 19:18; Leviticus 32:35; Psalms 94:1; Psalms 20:22; Jeremiah 51:36; I Thessalonian 4:6; II Timothy 4:14; Hebrews 10:30
C. Is forgiveness a learning process? ________________________________________
Galatians 2:20
Can there be forgiveness without reconciliation? ___________________________________________
Luke 23:34; I Corinthains 13
Forgiveness means we learn to see the offender through whose eyes? ___________________________
Luke 23:34; Matthew 5:44; Romans 5:6-8; Romans 4:25; Romans 8:39; Ephesians 5:2; I John 4:10
Reconciliation means to do what? _______________________________________________________
Matthew 5:24; Acts 7:26; Romans 5:10; I Corinthains 5:18-20; Ephesians 2:16; Colossians 1:20-22
When reconciliation is complete, what do we see when we see the person who wronged us? _________
Hebrews 12:2; II Peter 2:14; I John 2:9-16; I John 3:15-20; II Corinthains 4:4; II Peter 1:9
How does God see our forgien sins? _____________________________________________________
Psalms 103:12; Hebrews 9:26; Isaiah 43:25; Hebrews 8:12; Isaiah 1:18; Isaiah 38:17; Isaiah 44:22
Is forgetting a requirement for our forgiving others? _________________________________________
Matthew 26:75; Colossians 4:18; Hebrews 13:3; I Thessalonian 2:9; Hebrews 10:32; Revelations 2:5; Revelations 3:3
Why were the children of Israel asked to remember? ________________________________________
Deuteronomy 5:15
Prayer Week:
Day 1: Cleanse yourself before the Lord.
Day 2: Make a list of people you have not forgiven but need to forgive. Spend time in prayer reflecting on why forgiveness is important to the believer and what your motive is for wanting to forgive or not wanting to forgive.
Day 3: Ask God to give you a new heart, a heart that desires to forgive just as He desires to forgive us.
Day 4: Yield youself and your desires to God through the humbling of yourself to Him and to those that you are not forgiving.
Day 5: In prayer, reflect on the need to be Christ like. How He was able to forgive, why He forgave, and how that forgiveness has affected you and is affecting you even now.
Day 6: Examine yourself with a sober judgment to see if you have forgiven those on your list of people to forgive.
Day 7: Thank God for His forgiveness and His work in your life to learn to forgive those that have sinned against you.
