Failure.

You are NOT a failure. Yes, you relapsed, but that is not the end of the world. I haven't been on here much either lately and the wierd thing is, I came on today because I really want to cut and needed some support. So, I guess we can be in this together.
I am praying for you, that you can find some peace in your heart. He is with you and will never stop loving you no matter what! And, as a wise person once told me, God doesn't make junk (or failures or stupid people or any of that!).

God bless you! TN

I have struggled with the urges to hurt myself too for close to 20 years.
I've relapsed at times too.
You need to realize we are human and will occasionally stumble and fall.
All we can do is get back up and forge ahead with a new tomorrow.

Also keep in mind this verse,

Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)
V 13
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Praying that you remain strong against the urges.

Hands and Feet of Jesus said:

argh. after a long absence from CF, I hath returned.

And I'm not in a good state. =(

Being at home this holiday break has been pretty much emotional torture. For reasons I don't care to explain here.
But, it hasn't been easy/fun/relaxing enjoyable, being home. It has been a struggle. It has been painful and stressful and strained and all sorts of other yucky things.

and so SI has returned. With a vengeance.
Last night, I hurt myself 3 separate times over the course of 1.5 hours. And I'm sure I'll hurt myself again tonight.

blah.
I hate this.
I feel like I've failed. completely. and utterly.

Click to expand...

If you are sure you are going to hurt yourself...you need to work out a way so that you won't. Don't allow yourself to walk into the dungeon without holding a hand or just don't allow yourself to walk into the dungeon. There are ways. For every person it is different. I know that I have walked into the dungeon many times...willingly...without straying for help, I figured I was doomed, I might as well walk on...so I did, and yes, I was doomed...had I strayed for help, things might have been different. You don't have to resign yourself to another night of cutting. Stand strong...God is with you. Here is something...it's just something...a thing: Pray that God might give you words, lift you...pray with all your might, spend time with him...ask him for help, to be with you, to still your hands and give you peace through his Word, then take out a bible and turn to a random page and begin to read. Just read. Continue until he reveals something or you don't want to cut anymore (or you are too tired to read or cut). God does not leave his children bloody and starving on the streets to be tormented forever, his spirit will stay with you until morning when you can rejoice again. You might not feel him, but that does not mean he isn't there.

Hands and Feet of Jesus said:

argh. after a long absence from CF, I hath returned.

And I'm not in a good state. =(

Being at home this holiday break has been pretty much emotional torture. For reasons I don't care to explain here.
But, it hasn't been easy/fun/relaxing enjoyable, being home. It has been a struggle. It has been painful and stressful and strained and all sorts of other yucky things.

and so SI has returned. With a vengeance.
Last night, I hurt myself 3 separate times over the course of 1.5 hours. And I'm sure I'll hurt myself again tonight.

blah.
I hate this.
I feel like I've failed. completely. and utterly.

Click to expand...

It is not a failure, sweetie, just a setback.. and God can get you past it.
Remember, in all the stress and hurt, He is with you, and He will never let you go.
You are precious and loved, sister.
Praying for you