Sexual intercourse

First, ask yourself if you are ready to put a woman in a predicament that might change her future entirely and suddenly. If a woman gets pregnant and raises a child as a single mother, she has to make sure the child is watched 24/7, week after week, year after year.

Can she afford to raise a child, and pay for day care with a job that nets more income than day care?

Can she even support herself, while she is still in high school? If you become a parent, ask yourself if you can support yourself and two other people with the income you have now.

Does she have goals and dreams for a certain career that needs college? If so, will she be able to pay for a sitter so she can go to classes?

If you love her, then love every part of her life aspirations, and help support her in getting where she hopes to go.

Pre-marital sex is sinful, period. It certainly seems unfair to a teenager who's just discovering what it is, sure, but that's just how the Bible views it.

Let me try and explain why: sexual activity of any sort outside of marriage tends to have some sort of consequence. If it's unprotected, then there's the chance of a pregnancy or an STD--and condoms don't protect against every kind of STD.

With any sort of sex, you're taking a relationship to a level that you might not be realizing you're taking it to. The Bible explains that in sex, the participants are, in a non-literal sense, united into one. When you're heavily in love, that might be fine, but suppose you've been dating a nice girl for a while and you decide to do it.

Essentially, you've sealed the deal without realizing it. Psychological studies have shown that after you have sex with someone, you want to do it again with them when you have the chance. You've basically attached yourself, psychologically, to this one person. And what if it doesn't work out between you and this one person? If you end up breaking up, it will be so much more painful because you had a very intimate relationship with that person, and now it's gone. It's better to date casually with sex being out of the question until you get married. Not even during a period of engagement should you consider sex--for all you know the marriage might not last or maybe even never come.

With that being said, the media in the West (you Romanians might be a bit more fortunate) tends to glamorize sex, and if you think it's bad not to do it before marriage than you're an old windbag who doesn't know what he's talking about.

But the truth is that just because something feels good doesn't mean it is good. Drinking alcohol or eating tons of candy and sweets feel good, but everyone knows that if you do it too much it's not good for you. Some people even find accumulating money or even hurting people to be "good", but if you're being greedy or harming other people then what you're doing is definitely not good, even if you "feel" like it is.

With sex, the temptation is very strong. If you just use a condom, the logic goes, then you can do it without all the guilt, and there is nothing afterwards to worry about. But there is, and just because the girl doesn't get pregnant and you don't appear to get any STDs doesn't mean that you're scot-free.

So if you ever have an opportunity, please turn it down. It won't be easy, but think about it in the long-term. Would you MARRY the girl you want to have sex with? Spend the rest of your life with her? Are you ready for such a thing? What if she gets pregnant? Will you take care of your baby or abandon her and leave her to face the emotional trauma of having to abort it?

With that being said, if you do give in, remember that God will still forgive you no matter what happens.

Wryetui said:

Hello everyone. I'm 17 yo and I have questions about this. In an Orthodox point of view, every intimate relation is a sin? I mean, if we make sex before marriage, would that be a sin? And during marriage, if we make sex without wanting a child, is that a sin? In my High School they all talk about sex everywhere, it is rare to find girls who are still virgins and so are the boys. What should I do if I have the occasion to make sex?

I'm sorry if I'm too explicit but I need to know what is your opinion about this.

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During marriage it's not a sin if you don't want a child.
Before marriage it's a sin. It's for our protection, because you get a bond with someone and then it turns out you were not meant for each other and you're not going to marry one or both end up heart broken or you marry the wrong person, because you wanted sex.

Wryetui said:

Hello everyone. I'm 17 yo and I have questions about this. In an Orthodox point of view, every intimate relation is a sin?

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No.

I mean, if we make sex before marriage, would that be a sin?

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Yes.

And during marriage, if we make sex without wanting a child, is that a sin?

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No.

In my High School they all talk about sex everywhere, it is rare to find girls who are still virgins and so are the boys. What should I do if I have the occasion to make sex?

I'm sorry if I'm too explicit but I need to know what is your opinion about this.

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It's a tough question and one that every teen has faced. If not to sin is your aim, try to confine yourself to less than overt sex. There is plenty of room for satisfying activity that is less than actual sex, but of course there are people who want to experience all that's possible, so we all understand the pressures.

Wryetui said:

Hello everyone. I'm 17 yo and I have questions about this. In an Orthodox point of view, every intimate relation is a sin? I mean, if we make sex before marriage, would that be a sin? And during marriage, if we make sex without wanting a child, is that a sin? In my High School they all talk about sex everywhere, it is rare to find girls who are still virgins and so are the boys. What should I do if I have the occasion to make sex?

I'm sorry if I'm too explicit but I need to know what is your opinion about this.

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Its a very difficult time for a Teenager today with all the voices saying Just Do It (sex) . The sex promotion charade is also a big money maker which is why its so out of control on the Mass Media . That said, God gives us power to remain faithful to him AND to ourselves if we so choose. Here is a list of things which are from biblical principles and from todays reality concerning sexual immorality ; if you choose to distance yourself from sexual immorality then you will be a very wise person and One which God will bless :

1. You were not made for sexual immorality by the Creator of us all. He gave us
moral boundaries so we would not hurt ourselves and others.
2. The Creator established absolute moral laws so we could live
properly and dignified . Our greatest happiness and fulfillment comes
from being in good relationship and standing to our Creator. , and not
from we want to do .
3. A condom will NOT prevent all STD's , plus, condoms come off during
passion, they rip, and they get misapplied . Further, a condom does
not prevent against emotional harm that occurs ...usually moreso for
the woman.
4. The sex act between two people is not only for pleasure, but it is
designed to cement an already good emotional relationship into a
stronger one. Casual hookup sex disregards this which often leads to
people feeling fragmented . , like a tramp later on, and having shared
something very personal with someone who doesnt care about them.
5. Sex was meant to be accompanied with lifelong commitment as in
marriage ; sex is THE most intimate side of a person and it is
supposed to be done in an environment of great safety and security and
privacy .
6. The more One has casual hookup sex, the more desensitized they
become regarding how they view the opposite sex . Guys subconsciously
start to think of women as worthless disposable things which
eventually increases in time. Women start to use a guy for sex so they
can get their emotional tank filled temporarily -- they trade sex for
getting some degree of affection and feeling valued. They get to the
point where they become mechanical and need a re-fix to fill their
emotional tank .
7. Pregnancy can and does result from casual sex and this accounts for
95% of ALL abortions performed . The devastating life time effects for
the woman increases her chance of suicide, depression, anxiety, and
regret especially around the anniversary of the abortion . The
'Mother' knows that she killed her developing baby at the alter of
sexual hedonism even if she tries hard to people who tell her 'its
just a blob' . The 'blob' had a heartbeat at just 18 days old -- most
abortions occur between 12-18 weeks when the baby is developed
substantially . 95% of abortions = 4,000 per day .... murdered
developing american life .
8. Virtually EVERYTHING our culture portrays, is dangerous to oneself
because its philosophies are all about self absorbsion , using others
for selfish gain, taking advantage of others, ego building, and
apathy , etc... We live in a very wrong culture . Its it good and
noble to go against such.
9. A consentual Partner doesnt make a wrong , right ; it makes it a
greater wrong because 2 people double it and are fooled by it.
10. The Creators plan is to have your wedding night as special as
possible so you can say you and your wife waited for each other. This
is a commitment that is highly cherised between two marriage partners.
If youve already blown this, there is a second chance for you to do it
right and God will bless your commitment and help you wait for your
future spouse.
11. We dont have to use our sexual nature. Nothing falls off if we
dont. Realize that our mass media promotes immoral sex for financial
gain and they do not care about you. Purity is a very good thing and
it builds self respect .
12. Some things may be fun, but are very wrong and destructive. And
looking at all the consequences to casual sex including the prevailing
national STD epidemic which is literally killing people early...people
ARE getting hurt and worse. Further, jealous b/f's want to get even ,
divorce occurs due to consenual adultery, and peoples trust levels get
shattered often for life .
13. There is a good feeling to be had from NOT following an out of
control morally degrading Culture and instead living for God . And, he
freely blesses such a life if you are willing to move toward him and
his loving protective laws.

Wryetui said:

Hello everyone. I'm 17 yo and I have questions about this. In an Orthodox point of view, every intimate relation is a sin? I mean, if we make sex before marriage, would that be a sin? And during marriage, if we make sex without wanting a child, is that a sin? In my High School they all talk about sex everywhere, it is rare to find girls who are still virgins and so are the boys. What should I do if I have the occasion to make sex?

I'm sorry if I'm too explicit but I need to know what is your opinion about this.

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wait for the one who shares your view and doesn't want to have sex. enjoy a loving, marriage-bound relationship but don't be intimate or move in together.... just be sure you do all the other things that you need to do to know if you're compatible. ie: going on dates but also doing day-to-days stuff like volunteering or spending time with family. go on group dates with friends, see how she interacts with people. go to church together and get involved in God's family as a couple most of all.
Pray pray pray and when you feel God is leading you to get engaged and plan a wedding, do it. Get premarital counseling. Then after the wedding move in together.

I sure hope it's not a sin to have sex when married that isn't intended to create babies because.... uhm... I don't want any for at least 6 more years. lol

Wryetui said:

Thank you for all your responses, in special the larger ones. You gave me enough power to be on the side of God, and I know you are speaking the truth. We steal the sacred part of the sexual activity if we don't do it with whom we plan on spending our whole life together, sex enforces our relation but can also be a dangerous weapon which can lead to right the opposite thing, the more full and happy sex can make your life the more empty it makes you feel if it's used with every strange person. Thank you all for taking the time to answer me!

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Glad you got so much from what what said. Remember : 'Failure is success at the wrong things' --- Pastor Adrian Rogers.

Learning from human failures is like putting ourselves in their position and documenting new and awkward experiences that help those who have access with vital information, such as the internet using Google search, especially with references to the Word of God.
Bible study is extremely important for our health and safety because faith in Jesus is a double-focus supernatural mental activity, in that
1): we learn to be wise with our daily activities with our present earth-born limited minds during this spiritual warfare with Satan versus Jesus spirituality
2): we learn to be wise with our future-coming individual/social activities with our future-coming genius-intelligent minds of Christ, besides our measure-perfect bodies, during Christ's reign on a new paradise Earth called New Jerusalem (just for the sake of easy remembering, even though it's not scripturally correct to rename our lonely planet)
Patience from Jesus is needed knowing that his Second Coming will eventually happen, and yet at the same time, Satan is denying it by giving impatience, as if we need salvation through protesting Jesus to hurry up his coming over - but more time is needed to make every non-,Christian aware by spreading the gospel in every man-made city, village or caravan.;'*';.

It would be good for you to talk to your priest about this. You can also ask on the Orthodox sub-forum for more Orthodox-specific answers.

It is difficult to go through social conversations where people treat it like achievement, or as though you'd done something wrong by abstaining.

But if that's what's going through your mind when you're with a woman -- putting friends' approval first, above the woman's preference, and above God... then you are not acting out of love. Rather, fear, jealousy, pride, lust, or desire to gain and compete.

So the sins sit behind the actions. Sins of omission and commission... thought and deed.

Also look at the bigger picture -- if everyone does it loosely, then what does society look like? Diseased, disloyal, hurt from infidelities, self-driven... make your own list.

The original laws of Moses were made to protect people who lived in community -- like we live by regional laws today. The rules might seem confining, but in the long run they help everyone live more fully and peacefully.

seeingeyes said:

It would be good for you to talk to your priest about this. You can also ask on the Orthodox sub-forum for more Orthodox-specific answers.

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I gotta disagree with that. We are not to go to people, depending on our denomination, to find out what is right and wrong in major issues. We are to go to the Word. (Now, as with people here, individuals may point one to the Word and give examples in the world of how it is wise to follow it, however.)

"Call no man Father....or Rabbi....You need that no man should teach you but the Holy Spirit will teach you." And the first place He often starts is with the Word. In the Word we are told to avoid fornication and to flee sexual immorality.

Why would we need a priest or some pastor to tell us what the Word already says? How do we know that priest or that pastor is truly wise, truly true to the Word, just because he has a certain type of religious training? We don't. You will find clergy disagreeing in every religion and always disagreeing with other religions. There is only one "religion" and that is to follow the Word.

You've already received lots of good advice and I agree with them, so I will share this...

From a convo with my almost 11 year told me recently when we had 'the talk'. She said, she sees no purpose of dating or having that type of relationship(s) with someone who you are not married to because it leads you down paths of dead ends and disappointments.

She's pretty quiet, so this response blew me away. And impressed me.

annafullofgrace said:

You've already received lots of good advice and I agree with them, so I will share this...

From a convo with my almost 11 year told me recently when we had 'the talk'. She said, she sees no purpose of dating or having that type of relationship(s) with someone who you are not married to because it leads you down paths of dead ends and disappointments.

She's pretty quiet, so this response blew me away. And impressed me.

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Parental guidance matters a great deal.

God bless your family.

LoricaLady said:

I gotta disagree with that. We are not to go to people, depending on our denomination, to find out what is right and wrong in major issues. We are to go to the Word. (Now, as with people here, individuals may point one to the Word and give examples in the world of how it is wise to follow it, however.)

"Call no man Father....or Rabbi....You need that no man should teach you but the Holy Spirit will teach you." And the first place He often starts is with the Word. In the Word we are told to avoid fornication and to flee sexual immorality.

Why would we need a priest or some pastor to tell us what the Word already says? How do we know that priest or that pastor is truly wise, truly true to the Word, just because he has a certain type of religious training? We don't. You will find clergy disagreeing in every religion and always disagreeing with other religions. There is only one "religion" and that is to follow the Word.

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The OP specifically asked for an Orthodox point of view. "Sexual immorality" would constitute different things to a Catholic or to a Baptist than to an Orthodox. That's just the way it is.

Wryetui said:

Hello everyone. I'm 17 yo and I have questions about this. In an Orthodox point of view, every intimate relation is a sin? I mean, if we make sex before marriage, would that be a sin? And during marriage, if we make sex without wanting a child, is that a sin? In my High School they all talk about sex everywhere, it is rare to find girls who are still virgins and so are the boys. What should I do if I have the occasion to make sex?

I'm sorry if I'm too explicit but I need to know what is your opinion about this.

Click to expand...

...if you are a Christian, then you should bring God's will to bear upon your relationship....and wait until marriage for very intimate contact. If I told you anything else, then I would be taking it upon myself to tell you something that is not in line with Biblical principles.

Wryetui said:

Hello everyone. I'm 17 yo and I have questions about this. In an Orthodox point of view, every intimate relation is a sin?

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While I'm not a member of the Eastern Orthodox Church, I'm very certain your church doesn't teach that. Sex is good; God sanctified it when he told creation to multiply. However, for at least humanity, which alone has a spirit, God has established a law when it comes to sex: between a married man and woman.

I mean, if we make sex before marriage, would that be a sin?

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Yes.

And during marriage, if we make sex without wanting a child, is that a sin?

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No.

In my High School they all talk about sex everywhere, it is rare to find girls who are still virgins and so are the boys. What should I do if I have the occasion to make sex?

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I find it incredibly difficult to believe that everyone is having sex. People say much and mean nothing; there's a lot of lies, rumors, and half-truths that float in the halls; don't believe anything unless it is verified.

It is universal in all Christianity that only a married man and women may have sex together.

Wryetui said:

I mean, if we make sex before marriage, would that be a sin?

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Yup.

Wryetui said:

And during marriage, if we make sex without wanting a child, is that a sin?

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Nope.

Wryetui said:

. What should I do if I have the occasion to make sex?

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In your immediate context, move on. Follow Jesus out of that situation. "Lead us not into temptation." Sex is only to be had between a husband and his wife. You're not a husband yet.